Posted by Hizang (8534 posts) -

I was debating whether to post this, but after I gave it some thought I really need to share this with people. So I've been "Depressed" for pretty much most of this year, I put it in quotes because I haven't actually gone to the doctors and have it confirmed. But I'm pretty sure that is what I have, I can't really tell you why I have it, but I believe I do have it. When I told a few people, they were shocked and upset that I didn't tell them. They were mostly shocked because I didn't seem the type to be depressed, I do agree that I can hide it rather well. I'm always smiling, laughing and generally very helpful. But all of that is often just to hide it from myself, I did come to terms with it months ago, when I hit a very low point. This low point was me considering to take my own life with painkillers, I was just going to reach up and grab them and take all of the tablets. While I was considering it I had a panic attack, this all led to me having to tell my parents and then a few other family members.

I went on a small retreat to my grandparents house, I left everything behind and just spent a few days off from work spending time with my grandparents. After that whole ordeal things seemed to pick up, when people asked I told them everything was fine and I was 100% better. That was never the case, you see i thought if I told others I was fine, maybe I would actually believe it myself. I have my ups and downs but over the past few weeks those bad feelings are returning. In March I was diagnosed with a STD, I assumed that when that had all cleared up I would stop feeling depressed. That of course was not why I was depressed, it was a scapegoat. So what exactly do I feel?

  • Lonely - For most my childhood I was rather happy spending most days in my room by myself, but ever since this year I've craved social interaction. I always wanted to go out and be with somebody, but then as soon as I would get home after a night out I would start to cry, because I had such a good time I didn't want to go back to being by myself. I'm unable to cope with something as silly as that.
  • No motivation/lack of direction - I've not known really what I've wanted to do in my life, as soon as I finished college studying childcare I was offered a job in a nursery. That was three years ago and I'm still in the same position, if you were to ask me what I wanted to do, I would not be able to answer. I feel like I'm trapped here, I have a decent ish wage, all my friends are here. I have no ambition or motivation to try anything else, I'm scared that if I leave I would not keep in touch with any of my friends resulting with me having zero friends.
  • Money - This may sound like a "first world problem" but please do not judge me, I think I have to much money. Crazy right? But yes I don't have to think about the money side of things ever, I have about £800 $1200 spending money each month, I never look at the price tag for anything. I have loads of money in my savings too, so I could go out and buy things people usually save for like whenever. When my TV broke a few months back I went and bought one without a hesitation.
  • Sad - In the end, I just feel sad quite a lot of the time. I can't explain why I feel sad, but I just do. I have cried a whole lot without an explanation why, but when people ask whats wrong I just say nothing.

This is also one of the reasons why I post topics rather frequently on the site, if I want social Interaction and nobody is about. I would look around the room and come up with a topic, I didn't care what it was about, just that it got me some responses. Hoping that somebody would @ me just so I could have simple conversation with somebody. People often think I make blogs just because I want to be the limelight and I want to ruin the forums by flooding them with topics. I just wanted somebody to talk to, after I post a topic too, I will sit there for hours just refreshing the page, over and over again.

So the bad thoughts seem to be coming back, thats why I wrote this blog. Just this morning I considered doing something stupid, not so I would kill myself, but so I could get attention. Just to have people be around me, instead of being by myself. I'm not sure what I hope to achieve with this blog, I just needed to vent, thank you for reading.

#1 Edited by Hizang (8534 posts) -

I was debating whether to post this, but after I gave it some thought I really need to share this with people. So I've been "Depressed" for pretty much most of this year, I put it in quotes because I haven't actually gone to the doctors and have it confirmed. But I'm pretty sure that is what I have, I can't really tell you why I have it, but I believe I do have it. When I told a few people, they were shocked and upset that I didn't tell them. They were mostly shocked because I didn't seem the type to be depressed, I do agree that I can hide it rather well. I'm always smiling, laughing and generally very helpful. But all of that is often just to hide it from myself, I did come to terms with it months ago, when I hit a very low point. This low point was me considering to take my own life with painkillers, I was just going to reach up and grab them and take all of the tablets. While I was considering it I had a panic attack, this all led to me having to tell my parents and then a few other family members.

I went on a small retreat to my grandparents house, I left everything behind and just spent a few days off from work spending time with my grandparents. After that whole ordeal things seemed to pick up, when people asked I told them everything was fine and I was 100% better. That was never the case, you see i thought if I told others I was fine, maybe I would actually believe it myself. I have my ups and downs but over the past few weeks those bad feelings are returning. In March I was diagnosed with a STD, I assumed that when that had all cleared up I would stop feeling depressed. That of course was not why I was depressed, it was a scapegoat. So what exactly do I feel?

