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Posted by AhmadMetallic (18955 posts) -

At one point in your life you just have to stop ignoring it and admit that something's wrong with you (if something really is). Let me start by clarifying three things:

  • I'm not spoiled or anything, I'm thankful for my health, food and shelter, my good supportive parents and my easy going life.
  • I'm not delusional or dramatic, I don't think I have a "sickness" that deserves sympathy, the sole purpose of this thread is to see how others deal with this problem.
  • I'm not seeking approval for not trying to change and "blaming it on others." I'm constantly trying, and I'm not blaming anyone. People don't suck.
It's really impossible to discuss this legitimate issue without sounding like a drama queen.

Ok so now that I've got that out of the way, I gotta ask, does any of you have this problem where you're just.. completely dead and boring? You don't feel the need to accomplish anything, you don't seem to have any ambitions other than living well, you don't feel the need to show others that you're an opinionated strong man, you're indifferent towards most things in life that others get riled up about and discuss, when you sit down with friends you crack the occasional joke or talk about a few things but you mostly just sit there in your comfortable silence eating chips or smoking a cigarette?

While I'm no longer a teenager and I've overcome most of the typical teenage issues and am fully responsible now, fixing my own problems and taking care of myself, working and making my own money, I've noticed that one problem I've had since forever is that I can't seem to bond with anyone or have that real friendship that is beyond the usual banter and activities you have with casual acquaintances, and I've narrowed it down to the fact that I don't have that inner energy, that fire that keeps people gossiping and pulling pranks and making dick jokes and trying to impress the ladies. Being on all the damn time.

I go out on a regular basis, I have enough "friends" and relatives, I mingle with my work mates a lot, I go to the movies or go swimming, but there's always been this disconnect.. When they discuss politics or religion, I just don't have much to add. When they discuss random shit just for the sake of it, I fail to see the point. When they laugh at dick jokes, I just smile. When they wanna go to a coffee shop or something, I just find myself going home.

This looks ideal even though I really wish it didn't!

I've come to this conclusion: In order for you to bond with people, become friends, make them interested in you, make them respect you and desire your company, you have to have two things:

  • The need to share your opinions in a loud imposing speaking voice in random conversations that shows that you're opinionated about whatever topic is at hand. You need to keep an instant image of being "confident" and opinionated and focused. You need to keep showing others that you're in the loop and that you are simply relevant.
  • The need to accomplish things, have ambition, always have a goal set that you want to achieve, always racing to do things and go places. Showing the image that you are determined.

So I'm wondering, for those of you who are like me, absolutely boring and unmotivated, a person who WANTS to do whatever is socially necessary to go on yet you find people yawning in your company and not tagging you in facebook pictures and shit, how do you deal/how have you dealt with it? Are we destined to just be alone and feeling unfulfilled?

I do realize that I'm basically an introvert, and I have done many things that people advise introverts to do, I went from being a fat depressed jobless motionless antisocial teenager to a relatively fit, working, "socially mingling" university student, but it's just not working. So how do you deal with being so boring?

#1 Edited by AhmadMetallic (18955 posts) -

At one point in your life you just have to stop ignoring it and admit that something's wrong with you (if something really is). Let me start by clarifying three things:

  • I'm not spoiled or anything, I'm thankful for my health, food and shelter, my good supportive parents and my easy going life.
  • I'm not delusional or dramatic, I don't think I have a "sickness" that deserves sympathy, the sole purpose of this thread is to see how others deal with this problem.
  • I'm not seeking approval for not trying to change and "blaming it on others." I'm constantly trying, and I'm not blaming anyone. People don't suck.
It's really impossible to discuss this legitimate issue without sounding like a drama queen.

Ok so now that I've got that out of the way, I gotta ask, does any of you have this problem where you're just.. completely dead and boring? You don't feel the need to accomplish anything, you don't seem to have any ambitions other than living well, you don't feel the need to show others that you're an opinionated strong man, you're indifferent towards most things in life that others get riled up about and discuss, when you sit down with friends you crack the occasional joke or talk about a few things but you mostly just sit there in your comfortable silence eating chips or smoking a cigarette?

