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Posted by bassman2112 (858 posts) -

Mental illness isn't a subject that many are incredibly candid about; nor is it something that many people feel comfortable talking about. I would like to be forthcoming with my own issues. I suffer from clinical depression, and refuse to take any medication to suppress any of the symptoms.

When I was growing up, my free time was split as such at home: 20% sports, 40% Music, 40% gaming. As I grew up in the 90s, and my consoles of choice were the SNES in the early 90s and the N64 as well as PC gaming in the mid-late 90s. The worlds of these games were enthralling and let my imagination run wild with the vivid imagery the artists had created. RPGs, platformers, action and adventure games were my chosen genres for most of that time and it was really easy to lose entire weekends devoted to one single game, playing through it in its entirety more than once. The passion in the industry was exciting and the fact that games were getting so drastically much better from year-to-year made me excited for the prospect of what the future of gaming would hold.

As I grew older, games were always there. In the early 00s I fell further into the PC gaming side of it, joining clans in games like Quake 3, Elite Force, Jedi Knight II/Jedi Knight Academy, etc. The communities were always like-minded people who loved the same things you did, were there for the same reason; but yet all came from completely different backgrounds. There were rich kids, poor kids, smart kids, dumb kids, physically handicapped kids and star athletes. For a young teenager, it gave me such a beautiful vision for what communities of people should act like; but, as I grew older, I discovered that wasn't the case.

This is where gaming started falling to the wayside. Mid-teens to early adulthood - things start getting a little rough all over the place. Family, friends and general social connections started getting very weak and it became difficult to stay motivated for anything. I had lost some of my best friends to car accidents, had been disowned by old friends due to drama caused by lies, witnessed my immediate family fall apart... A lot of extremely negative situations all falling unto themselves. Sadly, being introverted made this very difficult to deal with and I ended up simply bottling up those emotions for years.

Having been hurt when trying to open up to people before, it felt impossible to get any kind of catharsis through conversations. My old friends had all either moved or stopped talking to me, and I didn't trust anyone 'new' enough to open up. My girlfriend at the time was my best friend, but she was not the best to talk to with these things (she happens to be a bit of a thespian and doesn't quite understand sincerity with delicate issues). I tried many different things to feel 'better.' (None of these ways included illicit substances or alcohol. I am strictly against using mind-altering substances due to the deaths of friends and family as well as family history... Etc) Eventually, things that were previously my greatest passions became chores. I never felt like leaving the house to continue doing sports, music was less fun and more demanding and gaming, one of my favorite ways to lose myself, seemed pointless.

I had my PS3 and would continually try to sit down and play through a game like Uncharted or Resistance; but couldn't keep dedicated. My mind would wander, I would find stupid things to complain about ('those textures look weird,' 'come on story, move faster,' 'another puzzle? no..') and then would walk away from them. PC gaming was the same, even the old community stuff felt trite. I found it hard to play online for more than 10 minutes because I'd get frustrated after losing a round or two. It felt I had become fatigued from gaming, though I'd barely been doing it. There was no getting around it, I knew something was wrong.

By the point this really hit me was after 2 years of University. The summer of 2010.

I moved back home so I could spend the following year working, earning money to go to school in the States (I'm Canadian) and not have to take out loans. I was living in the city where all my old friends lived; but none of them would ever want to see me. I was living in the house of a deteriorating family, they eventually fell apart. I still had my girlfriend, but even we broke up. (Though we remain best friends to this day. I consider her my only real friend here) Things were not positive, and to top it off, I grew tired of my job. (Still working for it though, for school)

Things seemed really bad, and I was constantly down in-the-dumps, crying at night, losing all motivation to talk to people or do things - I needed change. I talked very sincerely with some close friends from University as well as my previous girlfriend/best friend. I let little bits out and bore some hidden emotions to some very trusted people. Not a lot of opening up, but more than there had been for all of my life. This prompted me to incite bigger change. I found a psychologist who was recommended to me by my workplace, and had my initial consultation. I let my emotions fly, talked about things I refused to talk about and that had almost become repressed memories. He knew more about me by the end of an hour than most anyone knew about me from a lifetime of friendship.

Through that psychologist, I learned that my depression was textbook and that all the tragedies that had happened in my life became huge burdens to me. It was because of my personal issues that things had become so difficult to enjoy and I was so constantly pained.

The talk with this man opened my eyes and I immediately realized how foolish I had been to avoid things I loved... I decided to try and open up with someone else. I traveled back to the city in which I went to University and spent a whole day hanging out with a friend who I considered someone I wanted to be close with. We both talked about our respective issues, and through that day learned that we were very much the same - losing passions, rough pasts, repressed feelings, depression... We both got a lot of of the time together and agreed that we really needed to do this more often.

