Posted by Video_Game_King (36272 posts) -


Tail Concerto

( Remember how my last blog was long enough to make Leo Tolstoy rise from the dead and register a Giant Bomb account just so he could tell me to tone it down?) And remember how that first sentence ate up an entire line? Well, I don't think this blog is going to change that trend. Just look at how much I have for this game: about 50 notes (but no review) and 22 images (I know that I'm not going to be able to use them all). That's so many images that Giant Bomb clogged up several times when I decided to add them to the wiki. I don't even have that much material for Granstream Saga, an action RPG I've been playing since August. I'm going to try to keep it relatively short (there's no way I can keep this actually short), but I honestly have no idea what will become of this.
 
I guess it'd be a good idea to start where the game starts. In that case, holy shit, this game looks fucking amazing. It begins with an anime intro that looks like Disney, but anime, complete with Tinker Bell farting out enough gas to fill a zeppelin. What ensues is a couple of minutes of pure wonder and fulfillment. It's kinda hard to believe that the PS1 can pull off this shit, even when you've seen it again and again and again (like when you realize that there are tons of anime cutscenes in the game). The best way I can describe it is to make you remember certain Sega CD games. Take all that joy and awe and apply it to the PS1, and you have Tail Concerto. Oh, and in the case of Lunar: Eternal Blue, also take the relative quality of the voice acting, because much like this blog, it can be all over the place. Most of it is good, but then you have voice work like that of the blue cat girl (I don't know what her name is, because two of the cats have rhyming names). Just listen to her; she could not give less of a shit. She didn't even bother playing a significant role in any of her anime cutscenes, because that would require her to give shits that she does not have. Compare this to again #3, or even Blue Cat Girl's sister, Yellow Cat Girl. I only bring up the second example because Blue and Yellow Cat Girl are voiced by the same person. Did you shove all your shits into that one cat-girl, or did the director ask you to imagine this as a high school project? There are just so many unanswered questions about this game! What are Droopy Dog and Butters Stotch doing here? Why do the characters treat their mechas like literal extensions of their own beings? Why are there Japanese subtitles, but it switches between X and O as confirmation buttons, but never really addresses that at all? Why do robots skip?
 
This is our protagonist, people. He's a whiny little bitch who absolutely sucks at arguments. (Oh, and those red words are completely true, in case you thought otherwise, for some reason.)
Most importantly, how are almost none of these questions related to the story? Here, let me start with one: is this a cat or a dog who's merging a bunch of terrible fetishes? Trust me, it's bigger than you think, because the entire game revolves around the conflict between the dogs and cats (called Dog-People and Cat-People, for whatever reason). Long ago, they decided to go to war, for reasons that will be explained later. Who won this war? Nobody, because cats and dogs suck that much at war. What follows is the 19th century discovering the ancient technology, which some people apparently interpret as being made of meth. Obviously, in a world filled with meth-fueled coke hounds, you need a competent police force. In enters our double amputee, Waffle the Dog, who apparently didn't get the memo that if there's music in the title, then you need a music-themed name. He is tasked with bringing down the Black Cats Gang, an evil terrorist organization made up of exactly three members: the Blue and Yellow Cat Girls, and Alicia. She also missed the name-theme memo, so she's a perfect match for Waffle, right? Well, yes and no. Exactly half the story is about the Waffle/Alicia romance, but she's not willing to admit that they love each other. Why? Because she's a cat Nazi. Or cat Jewish. It's really hard to tell. She wants to build a new land exclusively for cat people, but she also sees it as her mission in life to kill all dogs. At least All Dogs Go to Heaven was clear on the whole "cats are bad" thing; this is the only time in your life that you'll find yourself saying, "Wait, is this cat Jewish or a Nazi?" Oh, and the confusion doesn't stop there, because about every other level introduces a new character. You have Waffle, the Black Cats Gang, their leader whose voice actor is trying too hard, the Princess and Droopy Dog, her " I'm totally sexy" guard Cyan (disappointingly, you can't play as him), Waffle's grandpa, Waffle's grandpa's friend, and enough characters to make Suikoden back away in fear.
 