While I'm no longer a teenager and I've overcome most of the typical teenage issues and am fully responsible now, fixing my own problems and taking care of myself, working and making my own money, I've noticed that one problem I've had since forever is that I can't seem to bond with anyone or have that real friendship that is beyond the usual banter and activities you have with casual acquaintances, and I've narrowed it down to the fact that I don't have that inner energy, that fire that keeps people gossiping and pulling pranks and making dick jokes and trying to impress the ladies. Being on all the damn time.

I go out on a regular basis, I have enough "friends" and relatives, I mingle with my work mates a lot, I go to the movies or go swimming, but there's always been this disconnect.. When they discuss politics or religion, I just don't have much to add. When they discuss random shit just for the sake of it, I fail to see the point. When they laugh at dick jokes, I just smile. When they wanna go to a coffee shop or something, I just find myself going home.

This looks ideal even though I really wish it didn't!

I've come to this conclusion: In order for you to bond with people, become friends, make them interested in you, make them respect you and desire your company, you have to have two things:

  • The need to share your opinions in a loud imposing speaking voice in random conversations that shows that you're opinionated about whatever topic is at hand. You need to keep an instant image of being "confident" and opinionated and focused. You need to keep showing others that you're in the loop and that you are simply relevant.
  • The need to accomplish things, have ambition, always have a goal set that you want to achieve, always racing to do things and go places. Showing the image that you are determined.

So I'm wondering, for those of you who are like me, absolutely boring and unmotivated, a person who WANTS to do whatever is socially necessary to go on yet you find people yawning in your company and not tagging you in facebook pictures and shit, how do you deal/how have you dealt with it? Are we destined to just be alone and feeling unfulfilled?

I do realize that I'm basically an introvert, and I have done many things that people advise introverts to do, I went from being a fat depressed jobless motionless antisocial teenager to a relatively fit, working, "socially mingling" university student, but it's just not working. So how do you deal with being so boring?

#2 Posted by TheDudeOfGaming (6077 posts) -

I'm pretty much in the same boat as you, I think a lot of people are. Modern age, technology and all that jazz. Regardless of the reasons drinking alcohol in moderate amounts over a somewhat long time will help you loosen up. As for the ambition part, all I can say is learn to live with it.

And I don't get the not talking about religion/politics part. Those are one of the few topics that can really get me talking.

#3 Posted by TooWalrus (12978 posts) -

If I ever need a biography written, I'm hiring you, guy. Although, there wouldn't really be much to talk about in our biographies, eh?

#4 Posted by Tesla (1852 posts) -

I'm an introvert as well. I love hanging out with friends and meeting new people, but I can only take those things in smaller doses than most people. I need time alone to recharge.

If there is a group of friends sharing thoughts I'm less likely to speak up, but I always listen. A well timed whisper can often have a greater effect than being loud and constant with your opinions.

Everyone is different, and the most important thing is how you feel about who you are. If you don't like what you see, always remember it's never too late to change. If you do like who you are, then go in peace and row your boat gently.

#5 Posted by Video_Game_King (34619 posts) -

Kind of? I mean, I wouldn't phrase it as boring, but yea, I have trouble socializing (I can't visualize how a conversation starts...or anything, really), and I'm incredibly passive and emotionally mute.

#6 Posted by Sin4profit (2870 posts) -

Apathy

#7 Posted by astrotriforce (1326 posts) -

I also feel like I fall into this category and I feel you man. I'll go ahead and say it, I've never had a girl and I'm pushing my 30's. Like you, I tend to want to go home or go do something on my own rather than mingle with people. I WILL mingle and often I become the unwarranted center of attention simply because my natural speaking voice gets loud [I get it from my dad, who had people in the jails shaking his hand and saying they'd miss him when he got out one time, cause every night all the inmates would crowd around him as he talked about God with an unfathomable hold that NO ONE can deny. Even today if you speak to him at all you'll likely be there three hours later... tangent ftw.], and it's because I am generally not one for chit-chat, so inevitably I'll end up in a "deep" and "serious" discussion with someone and before I know it everyone is listening and my voice is the only one.

