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#1 Edited by CatsAkimbo (625 posts) -

And more headlines that will melt/blow your mind, kick your ass, and more:

#2 Posted by clstirens (847 posts) -

Not to defend Kotaku, as I simply cannot defend most of what they do, but those titles are hardly an issue.

Rather, 95% of news sites in general, not just blogs, are the same way.

#3 Posted by Sgtpierceface (624 posts) -

I really hope you didn't put that entire list together yourself.

#4 Posted by HaltIamReptar (2029 posts) -

How long did it take for you to gather all these headlines?

#5 Posted by Demoskinos (14822 posts) -

Its like they have a headline generator.

#6 Posted by Dylabaloo (1549 posts) -

Those titles blew my mind.

#7 Edited by CatsAkimbo (625 posts) -

@HaltIamReptar said:

How long did it take for you to gather all these headlines?

It was just a "allintitle: will your site:kotaku.com" google search, and read through and deleted ones that didn't quite fit.

#8 Posted by Enigma777 (6073 posts) -
@Demoskinos

Its like they have a headline generator.

Shhhh! You'll ruin the magic!
#9 Posted by KittyVonDoom (445 posts) -

Hey. Who left all these Patrick articles lying around?

#10 Edited by Snail (8604 posts) -

@clstirens said:

Not to defend Kotaku, as I simply cannot defend most of what they do, but those titles are hardly an issue.

Rather, 95% of news sites in general, not just blogs, are the same way.

These headlines annoy me when they are overused. They end up sounding like Reddit posts. That said, I obviously don't mind seeing them as the title for a video ever once in a while, and I can certainly think of quite a handful of videogame websites that don't use this handle like a stupid catchphrase (Giant Bomb obviously among them).

I don't really hate Kotaku as much as just about everyone else here seems to, since I've certainly read interesting articles there, but this guy has a point.

#11 Posted by Colourful_Hippie (4351 posts) -

@Demoskinos said:

Its like they have a headline generator.

#12 Posted by egg (1467 posts) -

"New 3D Dot Game Heroes Screens Will Add Inches To Your Sword" -- that's pretty funny

"Sonic The Hedgehog Socks Will Keep Your Nintendo DS Warm" <-- what

"The 3DS Will Probably Not Make You Bleed Out Of Your Eyes" <-- well that's probably meant to be ironic

question is how did you compile all these article titles?? goddang someone must really dislike kotaku. Probably gave 'em a bunch of views in the process.

#13 Posted by Zomgfruitbunnies (780 posts) -

Eh.

#14 Posted by Subjugation (4720 posts) -
#15 Edited by TruthTellah (8996 posts) -

Something about this just feels a bit off.

I mean, I frequent Kotaku and certainly have noticed over the years their common use of established formulas for headlines, but for it to be compiled like this as some kind of joke/dig on the site, it makes me feel like people are giving their headlines more attention than they deserve. As someone who also reads newspapers and online news on a regular basis, this just seems like a natural part of putting out tons and tons of stories each and every day.

I suppose I can see some humor in it, but it speaks more to general news coverage and the conveying of ideas through established tropes in human language than a narrative of one site versus another.

#16 Edited by CatsAkimbo (625 posts) -

@TruthTellah said:

I mean, I frequent Kotaku and certainly have noticed over the years their common use of established formulas for headlines, but for it to be compiled like this as some kind of joke/dig on the site, it makes me feel like people are giving their headlines more attention than they deserve. As someone who also reads newspapers and online news on a regular basis, this just seems like a natural part of putting out tons and tons of stories each and every day.

I know what you mean, but it seems so much more apparent here. Those headlines were just the last few years, and it was way too easy to set up a search to compile them all. I dunno, it's possible I only noticed it over time because of how much it bugged me. How do they know what their article will do to me?! It never has and never will blow my mind or kick my face in!

And there are lots more that are still pretty similar, but are harder to search for (they don't also include "will"), like the article they posted a few hours ago: Giant 20-Inch Gordon Freeman Statue Keeps Headcrabs Off Your Bookshelf

#17 Posted by Animasta (14691 posts) -

@KittyVonDoom said:

Hey. Who left all these Patrick articles lying around?

rofl, you people never stop do you?

