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#51 Posted by TooWalrus (13139 posts) -

@toowalrus: How odd! Well, I guess these accidents do happen. How is the game?

I like it. In some ways you can tell it fell out of the 90s, it's pretty grindy and if you've never played an SMT game before it's not going to go out of it's way to explain things to you- but that's ok with me. Voice acting is all pretty great (though I'm pretty sure the character "spooky" is voiced by Troy Baker, which is getting to be a little wierd, but I dig it). I'm only about 5 hours in, but I like everything about it so far.

#52 Posted by TruthTellah (8579 posts) -

@truthtellah said:

@toowalrus: How odd! Well, I guess these accidents do happen. How is the game?

I like it. In some ways you can tell it fell out of the 90s, it's pretty grindy and if you've never played an SMT game before it's not going to go out of it's way to explain things to you- but that's ok with me. Voice acting is all pretty great (though I'm pretty sure the character "spooky" is voiced by Troy Baker, which is getting to be a little wierd, but I dig it). I'm only about 5 hours in, but I like everything about it so far.

Yeah, I think I'll eventually pick it up. I still have plenty of games on the 3DS right now though. ha. I'd almost be more inclined to play a game like this on PC if they would ever put one out. For some reason, it's always a little easier to get in some time on PC.

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#53 Posted by troll93 (386 posts) -

@shadowconqueror said:

@cale said:

@sackmanjones said:

@cale said:

You shouldn't write in cursive. I can read it, but it's a chore.

It's not in cursive....

The letters look all joined up to me. Isn't that cursive?

It's absolutely cursive. Don't let him fool you.

It's a joke...because of the shitty handwriting. Get it? I'm god damn hilarious.

That's right, lying is comedy.

#54 Edited by CollegeGuyMike (388 posts) -

Relevant.

#55 Posted by Fobwashed (1919 posts) -

@video_game_king Your blog isn't working with my color settings. So I fixed it.

#56 Edited by villainy (541 posts) -

@video_game_king: It happens over and over. I see your posts everywhere and after a while I really wish you would just go away. Then I see your blogs and am reminded why I never want you to leave. Now this... I can't even read it but holy god damn. I hope you mailed the original or photocopies over to Dave for the real message board!

@fobwashed: Gah! You realize you just created Spookin' with VGK?

#57 Edited by Daveyo520 (6663 posts) -

Does the moon's gravity make it impossible to write? Maybe get a pen that can write upside down from NASA?

#58 Posted by Blackmoore (254 posts) -

@toowalrus : I was worried that would happen too! If I've learned anything about the Internet, it's that you're never first. (Except for once it's wrong.)

@arbitrarywater: All scribbles can be deciphered with enough squinting and head titling!

@turambar: As someone who had poor penmanship (not this bad), but has since been rehabilitated, I apologize on behalf of all K-12 students for all the chicken scratch. I now use my ability for good to sorta read scribbles.

@pyromagnestir: Ah you're right! I'll make those changes. For the remaining words...I think if a word is un-decipherable by two people, it's not handwriting anymore. Closer to abstract art.

#59 Posted by Turambar (6677 posts) -

@blackmoore: Giving them paper whose lines are wider than the standard 8x11 helps. VGK probably could have used one of those sheets...

#60 Edited by Butano (1728 posts) -

My God...a real life copy+paste job. Never thought I'd see the day....

#61 Posted by Humanity (8874 posts) -

Before the King tested your patience with lengthy tirades about games and topics few cared about - but now he ups the ante by making the audience decipher his inane ramblings. What crazy hurdles does he have in store next time?

#62 Posted by Turambar (6677 posts) -

@humanity: Easy. We must travel to the moon to find these scraps of the paper ourselves.

#63 Posted by Humanity (8874 posts) -

@turambar said:

@humanity: Easy. We must travel to the moon to find these scraps of the paper ourselves.

Ahh perfect, just when I thought there couldn't be a bigger waste of time than just reading them!

#64 Posted by Ravenlight (8040 posts) -

I guess that explains where the hell you've been. Sort of. I mean, I couldn't really parse much of that but I enjoyed the pictures.

+1 for artesanal blogs

#65 Posted by MordeaniisChaos (5730 posts) -

DOWN WITH THE KING.

Also, fuck cursive.

I also only read one word. "Furry." I turned back then.

#66 Posted by casper_ (901 posts) -

you kray.

#67 Posted by LordAndrew (14426 posts) -

Am I reading one of the King's juninan lunyuyer or whatever the hell it is?

#68 Edited by TooWalrus (13139 posts) -

I kind of want to print these out and read them with reading glasses.