That day with the friend was yesterday.

The fact is that depression is likely to be a part of my life for a very long time; but understanding it and being honest with yourself about it is the only way to truly deal with it. It is not weak to talk to people about it, nor should it be scary if you have someone you trust and love. If they care about you, they'll listen - and it's entirely likely that they have hard times too and need someone just as much.

Back to gaming, though.

After that consultation with the psychiatrist (this was about 6 months ago), I noticed that I started seeing the joy in things I did previously. Now I could pick up my instrument and learn a piece of music for fun rather than feel burdened by it again. I could find the motivation to go for a 4 hour bike ride. Most importantly to me, though - I had the state of mind to be able and sit down with a game and enjoy it for the story and atmosphere again.

I could have cried the first time I was able to sit down and enjoy a story like that again. The game that drew me back was Mass Effect. I became totally enraptured with the characters, the fiction and the universe - I kept playing and genuinely wanting to know what would happen next, doing every side quest I could and reading every codex entry between missions. The catharsis of being back in the gaming world made me so happy, and I continue to love playing games - even more-so now! Resistance 2, Uncharted 2, Grand Theft Auto 4, Persona 4, Portal 2 - I've played through all of these in the past few months.

The reason I'm writing this is that I know some people are going through similar things in their lives, and even though I'm a complete stranger to you - I care. I know, I've been there; but it does get better. You just have to make it better for yourself. Find someone to listen to you. Hell, I'll listen to you if you really need to talk. I'm completely willing to try and help.

I'd really like to extend my gratitude to the wonderful community here at Giant Bomb and Whiskey Media. I've been coming here since its inception, as well as the other sites that grew out of it. (Screened, Tested and later got into Comic Vine)

I'd been coming here for years, but was simply not motivated enough to make an account or try to participate in anything because of the hole I'd been stuck in for that whole time. Though that was the case, I loved the Quick Looks and Endurance Runs - I'd spend hours of my day watching them and thoroughly enjoying them. Now that I'm 'well,' it's good to know that a community like this exists and that it is so much like the communities I used to belong to (albeit much bigger, and with more console fanboys than there were then).

I love you guys, and I want you to know that you rock <3

-Alex

#1 Posted by bassman2112 (858 posts) -

Mental illness isn't a subject that many are incredibly candid about; nor is it something that many people feel comfortable talking about. I would like to be forthcoming with my own issues. I suffer from clinical depression, and refuse to take any medication to suppress any of the symptoms.

When I was growing up, my free time was split as such at home: 20% sports, 40% Music, 40% gaming. As I grew up in the 90s, and my consoles of choice were the SNES in the early 90s and the N64 as well as PC gaming in the mid-late 90s. The worlds of these games were enthralling and let my imagination run wild with the vivid imagery the artists had created. RPGs, platformers, action and adventure games were my chosen genres for most of that time and it was really easy to lose entire weekends devoted to one single game, playing through it in its entirety more than once. The passion in the industry was exciting and the fact that games were getting so drastically much better from year-to-year made me excited for the prospect of what the future of gaming would hold.

As I grew older, games were always there. In the early 00s I fell further into the PC gaming side of it, joining clans in games like Quake 3, Elite Force, Jedi Knight II/Jedi Knight Academy, etc. The communities were always like-minded people who loved the same things you did, were there for the same reason; but yet all came from completely different backgrounds. There were rich kids, poor kids, smart kids, dumb kids, physically handicapped kids and star athletes. For a young teenager, it gave me such a beautiful vision for what communities of people should act like; but, as I grew older, I discovered that wasn't the case.

This is where gaming started falling to the wayside. Mid-teens to early adulthood - things start getting a little rough all over the place. Family, friends and general social connections started getting very weak and it became difficult to stay motivated for anything. I had lost some of my best friends to car accidents, had been disowned by old friends due to drama caused by lies, witnessed my immediate family fall apart... A lot of extremely negative situations all falling unto themselves. Sadly, being introverted made this very difficult to deal with and I ended up simply bottling up those emotions for years.

Having been hurt when trying to open up to people before, it felt impossible to get any kind of catharsis through conversations. My old friends had all either moved or stopped talking to me, and I didn't trust anyone 'new' enough to open up. My girlfriend at the time was my best friend, but she was not the best to talk to with these things (she happens to be a bit of a thespian and doesn't quite understand sincerity with delicate issues). I tried many different things to feel 'better.' (None of these ways included illicit substances or alcohol. I am strictly against using mind-altering substances due to the deaths of friends and family as well as family history... Etc) Eventually, things that were previously my greatest passions became chores. I never felt like leaving the house to continue doing sports, music was less fun and more demanding and gaming, one of my favorite ways to lose myself, seemed pointless.

