Thread for terrible game ideas that you know would never get made

A Columbo type murder mystery RPG, plays like mass effect in a 70's open world, with a beat up middle aged detective as the hero. You converse, fight and progress in third person, levelling up skills etc. But you also commit all the murders in first person throughout the game as lengthy set pieces... so clue finding is secondary as they are revealed as you commit the crimes. Focus is on discussion, combat and exploration (just like mass effect). Along the way you would solve numerous crimes as side missions buying new trenchcoat armour and weapons with your pay.

You are effectively chasing your own tail, building up a rapport with the killer (that you also feel as you play as him) but never sure who it is till the endgame.

I know some smartass is going to post a popular game, so I'll get it out of the way now:

• Final Fantasy
• Assassin's Creed
• Call of Duty
• Super Mario Bros.
• Legend of Zelda
• Mass Effect 3

There. You happy?

Here's a stupid thread of a stupid game idea someone on here made.

2013 GOTY is an FMV game.

Batman vs. Jesus

The bomb crew's idea of a biblical assassin's creed lol.

A simulator where you try on hats.

How about Pacman as survival horror, where you are over the shoulder as pacman running through corridors avoiding ghosts (plays like that vid from a machine for pigs).

A free-roam naval combat game that plays like AC3's boat missions named "Flintlock Unicorn Madness"

A game where you play as a plumber and jump on mushrooms and turtles trying to save a princess

A free to play Star Wars MMO. Zing!

Heroes of might and magic open world, you build and fortify your castle... roam around the open world building an army to assault another one. Like a cross between Sacrifice and Stronghold.

A military game strictly about logistics. Other guys do the fighting, its your job to just keep them supplied with fuel, food, ammunition, etc. They don't even start with clean water, its up to you to provide that, along with hot meals instead of awful rations. You also gotta keep them sheltered in bunkers, trenches, forward operating bases and the like. You need to build airstrips or helipads if they bring planes and helicopters. Also, when they come back to the base with broken stuff like weapons and vehicles, you need to find a way to either fix it all or just replace it. If it's getting too cold, you need to hand out enough winter gear to keep them from freezing. Oh, the better they do out there, the harder it is to keep them supplied deep in enemy territory.

I guess it would be kind of like SimCity, only with more resource managing. I have no idea why this would be a cool game, but I would totally play the shit out of it.

@Giantstalker: That would be pretty cool. So would all the armies be procedural and you'd just react? or would how they are supplied effect what missions they would do and how they would act?

The first thought I would have had is doing it a game invoking any serious real world situation. The repellant nature of that being in a game does say something to the nature of games vs. movies in terms of the seriousness of tone though.

For something that actually could be made, and is fairly amusing.....

Free for all open world MMO shooters using a retail business model, but including pay to win efforts to support the game over time. The game throws all players into an open world where everyone can run around, but levels (gained from killing other players) are required to have better stats and permit using better weapons. In this game high level players corpse camp low level players endlessly, and the only reason anyone plays it is that it has ferments the worst community in any game due to always on voice chat with everyone in the world.

@ajamafalous said:

A game where you play as a plumber and jump on mushrooms and turtles trying to save a princess

I knew it!

@JJOR64: Haberdashery Hatter Simulator 2013?

An optician simulator, for the oculus rift. A bit like themepark... you build and run an opticians... fixing peoples eyesight and designing glasses. You check peoples eyesight first person and your vision unblurs as you do better at the game. You also get to try on all your glasses! Far down the research trees you get to unlock a mode that plays the game in a mode for colour blind people (implying you find a cure).

Harmonix Presents: Mariachi Band.

Or for a more original idea: You play as a very short man with bad manners. You go around being impolite by pointing at people, not holding doors open, poking at your food, leaving insufficient tips, etc. The twist is, you're also a backup dancer for Gladys Knight, and you have to be stealthy about your bad manners, lest you reflect poorly on Gladys and get fired.

@ShaggE: Man, that sounds amazing. Do you have some long term goal in the game? Or just to keep your job as long as possible. It would be great if the dancing was playable.. and instead of having to copy moves you had to make the other dancers in Gladys Knights crew look terrible.

A simulator where you try on hats.

EA Sports Foosball 13.

An american football game based around a MOBA. 5v5 and you pick your players from a roster with various skillsets and abilites. Team who scores most after 25mins wins.