#69 Posted by Video_Game_King (36122 posts) -

Update the second

There is no update the second. Following Twilight Princess, I chose to play Fire Emblem: Path of Radiance, but sadly could not finish it in time for this. (I'm in the middle of chapter 24, for the curious among you.) So rather than write (either meaning) a blog for it, I'll skip straight to the review and show you guys what could have been for the blog:

The only part of the blog I actually wrote.
The images I would have used.

With that settled, you guys are going to tell me what I have missed in the world of Giant Bomb, because I haven't been on the site for a while (outside the two minutes it took to post that blog). This means I haven't checked my inb-

HOLY SHIT.

Where do I fucking start with all this? How about I just respond to all the comments in this thread first? Because that took up two pages, I'm going to split this into two posts (I'm not copy/pasting images). OK? Go.

@Everybody_Commenting_On_My_Handwriting:

I know. I'm all too aware of how illegible my handwriting is. And yes, this is actually how I write. It's not an affectation I put on for this blog.

I have bad handwritting and that is awful, also how old are you? 10?

Try 375. Also, I told you in the first paragraph that English isn't my first language. I'm not even very good with it.

@mento said:

Dag, that's some low tech business you got going on. Couldn't you have painstakingly entered every word into a console's browser and saved us all from this accursed cursive subversion?

I did that the first time my computer crapped out on me and I wrote a blog about it. What more could I add? "Yep, the Wii's auto-fill still doesn't recognize this word."

@mrfluke said:

You're the best

You fucking know it.

Ok, finally a cool blog. No stupid youtube anime videos/songs ;)

@believer258:

I'm right-handed, but have been told that I write like I'm left-handed. Given that the person telling me this said that they do it, too, I'll take that as an observation.

You should type your next blog, print it out, take pictures of the printed pages, and post them here.

Because it would be more readable?

@hailinel said:

It's illegible, yet genius.

What the fuck does it say?

This could apply to, like, any blog I write. You're going to have to be more specific.

@reisz said:

This is exquisite nonsense.

Same with you.

@blackmoore:

I'm going to go over your interpretation and highlight corrections with the judgmental gaze of Hatsune Miku.

Greetings probably loyal subjects, I know what you’re all thinking: “Am I reading one of the King’s Lunarian languages or whatever the hell it is?” Actually, this is all English. I wrote the original draft in Senastian, paid Sexyface to translate it all into English, and then wrote it all myself to give it a personal touch. (Let’s ignore the fact that I’ve made it nigh unreadable as a result.)

With that thoroughly explained, you are now most likely wondering why I haven’t been on the site for as long as I have been. The simple explanation is that the fan on my computer has crapped out on me; the complex explanation is non-existent. This is the third time it's happened over the course of Renegade Ego! (There would have been links in that sentence if this wasn’t fucking paper.) Unfortunately, this is looking less like a Devil May Cry 4 scenario and more like a haiku one, which is my way of saying that this is going to take a while.

So, how am I going to make up for the lack of Alone in the Dark hate and doggy racism? Well, I first planned on opening up a Twitter account to keep you informed about my Lunar activities, but then remembered I’d be out of Internet access for a while. Then I went ahead and made one anyway, and only updated it SPORADICALLY. I also considered spending some time at my Earthly abode. (Yes, I have a house on Earth. Amazon doesn’t ship to the Moon, after all.), but Earth is ridiculously boring.

Eventually, I decided to combine the ideas from the last two times this happened: I’ll try to marathon a few games until my laptop returns from repairs, and then review them in this incomprehensible format. Why of COURSE I’ll include a Vocaloid video in all this. Are you finally up to speed? Then turn the page (or just scroll down), where I shall begin with The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess.

The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess

Yes, the one people don’t seem to like for whatever reason. Actually, I know the reason (it’s too similar to Ocarina of Time), but I also happen to think that reason is too dumb for me to be absolute about (how many wolves did Ocarina of Time have?). But speaking of dumb, that’s one of my chief reasons for enjoying Twilight Princess as much as I did: how utterly stupid it all is. For you see, underneath the standard Zelda surface that apparently only I like lies some endearingly idiotic material.

Oh, and sights more horrifying then everything I’ve seem in any survival horror game, and I’m not saying that because survival horror games are very rarely scary. Just look at the faces (somewhere else, since I can’t link here)! Everyone is an unholy contortion defying all that is natural. I want to comment on any other aspect of this game’s aesthetics, like how majestic Epona looks or how Twilight Princess looks like a GameCube game with buckets of bloom, but every time I do, I remember the faces. The faces. WHY!? Why does Midna have such a toothy grin? Why does Link always look so angry? WHY!? Is this your way of having a sense of humor? Or having a personality? Well, Nintendo, you’ve certainly accomplished that, but clearly not in a way you’d even intended.