I had my PS3 and would continually try to sit down and play through a game like Uncharted or Resistance; but couldn't keep dedicated. My mind would wander, I would find stupid things to complain about ('those textures look weird,' 'come on story, move faster,' 'another puzzle? no..') and then would walk away from them. PC gaming was the same, even the old community stuff felt trite. I found it hard to play online for more than 10 minutes because I'd get frustrated after losing a round or two. It felt I had become fatigued from gaming, though I'd barely been doing it. There was no getting around it, I knew something was wrong.

By the point this really hit me was after 2 years of University. The summer of 2010.

I moved back home so I could spend the following year working, earning money to go to school in the States (I'm Canadian) and not have to take out loans. I was living in the city where all my old friends lived; but none of them would ever want to see me. I was living in the house of a deteriorating family, they eventually fell apart. I still had my girlfriend, but even we broke up. (Though we remain best friends to this day. I consider her my only real friend here) Things were not positive, and to top it off, I grew tired of my job. (Still working for it though, for school)

Things seemed really bad, and I was constantly down in-the-dumps, crying at night, losing all motivation to talk to people or do things - I needed change. I talked very sincerely with some close friends from University as well as my previous girlfriend/best friend. I let little bits out and bore some hidden emotions to some very trusted people. Not a lot of opening up, but more than there had been for all of my life. This prompted me to incite bigger change. I found a psychologist who was recommended to me by my workplace, and had my initial consultation. I let my emotions fly, talked about things I refused to talk about and that had almost become repressed memories. He knew more about me by the end of an hour than most anyone knew about me from a lifetime of friendship.

Through that psychologist, I learned that my depression was textbook and that all the tragedies that had happened in my life became huge burdens to me. It was because of my personal issues that things had become so difficult to enjoy and I was so constantly pained.

The talk with this man opened my eyes and I immediately realized how foolish I had been to avoid things I loved... I decided to try and open up with someone else. I traveled back to the city in which I went to University and spent a whole day hanging out with a friend who I considered someone I wanted to be close with. We both talked about our respective issues, and through that day learned that we were very much the same - losing passions, rough pasts, repressed feelings, depression... We both got a lot of of the time together and agreed that we really needed to do this more often.

That day with the friend was yesterday.

The fact is that depression is likely to be a part of my life for a very long time; but understanding it and being honest with yourself about it is the only way to truly deal with it. It is not weak to talk to people about it, nor should it be scary if you have someone you trust and love. If they care about you, they'll listen - and it's entirely likely that they have hard times too and need someone just as much.

Back to gaming, though.

After that consultation with the psychiatrist (this was about 6 months ago), I noticed that I started seeing the joy in things I did previously. Now I could pick up my instrument and learn a piece of music for fun rather than feel burdened by it again. I could find the motivation to go for a 4 hour bike ride. Most importantly to me, though - I had the state of mind to be able and sit down with a game and enjoy it for the story and atmosphere again.

I could have cried the first time I was able to sit down and enjoy a story like that again. The game that drew me back was Mass Effect. I became totally enraptured with the characters, the fiction and the universe - I kept playing and genuinely wanting to know what would happen next, doing every side quest I could and reading every codex entry between missions. The catharsis of being back in the gaming world made me so happy, and I continue to love playing games - even more-so now! Resistance 2, Uncharted 2, Grand Theft Auto 4, Persona 4, Portal 2 - I've played through all of these in the past few months.

The reason I'm writing this is that I know some people are going through similar things in their lives, and even though I'm a complete stranger to you - I care. I know, I've been there; but it does get better. You just have to make it better for yourself. Find someone to listen to you. Hell, I'll listen to you if you really need to talk. I'm completely willing to try and help.

I'd really like to extend my gratitude to the wonderful community here at Giant Bomb and Whiskey Media. I've been coming here since its inception, as well as the other sites that grew out of it. (Screened, Tested and later got into Comic Vine)

I'd been coming here for years, but was simply not motivated enough to make an account or try to participate in anything because of the hole I'd been stuck in for that whole time. Though that was the case, I loved the Quick Looks and Endurance Runs - I'd spend hours of my day watching them and thoroughly enjoying them. Now that I'm 'well,' it's good to know that a community like this exists and that it is so much like the communities I used to belong to (albeit much bigger, and with more console fanboys than there were then).

I love you guys, and I want you to know that you rock <3

-Alex

#2 Posted by bassman2112 (858 posts) -

I'd just like to say this came as a really impromptu writing session, so I'd like to apologize if it comes across as ranty or if parts of it don't make sense (English is not my first language) haha =)

#3 Posted by htr10 (360 posts) -

well said.  really nice perspective on everything, video games and otherwise.
#4 Posted by TooWalrus (13257 posts) -
@Bassman2112: Maybe I'll read through this whole thing in a minute- but right now, what's bugging me is WHAT is your avatar? It looks so familiar, but I can't put my finger on it. I think it reminds me of some old-ass game that's buried deep down in the center of my brain, and I just can't get to it. Then again, it could be nothing.
#5 Posted by Enigma777 (6059 posts) -

I don't believe in depression. 

