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Posted by Contrarian (1143 posts) -

This week I was asked to do something that I never really expected to be asked to do - to sponsor an American who wants to live in Australia.

A young relative of mine came back from a 3 month holiday in San Diego, engaged. She has known him online for about 8 years, through the internet, so it is one of those modern stories of love we often hear about in today's world. Consequently, they want to get married and they want to do that in Australia, where they plan to live. However, government rules apply, so it isn't as easy as just getting married and settling down.

In order for him to come to Australia, apparently, he needs a sponsor - someone that earns more than $20k a year (I think our unemployed get that much). For reasons that have no point in being explained, I was asked to do this. When he gets here, he can't work and can't access any government benefits, like Medicare, so in essence, I would be financially responsible for him, for about 6 months. I doubt he will have 6 months worth of money when he gets here, as he is a student (who wants to complete his education in Medicine here - prefably after gaining residency).

To be honest, I am pretty comfortable and happy to do it, but it gives me power - power to control an American! How long have I wanted to control an American. So I am going to make a contract with him, payment for what I am doing for him. So here is what I am asking from him, but I would be keen to hear if I have missed anything in training an American to be a better person:

He must learn English.

He is in an English country, so I think it is only fair he tries to fit in by learning its language.

Put the "u" in words like colour. Replace all those "z" with s, like authorise. Oh, and say z as zed. Put the a back into all the words like encyclopaedia, after all, he wants to be a doctor. Replace those "s" with a "c' in words like defence. Put the "ue" back on the words like analogue. The big one - it is "re" not "er" in words like theatre. The rubber part of the wheel is a 'tyre' as tire is something you experience putting a tyre on.

Other words he needs to learn would include:

A 'fanny' is a vagina, so it is a bumbag, not a fanny pack. A 'root' is sex, so at a sporting event, he must not root for either team. Summer footwear is not flip-flop, it is thongs. The thing over the the engine of the car is a bonnet, and the spot at the back we put luggage in is the boot.

He must learn metric.

He doesn't really have a choice, unless he hangs around with really old people who went to school before 1972. We don't use UK Imperial Measure, let alone US Imperial Measure. Plus, as a medical student, it is unwise to mix up your measurements.

Become a socialist.

To be acceptable to me, he will need to enbrace socialism, like all good Australians. He will see paying taxes as a good thing, as it is, with unemployment benefits, free education (not University), universal healthcare and pensions amongst others. He will want to vote and believe that compulsory voting is a great thing. As a side issue, he will need to learn that there are other countries outside of the USA, so he must read international news and be interested in Asia, Europe and Africa.

Miscellaneous.

He must write the date as Day/Month/Year, like the world does.

He must learn to pronounce the extra long A, like grah-ss. Hell, they say Mahz-da, so it can't be that hard.

Accept that finally after a few hundred years, the Queen of England is rightfully in charge.

No guns!

Now I don't think that is too much to ask for in return for my help is it? Is there anything else my maniacal rush of power has missed? How else can I make an American a better person?

The funny thing about this is his last name is Bruce!

For those a little sensitive, I am just having fun, so if you take it seriously, more fool you - jsut point out bad things about being Australian I shouldn't expect from him).

#1 Posted by Contrarian (1143 posts) -

This week I was asked to do something that I never really expected to be asked to do - to sponsor an American who wants to live in Australia.

A young relative of mine came back from a 3 month holiday in San Diego, engaged. She has known him online for about 8 years, through the internet, so it is one of those modern stories of love we often hear about in today's world. Consequently, they want to get married and they want to do that in Australia, where they plan to live. However, government rules apply, so it isn't as easy as just getting married and settling down.

In order for him to come to Australia, apparently, he needs a sponsor - someone that earns more than $20k a year (I think our unemployed get that much). For reasons that have no point in being explained, I was asked to do this. When he gets here, he can't work and can't access any government benefits, like Medicare, so in essence, I would be financially responsible for him, for about 6 months. I doubt he will have 6 months worth of money when he gets here, as he is a student (who wants to complete his education in Medicine here - prefably after gaining residency).

To be honest, I am pretty comfortable and happy to do it, but it gives me power - power to control an American! How long have I wanted to control an American. So I am going to make a contract with him, payment for what I am doing for him. So here is what I am asking from him, but I would be keen to hear if I have missed anything in training an American to be a better person:

He must learn English.

