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#1 Posted by Sweep (8975 posts) -

Ok kids, heres the deal. OmegaPirate did such an awesome job creating a text adventure for the folks hangin' in the IRC that i'm determined to create an equally awesome adventure in this forum which everyone can get involved in.
Please send submissions in the following format -


will result in the following progression:
You place the novelty hat on the bedraggled goat.

Let The Adventure Begin:

You awake in complete darkness, with a sharp pain in the side of your head. The stone floor beneath you is cold to touch. As you sit up your arm grazes a table to your left. Standing up, you feel a box in your pocket. Reaching inside you discover a box of matches with 3 matches inside. Lighting the first match reveals you are in a damp basement room. The only door is a wooden trapdoor on the far side of the room, above your head. There is a small bare table to the left, and a shelf above with a strange assortment of objects scattered across it. The walls, floor and ceiling are all stone. Before you can move the match goes out, leaving you in pitch darkness. What do you do next?

  • Box Of Matches
  • 2 Matches
#2 Edited by Thordain (959 posts) -

Save the game.

>>Save the game

#3 Posted by Disgaeamad (1342 posts) -

>Punch a hole through the ceiling

#4 Posted by Sweep (8975 posts) -
You look around, searching for a way to save yourself, but it is too dark to see.

(thordain is a bitch)
#5 Posted by OmegaPirate (5522 posts) -

Nice one sweep :) glad something came from that inate rambling :D

Anyway - 

Light match >> Look at whats on table
#6 Posted by DanielJW (4915 posts) -

Light another match.

#7 Posted by WallacetheGreat (555 posts) -

>>Shit your pants

#8 Posted by MattyFTM (14432 posts) -

>> Use Match on Table

Table is set on fire

#9 Posted by Sweep (8975 posts) -
You attempt to punch the ceiling, desperate to escape, but it is out of reach. You light another match and decide to search the table for alternate way to escape, but find it is still bare. You don't have much time before the second match goes out...

#10 Posted by Sweep (8975 posts) -
You try to shit your pants, but you can't. You keep telling yourself you need to remain calm.

#11 Posted by OmegaPirate (5522 posts) -

>>> Look up at shelf

#12 Posted by Thordain (959 posts) -

>Use match on hair

#13 Posted by Sweep (8975 posts) -
You glance at the shelf, searching for objects that might be of use. Amongst the debris you find a glass bottle, a rock, a small bronze key, and for some strange reason, a garden gnome. You decide to take all the items, but as you move away from the shelf the second match goes out. Once again you are left in pitch darkness.

#14 Posted by OmegaPirate (5522 posts) -

>>smell bottle

#15 Posted by crunchUK (5963 posts) -

>>throw gaarden gnome at trapdoor

#16 Posted by Sweep (8975 posts) -
You decide in an act of desperation to set your hair on fire. This will give you light for a longer period of time, though at the cost of melting you face. As you light the match your hand trembles in anticipation, but once you have set your hair alight it isnt as bad as you expected. Finally you can see what you are doing, though you are slightly blinded by the intense pain..

#17 Posted by Thordain (959 posts) -

I gotta do this.
>Throw rock

#18 Posted by jakob187 (21755 posts) -

>> Light match

>>Press lit match to clothes
>>Set self on fire

The end.
#19 Posted by Sweep (8975 posts) -
You cautiously smell the bottle, but it has clearly been empty for some time. As the pain on your head grows you find yourself acting irrationally. You pet the rock gently, then throw the garden gnome at the trapdoor in a random act of aggression. Neither of these actions progresses your escape from the room.

#20 Posted by Sweep (8975 posts) -
You use the light from your burning hair to check out the trapdoor. You wonder if you could somehow manage to climb down it, but the trapdoor is in the ceiling and besides, it's out of reach. You quickly realize that was a fucking moronic idea. Are you dumb in the face?

#21 Posted by Thordain (959 posts) -


#22 Edited by MattyFTM (14432 posts) -

>>Yes, I am dumb in the face. How else would my hair be on fire? Climb down the fucking trapdoor!!!!!!!!!!!!

