Worried I will not like Fallout 4 for personal reasons.

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Akyho

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So to put it up front, I am a big fan of Fallout series 1,2,3 and NV for all its flaws. Yet I am worried that even if Fallout 4 meets fans expectations and my own...I am going to feel too bummed out to play it.

My father passed away due to cancer a month ago and he was in hospital for all of E3 and in the middle of it he was told he was terminal and told me on the phone. So we didn't have a timeline of what to expect so we played it low key he was not doing great but he seemed like he had at least a month in him, did not seem impossible he could last 8 months...and play Fallout 4 a bunch befor passing considering it was announced and release date was this year.

My dad was a big fan of Fallout 3 and New Vegas he put many many many many hours into them as well as other Bethesda RPGs since Morrowind hooked us. He had been wanting Fallout 4 like many of us for years, so after a few days of taking in the bad news, I ended up going "ok your terminal and we don't know when you may go, so make it at least 8 months." then told him Fallout 4 was announced and told him what was in it.

I wanted him excited and I wanted him to play it....the response I got was a half hearted "yeah...we will see." my father felt he did not have much time and even if it wasn't much still wanted him to see something of Fallout 4.

He did not....a week later when he was supposed to come home he took a turn for the worse and couldn't come home for even a day next day he slipped into a sort of coma...then slipped away.

I haven't really been keeping up with the new on Fallout 4 despite it being really cool and I really want to play it, so if my apathy with the videos and news is like this because I keep going "But I wanted my dad to see it. I wanted my dad to play it a bit." and so now all I can think when I am playing I will be going "Dad would love loved this...he would have liked this game...he would have enjoyed it."

It would have actually been better if Bethesda has said "We announce Fallout 4 here is videos coming out 2016" even if it came out January 1st 2016, I would have felt that my father being alive at that point was an unrealistic goal. While November 10th he might just make it and play it for a month or something.

So yeah alot of personal feelings involved with this.

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cmblasko

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#2  Edited By cmblasko

Really sorry about your loss, cancer sucks. I can totally see how emotionally draining it might be to play it with all of those thoughts hanging over the experience, but from reading your post it sounds like he would have wanted you to play and enjoy the game.

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FrostyRyan

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Play it and enjoy it for him. He'd appreciate it.

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elby

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I'm sorry this happened to you and your family.

If Fallout turns out to be a great game, what better way to remember your dad by than by playing through it? Spend time in a world that you and he loved together. It'll hurt, but is that such a bad thing?

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Counterclockwork87

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I'm so sorry. Maybe playing fallout 4 will end up being therapeutic? Perhaps you'll feel like he's with you as you play it, experiencing it alongside him.

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Sterling

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#6  Edited By Sterling

Man, sorry to hear that. You are the third person I've heard that has, or is, losing their father to a terminal cancer this year. My father just passed this last Thursday from it also. So my thought is fuck this year. And you should play and enjoy it as I will. My father also loved fallout. I bought him 3 for his birthday shortly after its release. We used to talk about it weekly. Sharing our stories and talking about the game for long periods of time. So I plan on playing 4 and probably breaking down and crying a whole bunch when those thoughts pop into my head about how I need to tell him about it.

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KillEm_Dafoe

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Aw man, that's really heartbreaking. I don't really know what else to say other than I'm very sorry for your loss. By the time Fallout 4 comes out, you may feel differently. Just wait until you feel you're ready to play it. While I can't relate to your situation, I do know what it's like to really want to share a special experience with someone and then not be able to. It's crushing and makes you want to erase every trace of that thing from your life for awhile. When the memory stops stinging, that's when you know it's right.

I know this is very recent, but try and keep your head up, duder.

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SchrodngrsFalco

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Play it for both of you, duder. And enjoy it knowing that your dad would have enjoyed it. Let Fallout be a memory of him, not his death.

