~ Thirty-one days earlier ~
Today is not a normal day. My longtime partner of almost ten years and I have just broken up. We are living together, in business together, with dog together, and everything is intertwined - family and friends and schedules and work and finances. It was my first real relationship, and I'd assumed there'd never have to be a second. Yet here I am, suddenly feeling adrift and alone and so goddamned scared. I want nothing more than to take solace in distractions.
I feel like I need to get as far away from here as possible but things we had set in motion years ago meant that simply wasn't an option. We are about to open a business together, long in the making. In the short term at least, I have to see this through.
Somehow I got through 8-9 hours of full time work today, only to return to a place that no longer feels like home, and work alongside the woman who I can no longer hold. It gets late. I sit up in bed, utterly exhausted, and decide to boot up Wind Waker HD on the Wii U gamepad.
The twinge of frustration upon first trying to move the camera in Wind Waker HD is a familiar feeling. I'm an "inverter" you see, so this means a trip into the pause menu for me. The trip is a little longer than usual though, as Wind Waker HD has no option for third-person inverted camera controls. Horizontal inversion, sure! But outside of the first-person "look" view, there's nothing for me. I'm actually going to have to put up with this.
The slight frustration quickly becomes a question of whether or not I would continue to play this game at all, especially given my current state of mind. Yet I never finished Wind Waker on the Gamecube, plus the HD version looks so damn PRETTY. It's like a Saturday morning cartoon come to life. It commands my full attention. I welcome the distraction.
So I put up with it - until I get better at it - until, a few hours of game time in, I stop actively thinking about it. I look at the time. Shit. I guess I only get three hours of sleep before work in the morning. "Well at least I'm over this camera thing," I think to myself.
"It almost feels normal."
~ Thirty days later ~
Link's sword is properly in Ganon's head. Ganon says something about the wind blowing before he turns to stone. The King talks about how his thoughts are often with his kingdom of old, how he feels bound to Hyrule.
I think of the things I feel bound to. I think of my former partner. It's been a long month.
As the credits roll, I feel like I need to be in a different headspace. I check the Xbox, and sure enough my copy of Wolfenstein: The New Order has finally finished installing. May as well give it a whirl before bed.
As soon as the game gives me control of the character, something feels immediately wrong.
~ Several months later ~
I've just purchased Halo: The Master Chief Collection. Waiting for 50Gb to install, then 15Gb to download gives me plenty of time to think. The last few months have been a blur.
We are both exhausted.
Our business is almost ready to open.
I can hear her laughing through the wall dividing our rooms.
This all feels normal.
The signature Xbox chime pulls me from my thoughts as the install finally completes. I boot up Halo CE and within a few minutes I'm running rings around the Covenant. Oh, and "Look invert" is set to "off". This feels normal too.
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