Oh, and may I say that the graphics are absolutely amazing, and that the music matches the h-you know what? Fuck it. Let's get to what you really want to hear about: what you do in the game. I mean, just look at that mecha. It must do cool things, right? Well, a good portion of the game is capturing kittens. There's not a lot more to that statement. You chase kittens, grab them, and shove them into your mecha-backpack. Sometimes, they'll come in ships, or maybe they're hiding in a box, or maybe they'll even drop a crystal so the plot can go on, but you're still capturing kittens. There's not much more I can say about it. You can shoot your bubble gun to stun them, if you want to turn the game into a fun, chaotic mix of Bust a Move and something else, but once you've captured your first batch of kittens, you've experienced all the game has to offer when it comes to kittens. Unfortunately, that's a theme that runs throughout the whole of the game: not a lot to it. For example, you explore towns, so this must be an RPG of some sort, right? No, not at all. You just walk around one or two towns, talk to people, return home a lot, and progress through the story. So then it must be...uh...*tries to put various pieces of paper into crown, but realizes that crown has no bottom to speak of* *watches piece of paper flutter to ground*...Fuck. So it's a...platformer, right? Well, you're closer with that guess. After all, you do jump around and stuff, grabbing onto ledges (in a robot? Huh?) and various other things. There's also a terrible jetpack sequence, and that's about it. You don't jump around as much as you move around. So what the hell is this game?
 
I honestly have no idea. It's not even that it steals things from a bunch of genres, like Actraiser or Borderlands; it never really decides on a genre, so I guess I have to make one up for it: the "fucking around" genre. For a game to qualify as a fucking around game, the main gameplay feature has to be fucking around without a lot of direction or focus. Wait, even on those merits that I just made up, the game falls short. How does that even work? That's meta-fucking up. Exactly how does it perform the meta-fuck up? First, because all levels have stars that become photos, at some point. Given how awesome the game looks, I have no complaints. Second, the boss battles. Or maybe I should say "boss battle", because they're all the same. Here's the strategy to beat them all: grab bombs, toss at cat, dodge attacks, maybe shoot your bubbles. The only exception to this rule is the final boss. Since he doesn't shoot bombs you can grab, you just have to shoot him. Then do it again. Then go grab a crystal, which makes him explode, for some reason. Then, after three to four hours of cats and dogs mixing up Nazis and Jews in incomprehensible ways, the game is over, and, oddly enough, in the exact same way as it began. Now I'm beginning to see why I like this game far more than I should. It's the graphics. I know that they don't make the game, but in this case, they do. I know, it's weird. You know what's weirder? Me giving Tail Concerto the Best Game to Let's Play Award. It's kind of easy, but it's also interesting enough that you'll always have something to say. The only downside is that this is not some type of subtle hint that I'm going to Let's Play it, in case you were wondering.
 

Review Synopsis

  • How can a game look good, but still deter me from fucking it? Furries, duh!
  • How can a cat be both a Nazi and Jewish? Seriously, I want to know. I'm having trouble comprehending this.
  • The gameplay's pretty simple, much like this bullet point.
 
 
 
 
You know what's scarier than a guy who finds animal girls with 5 o'clock shadows sexy? An entire company that apparently agrees with him. Or that there we're getting the censored version, since I found an " uncut" version.
  
  

Metroid

( Wait, what's this game doing here?) I specifically demanded a blog about furries and how I do not like them. Why Metroid? Why not something like Darkstalkers or Donkey Kong Country Returns, or something else that would preserve the theme of this blog? Anyway, Metroid. It's an action adventure game made by Gunpei Yokoi, the man who ended his career on the highest note possible. To keep the music analogy going, this was how his career ended. But this is not about the end of Gunpei Yokoi's career, but the beginning of it. Kinda. He was already making games before this. But let's pretend that this was the beginning of his career, even though a lot of people wouldn't like that. Why? They say it hasn't aged well. They're right, but it's still a cool game.
 
Shit. Now I remembered why I limit myself to obscure games: all the good jokes are taken for crap like this. What can I honestly tell you that you don't already know? Well, it's the future, and people are doing future stuff. Some of the future stuff includes adding the word "space" to things that don't need it. In enter the Space Pirates. Why do they need "space" in their name? What about the black void alters how they torrent MP3s and download ROM sets? The Federation, perhaps wishing to figure this out for themselves, decides to send bounty hunter Samus to ask them. However, when she lands, she discovers that the Space Pirates are breeding Metroids, which are essentially toothy jellyfish filled with raspberries. She now decides that the best option is to blow up the entire planet. Straightforward story, right? Yea, pretty much. The only thing I can say about it is that the Space Pirate hierarchy is confusing. Who rules them? Is it Ridley? Or is it Mother Brain? Notice how I left out Kraid; that's because he dropped off the face of the oddly- optimistic Zebes pretty much after Super Metroid. So it's only Ridley and Mother Brain, and the game was never clear on who's ruling. On the one hand, Mother Brain's the final boss; on the other hand, Ridley's appeared in pretty much every Metroid game ever. This is more confusing than Alicia the Jewish Nazi Cat in Tail Concerto. Oh, and I should probably mention that Samus is a girl. It's made pretty damn clear in the ending to the game, where Samus dismisses allegations that Team Ninja brought sexism to Metroid; it was already there, fools.
 