He is in an English country, so I think it is only fair he tries to fit in by learning its language.

Put the "u" in words like colour. Replace all those "z" with s, like authorise. Oh, and say z as zed. Put the a back into all the words like encyclopaedia, after all, he wants to be a doctor. Replace those "s" with a "c' in words like defence. Put the "ue" back on the words like analogue. The big one - it is "re" not "er" in words like theatre. The rubber part of the wheel is a 'tyre' as tire is something you experience putting a tyre on.

Other words he needs to learn would include:

A 'fanny' is a vagina, so it is a bumbag, not a fanny pack. A 'root' is sex, so at a sporting event, he must not root for either team. Summer footwear is not flip-flop, it is thongs. The thing over the the engine of the car is a bonnet, and the spot at the back we put luggage in is the boot.

He must learn metric.

He doesn't really have a choice, unless he hangs around with really old people who went to school before 1972. We don't use UK Imperial Measure, let alone US Imperial Measure. Plus, as a medical student, it is unwise to mix up your measurements.

Become a socialist.

To be acceptable to me, he will need to enbrace socialism, like all good Australians. He will see paying taxes as a good thing, as it is, with unemployment benefits, free education (not University), universal healthcare and pensions amongst others. He will want to vote and believe that compulsory voting is a great thing. As a side issue, he will need to learn that there are other countries outside of the USA, so he must read international news and be interested in Asia, Europe and Africa.

Miscellaneous.

He must write the date as Day/Month/Year, like the world does.

He must learn to pronounce the extra long A, like grah-ss. Hell, they say Mahz-da, so it can't be that hard.

Accept that finally after a few hundred years, the Queen of England is rightfully in charge.

No guns!

Now I don't think that is too much to ask for in return for my help is it? Is there anything else my maniacal rush of power has missed? How else can I make an American a better person?

The funny thing about this is his last name is Bruce!

For those a little sensitive, I am just having fun, so if you take it seriously, more fool you - jsut point out bad things about being Australian I shouldn't expect from him).

#2 Posted by TheDudeOfGaming (6078 posts) -

They should invite some Serbians and Croatians to their wedding.

Always a good time.

#3 Posted by Contrarian (1143 posts) -

@TheDudeOfGaming said:

They should invite some Serbians and Croatians to their wedding.

Always a good time.

I have had a lot of friends in those communities and it is only sport that brings out the worst in them, so a wedding should be safe. I would be more concerned about drunken Anglo-Australians!

#4 Edited by AlexW00d (6235 posts) -

Sounds like something that should be enforced in all English speaking countries.

'Cept Thongs, you put them on your arse.

#5 Posted by FourWude (2261 posts) -

Make him kiss the butt of a brown man. Any brown man will do, yep Aborigines included. They don't like brown people in the US of A.

#6 Posted by Contrarian (1143 posts) -

@AlexW00d said:

Sounds like something that should be enforced in all English speaking countries.

'Cept Thongs, you put them on your arse.

They have been thongs long before the G-String came along - I will not budge. I don't even own a piar, I hate the damn things, along with those horrid Ugg Boots!

@FourWude said:

Make him kiss the butt of a brown man. Any brown man will do, yep Aborigines included. They don't like brown people in the US of A.

How do you know he isn't a brown man? Anyway, they voted a brown man to lead them, so they must like them a lot!

#7 Edited by ShaggE (6415 posts) -

Make sure he can pronounce Melbourne correctly. My Aussie friends made sure to keep my city pronouncing in check.

Edit: Oh, and Vegemite. One of Australia's greatest gifts, and I refuse to see a fellow countryman squander it.

#8 Posted by FourWude (2261 posts) -

@Contrarian said:

@AlexW00d said:

Sounds like something that should be enforced in all English speaking countries.

'Cept Thongs, you put them on your arse.

They have been thongs long before the G-String came along - I will not budge. I don't even own a piar, I hate the damn things, along with those horrid Ugg Boots!

@FourWude said:

Make him kiss the butt of a brown man. Any brown man will do, yep Aborigines included. They don't like brown people in the US of A.

How do you know he isn't a brown man? Anyway, they voted a brown man to lead them, so they must like them a lot!

Obama's brown?!? I thought he was white??