I always considered myself shy, but I'm really just shy in a weird group way. I don't like to be the center of attention and I avoid attention as much as possible, I can't take it when I notice people are looking at me. I don't like to draw it to myself. Having said that, I've never been shy to share my opinion or to chime in and say openly what others are thinking but won't say. in school I was often THAT KID who raised his hand and kept asking the teachers questions he had because he legitimately had questions, while everyone else was convulsing from not pent up desire to run out of the classroom as fast as humanly possible, and I was the one keeping them with my questions.

I don't know what it is, but I don't seem to keep friends well either. No one EVER comes to visit me. No one ever calls me. And I have a really difficult time picking up the phone and calling someone. I have to really force myself to do it and it takes a lot of effort. I haven't seen the one girl I DO like in what's closing in on a year now. :( And it breaks me up really bad. I also have not learned to drive while all my younger siblings have. To top it all off, I sleep a whole lot. More than just about anyone else I know. And I often stay up for a period of 24 hours straight and will sleep all day. I even did so while working, but i had a job that (somewhat) allowed for that kind of thing. So like you, I feel often that I don't have that burning passion or energy that other people have. Like my dad I seem completely content to stay in one room for years and years. I rarely go places on my own (although I do go walking a lot to places around me that I want to go. Always alone though).

I honestly don't know what I'd do if it wasn't for the Internet. Having said that, the girl I like is the same way, and she isn't a big chat-with-people-online person, and she has few real-life friends (none actually :/). So I wouldn't say it is the Internet, if we didn't have the Internet I think we'd be LITERALLY alone just like she is. And like my dad is. And I'm determined to not be like him but I feel like I'm turning into him already.

He literally has no friends, and never lifts a finger to call anyone. Sometimes he laments that fact or seems to, and yet at the same time he also seems to not care. But it's a vicious cycle. He thinks no else cares, but they don't care because they think he doesn't care. AT some point someone has to MOVE and make the INITIATIVE. I wouldn't know the girl I like now if I hadn't taken that initiative because SHE never would have done it on her own either.

I think to some degree we need to be content. I deal with it by keeping myself from being depressed, as much as possible, by my faith in God and my trust in Jesus as my Salvation. It is because of that that I'll never allow myself to get suicidal or anything like that. I also stay away from alcohol. People can say whatever they want or come up with whatever excuses, but I've seen it destroy enough lives including my father's and loners have a bad tendency to become alcoholics very easily, because they think it will help with their loneliness when it only adds to it and makes things worse.

It is really rough though, and I think at some point we need to further push ourselves and make ourselves bond like others do with people. As soon as I can drive I plan to start attending different events, be it at a library or anime/book festivals or whatnot, and try to get away from the "loner" life. Having said that, I don't believe that we can try to become people we aren't. Like you I'm an introvert, and I am as far from a boastful, cocky or attention-whore person as you can get. "Nice guys finish last" is a saying for a reason, but having said that, how many people do you know who've already gotten divorced or ruined their lives by being the opposite in nature and demeanor as us? I know a friend who has always been the center of the party, has energy up the wazoo, and is now doing 3 years in prison. A lot of good it did for him, eh? Unlike me and you, he would fall in with the wrong crowd, try to impress others, and end up in bad situations, and now he's paying for it.

You know my old boss was from The Netherlands, he is already in his 30's and he is still living with his parents. He said over there, it isn't a big deal and most people wait until their 30's to get married and even to move out.

I don't think we need to rush things. There's always people like Condi Rice, one of my heroes and role-models, who has never gotten married, and is completely content with putting all her energies into her work, study, and whatnot. You gotta admire that, and I do know several other people who are older than me and still single, and are as content as can be.

The key also is staying busy and doing something so that you aren't completely idle. I think you seem to have done that. for me I work on my website and that keeps me busy and makes me feel that I am "contributing" something and doing something creative. I have a huge desire to NOT be alone though, and some days are really rough. But I do talk to quite a lot of people and meet new girls all the time online. And I count that as a gain more than a loss. I do think it's important that we keep doing what we can to better ourselves, and learn how to be better conversationalists and better interact with people and whatnot.

Good luck man. Keep me posted on how you're doing alright? I'd like to know any tips you have as well or if you discover something.