 I have to admit, though, that the escape sequence is pretty cool.
Of course, that's assuming that you get some of the better endings. (You should; the game feels about five minutes long.) Fuck up too much, and Samus will turn away in shame, solemnly weeping at the sight of your hideous failure. Then again, I can see why you'd spend about ten hours with this game: there's a lot of shit to do in this world. Power ups are lying all over the place, hidden in so many rooms and blocks that you'd think that Nintendo ran out of ideas about where to stuff them. Of course, if you're the type of person who likes to make games harder than they need be, you're insane. Go get that fixed. Wait, where was I going with this? Oh, right: power-ups. There are tons of them, like the morph ball, the ice beam, the wave beam (although not both at once, because ice can't travel through walls, apparently), the high jump, the long beam, and I only now noticed that those last two only exist to give you powers that you should have had from the beginning. The crap? And the worst part is that to get the high jump, you need the Varia Suit, which you can only get with the high jump. Either that, or sequence breaking. Why do I get the feeling that much like E.T.. this game was too ambitious for its own platform? Could it be the "these totally aren't masking loading times" hallways ripped from Symphony of the Night? How about the fact that numerous rooms are repeated almost verbatim, especially the long vertical shafts, especially especially the ones with fake lava on the bottom? Or the malicious random number generator stolen directly from Devil Survivor?
 
Or maybe it's all the farming you do. A lot of people think this game is about exploring this huge, open world, and while I can't fault them (it is pretty fun to explore, even if it is trial-and-error), Metroid is really about farming. It might as well have been called Harvest Moontroid ( this is why I didn't make a future joke). About every other room or so, you'll encounter a vent that just spews enemies. Stand there, shoot enemies, and hope that the random number generator is in a good mood. Trust me, you will need to do this quite a bit. First, there are TONS of missile doors, and while there are also as many missile upgrades, you're still going to need to stock up, eventually. Second, the bosses all require you to be within fucking distance in order to hit them, and, sadly enough, they can also hit you from within that distance. But most importantly, you will die, at some point. Let me tell you how I died late in the game: every door in Tourian requires a billion missiles to open, and standing between you and Mother Brain are muscle barrier things that require even more missiles. Oh, and Mother Brain takes missiles as damage. Obviously, I ran out, so I decided to go back and grind for some missiles. However, between the numerous enemies assaulting me, and the Metroids that also require missiles, I died. I would've entered the password, but the game restarted me in Tourian. With 30 health, and no missiles. I could've killed some Metroids for health and missiles, but again, they require missiles to beat. Keep in mind that the game designers knew all of this when they were making the game. What the shit? This game could've been so much better, but as it is, it's merely OK. I'd still recommend it, as it's an interesting game and pretty big for gaming history, since it created an entire genre and everything, but be prepared to endure tons of hits and to follow a FAQ like it's the Bible. (On that note, I'm pretty sure that book would've been more interesting if the Book of Revelations was about Jesus sequence-breaking to Heaven and shooting missiles into God's face.) That in mind, I'll give it the Assassin's Creed Award: because it's just like the Crusades.
 

Review Synopsis

  • Yes, we all know that Samus is a girl.
  • Random power-ups hastily thrown about suggest that the level designer just didn't give a fuck.
  • So does the fact that you can restart with 30 health and no missiles in Tourian.
#1 Posted by Video_Game_King (36272 posts) -


Tail Concerto

( Remember how my last blog was long enough to make Leo Tolstoy rise from the dead and register a Giant Bomb account just so he could tell me to tone it down?) And remember how that first sentence ate up an entire line? Well, I don't think this blog is going to change that trend. Just look at how much I have for this game: about 50 notes (but no review) and 22 images (I know that I'm not going to be able to use them all). That's so many images that Giant Bomb clogged up several times when I decided to add them to the wiki. I don't even have that much material for Granstream Saga, an action RPG I've been playing since August. I'm going to try to keep it relatively short (there's no way I can keep this actually short), but I honestly have no idea what will become of this.
 