I always wanted a DBZ turn based rpg, there's enough characters to have a party of at least 3 at all times. A well made 40+ hour DBZ turn based rpg would be the best thing ever for me. Or if not turn based a 3rd person rpg, but I think that would have to be even more well made than the turn based one.

Also a pokemon game thats at least rated teen, on a current gen console and pc. That will never happen.

Pokemon grooming simulator.

You used shampoo, it's super effective!

@Giantstalker said:

A military game strictly about logistics. Other guys do the fighting, its your job to just keep them supplied with fuel, food, ammunition, etc. They don't even start with clean water, its up to you to provide that, along with hot meals instead of awful rations. You also gotta keep them sheltered in bunkers, trenches, forward operating bases and the like. You need to build airstrips or helipads if they bring planes and helicopters. Also, when they come back to the base with broken stuff like weapons and vehicles, you need to find a way to either fix it all or just replace it. If it's getting too cold, you need to hand out enough winter gear to keep them from freezing. Oh, the better they do out there, the harder it is to keep them supplied deep in enemy territory.

I guess it would be kind of like SimCity, only with more resource managing. I have no idea why this would be a cool game, but I would totally play the shit out of it.

I would totally play that but I'm also playing Towns at the moment.

A turn based first person shooter. Plays exactly like counterstrike... but you play in 5 second bursts... so you aim where you think the other player will be... and only have a certain number of actions you can perform per 5 seconds. Take cover, aim here...shoot etc. You score money between rounds to upgrade your character.

A 4 player action adventure rouge game. Think Dragon's Dogma and permanent death but your overall character levels up and gets new powers. Some sort of incentive to keep you playing.

Stretch Armstrong game but his hands are wheels and he is a car man with sunglasses who can stretch himself longer but he's not actually Stretch Amstrong that's just easier to describe this idea, he is an original character and you have to drive around and chase bank robbers. He is not a transformer though he is just a guy with wheels for hands, who can also stretch. It's not a racing game, it's a super hero game.

Edit: his feet are also wheels I forgot to mention this

Permanent death, the main character dies. The game never advances.

Michael Vick Dog Fighting Sim or Pokemon equivalent.

Customizable hair styles for first person shooter characters.

Trauma Center colonoscopy edition.

That is all I can think of for now.

Is it sad that I would totally play all of these games?

Game Idea: Haunted House Tycoon - you have to design a haunted house using ghosts, satan worshippers, demon possessions, horrible murder scenes, deadly traps and other typical haunting tropes in order to score maximum scares from visitors. You have to fight off exorcists and paranormal investigators and you win when everyone refuses to enter your house.

Rockstar presents Harriet Tubman and the Underground Railroad.

You gotta lead the slaves to Canada while avoiding lynch mobs and dogs. You have to keep the group together kinda like Pikmin and if one has second thoughts you gotta point the gun at them and force them to freedom. Harriet also has spells from her head injury that you have to deal with at the worst times.

@IzzyGraze said:

@Giantstalker said:

A military game strictly about logistics. Other guys do the fighting, its your job to just keep them supplied with fuel, food, ammunition, etc. They don't even start with clean water, its up to you to provide that, along with hot meals instead of awful rations. You also gotta keep them sheltered in bunkers, trenches, forward operating bases and the like. You need to build airstrips or helipads if they bring planes and helicopters. Also, when they come back to the base with broken stuff like weapons and vehicles, you need to find a way to either fix it all or just replace it. If it's getting too cold, you need to hand out enough winter gear to keep them from freezing. Oh, the better they do out there, the harder it is to keep them supplied deep in enemy territory.

I guess it would be kind of like SimCity, only with more resource managing. I have no idea why this would be a cool game, but I would totally play the shit out of it.

I would totally play that but I'm also playing Towns at the moment.

We could call this game Beans & Bullets: The Element of Supplies

@Ghostin: Your long term goal would be to become one of the Pips (in fact, the tagline for the game would be "Pippin' Ain't Easy", not to be confused with "Pippen Ain't Easy", my basketball dating sim).

The dancing would be Kinect-enabled, but the only move would be a repeated vigorous pelvic thrust, not necessarily in time to the music. The challenge comes from not accidentally thrusting your pelvis into Gladys and knocking her off-stage (using Euphoria physics, naturally), as that is considered to be particularly bad manners.