#6 Posted by bassman2112 (858 posts) -
@TooWalrus said:
@Bassman2112: Maybe I'll read through this whole thing in a minute- but right now, what's bugging me is WHAT is your avatar? It looks so familiar, but I can't put my finger on it. I think it reminds me of some old-ass game that's buried deep down in the center of my brain, and I just can't get to it. Then again, it could be nothing.
Haha, that would be the 'muncher' from Number Munchers from the late 80s =)
#7 Posted by bassman2112 (858 posts) -
@Enigma777 said:
I don't believe in depression. 
Nor did I until I almost became suicidal.
#8 Posted by Jeust (10860 posts) -

That's some story! Welcome to the community. 


I've also been there, in depression, but found my way out of it. 


#9 Posted by rootsaroundus (7 posts) -
@Enigma777 said:
I don't believe in depression. 


that's cause you've never stayed in bed for 2 weeks straight without even getting up to go to the bathroom.

 

a depressed person won't care if he pisses the bed, or is hungry, or what have you. they lose hope in everything and everyone.

 

it exists.

#10 Posted by TooWalrus (13257 posts) -
@Bassman2112 said:
@TooWalrus said:
@Bassman2112: Maybe I'll read through this whole thing in a minute- but right now, what's bugging me is WHAT is your avatar? It looks so familiar, but I can't put my finger on it. I think it reminds me of some old-ass game that's buried deep down in the center of my brain, and I just can't get to it. Then again, it could be nothing.
Haha, that would be the 'muncher' from Number Munchers from the late 80s =)
Fuckin' shit it is- I have no memory of where or when I played this game, but I must have been hella young, because as soon as I started looking through those screen shots, it all started makin' since. Thank's so much. For that, I'll read your giant blog.
#11 Posted by BadOrcLDR (178 posts) -

I'm glad you found some help and are finally seeing the bright side of life (blame Eric Idle for that cheesy saying, not me)!

#12 Posted by Claude (16254 posts) -

It sucks man. My wife suffers from depression, but it feeds itself into other lives. We always try to love.

#13 Posted by Monty344 (96 posts) -

Excepting and talking about problems that are in my life help me a lot when dealing with them.

#14 Posted by Delta_Ass (3282 posts) -

Thanks for opening up, I hope writing this has given you some closure. Life's too short to dwell on the negatives.

#15 Posted by Brendan (8152 posts) -

I want to give you a totally un-ironic:


Cool story, bro.
#16 Posted by Tim_the_Corsair (3065 posts) -

Mate, I'd just like to congratulate you on both the courage it takes to write about yourself in this way, and also the fact that you got help and are well on your way to improving your life.

I had my own battle with depression when I was 18, having a very bad run in literally every aspect of my life. I had seen the devastating effects clinical depression can have on a person and their loved ones (my dad is an ex cop who suffered very badly his whole life, especially once he was forced to retire when I was ten. Literally half a decade went past with him and I almost barely talking as he worked or slept and did nothing else before finally getting help), and I always swore I wouldn't fall into the same traps.

Naturally I did, only instead of bottling it up and withdrawing, I instead did the opposite, spiralling into drugs and alcohol and a series of very damaging "relationships", culminating with my almost getting expelled from school, except for the efforts of one particular teacher who interceded on my behalf. Even so, I became very withdrawn, and did little but play CS and drink, working a deadend job rather than take the chance of going to Uni and being around people and risking failure.

It wasn't until I met my (now fiancée) 8 years ago that I finally met someone who I could talk to. I don't know whether it was a dam bursting, or whether she just got me, but somehow I opened up to her, and we eventually wound up together. It took a lot of time, but she has helped get me back to the confident, genuinely happy person I used to be, and I am no longer scared to follow my dreams for risk of failure.

OP, you obviously had a far rougher time than I ever did, but I just wanted to share that you aren't alone either, and reinforce everything you've said. Depression is a massive issue for many people, but it doesn't have to be if you will just take that first step and talk about it.

#17 Posted by animathias (1194 posts) -

Thank you.

I wish I had more to add, but I really don't.

So, Thank you. That was an enlightening read.