I guess it'd be a good idea to start where the game starts. In that case, holy shit, this game looks fucking amazing. It begins with an anime intro that looks like Disney, but anime, complete with Tinker Bell farting out enough gas to fill a zeppelin. What ensues is a couple of minutes of pure wonder and fulfillment. It's kinda hard to believe that the PS1 can pull off this shit, even when you've seen it again and again and again (like when you realize that there are tons of anime cutscenes in the game). The best way I can describe it is to make you remember certain Sega CD games. Take all that joy and awe and apply it to the PS1, and you have Tail Concerto. Oh, and in the case of Lunar: Eternal Blue, also take the relative quality of the voice acting, because much like this blog, it can be all over the place. Most of it is good, but then you have voice work like that of the blue cat girl (I don't know what her name is, because two of the cats have rhyming names). Just listen to her; she could not give less of a shit. She didn't even bother playing a significant role in any of her anime cutscenes, because that would require her to give shits that she does not have. Compare this to again #3, or even Blue Cat Girl's sister, Yellow Cat Girl. I only bring up the second example because Blue and Yellow Cat Girl are voiced by the same person. Did you shove all your shits into that one cat-girl, or did the director ask you to imagine this as a high school project? There are just so many unanswered questions about this game! What are Droopy Dog and Butters Stotch doing here? Why do the characters treat their mechas like literal extensions of their own beings? Why are there Japanese subtitles, but it switches between X and O as confirmation buttons, but never really addresses that at all? Why do robots skip?
 
This is our protagonist, people. He's a whiny little bitch who absolutely sucks at arguments. (Oh, and those red words are completely true, in case you thought otherwise, for some reason.)
Most importantly, how are almost none of these questions related to the story? Here, let me start with one: is this a cat or a dog who's merging a bunch of terrible fetishes? Trust me, it's bigger than you think, because the entire game revolves around the conflict between the dogs and cats (called Dog-People and Cat-People, for whatever reason). Long ago, they decided to go to war, for reasons that will be explained later. Who won this war? Nobody, because cats and dogs suck that much at war. What follows is the 19th century discovering the ancient technology, which some people apparently interpret as being made of meth. Obviously, in a world filled with meth-fueled coke hounds, you need a competent police force. In enters our double amputee, Waffle the Dog, who apparently didn't get the memo that if there's music in the title, then you need a music-themed name. He is tasked with bringing down the Black Cats Gang, an evil terrorist organization made up of exactly three members: the Blue and Yellow Cat Girls, and Alicia. She also missed the name-theme memo, so she's a perfect match for Waffle, right? Well, yes and no. Exactly half the story is about the Waffle/Alicia romance, but she's not willing to admit that they love each other. Why? Because she's a cat Nazi. Or cat Jewish. It's really hard to tell. She wants to build a new land exclusively for cat people, but she also sees it as her mission in life to kill all dogs. At least All Dogs Go to Heaven was clear on the whole "cats are bad" thing; this is the only time in your life that you'll find yourself saying, "Wait, is this cat Jewish or a Nazi?" Oh, and the confusion doesn't stop there, because about every other level introduces a new character. You have Waffle, the Black Cats Gang, their leader whose voice actor is trying too hard, the Princess and Droopy Dog, her " I'm totally sexy" guard Cyan (disappointingly, you can't play as him), Waffle's grandpa, Waffle's grandpa's friend, and enough characters to make Suikoden back away in fear.
 
Oh, and may I say that the graphics are absolutely amazing, and that the music matches the h-you know what? Fuck it. Let's get to what you really want to hear about: what you do in the game. I mean, just look at that mecha. It must do cool things, right? Well, a good portion of the game is capturing kittens. There's not a lot more to that statement. You chase kittens, grab them, and shove them into your mecha-backpack. Sometimes, they'll come in ships, or maybe they're hiding in a box, or maybe they'll even drop a crystal so the plot can go on, but you're still capturing kittens. There's not much more I can say about it. You can shoot your bubble gun to stun them, if you want to turn the game into a fun, chaotic mix of Bust a Move and something else, but once you've captured your first batch of kittens, you've experienced all the game has to offer when it comes to kittens. Unfortunately, that's a theme that runs throughout the whole of the game: not a lot to it. For example, you explore towns, so this must be an RPG of some sort, right? No, not at all. You just walk around one or two towns, talk to people, return home a lot, and progress through the story. So then it must be...uh...*tries to put various pieces of paper into crown, but realizes that crown has no bottom to speak of* *watches piece of paper flutter to ground*...Fuck. So it's a...platformer, right? Well, you're closer with that guess. After all, you do jump around and stuff, grabbing onto ledges (in a robot? Huh?) and various other things. There's also a terrible jetpack sequence, and that's about it. You don't jump around as much as you move around. So what the hell is this game?
 
