Hello, I am here to talk to you about a tragic condition that afflicts hundreds of video games every year. The condition is, of course, Colon Cancer. Colon Cancer is something we have all come to know and deal with, even if we don't know it by that name. Like all cancers, it is characterized by uncontrollable replication, and like most cancers, if left untreated it is completely fatal to the franchise in question.
This is Star Wars: Jedi Knight II: Jedi Outcast. Star wars: Jedi Knight II: Jedi Outcast was diagnosed with a severe, stage 4 colon cancer during development, when it was referred to as Star Wars: Dark Forces III: Jedi Knight II: Jedi Outcast. Luckily, it was caught early enough and through the brilliant work of a crack marketing team at Lucas Arts, the cancer went into remission, eventually stabilizing at stage three.
But it could have been worse. Since the game knew what signs to look out for, it's successor, Star Wars: Jedi Knight: Jedi Academy took preventative measures to ensure that the Colons never got out of control. To the right is an artist's rendition of what advanced Stage Five cancer looks like. The results are truly horrifying. But despite being such a widespread condition, Colon Cancer continues to go largely unnoticed by the general public, and the condition thus is allowed to thrive. No more!
This is a game currently in development that suffers from yet another of the all-too-common stage three Colon Cancer. The game is published by Square Enix, and as such, the prognosis is Grim. But there is hope. By pulling together, we can beat the cancer. Only you can prevent it.
Thank you for your time.
Log in to comment