#18 Posted by wickedsc3 (1046 posts) -
@TooWalrus said:
@Bassman2112 said:
@TooWalrus said:
@Bassman2112: Maybe I'll read through this whole thing in a minute- but right now, what's bugging me is WHAT is your avatar? It looks so familiar, but I can't put my finger on it. I think it reminds me of some old-ass game that's buried deep down in the center of my brain, and I just can't get to it. Then again, it could be nothing.
Haha, that would be the 'muncher' from Number Munchers from the late 80s =)
Fuckin' shit it is- I have no memory of where or when I played this game, but I must have been hella young, because as soon as I started looking through those screen shots, it all started makin' since. Thank's so much. For that, I'll read your giant blog.
Thats awesome I remember playing that in school in like 3rd grade lol.
#19 Posted by bassman2112 (858 posts) -
@Delta_Ass said:
Thanks for opening up, I hope writing this has given you some closure. Life's too short to dwell on the negatives.
Absolutely and completely, though there are a ton of more details I'd love to add - it'd be much too cumbersome to try and make interesting to someone who doesn't particularly care for the smaller details haha.

Thank you for taking the time to read it =)

@Monty144 said:
Excepting and talking about problems that are in my life help me a lot when dealing with them.

I thoroughly agree, and I hope more people get to know that rather than letting it fester and reaching a place where it becomes physically and mentally draining to try and come back.

Thank you

@Claude said:
It sucks man. My wife suffers from depression, but it feeds itself into other lives. We always try to love.


As cliché as that may come across to people who don't understand, I completely sympathize with you two and am extremely glad you guys have that love. She must be a lucky lady to have someone caring =) I hope you  keep well!

@BadOrcLDR said:
I'm glad you found some help and are finally seeing the bright side of life (blame Eric Idle for that cheesy saying, not me)!

Absolutely! Haha, and don't worry, I regularly and inadvertently quote artists like Jeff Buckley, Ray Lamontagne and various french authors all the time too =P They're cheesy because they're true sometimes =)

@TooWalrus said:
@Bassman2112 said:
@TooWalrus said:
@Bassman2112: Maybe I'll read through this whole thing in a minute- but right now, what's bugging me is WHAT is your avatar? It looks so familiar, but I can't put my finger on it. I think it reminds me of some old-ass game that's buried deep down in the center of my brain, and I just can't get to it. Then again, it could be nothing.
Haha, that would be the 'muncher' from Number Munchers from the late 80s =)
Fuckin' shit it is- I have no memory of where or when I played this game, but I must have been hella young, because as soon as I started looking through those screen shots, it all started makin' since. Thank's so much. For that, I'll read your giant blog.

Haha, I'd recommend playing a bit of it again if you can find it (I think there's a flash version if you google it). Pure nostalgia.
Thanks for taking the time to read it!
#20 Posted by Daveyo520 (7003 posts) -

I am a gamer with depression. I use games to escape really.

#21 Posted by bassman2112 (858 posts) -
@Tim_the_Corsair said:
Mate, I'd just like to congratulate you on both the courage it takes to write about yourself in this way, and also the fact that you got help and are well on your way to improving your life. I had my own battle with depression when I was 18, having a very bad run in literally every aspect of my life. I had seen the devastating effects clinical depression can have on a person and their loved ones (my dad is an ex cop who suffered very badly his whole life, especially once he was forced to retire when I was ten. Literally half a decade went past with him and I almost barely talking as he worked or slept and did nothing else before finally getting help), and I always swore I wouldn't fall into the same traps. Naturally I did, only instead of bottling it up and withdrawing, I instead did the opposite, spiralling into drugs and alcohol and a series of very damaging "relationships", culminating with my almost getting expelled from school, except for the efforts of one particular teacher who interceded on my behalf. Even so, I became very withdrawn, and did little but play CS and drink, working a deadend job rather than take the chance of going to Uni and being around people and risking failure. It wasn't until I met my (now fiancée) 8 years ago that I finally met someone who I could talk to. I don't know whether it was a dam bursting, or whether she just got me, but somehow I opened up to her, and we eventually wound up together. It took a lot of time, but she has helped get me back to the confident, genuinely happy person I used to be, and I am no longer scared to follow my dreams for risk of failure. OP, you obviously had a far rougher time than I ever did, but I just wanted to share that you aren't alone either, and reinforce everything you've said. Depression is a massive issue for many people, but it doesn't have to be if you will just take that first step and talk about it.
I'm extremely glad you took the time to read my little story, and am completely sympathetic to what you must have gone through when you were in the throws of depression. It can be quite scary at time...

I did have some similar moments, though without the substances. I was also very rude to people I should not have been rude to (i.e. my ex-ex who cheated on me; but instead of forgiving her I kept ragging on her and being generally and genuinely destructive and rude [we've since made amends]). It truly does affect people more than you know, and I'm extremely glad to know you did eventually find your 'way out.' Congratulations on finding someone who you can consider yourself to be that close to - that is both rare and precious, you're both very lucky to have each other.

