Advice for someone terrified of driving

I'm 21 and only just now learning how to drive. I tried back when I was 16 and it just ended in tears and panic attacks. I thought if I waited that I would eventually get over it, but that never happened. If anything I've only become more terrified of driving. Just sitting in the seat with the car off is enough to start the panic. I don't live in a city so I pretty much have to learn if I ever want to go somewhere and stop bumming rides off of my friends. I know it's a stupid fear but I can't help myself. You all seem to have your shit together so any advice you could throw my way would be super awesome. Thanks!

Practice in a large empty parking lot, early in the morning so nobody gets annoyed by the car slowly creeping around. Start as slow as you need to to start feeling comfortable.

Just realize that everyone went through this. I failed my in person driving test but everyone I know also did. Just have to overcome nerves. That being said if I had to take it again I would be nervous. No one drives perfect.

whatis it that scares you?

Do you have the money for a driving school? It will teach you good techniques and how to get comfortable behind the wheel. Also you may get a discount on your insurance.

Just drive around during the times of day when the roads are fairly empty, and avoid any roads you think may be a problem for you until you are more comfortable. It took me about 2 weeks, maybe more, before i wasn't really nervous behind the wheel. I think it also helped that i had a shitty car that it wouldn't matter if i dinged it up a little (since it had already hit numerous stationary objects) so long as i didn't hit another car with it.

Find a large open area with no police or people anywhere near and drive like a maniac.

You'd be surprised by the way you can control a car. They're tools that can be tamed and mastered. Knowing the madness a vehicle can pull off will help you respect it. I think it could help you overcome the fear.

It's also pretty fun

Along with practice in a big ol' parking lot, I would recommend taking some music you like along (having something to take a bit of your focus, so that your not stressing and over thinking everything). Also, assuming someone is with you, have them get out of the car for a bit, when I was learning my Dad was super stressed about letting me drive and his body language made me really nervous.

Cutting out things that stress you, while learning to respect the vehicle will go a long way to make you more comfortable behind the wheel.

Like everyone else has said, the best place to practice driving is a big, empty parking lot. I practiced in a local church parking lot when I was 14, I think. Might have been 15. I was young.

Have someone park the car on one end of the parking lot, pointed on a clear path to the other end, and then get in and slowly drive in a straight line to the other side. That's a start, and once you start, it gets easier and easier.

Something tells me that wouldn't work.

Just find a place where there are no other cars around and get out there and get a feel for it, man. And when you get on the road and there are cars around, don't worry about them. Seriously, just drive within your comfort level and don't pay attention to people trying to speed around you or whatever--it's fine, they'll get over it.

I'd also be curious to know this. Is there a specific scary part?

Get a bike, then you'll REALLY be afraid of cars. Then when you stop biking, your fear will be relatively minor.

Voila.

As a 23 year old learning to drive, I understand part of your problem. I don't really have much to say about getting over the anxiety though, that's not really a problem for me.

Maybe play some driving video games? Like Gran Turismo license tests or something.

I couldn't wait to drive. Playing racing games, often with a steering wheel and pedals, from when you're like 10 years old and can't get permit til 16 or 17 is massive blue balls. Had a driving instructor, can't remember why, I think they streamline the process at the DMV or something. Passed written and in-car test on first try. Friend let me drive his manual car around the block (before I had my permit I think) and I did pretty well with that, no doubt from playing sim racing games that involved a clutch. And every car I've had since has been a manual trans. I can absolutely understand being a little nervous first time attempting to drive or first time going out alone but should be able to get over that within a day or two.

Don't know. Pretty much what everyone has said: Find a huge empty parking lot and give it a whirl. I would suggest not having someone in the car if that is what is making you nervous but that could also turn out bad if you really are that terrified, panic, and mash on the gas and cover your eyes or something crazy without someone else in the car to try and get control. I don't understand how people can do that, but apparently they do.

Don't be afraid! Driving is super fun. Unless you live in a miserable city environment.

Don't overthink it. It will come more naturally to you than you realize.

