#1 Posted by metroidprime56 (26 posts) -

OK, so my English teacher wanted us to write short stories and the way she had us do it was very interesting.  She had us pull pieces of paper out of four separate plastic containers that gave us our character, setting, conflict, and a object that complicates that conflict.  I had to write a story about a ship captain sitting on a cornflake that is stuck in the toilet and there are spiders (these ideas for characters, settings, conflicts, and objects were created by last year sophmores).  I want to have the opinion about my story from other people other than my mom so I am posting this for that exact purpose. 
 
It's a little weird but this is an example of my writing style.
 
 
 

                                                                               The Great Search for the Grrrrrreat Treasure

 

 

            The morning sun shined through the kitchen window, brightening the bowl of milk and frosted flakes.   Captain Jonathan Tyger of the 13 pantry naval division was sailing across the western most area of the cereal bowl.   John had brown hair that was starting to disappear due to a sever case of male pattern baldness so he covered it up with a black naval officer’s hat, he had a green left eye and a gray right eye with a scar that he was blind in because of a great battle between him and a northwestern corn tiger.   His nose was crooked from bar fights he had gotten into and he had a five o-clock shadow from waking up and not shaving because of his excitement for him being so close to his coveted treasure he had been told about ever since he was a young Catholic school boy.   He had a fearless mentality, mostly due to the nuns practicing violent and sickening forms of torture to convince the children there is a god, he was atheist.

            Today John was searching for the grrrrrrrreat treasure of the corn tiger/gym teachers, an ancient race of animated pitchman/animals that were believed to have had a treasure so grrrrrreat that it made you grow up strong and healthy and all your dreams came true.   This was a solo journey that John undertook to make him a more wholesome person, so here he was, crossing the western most milk seas to find the cornflake that he would find this fabled treasure on.   He saw a few signs pointing him to different locations, “Wholewheataland”, “Dessert for Breakfast City”, “Milk Island”, he knew that these places didn’t matter, he knew that his treasure didn’t have a sign.

            After sailing for about six hours he saw it, a huge, gleaming, statue made of gold of a tiger with a bandanna around his neck and his fist in the air.   All John had to do was land his ship on the shore, grab a bag of sand, get off, and remember never to stand in the light.   So after the long process of landing his ship, getting his bag of sand, shaving, and trekking through the jungle with a machete he reached the temple of athletic kids.   John walked in without fear and the first thing he noticed was a crushed skeleton(that would explain the giant boulder outside the temple) with a very familiar hat on it’s head, John lifted the hat for a better look and found a snake inside, he dropped the hat, John hated snakes.   As he walked further into the temple he dodged many traps, jumped many chasms, and climbed many walls to reach the sacred treasure, the Tony the Tiger bobble head.   John knew places like this, he inspected the room and noticed another skeleton against the wall, it had a very large bra on and two pistols by it’s side.   He digressed and continued forward towards the bobble head, he reached it and with his sandbag in hand he quickly swapped the bobble head with the sandbag, he waited for a whole bunch of traps to go off but nothing happened.

“Well, this is anticlimactic.” John complained, he was looking forward to something exciting to happen.

            Apparently, there was no longer any more traps, the bobble head was so grrrrrreat and coveted that so many treasure hunters die in the deepest, darkest areas of the temple that the traps were spent.   Well, John did dodge a few traps going into the temple but those traps stopped working when he left so the temple was officially out of traps.

            So John triumphantly brought his bobble head back to his ship, he placed it proudly on to his bed stand, and he sat on his bed for about an hour admiring his spoils of adventure.   Well, since John is only human he eventually had to use the bathroom, so he sat on the toilet, however, this was the first time in Johns life where he forgot to put the seat down when sitting on the toilet, John fell into the toilet.   He couldn’t get out no matter how much he tried, but this was soon to be the least of his problems because at this time his ship had been infested with spiders and spiders were the only things John was afraid of.   For about twenty minuets John struggled trying to pull himself out of the toilet seat, his cheeks were starting to go a little numb, then he saw them, two spiders hung down above the bobble head.   The two spiders were parallel to each other, about an inch apart, they had large abdomens in comparison to the rest of their bodies (they were small spiders) and they appeared to be black.   One spider, the one on the left to be more precise, dropped down onto the bobble head and released a line of webbing to it’s companion, the companion then appeared to hold onto the silk and then the spider on the bobble head made a sound.   The sound was very faint, if you thought a single thought at any moment during this period of time in which the spider made this sound you would be completely oblivious to it, this sound was the sound of the spider calling for more spiders.   In the next five minuets, all the while John was yelling curses at the spiders for touching his treasure, more spiders dropped down, climbed up, and wall crawled to the target bobble head.   Every spider took on a duty, some spiders held silk on the bobble head, some spiders held silk off the bobble head, and some spiders filled in the roles of those who got tired, after a long period of strenuous labor the spiders had lifted the bobble head half way from the bed stand to the ceiling.

            John had to do something, anything, to save the treasure he worked so hard to find, so John looked around the room for something to use that would help him get off his toilet.   He noticed the plunger, he thought he would be able to use it as a lever, so John pointed the tip of the plunger handle at the inner edge of the toilet bowl and wedged it in between him and the edge of the bowl.   John pushed on the rubber end and began to feel the lose of suction on his waist, he freed himself enough to throw his weight forward away from the toilet and towards the spiders.   Luckily, John had a katana, which is weird because he should have a cutlass but John liked katanas for some reason.  He used his katana to cut through the spider silk holding the bobble head.   The spiders fell to the ground, a large black mass constantly moving on the ground, then the pile began to rise, the spiders where working together to create a human replica.   John slashed the massive collection of spiders but they simply split apart.   The entire structure was being held together by hundred of threads, when one was cut the spiders repaired it almost as fast as it was cut, the only way to defeat this enemy was to burn them.   John thought of ways to burn the spiders and then he thought about the gas tank for the ship.   He ran past the spiders out of his room taking the bobble head with him, he came outside, he stood for a second to formulate a plan but he was soon attacked by the spiders, the spiders shot silk at him and tossed him off his boat.   The next thing John remembered was being surrounded by bubbles and white.   After a little period of time where John walked back to the deck he met up with the spider person thing again, attracted it down into the bowels of the ship, and pushed it into the ships gas tank.   The finishing touch that would kill the spiders was John turn on the engine, so he did, he heard the screams of hundreds of spiders being converted to carbon monoxide at the same time, and he spent the rest of the day boating and looking at his reacquired bobble head.