#9 Posted by Contrarian (1143 posts) -

@ShaggE said:

Make sure he can pronounce Melbourne correctly. My Aussie friends made sure to keep my city pronouncing in check.

Edit: Oh, and Vegemite. One of Australia's greatest gifts, and I refuse to see a fellow countryman squander it.

I would complain how they pronounce Australia if I wasn't so appalled at how Australians pronounce it. It isn't 'Stray-ya', nor as the the Americans will say, 'Oss-stray-lia'. It is Or-stray-lia (very short 'or' sound). Au is an 'or' sound people, I don't drive an ottomobile with an ottomatic transmission!

Australians have a really lazy speech pattern. We have to accept that. So many shortened sounds! I do like Vegemite.

#10 Posted by Grimhild (723 posts) -

Wait... so you're telling me that this isn't how you get to work? Preposterous.

#11 Posted by MrKlorox (11209 posts) -

Knew what this was before even clicking. Getting too predictable there.

#12 Posted by mlarrabee (2920 posts) -

There's a fine line between bigotry and comedic bigotry.

You're dancing upon it.

But "Z" should be pronounced "zed," and "analogue," "catalogue," and "theatre" are all correct.

#13 Posted by Contrarian (1143 posts) -

@MrKlorox said:

Knew what this was before even clicking. Getting too predictable there.

Then you shouldn't have clicked!

@mlarrabee said:

There's a fine line between bigotry and comedic bigotry. You're dancing upon it.

I am going to support this young American, so I can't be very bigoted, plus I am inviting anyone to take the piss out of Australians as well - hell, we deserve it. After all, Australians are just drunk Americans!

#14 Posted by ShaggE (6415 posts) -

@mlarrabee said:

There's a fine line between bigotry and comedic bigotry.

You're dancing upon it.

I don't know, it all seems good-natured to me.

#15 Posted by mlarrabee (2920 posts) -

@ShaggE said:

@mlarrabee said:

There's a fine line between bigotry and comedic bigotry.

You're dancing upon it.

I don't know, it all seems good-natured to me.

Oh, it's good-natured, but judging by the last twenty posts I've seen from him, he means every word wholeheartedly.

The honesty keeps it from being wholly comedic, while the good-nature keeps it from being wholly bigoted.

My post was more of a compliment; it's not easy to balance that wire.

#16 Posted by Contrarian (1143 posts) -

@mlarrabee said:

@ShaggE said:

@mlarrabee said:

There's a fine line between bigotry and comedic bigotry.

You're dancing upon it.

I don't know, it all seems good-natured to me.

Oh, it's good-natured, but judging by the last twenty posts I've seen from him, he means every word wholeheartedly.

The honesty keeps it from being wholly comedic, while the good-nature keeps it from being wholly bigoted.

My post was more of a compliment; it's not easy to balance that wire.

Don't mind me, I make jokes about the differences, but the reality is, that is what I love about English. It is such a rich and interesting language. I wouldn't want it any other way. I see plenty of mangling of English in Australia as well as America. That only makes it funny to me.

#17 Posted by Tim_the_Corsair (3065 posts) -

Teaching him English is all well and good, but wait until you experience trying to explain Australian sport to him.

League, Union, AFL, whatever; they can't comprehend football unless there is armour and massive fat blokes stopping every 15 seconds over the course of about 3 days per game.

#18 Posted by Contrarian (1143 posts) -

@Tim_the_Corsair said:

Teaching him English is all well and good, but wait until you experience trying to explain Australian sport to him. League, Union, AFL, whatever; they can't comprehend football unless there is armour and massive fat blokes stopping every 15 seconds over the course of about 3 days per game.

Maybe I should make him attend all 5 full days of a Test Cricket match with me? Imagine trying to explain that? I bet he would be wishing for access to a gun to stop that. Screw it, I have convinced myself to make that part of the contract!

#19 Posted by yani (413 posts) -

@Contrarian: Take him to an AFL game, don't explain the rules and then quiz him at the end. Every time he gets something wrong he has to do a shot.

#20 Posted by Tim_the_Corsair (3065 posts) -
@Contrarian

@Tim_the_Corsair said:

Teaching him English is all well and good, but wait until you experience trying to explain Australian sport to him. League, Union, AFL, whatever; they can't comprehend football unless there is armour and massive fat blokes stopping every 15 seconds over the course of about 3 days per game.