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ZolRoyce

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Everybody reacts differently of course and you don't really know how you'll feel until you play it, but I agree with the others saying to play it.
Maybe you'll bawl like crazy, maybe you'll hear your fathers reactions in your head and it will be like you are playing it with him and that could be a good thing for you.
You probably wont be able to avoid the news and talks about the game when it comes out, it will be huge, all over the place, so instead of trying to put on horse blinders and shake your head whenever you see it, it might be best to embrace it and use it to feel whatever you feel about it.
And if it's too much for you? Well then the best part is you can stop, you can uninstall it on PC and sell it on console.
Whatever you decide good luck, sorry for your loss Duder.

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Canteu

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#10  Edited By Canteu

You need to play it for him and for yourself. I am sorry for your loss.

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Akyho

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@sterling: Yeah thats one fact I need to get used to is I keep wanting to tell him something yet...he is not around. I warn that for the first month and it wasn't till this last week I was sort of numb and did everything (I had to sort out EVERYTHING, funeral and all.) so maybe I had a different time and well the shock of it all has worn off me. Why this Fallout thoughts are coming to me. So if you worry about feeling numb (like I did) it's probably just shock. If not hope your doing fine with how you are dealing with your own loss.

Thanks for the words folks.

It only makes me think about a lot of the times I spent playing or watching him play games, a young age playing pong on an old 70s home console (this was 1992 and I was 3) or when I was 4 years old waking up at like 2am in December of something like 93 to find my dad playing a Sega Master System that just appeared...he said that it was a loan from my cousins so I watched him and played it, he had to keep it out for the next week then said "Sorry but your cousins want it back." and so it disappeared. A week later christmas day I am opening presents and one big box I open...is a Sega master system, I just looked at him going "You were playing this before...." and so I caught him.

Coming through on day to get ready for school to find my father asleep with the Master System controller in his hand and this scene and music going on playing Ultima 4. I still remember the battlefield and more so knew he was fighting thieves that if they hit you would steal your items. So only made me think it was the worst battle ever to fall asleep in.

<iframe width="420" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/B1mQw72Ir8E" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe

Or the times he would be playing Sonic the Hedgehog and trying to get sonic to jump over a tricky ledge, he would wave his arms and the controller in the same way as if willing sonic to jump better aswell as shouting "JUMP! JUMP YE BASTARD!"

Hundreds and hundreds of memories.

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chu52

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Loss is never easy. I hope you are finding.the strength to.work through this. It sounds like your dad meant the world to you.

Instead of looking at Fallout as a way to remember the painful times, maybe it can be a reminder of all the good times you had.

I understand the feeling of loss will be raw for a long time. I have had my favorite music in the world reduce me to tears for the loss it reminded me of. But eventually, the pain will fade. And the good memories will remain.

And the great thing about video games is, it will be there when you are ready for it.

Much love duder

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ripelivejam

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#13  Edited By ripelivejam

no shame if you want to put it off indefinitely and you shouldn't have to force yourself to play it if it brings up bad memories, but hopefully you can come back around to it eventually and play it in rememberance of him. take care and keep strong regardless. :)

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Slag

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I'm very sorry for your loss man

I think this is one of those things where you shouldn't force yourself to play Fallout 4 at launch or ever if need be. Besides if it's like most AAA games anymore, it might be totally broken at launch anyway. So don't force yourself.

Just wait till you've processed your loss enough to be able to appreciate it. My guess is your old man would want you to play it when you are ready.

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ClairvoyantVibrations

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Very sorry for your loss. Don't force yourself to play the game if you don't feel you can.

You may come back to it later though, and instead of it being a sad thing It'll bring up some happy memories of your father who you know would have enjoyed the game. Losing a family member is always hard for the first few months (I lost my grandmother whom I was very close to this January due to a stroke and medical incompetence) and it may sound cold (and kinda weird coming from an anonymous poster on a forum) but you get over loss quicker than you think, and things you felt you couldn't do because of being reminded of the person become a sort of... way to remember them for who they were. Maybe you wont play the game in November but you may come back to it when you've had some more time to reflect on your memories of your father and play it not only for yourself, but for him as well.

