What would your future self tell you?

So surprise surprise, it appears there's an alternate reality where John Carmack was working on time travel technology all along (who knew?). Apparently it's something to do with lasers and junk... No, literally. It's powered by recycled Coke cans. But that's not important.

Fast forward 10 years and Carmack-Garriott Inc (A division of AppleValve-DisneyCorp International) have finally made the technology available to the public.

They managed to shrink the room-sized laser weap... erm ... device to about the size of a Kinect camera and your early-adopter future self has plonked down almost their entire life savings to get one.

The one-time use device has only one button labelled "10 years into the past". It will work for 5 seconds before depleting its fuel and shutting down for good. Sounds awesome value for money!

So your future self whacks the button and travels back the 10 years to right this moment, appearing before you as a barely visible wisp of smoke. They are unable to interact with any objects in the area, but they are able to whisper something to you...

...what did they say? *

*Assume that it's not "Invest in Apple shares" or "Don't waste our hard-earned life savings on this rubbish"

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- I'm thinking my future self would just say something to mess with my head like "Watch out for the rabbits... they started the whole thing!"

- or "The Xboxes... they said they were safe! But then ..."

- or "We cured everything.. but it all relies on you telling ..."

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tl;dr - "What would you in 10 years say to the you of right now?"

"Don't be such a fucking idiot all the time, you fucking idiot."

Unlike most people I don't really dislike my past selves; a bit more foolish and immature sure but still keenly perceptive and aware of their respective surroundings; I guess a lot of people hate themselves though /shrug

"You aren't actually going to move forward at all. It's the same as if you had never tried."

Don't trust whitey. But you already know that.

"write this dumb song about humping, TRUST ME!"

"He is not yet dead."

"It was the bees all along! Colony collapse is the first sign!"

I should have killed you a long time ago, I've come to fix that mistake.

"Dude! Time travel is fucking aweeeeeeeeeeessssooooooooooooomeeeeeee"

Then he'll warp to a different time and leave a bunch of time warp soot all over my furniture and I'll be all "sonovabitch" because I'm gonna have to clean all this shit up.

Probably the same thing I would say to my 11 year old self.

"Man, you are pretty dumb."

"Be ruthless and let nothing stop you. You now know you wont die, go broke, or be jailed for at least ten years. Things will work out for you, so take some risks. You're welcome."

"JUST DO IT™" I would then hand me some Air Jordans. Not only would I net my future self cash for advertising and free shoes for past self but also actual good advice for my future life.

Cut the red wire, man, the red wire.

'For fucks sake use your degree on something!'

Align yourself with Massimiliano the Wise early (before all of the false adherents), for there will come a winnowing.

"Invest in Google"

I'd probably fight myself, then give myself lottery numbers and put it all in apple stocks or some shit.

Internships and networking are more important than classroom work.

Don't buy Fable 3

Play youth tennis

Only 10 years ago? hmmm I would have to tell myself don't go into "that pub" during "that" football game with her.

This seems slightly more accurate.

Actually, yeah, it probably is.

I'd also make sure that my 11 year old self bought... buys... gets a hold of... got a hold of... fuck tense, you get the point, a copy of Chrono Trigger.

Everyone you love dies

Trust me, it's not worth it........ she's actually horrible.

Carry on kid, you'll be fine.

"Write this down...quickly!" and then I tell me about a bunch of major upset in sports.

"Basically, run."

or

"DON'T BLINK"

"You're not really gay, it's just a phase, stop hating yourself for that and watch some X-Art lesbian pornos like real men".

I think you guys are misreading this. It's FUTURE you traveling back to talk to the you of the PRESENT, not the you of 10 years ago.

Anyhoo, I'd probably spoil a bunch of games and movies for me. Future me is a goddamn prick.

"Be less lazy" or something to that effect.

"The earthquake fucks up everything. Move to France."

"Just buy the cream. You will know what I am talking about sooner than later."

"Bat wins, trust me."

I would be surprised the device actually worked and say

Future Self : Fuck me! ( This deviceactually works! )

Present Self : Um no thanks dude your not my type. Oh wait....

"Don't go on the internet."

Same thing I'd probably say to any of my past incarnations.

"Uggg, I hate you so much"

Now that I know what the real question is this thread is, I think the OP has stumbled upon a fabulous idea for a self help book.

What would yourself in 10 years tell your self from today? Boom. You just combined The Secret and Tony Robbins

"Damn, gurrrrrrrl. Wanna make out?"

"Stop being such a dick and you were right all alooooooong..."

"Everything will be fine. Relax."

"All the crap you worried about wasn't worth worrying about"

He probably wouldn't say anything initially. He would just walk up to me calmly, then punch me as hard as he could in the liver. As he walked away, he would say something like, 'Now you know how I feel, dick.'

"Stop fucking up god damnit!"

I can't possibly know.

"Hey fatty, you're fat"