I honestly have no idea. It's not even that it steals things from a bunch of genres, like Actraiser or Borderlands; it never really decides on a genre, so I guess I have to make one up for it: the "fucking around" genre. For a game to qualify as a fucking around game, the main gameplay feature has to be fucking around without a lot of direction or focus. Wait, even on those merits that I just made up, the game falls short. How does that even work? That's meta-fucking up. Exactly how does it perform the meta-fuck up? First, because all levels have stars that become photos, at some point. Given how awesome the game looks, I have no complaints. Second, the boss battles. Or maybe I should say "boss battle", because they're all the same. Here's the strategy to beat them all: grab bombs, toss at cat, dodge attacks, maybe shoot your bubbles. The only exception to this rule is the final boss. Since he doesn't shoot bombs you can grab, you just have to shoot him. Then do it again. Then go grab a crystal, which makes him explode, for some reason. Then, after three to four hours of cats and dogs mixing up Nazis and Jews in incomprehensible ways, the game is over, and, oddly enough, in the exact same way as it began. Now I'm beginning to see why I like this game far more than I should. It's the graphics. I know that they don't make the game, but in this case, they do. I know, it's weird. You know what's weirder? Me giving Tail Concerto the Best Game to Let's Play Award. It's kind of easy, but it's also interesting enough that you'll always have something to say. The only downside is that this is not some type of subtle hint that I'm going to Let's Play it, in case you were wondering.
 

Review Synopsis

  • How can a game look good, but still deter me from fucking it? Furries, duh!
  • How can a cat be both a Nazi and Jewish? Seriously, I want to know. I'm having trouble comprehending this.
  • The gameplay's pretty simple, much like this bullet point.
 
 
 
 
You know what's scarier than a guy who finds animal girls with 5 o'clock shadows sexy? An entire company that apparently agrees with him. Or that there we're getting the censored version, since I found an " uncut" version.
  
  

Metroid

( Wait, what's this game doing here?) I specifically demanded a blog about furries and how I do not like them. Why Metroid? Why not something like Darkstalkers or Donkey Kong Country Returns, or something else that would preserve the theme of this blog? Anyway, Metroid. It's an action adventure game made by Gunpei Yokoi, the man who ended his career on the highest note possible. To keep the music analogy going, this was how his career ended. But this is not about the end of Gunpei Yokoi's career, but the beginning of it. Kinda. He was already making games before this. But let's pretend that this was the beginning of his career, even though a lot of people wouldn't like that. Why? They say it hasn't aged well. They're right, but it's still a cool game.
 
Shit. Now I remembered why I limit myself to obscure games: all the good jokes are taken for crap like this. What can I honestly tell you that you don't already know? Well, it's the future, and people are doing future stuff. Some of the future stuff includes adding the word "space" to things that don't need it. In enter the Space Pirates. Why do they need "space" in their name? What about the black void alters how they torrent MP3s and download ROM sets? The Federation, perhaps wishing to figure this out for themselves, decides to send bounty hunter Samus to ask them. However, when she lands, she discovers that the Space Pirates are breeding Metroids, which are essentially toothy jellyfish filled with raspberries. She now decides that the best option is to blow up the entire planet. Straightforward story, right? Yea, pretty much. The only thing I can say about it is that the Space Pirate hierarchy is confusing. Who rules them? Is it Ridley? Or is it Mother Brain? Notice how I left out Kraid; that's because he dropped off the face of the oddly- optimistic Zebes pretty much after Super Metroid. So it's only Ridley and Mother Brain, and the game was never clear on who's ruling. On the one hand, Mother Brain's the final boss; on the other hand, Ridley's appeared in pretty much every Metroid game ever. This is more confusing than Alicia the Jewish Nazi Cat in Tail Concerto. Oh, and I should probably mention that Samus is a girl. It's made pretty damn clear in the ending to the game, where Samus dismisses allegations that Team Ninja brought sexism to Metroid; it was already there, fools.
 