Maybe I should make him attend all 5 full days of a Test Cricket match with me? Imagine trying to explain that? I bet he would be wishing for access to a gun to stop that. Screw it, I have convinced myself to make that part of the contract!

See he might grasp cricket though, as it is basically non-stupid baseball played in slow-motion.
#21 Posted by Tim_the_Corsair (3065 posts) -
@yani

@Contrarian: Take him to an AFL game, don't explain the rules and then quiz him at the end. Every time he gets something wrong he has to do a shot.

I'm a 28 year old Australian and I'd have alcohol poisoning after that, never understood AFL at all (both rules and appeal-wise, I must admit)
#22 Posted by Contrarian (1143 posts) -

@Tim_the_Corsair said:

@yani

@Contrarian: Take him to an AFL game, don't explain the rules and then quiz him at the end. Every time he gets something wrong he has to do a shot.

I'm a 28 year old Australian and I'd have alcohol poisoning after that, never understood AFL at all (both rules and appeal-wise, I must admit)

Yeah, I am pretty sure he would be dead pretty quickly. I went to my first AFL match this year at the MCG and was flat out bored. Someone would have to explain it to me first. Still, better than Rugby!

#23 Posted by Sploder (917 posts) -

Make him play aussie rules football and film it.

#24 Posted by Aetheldod (3551 posts) -

@Contrarian: You know there is also America ... the continent ; perhaps you heard about it >:(

#25 Edited by Contrarian (1143 posts) -

@Sploder said:

Make him play aussie rules football and film it.

True story - I spent a week at a primary school in regional California, Mariposa to be precise (the reason isn't important) and I took an Australian Rules Football and cricket set as gifts to said school. There I was out on the oval (well, rectangle) teaching primary school Americans to play Australian Rules. It must be instinctive - they would tuck the ball under the arm and run,

Cricket was even harder to teach, as they stood there like they were at the plate in baseball. Bowling was even more difficult to teach.

Still, I loved that time in my life. They all couldn't understand why I didn't speak like Australians they were familiar with - Steve Irwin and Paul Hogan. I just wasn't Australian enough for them. Plus, the town showed me Hallowe'en in a way I will always remember - awesome.

@Aetheldod said:

@Contrarian: You know there is also America ... the continent ; perhaps you heard about it >:(

There is no such continent. However, I have heard of the planet America!

#26 Posted by TooWalrus (13161 posts) -

This reminds me of the time I spent in New Zealand. Hopefully, the first time you 'correct' his pronunciation, he headbutts you and tells you to fuck off.

#27 Posted by Jams (2960 posts) -

@Contrarian said:

Australians have a really lazy speech pattern. We have to accept that. So many shortened sounds! I do like Vegemite.

That lazy speech pattern is from generations of inbreeding

#28 Posted by Getz (2996 posts) -

You sound like a controlling, grumpy douche. Also, long A sounds in "hate" not "mazda." Jeez, picking on Americans for not speaking English properly...

#29 Edited by Contrarian (1143 posts) -

@TooWalrus said:

This reminds me of the time I spent in New Zealand. Hopefully, the first time you 'correct' his pronunciation, he headbutts you and tells you to fuck off.

Actually pronounciation wasn't really on my list, except the very long 'a'. I have a friend from Alberta and one from New York and I have never corrected them once - there isn't anything to correct. However, I have plenty of locals correct me when I use correct pronounciation, such as harassment, which I correctly pronounce as harris-ment, not ha-rass-ment.

Don't get me started on those bloody New Zealanders though, with their one vowel fits all ........ kidding, they are choice eh bro! Did they really correct you, or was it more about how to pronounce local Maori names? We all get everywhere we go in the English speaking world. Try pronouncing some of our Koori names.

#30 Posted by Contrarian (1143 posts) -

@Jams said:

@Contrarian said:

Australians have a really lazy speech pattern. We have to accept that. So many shortened sounds! I do like Vegemite.

That lazy speech pattern is from generations of inbreeding

I was thinking "how can I disagree with that" for a moment and then the picture loaded - not Australian. We happily gave him back to America where he came from. Plus, don't try Russell Crowe on us either, he's a New Zealander.

@Getz said:

You sound like a controlling, grumpy douche. Also, long A sounds in "hate" not "mazda." Jeez, picking on Americans for not speaking English properly...