You just gotta remember that everyone else who's driving is just as clueless. I guarantee you 95% of everyone who has driven a car has been called an idiot by someone who was driving another car. We've all cut people off accidentally, or failed to read a road sign, or slammed our breaks at a red light. Hell, one time I used an ONCOMING TRAFFIC LANE as a left-turn lane because it was dark and I wasn't paying as much attention.

Oh and rejoice in the fact that every single person who passes you going over the speed limit is statistically guaranteed to get a ticket from a cop sometime in their life.

Get a motorcycle. Cars are lame.

You could seek the help of a professional, as many anxiety problems that happen during driving stem from some underlying condition. But that's a whole other thing. You just have to come to a radical acceptance that the advantages of learning how to drive, far outweigh the problems that come from anxiety. If just getting in the car sets off an attack, you can practice slowly. Just sit in the car and wait for the panic attack to pass (as all do.) Next, you can start the car and just sit and wait till the attack passes. Managing anxiety is a difficult thing, but can be done with great results.

That's what I did. EDIT: I first drove in an empty parking lot, I didn't fuck it up like someone in a cartoon might /EDIT. If you can't drive in a straight line... I don't know what to tell you. Perhaps I'm gifted in a way that I don't know, but I don't see how you could fuck up driving in a straight line on level ground in a completely empty parking lot.

@believer258:

I honestly can't tell if you clicked the link or not. Your post hedges the line.

This is nothing to be ashamed of. I have a fear of driving as well, and I'm 32.

However, I did drive at one time and my fear stems from driving an LMTV at 60 in IRAQ and almost flipping it. Anyone that has driven those roads (maybe not many here, I don't know) can tell you how difficult it is and I was no professional driver to begin with.

That's an LMTV for those that don't know.

Anyway, just take it slow and find someone who can be there for morale for you- someone who isn't there to make fun of you for being afraid but rather to give you moral support. I think that's what will help best- it's what I am going to try. The only way to overcome fear is to face it so going to a parking lot, with a friend or loved one or whatever, and driving the car slowly when there's nothing else around is really the best way to get used to being in control of the vehicle. Then slowly work your way into driving around normal traffic for where you live. If you do it at least once a week (or whenever you can) you should get used to it.

Good luck. Don't let your fear overcome you or you'll be taking mass transit well into your 30s and then you'll be like me and while it keeps me healthy, as I walk more than most people and I have to carry stuff a lot, it's a real pain getting groceries. It's a bit easier these days with being able to get stuff online, but doing that exclusively can actually get really expensive. Although, with gas prices these days....

Sorry. Ya, stick with it. This is a fear I'm pretty sure you can overcome with practice. I feel I can anyway so you can to.

I did but someone around here is downloading something and I don't feel like getting up to yell at them to stop so I didn't watch the video.

@fluttercry:

Is this anxiety something that only happens when you try to drive? If it isn't, you might want to talk to a professional.

If it's just driving itself, just start in low stress situations like a large parking lot and just ease into it. Keep at it daily until you feel more confident. The repetition is important to beat into your head that you can do this.

It's also important to have someone with you, who you trust has a good sense of humor and isn't judgmental. That should help keep you calm.

Then once you have success there ease your way out on alleys. If you have a friend with a SUV or a truck see if you can borrow those, I find those sometimes can put the mind at ease since you feel more protected (if fear of an accident is what worries you).

another thing that helps is practicing in a driving game in first person view. Obviously not super close to reality since you crash in the game much much more often, but you can at least familiarize yourself with the mechanics.

good luck duder!

@slag: Just speaking for my fear (I don't know what the OPs stems from so I only speak for me I guess) a truck or SUV is the last thing I want to be driving. Did you know you are more likely to have a more serious accident in one of those than, say, a sedan? Statistically (at least once I read this; I haven't kept up on it so who knows if it's changed) I read once that SUVs are more likely to flip in an accident than any vehicle.

That's just my thoughts on it, though. SUV or truck may be something to ease into over time. I personally feel safer in something lower to the ground, but fear makes no sense so I have no idea why that is.

@fluttercry: I understand completely! I dont drive cannt afford. However I get fearful about the thought of it.

However what you need is confidence that your are in control and know what to do. Like some people have said car park. However something I found that empowered me.

Euro truck simulator 2, play in first person and learn all the stuff. Cos it penalizes you for crashes, for running red lights. You MUST drive proper. Look at your mirrors.