Haha, and in regards to your 'genuinely happy person I used to be' thing... The sad/weird thing is that in public it was extremely easy for me to appear perfectly fine. I'm no actor by any means, but behind every toothy smile there was always a negative itch or repressed cry for help. Luckily it is no longer that way.

Genuinely, thank you for reading and taking the time to respond <3
#22 Posted by cheebaking (123 posts) -
@Enigma777 said:
I don't believe in depression. 
I'm fairly sure thats not how it works.
#23 Posted by dietmango (1667 posts) -

Great post, liked reading it through and through. It's awesome that you've overcome those burdens because I've been through some stuff myself. But in comparison to your past problems, mine seems so trivial xD

But anyway, there was also a period in my life that I just didn't want to do anything; video games, anime, writing, hanging out with friends, at one point in my life I decided that all those things can just go to hell. I just didn't care anymore. I lost all the motivation. And it all traced back to the problem I had deep in my subconscious. It wasn't a problem that I knew straight out, I finally figured it out after a lot of thinking. As it turns out, being social had a lot to do with it. Lack of exercise played a role into it as well. So I decided to be more active and a bit more social, be in tune with the latest happenings but careful enough to not buy into all the bullshit. Next thing I know, I gained at least some of that motivation back. I actually found the things I want to do a productive thing instead of a waste of time.

It also helps for me to learn to just really lighten up about many things and life and not to take all of them TOO seriously. I've learned to become more laid-back but not too lazy, and try to find some optimism in almost anything I come across. Of course, I add a little bit of sarcasm and pessimism into the mix, just for my own amusement. :P And of course, friends. I've grown accustomed to losing friends over stupid, melodramatic crap. On the plus side, you gain some new friends and even strengthen bonds with those you call your "true" friends.

But eh, I've written enough. I'm sure people get the idea. I also believe that people can overcome depression by themselves when they find the sources of their problems and come to terms with it. It's hard, but over time, it's possible. Hell, I know, took me years to finally do so.

#24 Posted by bassman2112 (858 posts) -
@asian_pride said:
Great post, liked reading it through and through. It's awesome that you've overcome those burdens because I've been through some stuff myself. But in comparison to your past problems, mine seems so trivial xDBut anyway, there was also a period in my life that I just didn't want to do anything; video games, anime, writing, hanging out with friends, at one point in my life I decided that all those things can just go to hell. I just didn't care anymore. I lost all the motivation. And it all traced back to the problem I had deep in my subconscious. It wasn't a problem that I knew straight out, I finally figured it out after a lot of thinking. As it turns out, being social had a lot to do with it. Lack of exercise played a role into it as well. So I decided to be more active and a bit more social, be in tune with the latest happenings but careful enough to not buy into all the bullshit. Next thing I know, I gained at least some of that motivation back. I actually found the things I want to do a productive thing instead of a waste of time.It also helps for me to learn to just really lighten up about many things and life and not to take all of them TOO seriously. I've learned to become more laid-back but not too lazy, and try to find some optimism in almost anything I come across. Of course, I add a little bit of sarcasm and pessimism into the mix, just for my own amusement. :P And of course, friends. I've grown accustomed to losing friends over stupid, melodramatic crap. On the plus side, you gain some new friends and even strengthen bonds with those you call your "true" friends.But eh, I've written enough. I'm sure people get the idea. I also believe that people can overcome depression by themselves when they find the sources of their problems and come to terms with it. It's hard, but over time, it's possible. Hell, I know, took me years to finally do so.
=) I'm glad you found a way out as well. I guess the thing to consider, in any case, is that the catalyst can be something you wouldn't even expect; but it can shoot you straight downwards.
Everyone has a different experience with depression, and it affects them for different amounts of time, but that doesn't mean any one case is more or less important than another. Your perspective is exactly right. Learn to let things go and hold onto the people who truly matter =)
Thanks a ton for reading the post and thanks for being honest haha.
#25 Posted by sarge1445 (677 posts) -

lexipro that shit if it comes back

#26 Posted by UncleClassy (405 posts) -
@Bassman2112 said:
  (English is not my first language) haha =)
You sure as hell could've fooled me
#27 Edited by Kandycane2029 (511 posts) -

I have my own problems, and I do for fact use gaming as an escape. I'm unhappy with my life and my surroundings, and gaming helps me though it. But those are my own problems. My mother, however, has been through a lot. She was in a car crash in the early 80's and has brain injuries. This was before I was born. However, she gamed with me when I was a kid. We played Super Mario Bros. on NES when I was a kid to make me feel better when I was sick or when my brothers were at school. She's actually tried to understand my passion for gaming as is one of the main reminders of why I game, aside from my dad, who was a hardcore gamer during the NES days (He's dedicated to the Civ series, C&C, and an amazing Madden player now). I play Wii bowling with my mom a lot these days because it's easy for her to do, and she's GOOD at it (she used to be on a pro bowling team), and it connects us. She also asks me to come over and play story driven games for her because she likes to watch and absorb the story more than daily tv. She's a HUGE fan of Deadly Premonition and Alan Wake. She sometimes confuses the two though, but always asks me to play the game with Zach. I know for most people, they couldn't deal with her inability to explain what's constantly happening, but I love to do it. She loves gaming as much as me, and I always love coming over and playing a game for her to watch.