#18 Edited by BisonHero (6494 posts) -

@Subjugation said:

Instantly reminded me of http://www.jocchan.com/stuff/IGeNerator/

"Top Ten most interesting breasts in videogames."

Goddammit, that generator is good.

EDIT:

"Persona meets Heavy Rain in the new Rapelay sequel."

Fuck, I just need to close that tab, but my own laughter is preventing me from doing so!

#19 Edited by TruthTellah (8996 posts) -

@CatsAkimbo said:

@TruthTellah said:

I mean, I frequent Kotaku and certainly have noticed over the years their common use of established formulas for headlines, but for it to be compiled like this as some kind of joke/dig on the site, it makes me feel like people are giving their headlines more attention than they deserve. As someone who also reads newspapers and online news on a regular basis, this just seems like a natural part of putting out tons and tons of stories each and every day.

I know what you mean, but it seems so much more apparent here. Those headlines were just the last few years, and it was way too easy to set up a search to compile them all. I dunno, it's possible I only noticed it over time because of how much it bugged me. How do they know what their article will do to me?! It never has and never will blow my mind or kick my face in!

haha. Yeah, they definitely don't rip out my jugular and then feed it back to me in awe as much as they claim, but then, when you're talking about over 40 or so articles on a slow day over a couple of years, that's thousands of headlines for what often amounts to different spins on similar concepts. That's generally how news is. And in the case of online news, these are the kinds of linguistic tropes which simply work. As much as we may begrudge them, they first and foremost want people to read their stuff, and no matter the relative quality of the content, it's meaningless if you can't get anyone to look at it. I'm not exactly a fan of falling back on these kinds of headline phrases either, but I understand their general usefulness overrules the simple desire to give every one of your thousands of articles unique titles.

I agree with the comedic nature of this repetition, but I really don't think it represents that they are lazy or somehow bad to the point of someone having a greater appreciation of Giant Bomb. This simply illustrates that Kotaku releases a ton of posts every year, like most 24 hour news sites these days. It may not be welcome to everyone, but it's how things have developed online.

#20 Posted by SlashDance (1814 posts) -
#21 Posted by casper_ (903 posts) -

im worried about the safety of my mind/face/brain

#22 Edited by ArtelinaRose (1850 posts) -

@Subjugation said:

Instantly reminded me of http://www.jocchan.com/stuff/IGeNerator/

IGeNerator - Story Generator

Rapelay meets God of War in the new Call of Duty sequel.

"Ramirez, hold down Hera so we can piss in her mouth!"

#23 Edited by Yummylee (21615 posts) -

''Why hipsters must succeed''... Thank the Lord for this thread reminding me of the existence of this magic.

Online
#24 Posted by DizzyMedal (399 posts) -

@Subjugation said:

Instantly reminded me of http://www.jocchan.com/stuff/IGeNerator/

Pffffffft, Kotaku wishes it could break the story of "Halo meets Silent Hill in the new Dragon Age sequel." (I would totally play this.)

#25 Posted by NeVeRMoRe666 (268 posts) -

Given Kotaku's amount of output, I don't think it is as prevalent as one may think. It just looks like a lot when compiled like that, but in actuality, given that they post hundreds of articles per week, I would expect some repetition, especially when it comes to headlines.

#26 Posted by Mr_Misery (258 posts) -

Yahoo is worse.

#27 Edited by AssInAss (2644 posts) -
#28 Edited by Abendlaender (2803 posts) -

Well, it IS Kotaku so.....whatever.

@SlashDance said:

@Subjugation said:

Instantly reminded me of http://www.jocchan.com/stuff/IGeNerator/

E3: The suits in Lollipop Chainsaw gave me herpes.

E3: The bartenders in Kid Icarus gave me sore thumbs.

It's true though...

Why Rapelay will love Diablo's face.

Yuk...

Is God of War a Yoshi's Island for adults?

Oh god, I can't stop clicking! HELP ME

#29 Posted by JoeyRavn (4973 posts) -

This topic tickled my mind therefore and blew my face above!