It will allow you to develop skills and learn. Also I used to be utterly scared even when playing Euro Truck sim 2 but I could make mistakes and learn from them in safety!

I am now now empowered enough to learn to drive.

Here is a little taste of what I was like first and how it goes.

I have always been somewhat hesitant to drive. I usually don't go anywhere unless I absolutely have to.

The actual driving part isn't so bad. Steering and all that is pretty easy to grasp. Hopefully once you sit behind the wheel and find out just how easy it is you'll feel better about it. Cars aren't liable to suddenly veer off the road unless shit goes wrong. If that's part of what you're worried about, maybe learning something about cars, engines, proper maintenance of your car and that sort of thing might help make things a bit less scary.

Knowing the route you need to go before you go helps me. If it's a new route I'll take a look at google maps or something and go over it until I feel mentally prepared. So stick to roads you know well at first. I also don't like to go on highways during busy hours, lots of traffic on roads can freak me out a bit, so I take routes that seem more backroadsy and less likely to have lots of other cars even if it takes me a bit longer to get me to my destination. If I can't avoid travelling on a busy highway I'll stick to the slow lane and not do a bunch of lane changes.

Driving slow would also likely help, and if other people start reacting, well, let them. You do what you need to do to feel comfortable.

What you're describing sounds like an irrational fear, and the best way to deal with that is to immerse yourself in what you fear. Take it a step at a time; start by just sitting in the drivers seat until you calm down. Turn the car on, continuing to sit and calmly reminding yourself that what you're doing is something most people do all the time. Keep adding incremental progress, always making sure you're comfortable before moving on.

Letting fear run your life is no way to live, my friend. Conquering fear is the most validating thing this side of bedding a beautiful woman (or man?)

My first thought:

There is no way driving that slow would cause that much damage. She wasn't going more than 5 mph and that's how much my car was damaged when I was going about 35 and rear ended a car in front of me one time. I've been involved in several car accidents of varying speeds and angles. I know a thing or two about what sort of damage cars can take.

Totally get that, I've been in 2 bad wrecks myself in trucks and have had a close family member nearly killed in a rollover.

At higher speeds (~40 mph+)you are 100% right SUVs are more dangerous. However going 5-15 mph in a parking lot or even low speed city streets, you are likely not going to flip, which is the big time danger on one of those. Low speed impacts you are much better off in a truck because of the weight of the vehicle. If nothing else because of where other car bumpers hit the truck vs where they would hit you in a car lower to ground.

Once @fluttercry gets out on the freeway it's a different story. Then I'm of same mind as you, get a car for maneuverability and acceleration.

I've read several marketing studies that show that many drivers pick SUVs because they do feel safer in them because of the perceived "armor" and the fact you can see over other cars. Without knowing what specifically bothers the OP about driving it's hard to make a great suggestion, so I took a stab at what I know bothers a lot of people.

Really it comes down to what part of driving bothers him, to figure out how to best attack the mental block.

oh and thank you for your service!

I don't have any advice, I just want you to know you're not alone.

Driving scares the fuck out of me. I can do it for short periods of time, but too long and I am at risk of having a panic attack. I've been doing it for four years, too. I can go for maybe five to ten minutes before I get extremely nervous, which makes my driving worse, and that makes me more freaked out and devolves into shaking from there. I can maybe go for about thirty minutes before I'm as dangerous if not more dangerous than someone driving while intoxicated, and shorter trips than that are still extremely hard on me.

I'm seeing a therapist. Maybe you should, too?

EDIT: I have received the suggestion to try taking driving lessons again, but I haven't actually tried that yet, so I have no idea if that would actually help or not. The idea of having driving lessons again also terrifies the hell out me. I got in an accident on the driving range at my high school when I was learning, by a girl who was literally talking to her friend out the window while taking a left turn. It was at an extremely slow speed, but that was still a miserable experience.

So wait. You're saying a cartoon is unrealistic? I dunno dude.