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spitz1000

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#16  Edited By spitz1000

Sorry for your loss, my dad passed away in a similar fashion almost 10 years ago. While I understand it's really hard to cope with the loss, I think a lot of it depends on your perspective. Instead of thinking "he would've loved this", maybe imagine if he would've wanted his passing to stop you from playing it. And depends on whether you are religious, who knows, maybe he'll watch you play it from somewhere.

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ScaryGaryofAk

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My Father and I were big fans of Bioshock and we were both super excited about Bioshock Infinite to come out. He was diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer. He missed Bioshock Infinite by about a month...

I know how it feels but trust me, I felt a million times better after playing the game, it made it more emotional sure, but it was worth it in the end. Sorry for your loss, F Cancer..

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RiotControl

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Very saddening to hear your story. I would wait a few months for the hype around the brand itself and the "hot new thing" to wear off. Maybe that will make you think less about the fact that you're playing the new Fallout without the loud chorus of voices and hype consistently reminding you that you aren't just playing a video game or RPG, but the "brand new Fallout!"

That's just a not very thought out solution on my part, though.

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selbie

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Play the living shit out of it man. You'll cry like a baby for a while, but the important thing is you'll know you had an awesome father that loved what you love.

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Akyho

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#21  Edited By Akyho

@scarygaryofak: My father was also pancreatic cancer which was pretty awful to watch him suffer it after the first surgery which took away his pancreas and could never sort out the digestion after that for 9 months. So he lost alot of weight and had gone a bit mad with food as he never felt like he could eat anything without pain.

Your story mirrors mine almost 1 to 1 and Bioshock infinite was a rough emotional game without that attached to it. Glad ot hear you got through it.

So yeah my sentiments too fuck cancer and more so fuck pancreatic cancer.

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TimH_KY

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I'm really sorry to hear of your loss. My dad is in declining health, so your story hits close to home.

I think that based on what you said, you might not want to jump into Fallout right away. Let's face it, playing Fallout is an escape from reality, and it pulls us away from friends, family and other commitments while we're playing.

I'm not suggesting that you never play it.... it just seems like at this point, it might be better for you to spend considerable time with friends and family. It would be good for you, and for them.

Best wishes as you grieve and move forward.

Tim

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Franstone

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That sucks man, sorry for your loss.
You need to play the shit out of Fallout 4.
I get the feeling he wouldn't want you to miss it.

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masternater27

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My father passed away unexpectedly a couple years back. It took me a little while, but i found i enjoyed doing stuff with my brother or close friends that we would've done together was nice. I pretty much stayed away from anything that reminded me of him for 2-3 months though. It might take some time, but one day you should play the heck out of this game and remember the good times with your dad. :)

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joshwent

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If it's too raw to play it on release, you can always just wait. The game will be there when you're ready.

Not to mention that, this being another Bethesda game, it's sure to have a thriving mod community making interesting and useful stuff. So if you do wait to play it, you'll have the benefit of enhancing the game with whatever cool shit people make to tweak it.

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stryker1121

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My condolences. I hope you're able to draw strength from the memories you have of sharing your hobby with your dad.

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Humanity

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#27  Edited By Humanity

@akyho: If you feel "ok" then play it when it comes out. If not then just wait until you've sorted out your personal feelings and only get it when you feel comfortable playing it. Different people react and deal with these emotions in different ways. Some face them head-on while others need time to ease back into things. Figure out what works best for you and act accordingly.

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OMGFather

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Sorry for your loss :( I have to agree with others and say you should play it, he would want you to... and you could play it in honor of him.

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ScaryGaryofAk

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@akyho: It is The Literal Worst cancer, I will be there in spirit for you man. Be strong

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diz

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#30  Edited By diz

My sincere condolences. My mother passed away in April from pancreatic cancer, so I can understand your pain.

Fallout can wait until you are ready to play it. Your feelings about the times you spent with your father may change (as mine did after my dad died) and what seems raw now might seem comforting in a while. Keep strong!