#30 Posted by YOU_DIED (703 posts) -

@KittyVonDoom said:

Hey. Who left all these Patrick articles lying around?

Kotaku is even worse than Patrick about posting things that are hardly even tangentially related to vid games

#31 Posted by dudeglove (7825 posts) -

It's no boingboing

#32 Edited by Sauson (561 posts) -

@Abendlaender said:

Well, it IS Kotaku so.....whatever.

@SlashDance said:

@Subjugation said:

Instantly reminded me of http://www.jocchan.com/stuff/IGeNerator/

E3: The suits in Lollipop Chainsaw gave me herpes.

E3: The bartenders in Kid Icarus gave me sore thumbs.

It's true though...

Why Rapelay will love Diablo's face.

Yuk...

Is God of War a Yoshi's Island for adults?

Oh god, I can't stop clicking! HELP ME

GC: The sex scenes in Harvest Moon gave me profound sadness.

E3: The preorder bonuses in Rapelay gave me salmonella.

I don't even...

#33 Posted by aceofspudz (938 posts) -

This was a great post. Keep up the good fight.

#34 Posted by Village_Guy (2570 posts) -

@Sauson said:

@Abendlaender said:

Well, it IS Kotaku so.....whatever.

@SlashDance said:

@Subjugation said:

Instantly reminded me of http://www.jocchan.com/stuff/IGeNerator/

E3: The suits in Lollipop Chainsaw gave me herpes.

E3: The bartenders in Kid Icarus gave me sore thumbs.

It's true though...

Why Rapelay will love Diablo's face.

Yuk...

Is God of War a Yoshi's Island for adults?

Oh god, I can't stop clicking! HELP ME

GC: The sex scenes in Harvest Moon gave me profound sadness.

I don't even...

Man, I love that thing, I can't stop it. Also:

Is Abobo's Big Adventure a Journey for adults?

Yes, yes it is.

#35 Posted by TaliciaDragonsong (8698 posts) -

Yeah, not much to say about it. It's been getting worse but I'll admit to clicking anyway. But that has more to do with my insane craving for anything videogame related than Kotaku's clever headlines.

#36 Posted by PandaBear (1371 posts) -

You made my life.

You did not make my life.

Still good though

#37 Posted by Ravenlight (8040 posts) -

"This list of Kotaku headlines will melt your face"

#38 Posted by Video_Game_King (36272 posts) -

@Demoskinos said:

Its like they have a headline generator.

Should we make one?

#39 Posted by Rolyatkcinmai (2687 posts) -

Kotaku has written a lot of really awesome articles the last few months.

But hey, this is the internet. Let's be jerks.

#40 Posted by cthomer5000 (788 posts) -

Eh, they post a zillion stories a day. Bound to happen.

#41 Posted by TooWalrus (13195 posts) -

I'm in the school library and I accidently laughed out loud at "This Teenage Gothic Lolita Will Rock Your Brains Out"

...so thanks for that.

#42 Posted by Gizmo (5389 posts) -

That generator is SO good;

E3 belongs to IGN, and so does my heart.

Why friends must succeed.

Why Kinectimals will forget Mega Man's face.

#43 Posted by TheSouthernDandy (3865 posts) -

Mind blown. Also holy crap do I want that Gordon Freeman statue.

#44 Posted by Miketakon (514 posts) -

Kotaku hates the Japanese

#45 Posted by Renahzor (991 posts) -

I feel the headline of this thread could have used more rock your brains out.

#46 Posted by RobertOrri (1129 posts) -

Yes, it's Kotaku. Whoop-dee-doo!

#47 Posted by MariachiMacabre (7096 posts) -
@Animasta

@KittyVonDoom said:

Hey. Who left all these Patrick articles lying around?

rofl, you people never stop do you?

Their incessant hate is all that matters to them anymore.
#48 Posted by Morningstar (2157 posts) -
#49 Posted by Skooky (476 posts) -

How anime pillows could increase Killer Instinct's popularity.

How Obama cameos could increase La Mulana's popularity.

This thing is still fucking great.

#50 Posted by Bumpton (445 posts) -
Minecraft meets Vanquish in the new Killer Instinct sequel.