EDIT: too lazy to correct my grammar/spelling errors. She also LOVES L.A. Noire.

#28 Posted by Skytylz (4039 posts) -
@Claude said:
It sucks man. My wife suffers from depression, but it feeds itself into other lives. We always try to love.

Did you get a haircut?
#29 Edited by crusader8463 (14429 posts) -

Something I realized recently, is how many games depression have/are going to ruin for me. I have played some really great games that I know I should love, but because of this dam depression I can't really feel anything towards them other then frustration at the few annoying parts.


Normally I just skim over long posts like that, but it was well written and since I could relate I read it all.

Anyway, I'm happy you got things together. Best of luck and all that.  
#30 Posted by MordeaniisChaos (5730 posts) -
@Bassman2112
I'm 17, and you pretty much described my life up to this point. It's refreshing to see someone so candid with such a thing. Thank you for writing this, if for no reason other than giving me a bit of perspective. Luckily, I learned to cope with most of it (or perhaps a better way of putting it is I'm learning to), a big chunk of that being my goal to join the Marines and the preparation required for that. I still am not very good at opening up, but occasionally I have someone who I can talk to about select things. This post has encouraged me to be more open with the people I do have, and I thank you for that.
This post really helps remind me that I can beat this, and just generally makes me smile to know someone else out there knows it, and has made strides as well.. Thank you. You've added to my determination and resolve, and hopefully you've managed to get through to other people through this.
Thank you.

Also, totally an adorable icon!
#31 Posted by Enigma777 (6059 posts) -
@rootsaroundus said:
@Enigma777 said:
I don't believe in depression. 


that's cause you've never stayed in bed for 2 weeks straight without even getting up to go to the bathroom.

 

a depressed person won't care if he pisses the bed, or is hungry, or what have you. they lose hope in everything and everyone.

 

it exists.

Sounds like a case of "You need a good smack on the head." That or it's mental retardation... 
#32 Posted by Tim_the_Corsair (3065 posts) -
@Enigma777
@rootsaroundus said:
@Enigma777 said:
I don't believe in depression. 


that's cause you've never stayed in bed for 2 weeks straight without even getting up to go to the bathroom.

 

a depressed person won't care if he pisses the bed, or is hungry, or what have you. they lose hope in everything and everyone.

 

it exists.

Sounds like a case of "You need a good smack on the head." That or it's mental retardation... 
Depression is a serious and common mental illness, and one that is seriously debilitating for people that suffer it and those around them. As someone who has been on both ends of that for my entire life, I'd say the sheer ignorance of your posts in this thread make it seem as though you need a good smack in the head.

I'd follow that up by saying it makes you sound mentally retarded as well, but I imagine people suffering from any form of mental illness would be less ignorant about the topic than you.

#33 Posted by Mikewrestler5 (601 posts) -

That's why I hardly game anymore.

After I finish L.A. Noire, I probably won't be playing another game for a while. Gaming, at least for me, makes me severely depressed.

#34 Posted by Kandycane2029 (511 posts) -
@Tim_the_Corsair said:
Depression is a serious and common mental illness, and one that is seriously debilitating for people that suffer it and those around them. As someone who has been on both ends of that for my entire life, I'd say the sheer ignorance of your posts in this thread make it seem as though you need a good smack in the head. I'd follow that up by saying it makes you sound mentally retarded as well, but I imagine people suffering from any form of mental illness would be less ignorant about the topic than you.
Thank you. You've earned a follow from me. These morons just don't get it.
#35 Posted by Meltbrain (2976 posts) -

That was a great read, dude. :)

#36 Posted by Enigma777 (6059 posts) -
@Tim_the_Corsair said:
@Enigma777
@rootsaroundus said:
@Enigma777 said:
I don't believe in depression. 


that's cause you've never stayed in bed for 2 weeks straight without even getting up to go to the bathroom.

 

a depressed person won't care if he pisses the bed, or is hungry, or what have you. they lose hope in everything and everyone.

 

it exists.