A well-rounded multiplayer component will be included, of course. Outside of Thrustmatch, Team Thrustmatch, and Well-Mannered King of the Hill modes (like regular King of the Hill, except with a lot more "pardon me, may I step through?" and a lot less face-shooting), there will be a robust and original cooperative campaign in which up to seven players can be incontinent caterers for Whoopi Goldberg.

EDIT: Another idea... "I Can't Feel My Legs: The Game". The world's first (of many) Sitting Too Long and Trying To Walk While Numb Simulator.

EDIT EDIT: "Imagine: Bloggerz" by Ubisoft. Live the life of a blogger! Post updates! Spam forums! ... Eat food!

EDIT EDIT EDIT: "Family Matters: Urkel Unleashed".

EDIT 4: "1000+ Great Ice Levels From Platformers For Windows 95!"

EDIT 5: "Dance Dance Circumcision".

EDIT 6: "Immortal Kombat", the endless fighting game where the only winning move is to throw the controller down and say "fuck this, nothing's doing damage!"

EDIT 7: "Street Fighter". Literally. Beat the hell out of some avenues.

EDIT 8: "Shamnesia". World's scariest knockoff horror game.

EDIT 9: "Slamnesia". World's scariest wrestling game.

EDIT 10: "Scene It? Lars Van Triers' 'Antichrist' Edition".

A Sims game for Star Wars. You essentially play as the Force, and coax sim Jedi to the light side... or fuck with them to turn them to the dark side.

Castlevania fitness game

@Zleunamme said:

Trauma Center colonoscopy edition.

Actually, Trauma Team contains endoscope missions. They're in the lungs, but still.

@Giantstalker said:

@IzzyGraze said:

@Giantstalker said:

A military game strictly about logistics. Other guys do the fighting, its your job to just keep them supplied with fuel, food, ammunition, etc. They don't even start with clean water, its up to you to provide that, along with hot meals instead of awful rations. You also gotta keep them sheltered in bunkers, trenches, forward operating bases and the like. You need to build airstrips or helipads if they bring planes and helicopters. Also, when they come back to the base with broken stuff like weapons and vehicles, you need to find a way to either fix it all or just replace it. If it's getting too cold, you need to hand out enough winter gear to keep them from freezing. Oh, the better they do out there, the harder it is to keep them supplied deep in enemy territory.

I guess it would be kind of like SimCity, only with more resource managing. I have no idea why this would be a cool game, but I would totally play the shit out of it.

I would totally play that but I'm also playing Towns at the moment.

We could call this game Beans & Bullets: The Element of Supplies

Ok. Now i'm buying 2 copies.

Nothing produces a terrible video game quite like a licensing tie-in:

Saw, better with Kinect! You have to eviscerate and dismember yourself to proceed.

Requiem for a Dream the video game where every action is futile. You fail no matter what in the worst possible of ways.

Andy Warhol's Sleep with heart rate sensor peripheral requiring you to remain immobile and unconscious for 321 minutes.

A college-themed fighting game where each character's moveset is based on their major. Actually, that's pretty good...

The perma-death MMO set in the Witcher universe that emphasizes actually legendary player characters and bounties for those who player-kill dishonorably. Obviously, even though it would be PRETTY AWESOME, it's very limited in appeal and a single lag-spike killing your character would completely destroy the game forever, so it could never survive as an MMO.

Can of Soda RPG. Your goal is to be drunken one day.

Dark Souls 2 that wipes your hard drive every death.

I once saw a street sweeper and had an idea, but it turned out that the Germans were already on it.

@nintendoeats said:

Batman vs. Jesus

Nonesense. Jesus would never pick a fight...

... he knows he can't win.

@Emperor_Norton:

This actually sounds legitimately fun duder!

A first person shooter where the main character is the gun. When the soldier changes weapons you just sit there on his back, sometimes the soldier gets killed and you are picked up by his enemy, occasionally you are upgraded and you have to learn to psychologically cope with these wild new changes.

Curiosity with 'permadeath' - any time someone chisels out a penis, the entire cube resets.

@Ghostin: Isn't that just King's Bounty?

Everyone is always asking when we will have the citizen Kane of video games, so I propose

Citizen Kane: The Video Game

Why not be straightforward with it?