So...tomorrow is the day. My girlfriend will break up with me. I'm 100% sure.
To fully explain this situation i would be writing for the next two hours because 7 years dont just suddenly end without a long and complicated story and many mistakes on both sides. But i will try to hit the important parts:
It's been over a year after my last blog post and things havent quite turned out as i wanted... From the day we moved together things got harder and our whole relationship became a lot toughter. More fights, more arguments, but also inbetween more intimate and closer. I started to loose my need for "being alone" a whole lot and began to enjoy her close everyday company. It took some time and tears...but now it's seems it came to late.
Right from the start of us moving together i got pretty distand torwards her, cause i thought i was not ready. After the first few months, which were incredibly hard for her, she almost broke up with me in March. But i got my shit together and started to change...for her and our relationship. But like i said it seems like my efforts were too late.
I think she doesnt love me anymore. At least not enough to be together with me. Something broke in our relationship within the first 6 very hard months of us moving together: She cried often and i was too selfish and couldnt handle her sadness and needs. And now that i am like she always wanted me to be (her words) she cant fully commit to our relationship anymore. She is convinced i will change back to my old self as soon as she opens up again. And i cant do anything to show her that thats not gonna happen. The close i get to her and show her how much i love her, the more she moves away from me. But if i move away to leave her room, she starts to believe i'm back to my old self from the time we moved together.
My whole life is turned upside down right now. After 7 years she is almost gone and today i got a very good job offer after 3 years of unemployment that i need to move to another city for. And i cant even tell her about it and see her proud and happy face. I dont know what to do. I want this job but im scared to take this new and hard path without her by my side....
I really do love her, but i'm also very used to her and afraid to be alone...
And now i'm sitting here in our appartment, afraid to go to bed cause tomorrow she will come over (she is sleeping at her parents for a week now) because she wanted to talk for one last time.
Like last time i just wanted to get this of my chest. But last time i got so many good responses and feedback that i wanted to try this again.
Thanks to anyone who cares