Sounds like a case of "You need a good smack on the head." That or it's mental retardation... 
Depression is a serious and common mental illness, and one that is seriously debilitating for people that suffer it and those around them. As someone who has been on both ends of that for my entire life, I'd say the sheer ignorance of your posts in this thread make it seem as though you need a good smack in the head. I'd follow that up by saying it makes you sound mentally retarded as well, but I imagine people suffering from any form of mental illness would be less ignorant about the topic than you.
Sure it is. So is ADD and the Easter Bunny. Throw in Santa Claus as well while we're at it. 
#37 Posted by Kandycane2029 (511 posts) -
@Enigma777: You know, I like your posts, I do. But you're a fucking idiot.
#38 Posted by Claude (16254 posts) -
@Enigma777 said:
Sure it is. So is ADD and the Easter Bunny. Throw in Santa Claus as well while we're at it. 
That's just dumb. Sorry, but it is.
#39 Posted by Enigma777 (6059 posts) -

All I'm saying is that "clinical depression" is a way to sell drugs to people that don't need them. 

#40 Posted by Tim_the_Corsair (3065 posts) -
@Enigma777 You're either a troll or a fucking idiot.

Regardless, you're no longer worth my time.
#41 Posted by Claude (16254 posts) -
@Commando said:
I believe depression exists, but I also believe it can be cured through a little effort by the person suffering. Get a job, go on a jog every day, make some friends. You'll be happier.
@Enigma777 said:
All I'm saying is that "clinical depression" is a way to sell drugs to people that don't need them. 
Holy fuck. You two need to read some more or understand human beings a little better. We are organic lifeforms upon this earth, individual in right and in mind.
#42 Posted by Animasta (14727 posts) -
@Commando said:
I believe depression exists, but I also believe it can be cured through a little effort by the person suffering. Get a job, go on a jog every day, make some friends. You'll be happier.
yeah because it's totally that easy

I mean, I get depressed because of my gender dysphoria, and I deal, but even I realize that you can't solve it just like that; especially with heavy cases.
#43 Posted by Enigma777 (6059 posts) -

Man, challenge people's views a little and they get all antsy-pantsy. Anyways, I've stated my opinion and I stand by it. No amount of insulting is going to change that. 

#44 Posted by Claude (16254 posts) -
@Enigma777 said:
Man, challenge people's views a little and they get all antsy-pantsy. Anyways, I've stated my opinion and I stand by it. No amount of insulting is going to change that. 
Actually, your comment got my panties in a bunch if you would like to know. But I'm as dumb as you, so who am I kidding? Opinions, you can't beat them with a stick.
#45 Posted by TheFreeMan (2712 posts) -

I came into this thread expecting something really maudlin, but after reading the opening post, I'm pleasantly surprised. Good stuff, and it's good to hear that you're dealing with your problems and moving forward at your own pace and that things are getting better for you. Lots of people have their bouts with depression, myself included, and it can be hard. Keep it up.


Followed, duder.
#46 Posted by IzzyGraze (854 posts) -
@Enigma777 said:
Man, challenge people's views a little and they get all antsy-pantsy. Anyways, I've stated my opinion and I stand by it. No amount of insulting is going to change that. 
Depression and mental disorders are very personal issues. Our friends, parents, siblings, and we ourselves might of been depressed. I believe that some of it can be cured through therapy, when it stems from something bad that happened and we haven't dealt with it. But then there are people that just have chemical imbalances in their brain.

I do agree that we live in a prozac nation and therapists push drugs WAY too easily. But I also believe that some people need those drugs. Or at least ones that are more perfected. I think we're still in the infancy of this science.

But in any case. It's like you're telling someone in a wheelchair that you don't believe in paralysis.
#47 Posted by Kandycane2029 (511 posts) -
@Enigma777 said:
Man, challenge people's views a little and they get all antsy-pantsy. Anyways, I've stated my opinion and I stand by it. No amount of insulting is going to change that. 
I don't mean to insult you, duder. But I know people with these problems. It isn't pretty.
#48 Posted by ShaggE (6712 posts) -
@Enigma777 said:
All I'm saying is that "clinical depression" is a way to sell drugs to people that don't need them. 
So trying to kill yourself at 5 years of age is normal? Spending the entirety of your teenage years in and out of residential facilities because being left to your own devices for too long is a huge gamble on your safety is normal? Going from loving life to wanting to see everybody burn and then back to loving life again in the course of ten seconds is normal? How about being unable to hold most jobs because the pressure crushes you after a week or two, and that's assuming they even hire you in the first place after seeing the hundreds of scars all over your body?

I'd give any goddamn thing to see you deal with clinical depression for a week or two. Hell, even just a day. 
#49 Edited by Levio (1786 posts) -

The best thing to do when depressed is to find something that gives you hope for the long-term future.  If there's something you can fall-back on even when everything else seems hopeless, like religion or technology, that can make a huge difference.

#50 Posted by Rudeboy217 (1771 posts) -

Thanks for sharing, duder. It is good to hear that things are looking up.