On topic: basically, like everyone said, just go somewhere really abandoned like some country roads or a parking lot and just drive. If this is a legit psychological phobia, you might want to seek professional help, but the only way I know of to deal with fears is to just immerse yourself in it and become desensitized. Once you've immersed yourself in your fear for long enough and have driven in straight lines and made basic turns, set up a little obstacle course for yourself and just drive it over and over. With little twists and turns marked out with traffic cones or whatever you can get a hold of. Just get really good at using your vehicle and doing all sorts of maneuvers at different speeds.
Then find a country road and just drive fast. Obviously don't blatantly break the speed limit if there are cops around, but know what it feels like for your vehicle to be moving as fast as you'd ever want to go on a freeway, so about 80 miles per hour. It's intense as fuck at first, but now how to handle your car at those speeds and know how long it'll take you to brake at those speeds. The point of this is just to understand how your vehicle works really well and know exactly how it handles. Get a feel for the steering, acceleration, turn radius, etc. so you can be confident behind the wheel, just in case there is some emergency and you need to act fast.
After that, if you can afford the gas and have the free time, just drive with a passenger (who is calm) and drive down suburban streets for hours on end. Learn your area really well while you're at it so you don't need to GPS everywhere you go. It doesn't matter where you go, just drive around in circles if you have to. Go from one side of town to the other. The social aspect of driving is a whole other element that you'll never be able to figure out unless you simply practice on streets with other drivers. Learn the dumb things that other idiot drivers do, and assume that all other drivers are idiots because they usually are. Drive around daily or every few days if you can, move up from small suburbs to downtown and places with weird intersections, weird yield signs and lots of traffic (which is admittedly a lot more stressful even to an experienced driver) and eventually you'll have to get over your fear. If that doesn't do it, I honestly don't know what to tell you besides seek some sort of psychological help.

Maybe a couple of shots to calm the nerves?

Just stay calm and keep your shit together. Don't over think!

Thanks everyone for the advice! I'll be sure to try some of this out and see if it helps.

@jjweatherman: @singingmenstrual: My fear doesn't really stem from anything. I've only been in once small accident. I just feel like I don't have any control of the car. All I focus on is the fact that I've driving a 1.5 ton death machine of fiber glass and steel. I have no idea how anyone puts that out of their head and just drives. I can't stop thinking about killing or hurting someone because I can't control it, or worse, someone hitting me because they aren't paying attention.

Saw a link and expected Bob's Burgers. Did not leave disappointed.

The more you drive the less tense you'll get. I'll have to admit though if you are afraid of driving that's kinda of a good thing because that'll mean you are probably paying attention to the road.

Fear is a very useful thing to have when you're driving, never forget that what you're really doing is sitting inside a ton or two of metal, forcing it to go far faster than it ever reasonably would in its natural state by literally setting of a controlled series of explosions INSIDE the car itself.

With that being said, start as small as you can. I was convinced when I was 15 that I could live quite happily without ever driving a car. I started, somewhat unwillingly, in a paddock, where there's almost nothing you can run into. When, and only when, I was completely comfortable in a paddock, I started driving around a university on weekends (It was completely deserted), to get the feel of being on a road, starting and stopping the car in certain locations, using indicators, etc. Then I went to a bunch of long, straight, empty roads through a bunch of turf fields, to get slowly used to having other cars on the road.

It can be a slow process, and any sane person should still be a bit terrified when they think of what they're actually doing, but as long as you ease yourself into it you should be fine.

(Also, start in the smallest car you possibly can, big cars have no advantage when it comes to learning to drive, you want something easy to move around and quick to stop when you need it to.)

@fluttercry: That's actually a normal fear to have- I'd wager most competent drivers feel that way because it's true. You should use that fear to be more respectful of driving (as opposed to feeling afraid of it) and you will be a more competent driver than most. You just have to learn to become comfortable with driving and you should be fine.

That's fair. I was mainly thinking of my own fear so... I was probably over thinking it haha

@fluttercry: I was in the same situation as you. Didn't get my license till my 20's. If you can afford it, driving lessons are good way to get acquainted with driving. They will teach you good driving habits and help you practice. The driving school I used provided the vehicle for practice and even the road test.

Sometimes you gotta just jump in.

I was like you, and to be honest, I don't think it's a bad mindset to have. At the very least, you respect the power being put in your hands; the good news is that this will probably lead you to becoming a good, defensive driver on the road.