 I have to admit, though, that the escape sequence is pretty cool.
Of course, that's assuming that you get some of the better endings. (You should; the game feels about five minutes long.) Fuck up too much, and Samus will turn away in shame, solemnly weeping at the sight of your hideous failure. Then again, I can see why you'd spend about ten hours with this game: there's a lot of shit to do in this world. Power ups are lying all over the place, hidden in so many rooms and blocks that you'd think that Nintendo ran out of ideas about where to stuff them. Of course, if you're the type of person who likes to make games harder than they need be, you're insane. Go get that fixed. Wait, where was I going with this? Oh, right: power-ups. There are tons of them, like the morph ball, the ice beam, the wave beam (although not both at once, because ice can't travel through walls, apparently), the high jump, the long beam, and I only now noticed that those last two only exist to give you powers that you should have had from the beginning. The crap? And the worst part is that to get the high jump, you need the Varia Suit, which you can only get with the high jump. Either that, or sequence breaking. Why do I get the feeling that much like E.T.. this game was too ambitious for its own platform? Could it be the "these totally aren't masking loading times" hallways ripped from Symphony of the Night? How about the fact that numerous rooms are repeated almost verbatim, especially the long vertical shafts, especially especially the ones with fake lava on the bottom? Or the malicious random number generator stolen directly from Devil Survivor?
 
Or maybe it's all the farming you do. A lot of people think this game is about exploring this huge, open world, and while I can't fault them (it is pretty fun to explore, even if it is trial-and-error), Metroid is really about farming. It might as well have been called Harvest Moontroid ( this is why I didn't make a future joke). About every other room or so, you'll encounter a vent that just spews enemies. Stand there, shoot enemies, and hope that the random number generator is in a good mood. Trust me, you will need to do this quite a bit. First, there are TONS of missile doors, and while there are also as many missile upgrades, you're still going to need to stock up, eventually. Second, the bosses all require you to be within fucking distance in order to hit them, and, sadly enough, they can also hit you from within that distance. But most importantly, you will die, at some point. Let me tell you how I died late in the game: every door in Tourian requires a billion missiles to open, and standing between you and Mother Brain are muscle barrier things that require even more missiles. Oh, and Mother Brain takes missiles as damage. Obviously, I ran out, so I decided to go back and grind for some missiles. However, between the numerous enemies assaulting me, and the Metroids that also require missiles, I died. I would've entered the password, but the game restarted me in Tourian. With 30 health, and no missiles. I could've killed some Metroids for health and missiles, but again, they require missiles to beat. Keep in mind that the game designers knew all of this when they were making the game. What the shit? This game could've been so much better, but as it is, it's merely OK. I'd still recommend it, as it's an interesting game and pretty big for gaming history, since it created an entire genre and everything, but be prepared to endure tons of hits and to follow a FAQ like it's the Bible. (On that note, I'm pretty sure that book would've been more interesting if the Book of Revelations was about Jesus sequence-breaking to Heaven and shooting missiles into God's face.) That in mind, I'll give it the Assassin's Creed Award: because it's just like the Crusades.
 

Review Synopsis

  • Yes, we all know that Samus is a girl.
  • Random power-ups hastily thrown about suggest that the level designer just didn't give a fuck.
  • So does the fact that you can restart with 30 health and no missiles in Tourian.
#2 Posted by Dalai (7029 posts) -

I think the reason Kraid hasn't been seen at all after Super Metroid was because he died sometime between the events of Super Metroid and Other M. Reptiles with pituitary gland problems normally don't live very long.

#3 Posted by Video_Game_King (36272 posts) -
@Dalai: 
 
I thought it was due to the laziness of Retro Studios. That would also explain why I haven't seen King K Rool at all in Donkey Kong Country Returns. (As of this post, I just finished level 8-2. There are 8 worlds.)
#4 Posted by Dalai (7029 posts) -
@Video_Game_King: Yeah laziness plays a part, too. Or Retro just has some weird vendetta against giant reptiles.
#5 Posted by luce (4045 posts) -

I'm a rabid furry and I demand an apology.

#6 Posted by Video_Game_King (36272 posts) -
@luce: 
 
I'm an anti-furry and demand that you make a sex video with this. Wait...
#7 Posted by ArbitraryWater (11735 posts) -

After reading the section on it again, I'm still not entirely sure what kind of game Tail Concerto is. Then again, it still has furries, so I guess I don't care either way. And Metroid is metriod, which reminds me: At some point I really should play Super Metriod. I like Symphony of the Night, I like Shadow Complex, so why not? The first game however, has no map and is thus an obvious exercise in frustration. Missiles. Justin Bailey.

#8 Posted by Video_Game_King (36272 posts) -
@ArbitraryWater: 
 
To be fair, I don't know, either. There's some platforming, but not enough to call it a platformer. It's more like a game where you just snatch cats and watch the story unfold.
 