#8 Posted by crusader8463 (14321 posts) -

More often then not, I find I act that way around people only when they are people that deep down I don't really like. Not out right hate, but just people that don't click with me outside the odd topic of conversation. At work I tend to just sit there and never talk unless spoken to by others or if I see a chance for a good one liner in a conversations it comes up. If it wasn't for the stupid jokes I make I don't think they would even talk to me, but I got a bit of a reputation for being the quiet funny guy that makes everyone laugh with my dry/punny humour. So I guess dumb jokes is how I circumvent it.

It's just who I am though. I'm not a very sociable person by nature and tend to ether dislike those around me or feel indifferent towards them. A big reason for that though, is that everyone I have every allowed myself to open up to and grown attached to over the course of my life is ether now dead or turned out to not care about me in return. So as a defense mechanism to not allow myself to feel that pain anymore I'm not able to grow attachments to others or feelings. It really sucks too. There are some really nice/good people at work that could be good friends, but it will never happen. Plus it's just work and we only really talk to each other because we are all dealing with the same shit everyday and outside of those walls it's a different life.

#9 Posted by eskimo (459 posts) -

Depression isn't necessarily feeling bad all the time, sometimes its an absence of feeling good.

#10 Posted by astrotriforce (1326 posts) -

@crusader8463: Just remember that we are the only people holding ourselves back. Instead of telling yourself "it'll never happen", why not change it? Just do it and see if you can become friends with one of those people at work, work is a good starting point for friendships, and many people make lifelong friendships simply because they were co-workers at one time.

Whether you want to hear it or not I'm going to toss this out there, the Bible says to "keep no track of wrongs done against you". Every single person is their own person, and whether someone has hurt you or not is irrelevant to whether that new person will do the same. So try not to lump them together. Also people are people, and they often make mistakes. Every single person has hurt someone in the past that they would take back in the present if they could and regret what they said or did. The best thing to do is to forgive and forget. If you don't, then it will always hold you back from connecting with people or trusting people and trust is key in building a solid relationship with someone in any capacity.

#11 Posted by Socialone (201 posts) -

I became friends with a few altermondialists in college by sheer coincidence. I don't hang out with them nearly as often as I did, but for two years I was very talkative when it came to politics, religion or ecology. They kind of lit up a fire though, I'm not as ''aggressive'' in conversations but I always add my grain of salt when the subject arises (especially since I'm getting a proper education on the concepts justifying my gut feelings about inequalities). Your student association should be good place to start to find interesting people (I feel like I'm recommending that to everyone I come across).

I realize that's a very personal solution, so let me turn this around. The key is to find people that don't bore YOU. Most guys I met over the years were interested in sports, cars, money, round butts and dick jokes. None of these sparked any interest in me, at least not enough to deserve an elaborate conversation, much less a whole friendship. You don't have to put up with them either, there are loads of people with different values and ways of life. The trick is to seize opportunities to find them and that requires some luck, because most of time it's impossible to know who or what will lighten you before it's in your face.

#12 Posted by crusader8463 (14321 posts) -

@astrotriforce: I have known for a long time that it's just me not putting out the effort. The main reason is I haven't found anyone that I think would make a good friend for me as we don't share any hobbies and just lead too much of a different lifestyles. I know a lot of people that are good people, but just not the type to hang out with or to talk with outside of sitting next to each other for 9 hours a day at work. Outside of work we just don't have anything in common.

As for the hating thing, I stopped feeling the hate towards them many years ago. What I can't get rid of however is the memories of the pain when I realized that the first group of people that I ever opened myself up to and was able to call friends didn't care about me in the least bit. I see the word friend in the same way some people see love in that it's something that looses power the more you say it and is something that should be reserved for truly special people. To me friend is a powerful thing to call someone and I don't use it unless I really feel strongly about a person.

I know that someday I will need to just say fuck it and put myself out there and be damned with the results, but that's not right now. Some day I will meet the right person that will allow me to open myself up again, but I just have too much hurting inside to even attempt to allow the chance of being hurt or let down again.

#13 Posted by believer258 (11048 posts) -

Yeah, I guess I'm a pretty boring conversationalist as well. I don't like small talk. In fact, I really dislike it. However, if I'm trying to achieve something and people are helping me, I start talking a lot. I've got to be doing something, even if it's just playing a game or typing on forums.