You actually believed I was serious? Jeez.

The very long 'a' is how I heard Americans pronounce Mazda - Mahz-da. There are three sounds of 'a'. Short - cat. Long - hate. Very long - grass (grah-ss), fast (fahs-t), bath (bah-th). Australians have the longest 'a's in the world. The general rule of the 3rd 'a' is an 'a' followed by two consonants.

#31 Posted by PeasantAbuse (5138 posts) -

Hopefully you won't make him dress like an Australian too.

#32 Posted by Contrarian (1143 posts) -

@PeasantAbuse said:

Hopefully you won't make him dress like an Australian too.

Careful now, that is our national dress. I wear that every Sunday. Plus, we have unusually strong feelings for our mothers, as shown in the documentary Bad Boy Bubby:

#33 Posted by Sploder (917 posts) -
@Contrarian said:

@Sploder said:

Make him play aussie rules football and film it.

True story - I spent a week at a primary school in regional California, Mariposa to be precise (the reason isn't important) and I took an Australian Rules Football and cricket set as gifts to said school. There I was out on the oval (well, rectangle) teaching primary school Americans to play Australian Rules. It must be instinctive - they would tuck the ball under the arm and run,

Cricket was even harder to teach, as they stood there like they were at the plate in baseball. Bowling was even more difficult to teach.

Still, I loved that time in my life. They all couldn't understand why I didn't speak like Australians they were familiar with - Steve Irwin and Paul Hogan. I just wasn't Australian enough for them. Plus, the town showed me Hallowe'en in a way I will always remember - awesome.


I think it's fantastic that you taught aussie rules to a bunch of primary school kids. I'll bet they never wanted to play normal football again.
#34 Posted by TooWalrus (13161 posts) -

@Contrarian said:

@TooWalrus said:

This reminds me of the time I spent in New Zealand. Hopefully, the first time you 'correct' his pronunciation, he headbutts you and tells you to fuck off.

Actually pronounciation wasn't really on my list, except the very long 'a'. I have a friend from Alberta and one from New York and I have never corrected them once - there isn't anything to correct. However, I have plenty of locals correct me when I use correct pronounciation, such as harassment, which I correctly pronounce as harris-ment, not ha-rass-ment.

Don't get me started on those bloody New Zealanders though, with their one vowel fits all ........ kidding, they are choice eh bro! Did they really correct you, or was it more about how to pronounce local Maori names? We all get everywhere we go in the English speaking world. Try pronouncing some of our Koori names.

It's stuff like "mom" instead of "mum". Candy vs. Lollies. Wagging vs Skipping. Scraps vs. Fights. Trivial shit that doesn't matter that you guys like to get upset over (though Americans are just as guilty when they hear other accents.)

#35 Posted by Contrarian (1143 posts) -

@TooWalrus said:

@Contrarian said:

@TooWalrus said:

This reminds me of the time I spent in New Zealand. Hopefully, the first time you 'correct' his pronunciation, he headbutts you and tells you to fuck off.

Actually pronounciation wasn't really on my list, except the very long 'a'. I have a friend from Alberta and one from New York and I have never corrected them once - there isn't anything to correct. However, I have plenty of locals correct me when I use correct pronounciation, such as harassment, which I correctly pronounce as harris-ment, not ha-rass-ment.

Don't get me started on those bloody New Zealanders though, with their one vowel fits all ........ kidding, they are choice eh bro! Did they really correct you, or was it more about how to pronounce local Maori names? We all get everywhere we go in the English speaking world. Try pronouncing some of our Koori names.

It's stuff like "mom" instead of "mum". Candy vs. Lollies. Wagging vs Skipping. Scraps vs. Fights. Trivial shit that doesn't matter that you guys like to get upset over (though Americans are just as guilty when they hear other accents.)

There is so little difference between the sounds of mum and mom, I am surprised it was picked up. There are parts of England that pronounce it mom. I use both candy and lolly, just as I use biscuit and cookie. They probably picked up on soft drink and soda as well. I never used the word wag, as I don't actually like the word. I use cut. If you plan to live permantly in a country, it is probably wise to use the local words, but as a visitor, you are right, it is trivial nonsense. I am surprised that anyone actually get upset about it. That seems stupid.