I should go back and play it, too. It's one of those games that I remember almost nothing about, and it pisses me off that I don't remember anything about it.
 
Oh, and a surprising fact about Justin Bailey: according to a fanfiction.net search, there aren't a lot of fanfics involving Samus getting it up with Justin Bailey. Has nobody honestly thought of it?
#9 Posted by Thordain (959 posts) -

Not going to lie. That furry video makes this the most uncomfortable of your blogs that I've read, even more so than chicken head.

#10 Posted by Video_Game_King (36272 posts) -
@Thordain: 
 
What if I told you that Chickenhead is a furry :P?
#11 Posted by Cornman89 (1579 posts) -

Jesus. That video was haunting. I was cringing throughout.

#12 Posted by Video_Game_King (36272 posts) -
@Cornman89: 
 
How do you think I feel? I still haven't deleted the video from my favorites, meaning that somebody could stumble onto my account and think that I'm totally into this furry shit.
#13 Posted by Afroman269 (7387 posts) -
@Cornman89 said:
" Jesus. That video was haunting. I was cringing throughout. "
I found it kinda funny because I just had a hard time believing he was serious. Then I started to get the shakes after reading some of the comments.
#14 Posted by Thordain (959 posts) -
@Video_Game_King said:
" @Thordain:   What if I told you that Chickenhead is a furry :P? "
I'd say that makes a lot of sense. 
#15 Posted by Cheesebob (1236 posts) -

I watched some of that video and I now feel ill

#16 Posted by Video_Game_King (36272 posts) -
@Cheesebob: 
 
I watched the whole thing; how do you think I feel?
#17 Posted by StarFoxA (5157 posts) -

Did you emulate Classic NES Series: Metroid? How did you get it working? It doesn't function with my VisualBoyAdvance.

#18 Posted by JJWeatherman (14558 posts) -

I don't get why there're always parentheses around the first sentence of you blog sections. I'd understand if it were just text of a link address, but it's not. 
 
Anyway, I've actually never played the original Metroid, just Super and beyond, so I learned some things.

#19 Posted by Video_Game_King (36272 posts) -
@StarFoxA: 
 
Here.
 
@JJWeatherman:
 
Because you can not handle the sheer power of that music alone. It must be caged within the parentheses. If they collapsed, chaos would ensue.
 
Really? How the hell does that work? It's unlockable both in Zero Mission and Prime, there's a Classic NES Series release of it (that was the one I used), and there are more emulators for the NES than there were actual games.
#20 Posted by JJWeatherman (14558 posts) -
@Video_Game_King said:
" Really? How the hell does that work? It's unlockable both in Zero Mission and Prime, there's a Classic NES Series release of it (that was the one I used), and there are more emulators for the NES than there were actual games. "
Dunno. Never played Zero Mission. Don't remember it being unlocked in Prime; that was a long time ago. Never played it on a NES or an emulator. I've never even used a NES emulator.
#21 Posted by StarFoxA (5157 posts) -
@Video_Game_King: Discussing emulation on Giant Bomb isn't banned, just linking to illegal content is.
 
...if that's what you're saying...
#22 Posted by Video_Game_King (36272 posts) -
@JJWeatherman: 
 
I definitely remember it being unlocked in Prime. Granted, you needed to hook it up with Fusion, but it was still there. Go and play the damn thing.
#23 Posted by Video_Game_King (36272 posts) -
@StarFoxA: 
 
I'm not gonna risk it, though. Besides, that joke did contain a hint, of sorts.
#24 Posted by StarFoxA (5157 posts) -
@Video_Game_King: Wait... are you telling me to Google it? I get it... :D
#25 Posted by IBurningStar (2173 posts) -

That top ten hottest Sonic girls video shouldn't be viewed by anyone. Stop sharing it with people. Yeah, I know, it is all fun and games right now, but someday some guy is going to see that and go ballistic. He will either walk into a crowd with a shotgun and just start blasting people, or he will go on a mad rape spree.

#26 Posted by Video_Game_King (36272 posts) -
@IBurningStar: 
 
....Jack Thompson, is that you? What are you doing on Giant Bomb?
#27 Posted by Guided_By_Tigers (8061 posts) -

Samus isn't a dude?

#28 Posted by Video_Game_King (36272 posts) -
@Unknown_Pleasures: 
 
It's kinda hard not to mention such a thing in a review of the original Metroid. It'd be like doing a Super Metroid blog without talking about the baby-ish Metroid dying, or a blog on Other M without once making a sexism joke (WHY DOES SAMUS NEED HIGH HEELS!?).
#29 Posted by Guided_By_Tigers (8061 posts) -
@Video_Game_King: You just spoiled an almost 25 year old game, that's unacceptable.
#30 Posted by Video_Game_King (36272 posts) -
@Unknown_Pleasures: 
 
You want me to do more of them?
 