It's less that I'm boring and more that I don't give a damn about the latest celebrity news or goings-on that I don't care about.

#14 Posted by Zomgfruitbunnies (562 posts) -

Alcohol always helps.

#15 Posted by Bocam (3554 posts) -

While I'm not boring, I do tend to get bored.

#16 Posted by SexyToad (2739 posts) -

I'm usually "on". I like doing new stuff and having conversations.

#17 Posted by Ducksworth (656 posts) -

I'd like to max out my IRL S.Links at some point too. I've felt the same way as many people in this thread have, sometimes it might just be that you need to be involved with a new set of people. Right now there's really only one person who I consider a close friend while everyone else is more of an acquaintance. Personally I find it hard to find someone who meshes well with my interests and lifestyle. Although not completely related, I think it'll be interesting to see what happens to society as human interaction gets increasingly more digital.

#18 Posted by astrotriforce (1326 posts) -

@Socialone: Wow dude thanks, that's all some great advice right there. Especially the bit about finding people who don't bore YOU. Looking at it through that prism instead of the other way around. I couldn't agree more with your advice.

#19 Posted by Phatmac (5686 posts) -

Just go out and do shit that you wouldn't do otherwise. Alcohol also helps.

#20 Posted by CaLe (3678 posts) -

I actually feel sorry for people who think of alcohol when people ask questions like this. I'm so sorry for you.

#21 Posted by stryker1121 (1238 posts) -

You've got to put yourself out there, even with the risk of "rejection" or at the very least a misfire when trying to connect w/ people. You may find one or two good friends in the bargain. If you haven't heard from a friend in awhile, call, email, text, f-book, IM. Don't wait for them to get at you first. Don't stand on ceremony is what I mean to say. I don't always practice what I preach but I'm trying to change my ways, cuz I know how OP and a few of you others feel. You can't be who you aren't, but if you're unhappy it's up to you to change your ways. Hackneyed phrasing, that, but true.

#22 Posted by astrotriforce (1326 posts) -

@crusader8463: That sucks man, but you seem to have a good grip on reality and a somewhat positive attitude, so I think that will help you down the line. Good luck to you I wish you the best.

@SexyToad: Oooo another Toad lover. Maybe we should get married? ;) I love the little guy. If he's not in the next Smash Bros. this Nintendo fan will be PISSED. They better not screw Toad over again by leaving him out....

#23 Posted by Cyrus_Saren (519 posts) -

I can relate with at least two people in this topic in that I also am not very sociable. I keep to myself, and need to be alone a bit more often than other people. The only people I don't mind being around is my girlfriend and our daughter. Problem with that, however, is my girlfriend is very family oriented so she usually wants to go there for the weekend and I usually have to go as well. And since her family is very social, they have a lot of problems with me because I'm so quiet and keep to myself. It's a bit frustrating when they try to make me the center of attention or poke fun at me because I'm so quiet. It's not that I care about being poked fun of, but when it happens constantly, it tends to get on your nerves, ya know?

Anyway, I really don't have any advice to give to change how we are. It's just how some people are and it's just something that we have to deal with. Or, like other people have already said, just find other people that are like you.

#24 Posted by DarthOrange (3498 posts) -
@SexyToad said:
I'm usually "on". I like doing new stuff and having conversations.
High five Toad! Jesus you guys are depressing.        
@AhmadMetallic said:  
 

I've come to this conclusion: In order for you to bond with people, become friends, make them interested in you, make them respect you and desire your company, you have to have two things:

  • The need to share your opinions in a loud imposing speaking voice in random conversations that shows that you're opinionated about whatever topic is at hand. You need to keep an instant image of being "confident" and opinionated and focused. You need to keep showing others that you're in the loop and that you are simply relevant.
  • The need to accomplish things, have ambition, always have a goal set that you want to achieve, always racing to do things and go places. Showing the image that you are determined.