When I was in Seattle, I locked my keys in the car, at night. Trying to get help, I told those helping me I thought I locked them in the boot. As you would imagine, they asked. "I'm sorry, you locked you keys where?" When I asked for a torch to look for them, I got a similar response. Most of us have seen enough English and American television to know what we are both talking about to figure it out.

Where I live, locals use the word bus instead of car. For the life of me I don't know why and I won't use it. They also say cordial for soft drink. So even within Australia we have variation of words used.

#36 Posted by TooWalrus (13161 posts) -

@Contrarian said:

@TooWalrus said:

@Contrarian said:

@TooWalrus said:

This reminds me of the time I spent in New Zealand. Hopefully, the first time you 'correct' his pronunciation, he headbutts you and tells you to fuck off.

Actually pronounciation wasn't really on my list, except the very long 'a'. I have a friend from Alberta and one from New York and I have never corrected them once - there isn't anything to correct. However, I have plenty of locals correct me when I use correct pronounciation, such as harassment, which I correctly pronounce as harris-ment, not ha-rass-ment.

Don't get me started on those bloody New Zealanders though, with their one vowel fits all ........ kidding, they are choice eh bro! Did they really correct you, or was it more about how to pronounce local Maori names? We all get everywhere we go in the English speaking world. Try pronouncing some of our Koori names.

It's stuff like "mom" instead of "mum". Candy vs. Lollies. Wagging vs Skipping. Scraps vs. Fights. Trivial shit that doesn't matter that you guys like to get upset over (though Americans are just as guilty when they hear other accents.)

There is so little difference between the sounds of mum and mom, I am surprised it was picked up. There are parts of England that pronounce it mom. I use both candy and lolly, just as I use biscuit and cookie. They probably picked up on soft drink and soda as well. I never used the word wag, as I don't actually like the word. I use cut. If you plan to live permantly in a country, it is probably wise to use the local words, but as a visitor, you are right, it is trivial nonsense. I am surprised that anyone actually get upset about it. That seems stupid.

When I was in Seattle, I locked my keys in the car, at night. Trying to get help, I told those helping me I thought I locked them in the boot. As you would imagine, they asked. "I'm sorry, you locked you keys where?" When I asked for a torch to look for them, I got a similar response. Most of us have seen enough English and American television to know what we are both talking about to figure it out.

Where I live, locals use the word bus instead of car. For the life of me I don't know why and I won't use it. They also say cordial for soft drink. So even within Australia we have variation of words used.

Well I was 15 and went to highschool- sorry 'college', there for two years.

#37 Posted by Contrarian (1143 posts) -

@TooWalrus said:

Well I was 15 and went to highschool- sorry 'college', there for two years.

We have High Schools, Secondary Schools and Colleges. Some even have Middle Schools. I have no idea what is what any more. Maybe NZ had just one. I do not understand American schools though - not that I have looked it up, but I just hear terms in TV shows and never quite understand it.

#38 Posted by Stonyman65 (2669 posts) -

I'm cool with everything but the "become a socialist" part and the "no guns!!!" part.

Other than that, I'm cool.

#39 Posted by Getz (2996 posts) -

@Contrarian said:

@Getz said:

You sound like a controlling, grumpy douche. Also, long A sounds in "hate" not "mazda." Jeez, picking on Americans for not speaking English properly...

You actually believed I was serious? Jeez.

The very long 'a' is how I heard Americans pronounce Mazda - Mahz-da. There are three sounds of 'a'. Short - cat. Long - hate. Very long - grass (grah-ss), fast (fahs-t), bath (bah-th). Australians have the longest 'a's in the world. The general rule of the 3rd 'a' is an 'a' followed by two consonants.

Those are all short vowel sounds... There is no "very long" vowel sound; just because you elongate the syllable doesn't mean it's a long vowel sound. Say cat, then say bath. Say fat, then say fast. I really didn't want to be the grammar nazi but I'm always a little defensive when people pick on Americans. I mean, we're quite capable of handling our own language thank you.

#40 Posted by believer258 (11785 posts) -

The big one - it is "re" not "er" in words like theatre

To point something out - we do spell it both ways. A "theater" is a movie theater, and a "theatre" is where you go see plays.

I don't know if anyone else has mentioned this one.