  • Lonely - For most my childhood I was rather happy spending most days in my room by myself, but ever since this year I've craved social interaction. I always wanted to go out and be with somebody, but then as soon as I would get home after a night out I would start to cry, because I had such a good time I didn't want to go back to being by myself. I'm unable to cope with something as silly as that.
  • No motivation/lack of direction - I've not known really what I've wanted to do in my life, as soon as I finished college studying childcare I was offered a job in a nursery. That was three years ago and I'm still in the same position, if you were to ask me what I wanted to do, I would not be able to answer. I feel like I'm trapped here, I have a decent ish wage, all my friends are here. I have no ambition or motivation to try anything else, I'm scared that if I leave I would not keep in touch with any of my friends resulting with me having zero friends.
  • Money - This may sound like a "first world problem" but please do not judge me, I think I have to much money. Crazy right? But yes I don't have to think about the money side of things ever, I have about £800 $1200 spending money each month, I never look at the price tag for anything. I have loads of money in my savings too, so I could go out and buy things people usually save for like whenever. When my TV broke a few months back I went and bought one without a hesitation.
  • Sad - In the end, I just feel sad quite a lot of the time. I can't explain why I feel sad, but I just do. I have cried a whole lot without an explanation why, but when people ask whats wrong I just say nothing.

This is also one of the reasons why I post topics rather frequently on the site, if I want social Interaction and nobody is about. I would look around the room and come up with a topic, I didn't care what it was about, just that it got me some responses. Hoping that somebody would @ me just so I could have simple conversation with somebody. People often think I make blogs just because I want to be the limelight and I want to ruin the forums by flooding them with topics. I just wanted somebody to talk to, after I post a topic too, I will sit there for hours just refreshing the page, over and over again.

So the bad thoughts seem to be coming back, thats why I wrote this blog. Just this morning I considered doing something stupid, not so I would kill myself, but so I could get attention. Just to have people be around me, instead of being by myself. I'm not sure what I hope to achieve with this blog, I just needed to vent, thank you for reading.

#2 Posted by Gamer_152 (14049 posts) -

That does sound rather like depression, and I really feel for you Hizang. My advice would be to go to a doctor, seriously. Things can get better, and even if you don't want to go yourself it sounds like you have people around you who care about you and really wouldn't want you to be this upset.

Moderator
#3 Posted by Hizang (8534 posts) -

@Gamer_152: I have been thinking about making a doctors appointment for weeks, but every time when I'm about to make one, I convince myself that I'll be fine. So clearly that is not the case and I probably should get one.

#4 Edited by Chaser324 (6257 posts) -

Your situation actually sounds pretty similar to mine. I say I'm a bit of a loner (which is basically my way of not admitting that I'm lonely), been out of school for about three years, have a pretty stable yet unfulfilling career and financial situation. The one difference though is that I don't find myself filled with sadness.

Even thought it might be difficult to gather up the courage to go talk to a doctor about your issues, it's something that I think you really need to do. If there is some sort of neuro-chemical issue, then you're going to need some professionals to help diagnose and treat that.

Be strong, my GB brother. You can get through this.

Moderator Online
#5 Posted by ZimboDK (848 posts) -

You need to see a doctor. Depression doesn't just go away by itself. The longer you let it fester, the worse it's going to get. You may have to get some medication and therapy, but you will be much better off for it. Seriously, call your doctor.

#6 Edited by JasonR86 (9581 posts) -

@Hizang:

Hey dude. So I'm sure I've said this a million times on these forums but I'm a mental health counselor. Not that that means I've got the touch or some such. But I do have an idea of how the psychotherapy process works. I think it's good to talk about these things in forums but the issue is that most people here aren't trained to really help with these issues and, even if they are like myself, they won't throw out suggestions because that would be like trying to solve a math problem without looking at the numbers. The best that can come from looking for help online is at a surface level. Sometimes that's enough and that would be great if it was. If it isn't, I would suggest trying to work with a counselor or psychologist. I don't know if what you're going through would get the label of depression or something else. But I wouldn't think of what you're going through as a label. This is a rough patch that it sounds like you need a little help with. We all have these moments. It's just some times it is a problem that a specialist would be a better fit to help with.

Whatever you choose just know that it takes a lot of courage to admit when you feel overwhelmed and need help. Especially with an issue that has been stigmatized like mental health issues. Know that you aren't alone, that many people aren't able to admit that they need help at all, and that there is help out there if you find these issues too difficult to overcome on your own.

Online
#7 Posted by csl316 (7963 posts) -

You won't get out of it without taking some sort of action. If you think a doctor will help, that's your first step. Make changes, if necessary, since the current path doesn't seem to be helping.

#8 Posted by TruthTellah (8409 posts) -

@Hizang: I absolutely agree with Gamer_152. It sounds like you should try to get some help and support. Plenty of people face depression(including around here), and seeing a professional to get some help is the right thing to do. If you have supportive people around who will help you manage it, that's even better.