 
You don't need any of those things. It has nothing to do with confidence, being loud, or having a goal. A real friend is someone who you can talk to about anything and get a real response from, not just a dick joke to break the awkwardness they feel (which is what most "loud" people usually do). A real friend is someone who you can visit and just sit your ass on their couch and enjoy their company without saying a word. Or you can talk about the stupidest shit for hours on end with. Their are a lot of assholes in the world, and good people are pretty hard to come by. My suggestion to you is to just stop wasting your time going out with these "friends" who you don't care for. If they can't tell that something is bothering you then they are not real friends. Your post says your a university student, just go meet some new people. Also don't drink out of depression, that is just sad.
#25 Posted by theoracleofgame (92 posts) -

I wouldn't say that I'm quite this "boring", but I definitely only talk to people when there's a specific thing to be talked about: work or common interests help. I know what you mean. Also, as far as advice goes, I'd just say be yourself at all times. I wouldn't call it loud, but try to chime in during conversations with your opinion. I find this makes some of my classes and breaks a lot more interesting. I'll echo everyone else and say yeah, don't drink out of depression.

#26 Posted by TheHumanDove (2396 posts) -

Become that weird type of gal

#27 Posted by stryker1121 (1238 posts) -

@AhmadMetallic: You mentioned social media in your post, and I believe in some ways all this digital connecting makes people feel even more isolated. Not an original thesis by any means and much has been written about the topic, but when people aren't tagging you in pictures on f-book, or dropping IMs on you, or sending emails, or whatever, it amkes you think how much others are not thinking about you, drawing you further into your shell. (Not saying this is your case, but I feel this way sometimes)

#28 Posted by pyromagnestir (3965 posts) -

Eh... When you figure out what to do, let me know. I just avoid people. That's how I deal. Although yawning in my company is not usually a problem, as if I am forced into a social situation I usually can entertain whoever I'm with by being funny.

My problem is more the unmotivated bit, and that I'm never the guy who comes up with the answer to the question "What should we do now?" I fucking hate that question.

#29 Posted by theoracleofgame (92 posts) -

This can be true for me as well. I'm more social in person than with Facebook, though. Guess I like to discuss just about anything over quick snippets of conversation online.

#30 Edited by thedj93 (1237 posts) -

im not naturally an introvert but since im unusually sensitive to external stimuli sometimes i can get crammed in my shell when I'm put in a new environment with too many things happening at once for my brain to feasibly process.

however when I feel comfortable (in the zone) its like a switch.

i transform into an adept conversationalist not scared of treading any topics while nursing a sense of humour that's just weird enough to make all (some) of the smart people laugh. i've found that groups of people appreciate me more when my narcissistic/arrogant side comes out cause i at least act and look like a charismatic know-it-all rather than a meek do-nothing.

when I'm in my shell im just like the person you described in the OP, seeing the surface information of everything but unwilling to venture into the struggle and challenge of unknown experiences. that is the person i am when no one is around, when I'm watching tv vegging out doing whatever. sometimes (when I'm melancholic) it's who i prefer to be. it's so much easier, it's a lot more readily potent and the beauty inherent in artistic stuff (or just everything) can be a lot easier to recognize without any candy colored pinwheel bullshit to distract me from reality.

anyway the point of all this is not to say that you are waiting to come out of a shell or something. I don't know you like that bruh

i guess on one hand im trying to say you aren't the only one; but also to not forget that your transformation can happen whenever, and when(if) it does, your mind will be open in ways you never thought possible! (pardon the exaggeration)

--- ---

anyways my advice would be to stay creative and open minded and do whatever makes you happy while youre doing it; have fun!

maybe it's intelligently dissecting videogames, maybe it's making screamo fused with technocholate, who gives a fuck haha on some real shit

You are probably (based on your writing) eloquent and intelligent enough to be (or appear to be) the most charismatic person in the room; but whether it is a facade that is worth perpetrating in perpetuity is up to you. the possibilites are kinda sorta endless

OH YEAH! and if you don't have the endurance to make it through this stupid post at least pay attention to what @DarthOrange: is saying! literally every sentence in his post is on some real shit

#31 Posted by stryker1121 (1238 posts) -

@theoracleofgame said:

This can be true for me as well. I'm more social in person than with Facebook, though. Guess I like to discuss just about anything over quick snippets of conversation online.