#41 Posted by believer258 (11785 posts) -

@Contrarian said:

@MrKlorox said:

Knew what this was before even clicking. Getting too predictable there.

Then you shouldn't have clicked!

@mlarrabee said:

There's a fine line between bigotry and comedic bigotry. You're dancing upon it.

I am going to support this young American, so I can't be very bigoted, plus I am inviting anyone to take the piss out of Australians as well - hell, we deserve it. After all, Australians are just drunk Americans!

Wait... so all of you are something like this?

#43 Posted by Hunter5024 (5612 posts) -

Fun fact: Americans learn the metric system in grade school.

#44 Edited by mandude (2669 posts) -

Make sure he puts the H back in Herb and the I back in Aluminium.

#45 Posted by Jrinswand (1703 posts) -

I really don't think it's an Australian's place to give tips on how to properly speak English.

#46 Posted by selbie (1882 posts) -

@believer258 said:

@Contrarian said:

@MrKlorox said:

Knew what this was before even clicking. Getting too predictable there.

Then you shouldn't have clicked!

@mlarrabee said:

There's a fine line between bigotry and comedic bigotry. You're dancing upon it.

I am going to support this young American, so I can't be very bigoted, plus I am inviting anyone to take the piss out of Australians as well - hell, we deserve it. After all, Australians are just drunk Americans!

Wait... so all of you are something like this?

The further you go from the urban areas....yes :P

#47 Edited by DoctorWelch (2774 posts) -

I feel like you made up half of those vocabulary changes just to fuck with us.

#48 Posted by Contrarian (1143 posts) -

@Jrinswand said:

I really don't think it's an Australian's place to give tips on how to properly speak English.

After spending a few months away from Australia and not hearing the accent, I hopped on an aeroplane and was catapulted back to reality. My first thought was, "Holy crap, do we actually sound that bad?" We do. Mind you, like any country, it varies from area to region. I was mainly picked as being English, so I am pretty happy with that. Watching the odd show on Australia makes me cringe with how they speak and the mangling of the language. Mind you, I think the same way about English people themselves - some of them have a horrible sounding accent, depending on the area.@selbie said:

@believer258 said:

@Contrarian said:

@MrKlorox said:

Knew what this was before even clicking. Getting too predictable there.

Then you shouldn't have clicked!

@mlarrabee said:

There's a fine line between bigotry and comedic bigotry. You're dancing upon it.

I am going to support this young American, so I can't be very bigoted, plus I am inviting anyone to take the piss out of Australians as well - hell, we deserve it. After all, Australians are just drunk Americans!

Wait... so all of you are something like this?

The further you go from the urban areas....yes :P

Oh yeah, I have met quite a few who are not too disimilar to that. We call them yobbos or bogans.

#49 Posted by coakroach (2490 posts) -

@yani said:

@Contrarian: Take him to an AFL game, don't explain the rules and then quiz him at the end. Every time he gets something wrong he has to do a shot.

THIS.

Watching somebody from outside Australia try to comprehend AFL is a magical experience.

#50 Posted by believer258 (11785 posts) -

@Contrarian said:

@Jrinswand said:

I really don't think it's an Australian's place to give tips on how to properly speak English.

After spending a few months away from Australia and not hearing the accent, I hopped on an aeroplane and was catapulted back to reality. My first thought was, "Holy crap, do we actually sound that bad?" We do. Mind you, like any country, it varies from area to region. I was mainly picked as being English, so I am pretty happy with that. Watching the odd show on Australia makes me cringe with how they speak and the mangling of the language. Mind you, I think the same way about English people themselves - some of them have a horrible sounding accent, depending on the area.@selbie said:

@believer258 said:

@Contrarian said:

@MrKlorox said:

Knew what this was before even clicking. Getting too predictable there.

Then you shouldn't have clicked!

@mlarrabee said:

There's a fine line between bigotry and comedic bigotry. You're dancing upon it.

I am going to support this young American, so I can't be very bigoted, plus I am inviting anyone to take the piss out of Australians as well - hell, we deserve it. After all, Australians are just drunk Americans!

Wait... so all of you are something like this?

The further you go from the urban areas....yes :P

Oh yeah, I have met quite a few who are not too disimilar to that. We call them yobbos or bogans.

Well, shoot, learn the Metric system and get used to putting a u in favorite and color, and Americans might as well be Australians.