#23 Posted by StarFoxA (5163 posts) -


#24 Posted by Steve_C (1757 posts) -

>>push table under trapdoor

#25 Posted by Sweep (8975 posts) -
You throw your only rock at the trapdoor, but as it bounces harmlessly away you realize that you could stand on the rock to reach the trapdoor. Positioning the rock beneath the door, you can finally reach the handle. However the door won't budge. Whilst you stand on the rock, you notice a keyhole in the trapdoor.

#26 Posted by ZombiePie (5746 posts) -

Make sure there are no grues in the area. Otherwise I will get ATE!
>>Search for grues

#27 Posted by Karmum (11519 posts) -

> Climb down the trapdoor.
> Remove the rock inside the trapdoor to reveal yet another trapdoor.
> Climb down the second trapdoor to pick up the Pink Nintendo DS.

#28 Posted by Disgaeamad (1342 posts) -

>Punch the keyhole

#29 Posted by Sweep (8975 posts) -
You climb off the rock and push the table beneath the trapdoor so you can reach the handle.

#30 Posted by Thordain (959 posts) -

>Use the hair flame to craft the rock into a key shape to fit into the door, hanging onto the door by one hand.

#31 Posted by MattyFTM (14432 posts) -

>>Use Imaginary Lockpick on Trapdoor.

#32 Posted by Sweep (8975 posts) -
You use the small key you found on the shelf, and miraculously it clicks into place. With all your remaining energy you punch the keyhole and the door slams open. The wide open trapdoor releases a shower of water, and you realize the door leads to the outside world, where it is currently raining. The fire on your head goes out, but you still can't see what is outside until you climb out the basement.

#33 Posted by Sweep (8975 posts) -
You don't have a Pink Nintendo DS. You aren't a homo.

#34 Posted by ZombiePie (5746 posts) -


#35 Posted by Sweep (8975 posts) -
You search for "grues", but you are still standing on the table in the basement and you can't see outside properly. The basement below you is empty. You are safe, for now...

#36 Posted by MattyFTM (14432 posts) -


#37 Posted by Thordain (959 posts) -

>Save the game, then begin traveling what looks like east.

#38 Posted by Sweep (8975 posts) -
You jump and grab the ledge of the opening, managing to pull yourself into the outside world. The wind and rain fights against you, but you find it pleasantly cooling upon your burnt skin. Looking around you find yourself in a large garden, with a high brick wall running around the edge. There is a man standing beneath an umbrella, next to a door in the side of the building. He doesn't seem to have spotted you yet.

#39 Posted by Sweep (8975 posts) -
You decide to travel east, but you have no compass and no idea what time it is. You need to come up with a new plan.

#40 Posted by SmugDarkLoser (4619 posts) -
">Save the game, then begin traveling what looks like east."

You see a cave.  There appears to be a sign above.
#41 Posted by MattyFTM (14432 posts) -

>>Use smouldering skin on man

#42 Posted by Sweep (8975 posts) -
You sneak towards the man, but his head is bent down towards the ground and he appears to be smoking a cigarette. You clench your teeth and silently tear the smouldering skin from your poor head, then proceed to rub it across the strange man's face. Your screams are loud enough to drown out his cry of surprise.

#43 Posted by Thordain (959 posts) -
Sweep said:
You decide to travel east, but you have no compass and no idea what time it is. You need to come up with a new plan.
Thordain said:
">Save the game, then begin traveling what looks like east."

#44 Posted by crunchUK (5963 posts) -

>>resist arrest

#45 Posted by Absurd (2934 posts) -

>>Look at your genitals

#46 Edited by MattyFTM (14432 posts) -

>> Say "I love you Sweep, because this thread is totally hilarious and epic" to the man.

#47 Posted by End_Boss (3220 posts) -

>>Die because of prolonged exposure to FIRE APPLIED DIRECTLY TO SKULL.

#48 Posted by Sweep (8975 posts) -
You are determined to survive, to find your way home. Nobody is trying to arrest you, though the man in front of you seems to be shouting and shuddering as he wipes your scalp from his face, brushing bits of skin from his mustache. You check your genitals, to make sure they are still there. They are. This pleases you.

#49 Posted by Absurd (2934 posts) -

>>Ask the man for directions to the nearest village

#50 Posted by jakob187 (21755 posts) -

>>Give pills to Bill