That's why it's important to stay connected with people even if they can be a pain in the ass sometimes. Life can get lonely and all the Wall posts in the world don't beat face-to-face contact. Hell, this thread has inspired to get in touch w/ a friend I haven't talked to for a couple of months.

#32 Posted by theoracleofgame (92 posts) -

For sure! I don't necessarily want to turn this into Facebook discussion thread, but that stuff is really great for having the means to contact others. I met this guy from a Shanghai international school, and I would have had no chance of keeping in touch with him without Facebook. It's just using those tools as a primary form of communication that is -- silly.

#33 Posted by EpicSteve (6442 posts) -

I've had similar issues in life. It's been difficult for me to "loosen the tie". I've recently had the experience of deploying to a combat zone and that has seem to change a lot of that. Mainly seeing that life is short. Lately I've been able to loosen up a lot. While experiences like that are rare you need to find something to latch on to. And some people are just quiet. But try energy drinks and B12 supplements. I don't endorse being an alcoholic, but I find it a lot easier to talk to people while under the influence.

#34 Posted by Jrinswand (1692 posts) -

Easy: I not care.

I may be boring but my wife loves me and that's really all that counts.

#35 Posted by dungbootle (2454 posts) -

Boring is not the worst thing you could be.

#36 Posted by CaptainCody (1504 posts) -

I'm very cool and popular so I can't relate completely. Good luck on your social endeavors, though.

#37 Posted by Sanity (1853 posts) -

Eh... boring is really the story of people in wealthy country's today. With so much freedom we sure do a damn good job of making our own prisons.

#38 Posted by iam3green (14388 posts) -

i think all of the people here feel that way on here, people who play a lot of video games.

#39 Edited by Karkarov (2622 posts) -

Well your first issue is something no one seems to have just out right said as clearly as I will but.... You seem to think there is something wrong with you? There isn't. You are absolutely fine as you are.

Also ... whats wrong with not being ambitious? I literally pity these always on go getters I see. Whats the point in a high power job if all you get out of it is constantly working and spending what little free time you have playing corporate America politics to get ahead? What is the point of being rich if you never actually take a day off? I am going to quote a wise man. Happiness isn't getting what you want, it is wanting what you have.

When I was in college I studied architecture and graphic design. I met a architect who I won't name that ran his own business and worked for multi millionaires and some pretty famous people. He once got paid over 200k to design a bathroom with a full on bowling alley in it. No, I am not joking. He ended up in the same class as me on one thing and we got paired for a project.

Long story short at the end our project wasn't panning out and there were some inconsistencies. This guy who owned his own business, had over two decades of real work experience, and was already a millionaire himself was so freaked out about the possibility that he might get less than an A+++ SIR! and what that would do for him professionally that he had nervous breakdown in the middle of class and literally started crying like a 16 year old who just got dumped by their first girlfriend. A full on mental breakdown in public. In the end I went to the teacher and told him to lay it all on me and hold every mistake or inconsistency against me alone so the guys grades wouldn't be effected. The teacher agreed and failed me on the project but gave the other guy a 100 passing him at the top of the class.

That is bad enough as it is but I also met other professional architects and designers around the same time, some even famous for their work.... It included one person who slit their wrists due to the pressure of a particular deadline, another who divorced their wife and abandoned their children due to the stress... Heck my own Architecture teacher ultimately had a mental breakdown as well a few years later and moved alone to Jamaica abandoning his family and career because he couldn't take it anymore. Did I mention he also worked for a major design firm on the side in addition to teaching?

So I ask again.... What exactly is wrong with not being ambitious?

I dare say there is one character trait that is by far the greatest of all: Humility. I am willing to bet it is a trait you have, so I humbly suggest you should feel just fine about yourself.

#40 Posted by Osaladin (2503 posts) -

I think it's interesting how many people here think having ambitious means you have to become a slave to big corporations and pretty much give up your life for your work. You can find ambition in anything people, the hard part is finding something to be ambitious in. To the OP, as long as you're relatively satisfied with your life as it is right now, learn to enjoy it for what it is, and who knows, maybe down the line you'll find something to stir your inner passions. Also, if you're hanging out with people that need you to be a loud mouthed, heavily opinionated person, you're probably running with the wrong crowd, especially for your personality. Try new things out, even if you don't have the drive to, and you may surprise yourself.