How did I get over my fear? It was important for me to have a route. Knowing every inch of road helped. Luckily, I had a job about 5 miles away that I drove to everyday. It was scary, at first, but as I ran that short commute every day the fear dissipated naturally over the course of a couple of weeks. So my advice is to find somewhere close that you don't mind driving to and just go there as often as possible. Once you feel comfortable with that, then you can start driving to other places.

Just go ahead and run down a pedestrian with your car straight away. Experience the worst possible scenario right out of the gate and it can only get better from there.

Makes total sense!

When I was learning to get my driver's license, I got into a pretty bad car crash. I fractured 3 of my spinal vertebrae and there was an 85 percent chance that I was going to be paralyzed. The reason I got into this accident was because I was overconfident in my driving skills. It's perfectly normal to be fearful when driving, just don't let that fear control you.

I'm also recommending to look for a good professional instructor. I know many people (myself included) who had driving anxieties, and a driving instructor is used to training people like that. They can teach you the techniques, laws, manners, and general rationalizations that will help overcome the fear. They will prevent accidents from happening during lessons pretty much 100% too. You still have to improve yourself, but it helps a lot, and you'll eventually find out how most drivers are actually terrible drivers!

Don't forget, you have a set of brakes. Just find a big, open parking lot, and get comfortable accelerating and braking. Follow the speed limit, pay attention to what you're doing, and you'll be fine.

Also, I'm not sure how it is where you live, but I was able to buy "road-time" through the local driving school. All it was was the instructor would pick you up in a student driver car, and you'd drive around for 45 minutes or so. Having only ever driven in a straight line before, I bought two sessions of road-time: The very first time, the instructor was this old dude who talked to me about music the whole time, made me get on to the highway about twenty minutes into it, and made me get off in an incredibly congested city nearby. The second time, I got a nice younger lady who talked to me about what kind of alcohol she liked, and we drove down a series of rural roads.

I was able to pass my driver's test the first time I took it.

The most important thing is, don't overthink shit. Unless you're lucky enough to have the kind of money to get a non-shitty car, you're going to have to deal with things you can't plan for. I've had a blowout on the highway, threw a belt while going over a long bridge with no breakdown lane, had my radiator spring a leak, had a transmission completely shit itself in the middle of nowhere at 2am, had my brakes start dying in the middle of stop and go traffic, and all sorts of other crazy shit. It sounds scary to you now, but you'll adjust.

@hmoney001: Honestly it's pretty hard to lose control of a car unless you're driving very aggressively or recklessly. The only thing that could happen while driving normally is if something breaks, like a tire blow out or brakes that fail. Even then though, a lot of that can be prevented by maintenance or show signs before it happens.

Being a paranoid driver isn't necessarily a bad thing either. Remember it usually takes two people to make a mistake and cause an accident on the road, being vigilant of who and what is around you will typically keep you accident free. Of course avoiding another car who is about to hit you is also half the battle.

Your brakes and steering wheel are your life lines in a car. The brakes, if they're in good shape ,can bring that rolling 1.5 ton death machine to a stand still and with new safety technology built in cars, you can safely stomp on the brakes as much as you like without locking them up and spinning out of control. Generally with the gas, the brakes and the steering wheel, you want to be as smooth as possible. It's much more comforting to your passengers and your tires and brakes will last longer if you're smooth. In particular with the steering wheel though, you want to be as smooth as you possibly can with your turning. Hard yanks and turns to the steering wheel disturb the weight distribution in the car and can cause the tires to lose their grip on the road. This happens a lot when people try to avoid something on the road.

This definitely helped me the most. I was a TERRIBLE driver when I started, and I even got in a small accident like the OP when I first tried. A driving instructor will generally be very patient and push you along at a reasonable speed. It really helped me get comfortable behind the wheel, and I'm an OK driver now!

Having a set route to practice on after you get a bit more comfortable helps, too. I still get a bit wary when I'm in an unfamiliar area.

I was uncomfortable driving for a good 6 to 12 months after I had my license. I get some anxiety while driving in cities still since I'm not used to it, but that initial anxiety goes away after you get more comfortable driving.