But what makes this all the more horrifying is how the game very clearly knows how to set a mood. It’s hard to put into words without going into specific examples that would spoil a nearly 7 year old game, but when it matters, Twilight can really deliver a mood. Take, for instance, that part of the game where Midna’s near death. It’s pretty easy to feel the plight of the situation and get emotionally wrapped up in it. Granted, that’s less because of Midna’s physical suffering and more because how Link, a harmless savior attempting to guarantee Midna’s survival, is shunned by the Hyrulian for reasons divorced from the reality of his situation, but the important thing is I was emotionally enraptured in the event. Want a more successful example? How about Zant’s prayers to Ganondorf and how well they communicate the plight and desperation of the Twili? Or how the eerie, empty halls of Hyrule Castle tell you very clearly how eerie and empty those halls are? The point of all this is that Twilight Princess has complete control over what atmosphere it displays.

Most of the time, thought, that atmosphere is dumb. Really, really dumb. Confusingly dumb. Half the time, I was convinced that the plot was the result of a twisted corporate game of mad libs. How else would you explain stabbing a monkey in the ass (literally his ass) to release an evil bug from it and gain control of a wind fairy who happens to live in a boomerang? On a magical muscular spider that stabs its way into Hyrule Castle? You can’t make this stuff up! Nintendo can, but you can’t! Now I know what you’re thinking: doesn’t this detract from the serious emotional moments you were just lauding in the last wall of text? I have to admit that sometimes, it does. For instance, how do you fix Midna up after Zant poisons her with the light of Lanayru? MORE LIGHT! But that aside, I’d say that the stupidity adds to the game’s quality. You keep playing to see how exactly the game will top the last dumb thing it did. However, I understand that it’s not for everybody.

Just like the motion controls! (Hey, could YOU come up with a better transition?) Now this is an issue I’m more ambivalent about, largely because the quality’s all over the place. On the one hand, the Wii-mote allows me to point at targets directly, allowing more accuracy with my ranged weapons. Always appreciated. On the other hand, waggle. Now there ARE contexts wherein the waggle contributes something meaningful. Waving your arms about when Link is a wolf helps you understand his animalistic side and…no, that’s really it. The rest of the time, it’s either a meaningless button press analog or it works as well as you’d expect Nintendo Wii launch game motion controls to work, which is to say they don’t work at all.

But strangely enough, I still like the combat. How is that, exactly? First, it’s because you get all of these cool toys to play with. Ball and chain! Spinner thing! That totally useless rod that you only use for one dungeon! But that’s not all! You also get fun situations in which to use them! Not entirely the normal enemies, though. There is enough cool stuff there to keep you going through the game, like horseback fights and those Zant heads near the end of the game, but Twilight Princess is all about the boss fights. These high tensity bouts of epic proportions that force you to remember what new weapon you got in this specific dungeon. Those are what make the game worth playing.

The world of Hyrule itself on the other hand, is just there. Now don’t get me wrong; there’s plenty of content to seek out in the world. But therein lies the problem: you must seek it out. Barely, if any of the content makes itself obvious to the player. What good are sidequests and mini-games and spiritual* skeleton wolves if the game itself does nothing to signal their very existence? What this leaves is a vast, empty world that is seemingly devoid of activity and takes forever to traverse. No wonder I just warped everywhere as soon as I was given the opportunity.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5UzBbhEldlA

But here to save the day are the dungeons, immune from criticism. I’ve seriously tried to find significant fault with them, but my efforts remain fruitless. These things contain all the item variety I mentioned earlier, but this time for puzzles instead of combat. Very well designed puzzles, I might add. Most of the time, you’re provided with all the information necessary to solve them. If anybody is at fault, it’s usually you for failing to pay careful enough attention to the level. But maybe that tone is too accusatory for the game I’m describing. In reality, Twilight Princess is easy enough that you will never be stuck for too long, but hard enough that you’ll still derive joy from progressing through the story. You know, this sounds a lot like the other three or so Zelda review I’ve written in the past. The only real differences seem to be the furry undertones and the cowboy shootout.

Review Synopsis

  • This game looks horrifying…
  • …reads idiotically…
  • …but plays really, really well.

*To be fair, that word threw me for a loop, too. But only briefly.

This is the English version of Soul Hackers. I'm pretty sure this means "Life Stone" ...?

Nice to know my blogs can go completely off-topic without me heading them.

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#70 Posted by Hailinel (23986 posts) -

This is the English version of Soul Hackers. I'm pretty sure this means "Life Stone" ...?

Yep. That's a life stone item. It's an odd oversite in the localization, but better than what was left untranslated in the original Devil Survivor.

