#1 Edited by Blu3V3nom07 (3791 posts) -

Say goodbye to one of the few remaining cornerstones of childhood. The Monopoly board as we know it is being supplemented with a new version Hasbro believes will appeal more to today's swaggy youth. Time to welcome in the new age of chaos—because Monopoly Empire is about to be coming to you totally jail-free.

Just to be clear: You'll still be able to buy the old version of Monopoly, for now, the one with consequences. But this latest iteration will be a jail-less dystopia. ..

Hasbro asked the children of the internet what they wanted and, to absolutely no one's surprise, the internet responded with its answer for everything: Cat.

That's right. In this new Monopoly, jail is gone. Dead. No more. And why? Because Hasbro thinks kids these days are too busy. What with the soccer practice and the ACT tutoring and the Xbox and the twerking and the Bieber fever, hours of gameplay is just too much for their poor little brains to handle. The removal of jail—and all subsequent order and civility in Monopolyland—has allowed the average game to be shaved down to a measly 30-minute affair. And I'm calling bullshit.

Gizmodo: Monopoly Is Getting Rid of Jail. That's Some Bullshit.

This guy likes to rant. I liked Jail, goddangit. Fuck, remember to drink your whiskey folks. :/

#2 Edited by psylah (2187 posts) -

FUCK THIS SHIT.

#3 Edited by chilibean_3 (1698 posts) -

I'm having a tough time seeing the real problem with it. What did having the jail add to the game? A chance card that says go there. A house rule where if you roll three doubles in a row you go to jail for speeding. Seemed like a pretty pointless part of the gameplay. So either cut it or change it to be more meaningful.

Maybe I'm missing something. It's been a while since I played Monopoly.

#4 Posted by Indiana_Jenkins (399 posts) -

@chilibean_3: You're not supposed to collect rent in jail. Pretty big Somewhat meaningful implications right there.

Online
#5 Posted by Ben_H (3444 posts) -

Screw that. Stop dumbing things down because the latest generation has the attention span of a gold fish. If they don't have time/patience to play Monopoly then too bad for them.

They better keep selling old Monopoly. That game was a staple of my childhood.

#6 Posted by i8Donuts (96 posts) -

That is stupid and all but how many people have finished a real game of Monopoly?

#7 Posted by Itwongo (1246 posts) -

Shoulda replaced it with something that straight up removes you from the game. Like a taxpaying lynch mob that's tired of your monopolizing bullshit.

#8 Edited by Nezza (377 posts) -

@i8donuts: I've finished loads... I think... The games does end when a family member swipes the board and runs out room crying, doesn't it?

Yeah, we've finished loads in our house.

#9 Posted by Vextroid (1430 posts) -

Might as well make every corner of the board just give you $200 for passing it if you are going to tell kids 'Hey there are no consequences. Also constant free money!'

#10 Posted by JasonR86 (9729 posts) -

Gross.

#11 Posted by TAFAE (153 posts) -

Am I missing something here or has there been any sort of announcement regarding the replacement for jail?

#12 Edited by oldenglishC (1008 posts) -

@nezza said:

@i8donuts: I've finished loads... I think... The games does end when a family member swipes the board and runs out room crying, doesn't it?

Yeah, we've finished loads in our house.

Do you have a sister?

#13 Edited by joshwent (2353 posts) -

Monopoly's a great game that I hardly play because it never fucking ends, so trying to streamline it is a good idea.

But straight up taking out one of the only strategic parts though will only make it significantly less fun.

(I always played that you can collect rent while in jail, white collar crime style. So having a rest in the slammer while the other fools go through your minefield was a great move.)

#14 Posted by Video_Game_King (36272 posts) -

To be fair, the kids make a good argument:

#15 Posted by gaminghooligan (1483 posts) -

WHAT IS THIS MADNESS

#16 Posted by YI_Orange (1172 posts) -

So what are those 2 spaces being replaced with?

#17 Posted by JackSukeru (5967 posts) -

No jail.

Shoes only.

Boardwalk.

#18 Posted by HatKing (6124 posts) -

How many of the people complaining have played a game of Monopoly in the past three years? Or even own it?

#19 Edited by McGhee (6075 posts) -

Who the fuck would call the jail in Monopoly a "cornerstone of their childhood?" Jesus Christ.

#20 Posted by GnaTSoL (836 posts) -

The more we hate, the older we'll get. Even for us in our 20s.

At this rate, 25 will become the new 30, if it hasn't already.

#21 Posted by PeasantAbuse (5138 posts) -

Get with the times gramps, who needs jail when you have #swag?

#22 Posted by deathstriker666 (1337 posts) -

I haven't played a monopoly game since I was 11. And I only finished a few handful of games in my lifetime, most people simply quit after an hour.

#23 Posted by Grissefar (2830 posts) -

What a fuck

#24 Posted by FlipperDesert (2106 posts) -

@hatking said:

How many of the people complaining have played a game of Monopoly in the past three years? Or even own it?

I have the Futurama Monopoly board...

So I couldn't give a fuck what they change now, I'm set for life!

#25 Posted by mikeeegeee (1575 posts) -

I've finished dozens of Monopoly games. I have a lot of Jewish friends.

#26 Posted by Jimbo (10007 posts) -

@mcghee said:

Who the fuck would call the jail in Monopoly a "cornerstone of their childhood?" Jesus Christ.

I seriously fucking doubt that.

#27 Edited by Hunter5024 (5981 posts) -

Monopoly is terrible and Jail is one of the worst parts about it.

#28 Posted by Tearhead (2218 posts) -

Pfft! The threat of going to jail is a part of gaining a monopoly.

#29 Posted by SeanCoughing (272 posts) -

No more privatized prisons! No but seriously as the guy above me stated, monopolies lose all seriousness when getting your ass thrown in jail for shady business practices is no longer a possibility.

#30 Posted by FourWude (2245 posts) -

The jail part should have been expanded and made into a mini game where you've got to survive the different factions and take out Simon Adebise.

ATTICA!!! NEVER FORGET MOFOS.

#31 Posted by ThunderSlash (1967 posts) -

So it's basically a balancing patch with a new character being sold at full price.

Meh, I will wait for Hyper Ultra edition.

#32 Posted by Hunter5024 (5981 posts) -

@fourwude said:

The jail part should have been expanded and made into a mini game where you've got to survive the different factions and take out Simon Adebise.

ATTICA!!! NEVER FORGET MOFOS.

There should totally be a board game all about being in jail.

#33 Edited by FunkasaurasRex (847 posts) -

Even in board games the 1% can't be held accountable.