  • You don't fight Metal Gear.
  • The protagonist isn't named Icarus.
  • It was all a dream.
  • You were Erdrick all along!
  • You need both players to get the good ending.
  • You need to play the game twice for the good ending.
  • Mike Tyson's the final boss.
  • Hitler's the final boss.
  • The princess is in another castle.
#31 Posted by HS21 (2682 posts) -

Costume fur drenched in sweat and semen discarded in a corner while I weep in another. Furry. 

#32 Posted by Hailinel (24783 posts) -
@JJWeatherman said:
" @Video_Game_King said:
" Really? How the hell does that work? It's unlockable both in Zero Mission and Prime, there's a Classic NES Series release of it (that was the one I used), and there are more emulators for the NES than there were actual games. "
Dunno. Never played Zero Mission. Don't remember it being unlocked in Prime; that was a long time ago. Never played it on a NES or an emulator. I've never even used a NES emulator. "
I think unlocking Metroid in Metroid Prime required connecting the game to Metroid Fusion.  I could be wrong, though.
 
All I really know about the game is that after playing Zero Mission, there is no reason to go back to the original Metroid.
#33 Posted by Cheesebob (1236 posts) -
@Video_Game_King:  Close to suicide?
#34 Posted by Video_Game_King (36272 posts) -
@Cheesebob: 
 
  
#35 Posted by Guided_By_Tigers (8061 posts) -
@Video_Game_King:
How about you need to play the game twice just to beat the game. I hope you know what game I'm referring to
#36 Posted by Video_Game_King (36272 posts) -
@Unknown_Pleasures: 
 
Castlevania :P?
#37 Posted by Guided_By_Tigers (8061 posts) -
@Video_Game_King:
I guess that would technically work but I was thinking more along the lines of the Ghouls N' Ghosts series and Ghosts N' Goblins....all three known for their brutal difficulty and just beating the game once is hard enough but the game forces you to beat all the stages again with harder enemies just to get the ending.....pretty much like a "your princess is in another castle" deal but much more brutal.
#38 Posted by Guided_By_Tigers (8061 posts) -
@StarFoxA said:
" @Video_Game_King: Discussing emulation on Giant Bomb isn't banned, just linking to illegal content is. ...if that's what you're saying... "

Emulation isn't illegal at all if you own an original copy of the game.....and I think emulation and Mods in general are a gray area....I'm still waiting for a mod to PM me about my ROM Hack section in the Super Metroid page but I won't remove it unless I'm ordered to do so because I feel like Super Metroid hacks are very important and need to be mentioned when talking about Super Metroid and why it is still signifcant to this day....I did have a lengthy discussion with a user who PM'd me about the section as well. 
#39 Posted by Video_Game_King (36272 posts) -
@Unknown_Pleasures: 
 
That was a joke. I knew it was Ghosts 'n Goblins. ":P" means "this is a joke."
 
Also, yea, emulation is a gray area on Giant Bomb. I had to PM some mods about some emulation stuff in my next blog. Trust me, you'll know why when I post it.
#40 Posted by Guided_By_Tigers (8061 posts) -
@Video_Game_King:
I know that was a joke but I'm just saying it still technically works in the case of SOTN. And why would you need to discuss emulation? Other than mentioning that you could have used tools like save states to help you through a game I don't see any reason to mention it in a blog without specifically doing a blog about emulation.
#41 Posted by Video_Game_King (36272 posts) -
@Unknown_Pleasures: 
 
I always considered it to be an entirely separate part of the game, though. I was less thinking "you flipped the levels upside-down" and more "how did you flip the levels upside-down and make them feel completely new?"
 
You'll see.
#42 Posted by AxleBro (798 posts) -

is it bad that i came to this just to bask in wonderful furry hate?

#43 Posted by Contro (2040 posts) -
#44 Edited by Rudeboy217 (1769 posts) -

"How can you go wrong with a girl that looks like this?" umm,,, Thanks for sharing that horrific video.

#45 Posted by Video_Game_King (36272 posts) -
@Contro:

Wait, Tail Concerto has a fan base? How? I can't imagine that enough people have played the game to get it a spiritual successor.

@rudeboy217:

Gotta love the comma ellipsis. I believe to connotes a kinda-mega-pause.