#71 Edited by Video_Game_King (36122 posts) -

@video_game_king Your blog isn't working with my color settings. So I fixed it.

This is probably the most horrifying part. It looks like Gordon Freeman is trying to wrench Midna free from Link's butt. (Then again, I probably should have explained that pictorial joke somewhere in the actual text.)

@villainy said:

Now this... I can't even read it but holy god damn. I hope you mailed the original or photocopies over to Dave for the real message board!

This was sort of the original plan. I wanted to post them to the Real Message Board, but then found out that the thread was locked to prevent this type of thing. (Remember when people were briefly posting their own messages like this without mailing them to Dave first?)

Does the moon's gravity make it impossible to write?

My lack of confidence with the English language does that well enough.

@turambar said:

VGK probably could have used one of those sheets...

I'm pretty sure it's my teacher's fault that my handwriting is as bad as it is!

but I enjoyed the pictures.

This surprises me.

DOWN WITH THE KING.

Also, fuck cursive.

I also only read one word. "Furry." I turned back then.

How? Isn't that the one word (of several) that @blackmoore got wrong?

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#72 Posted by MordeaniisChaos (5730 posts) -

@video_game_king: Well it's no surprise, no one can read the damn thing. Regardless of if it's me not being able to read the word correctly at first glance or it's actually that the word "furry" is somewhere in there, this blog is probably not for me.

#73 Posted by Canteu (2821 posts) -

@video_game_king: "There is no update the second. Following Twilight Princess, I chose to play Fire Emblem: Path of Radiance..."

Dude, you played twilight princess? You should write a blog about it!

#74 Posted by Video_Game_King (36122 posts) -
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#75 Edited by pyromagnestir (4254 posts) -

@video_game_king:

Oh, divorced and muscular! I thought it was muscular but it looked misspelled. Divorced, on the other hand, no fucking clue. Really the "vorced" part of that word is indecipherable.

#76 Posted by Winternet (8008 posts) -


@winternet
said:

Ok, finally a cool blog. No stupid youtube anime videos/songs ;)

Well, poorly drawn and written stupid anime Youtube video. I guess I can tolerate those.

#77 Posted by Video_Game_King (36122 posts) -

@pyromagnestir:

I could understand it, but I think that's because I write in this tongue.

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#78 Posted by Turambar (6677 posts) -

@video_game_king:So you're saying the Lunarian education Imperial education system is inferior to American public education. That paints a grim picture for your peasants.

#79 Posted by Video_Game_King (36122 posts) -

@turambar:

You're saying that Lunarian schools teach English penmanship? Last I remember, they totally don't.

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#80 Edited by Dalai (7006 posts) -
#81 Posted by Video_Game_King (36122 posts) -

@dalai:

You're a heron? I thought you were a llama.

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#82 Posted by connerthekewlkid (1803 posts) -
#83 Posted by GreggD (4482 posts) -

So this is what you've been up to as your Steam status read "Busy". Excellent.

#84 Posted by Dalai (7006 posts) -
#85 Posted by TooWalrus (13139 posts) -

@hailinel said:

Yep. That's a life stone item. It's an odd oversite in the localization, but better than what was left untranslated in the original Devil Survivor.

It doesn't bother me a bit, actually, I just thought it was a neat catch and wanted to snap a picture. Anyway, I've only played Devil Survivor Overclocked- what did they mess up in the DS version?

#86 Posted by Hailinel (23986 posts) -

@hailinel said:

Yep. That's a life stone item. It's an odd oversite in the localization, but better than what was left untranslated in the original Devil Survivor.

It doesn't bother me a bit, actually, I just thought it was a neat catch and wanted to snap a picture. Anyway, I've only played Devil Survivor Overclocked- what did they mess up in the DS version?

To my recollection, there were whole lines of dialog in a sidequest that were left in Japanese by accident.

#87 Posted by Video_Game_King (36122 posts) -
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#88 Edited by Cathryn (545 posts) -

I feel like reading the "translation" is somehow defeating the purpose. Therefore, I have to say, I only looked at the pictures. <3

#89 Edited by Video_Game_King (36122 posts) -

@cathryn said:

Therefore, I have to say, I only looked at the pictures. <3

You mean Patrick Klepek and the Tellius racism, right?

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#90 Posted by Cathryn (545 posts) -

You mean Patrick Klepek and the Tellius racism, right?

You drew Patrick Klepek being racist against Fire Emblem games? Is all that really hidden in your text? Maybe I should read all of it, then :|

#91 Posted by Video_Game_King (36122 posts) -

@cathryn:

They're two separate things. Klepek's in Twilight Princess, and the racism is in Fire Emblem (the "Go back to Goldoa" sign).

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