#41 Posted by Village_Guy (2410 posts) -

I don't care, that is my solution.

Granted with my mixture of Social phobia, autism, ADD, and-maybe-a-little-psychosis. I wouldn't care either way, other people isn't interesting in my mind, more often than not they are just annoying.

#42 Posted by ShaggE (5987 posts) -

I don't think I'm boring, but I feel you on the almost nihilistic apathy at times. The hard part is, for all my lack of motivation, I do have honest aspirations. I just keep shooting myself down at every opportunity, and convince myself that I have no real talent in anything.

#43 Posted by Cloudenvy (5890 posts) -

I don't know, I'm kind of an introvert.

I don't really see that as a problem though, since I actually really like who I am.

#44 Posted by ervonymous (1226 posts) -

I act really conservatively online but I'm anything but in real life, often to my detriment. So the Internet and every last one of you make me nervous as shit, it's like the deep sea.

#45 Posted by Arabes (330 posts) -

@eskimo: Do you really fucking think that depression is the absence of feeling good? Seriously man, get a fucking grip on yourself. If you are not experiencing fucking joy in every waking moment that is not depression, that's just fucking reality. Depression is a serious mental illness, that causes major problems. It needs medical treatment for christ's sake.

Fuck me, ye are a bunch of whiny bitches. For the dude that started this post, you're not fucking boring, you're normal you tool. Just like everyone else, you're not exceptional, you're average you fucking dope. And the rest of ye, fucking grow up. He's not describing apathy, nihilism (fucking nihilism, jesus christ on a fucking pogo stick do you even know what the word means) or anything else, he is describing the feeling of not being a person on a tv show. One who does not lead an amazing, exciting life full of wonderment, one who is the center of attention all the time, one who, dare I say it, does not have a new heroic adventure every week.

Welcome to being a human on planet earth. This is life, it's pretty good some times and kind of shitty other times and the rest is relatively monotonous. You are not a unique and special snow flake, you are a person like all the other people.

#46 Posted by AlexanderSheen (4672 posts) -

I'm kind of an introvert, but my inability is not socializing, it's the lack of motivation to do it.

When I meet someone I'm always open to talk about anything, do activities with them (like biliards or a little bit of drinking) and such, but after that it's all downhill for me. I mean the people who I met so far are not weird the same way I am and that's why I don't have a great enthusiasm about meeting them again. I even have a better time on the Anime Discussion Thread than with "real" people.

#47 Posted by Cloudenvy (5890 posts) -

@AlexanderSheen said:

I even have a better time on the Anime Discussion Thread than with "real" people.

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAH!

#48 Posted by ShaggE (5987 posts) -

@Arabes said:

He's not describing apathy, nihilism (fucking nihilism, jesus christ on a fucking pogo stick do you even know what the word means) or anything else, he is describing the feeling of not being a person on a tv show. O

"You don't feel the need to accomplish anything, you don't seem to have any ambitions other than living well, you don't feel the need to show others that you're an opinionated strong man, you're indifferent towards most things in life that others get riled up about and discuss, when you sit down with friends you crack the occasional joke or talk about a few things but you mostly just sit there in your comfortable silence eating chips or smoking a cigarette?"

Most of that sounds like apathy to me. I admit that "nihilistic" was a little strong, but that was more describing my own experience in a poorly worded way. Instead of flipping out over it and implying I'm an idiot, try asking for clarification.

#49 Posted by believer258 (11048 posts) -

@Cloudenvy said:

@AlexanderSheen said:

I even have a better time on the Anime Discussion Thread than with "real" people.

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAH!

No, here:

#50 Edited by Chop (1965 posts) -

@Arabes said:

He's not describing apathy, nihilism (fucking nihilism, jesus christ on a fucking pogo stick do you even know what the word means) or anything else, he is describing the feeling of not being a person on a tv show.

I agree. There isn't anything wrong with you just because you don't adhere to popular standards. You are boring and don't have ambition...so what? How do you think the rest of society ends up in their place? Join the rest of us.