#9 Posted by Delta_Ass (3246 posts) -

Grats on having lots of money, dude. Maybe spend some of it getting a therapist.

#10 Posted by OllyOxenFree (4970 posts) -

Man, so having a lot of dosh really does not buy you happiness. I'll just be happy being a poor university student then I guess.

#11 Posted by Milkman (16481 posts) -

As someone who is neither a doctor nor an expert, I find that the best cure for this kind of stuff is just to surround yourself with people that make you happy. Obviously, finding these people is much easier said than done (I'm not sure I've found them either) but the happiest times in my life came when I had a tight knit group of friends that I knew I could always rely on for support or a laugh or whatever.

Online
#12 Posted by dungbootle (2454 posts) -

Don't worry man, I definitely know how you're feeling, and so do others. I'm no stranger to depression. It feels like you're moving around in a swamp, every single day, and in my experience it always takes a very major "push" to get you back into the groove. It's very hard to overcome if you're just going through the same motions every single day.

If suicidal thoughts persist, I really cannot suggest going to a doctor enough. There are people who can help, don't isolate yourself. I'm just a dude on the internet, but I would hate it if you ended up hurting yourself. If you don't think you can get through this on your own, please get help.

#13 Posted by crusader8463 (14411 posts) -

Except for the STD, well paying job, and having friends and family you care for part that sounds pretty much like myself too. For years posting on this site was how I would pass away the time while I was unemployed and I found myself just sitting at the front page refreshing again and again looking for new topics just so I had something to do for hours on end. I have been depressed pretty much my entire life as far back as I can remember but it's not been since my mom passed away back in 2005 that it has gotten really bad. Before I was just never happy and after I just lost all emotion, motivation or desire to do just about anything. The only reason I have not killed myself yet is because I have not been able to find a way that was 100% guaranteed to kill me, wouldn't hurt to do it, and wouldn't leave a mess or be a burden on others to clean up when they find the body.

Over the last year or so however I slowly started to realize that I don't want to die or kill myself; I just don't want to live my life anymore. Due to problems in my life preventing me from really committing I have slowly started focusing myself on trying to discover what things in life get me any kind of joy or can spark some kind of ambition in myself and trying to maximize my time with that stuff and seeing if other similar things can motivate me as well.

From your description, and my personal experience, I think you are just tired of being stuck in your life as it is. Even though by all accounts it's a good life your just tired of it. The only thing you can do is to try new things. Force yourself to pick up and try new hobbies. See about getting a different job in a similar line of work.

One thing that has helped me is to set some small personal goals and focus on accomplishing them. For me personally I find the things that help me feel better are when I can look at something and say that I did that. That was me. Whether that's cleaning a room I have been putting off doing for too long, playing a game I kept putting off, trying to stick to exercising or changing how I eat for awhile, and even setting little goals for my self to work towards while at work like always being in the top 10 rankings for my department or getting my quality score to be higher then last times. All of those little goals and tasks you set for yourself can start to add up and make you feel like you are accomplishing something over time and give ya a little boost to feel better.

If none of that helps, or if you just can't be bothered to try, then you need to go to a Doctor to see about setting up a meeting with a therapist. I also suggest getting a kitty. Having a pet to take care of, be responsible for, and to always have someone to be waiting for you at home and wants nothing more than to snuggle up on your lap/chest and purr the night away with you while you watch tv or play games is a great feeling. Having my Cat to lay down with at night and just talk to knowing that no matter what I do or say they will always be there ready to show some love is the only thing that kept me sane many a night. Maybe it can help you too.

#14 Posted by TopSteer (634 posts) -

I feel quite similar to you most of the time too. Hell, I spent most of today watching football with some friends and had a really great time but as soon as I got home I started feeling bad and I can't really explain why. I've been thinking about this more and more lately and I probably should go see a doctor. I'm not good at expressing my thoughts and feelings so I tend to keep everything to myself which I know is bad.

I will say that suicide is never the right answer. Seven years ago I tried to kill myself. I'll never forget the feeling of waking up in a hospital surrounded by my family crying. My biggest regret in life is putting my family through that. There's not a day that goes by where I don't think about that day and on some bad days I think about doing it again but now I believe that life is worth fighting for.

You gave me some advice a little while ago that really helped me so I just want to say thanks and I hope it gets better for you soon.

#15 Posted by masternater27 (915 posts) -

As somebody who has struggled with depression since I was 13 and am currently going after my degree in psychology I'd highly recommend you get some help. You can ignore it, you can medicate with drugs and alcohol, but it isn't going to get better, it's most likely going to get worse (I'm not only speaking from studies and anecdotal knowledge, but firsthand here as well). Ironically, even though my depression and the history of depression and suicides in my family has led me down a psychology career path I also have found it difficult to get myself into treatment as well. In the end though, even if I haven't found a medication that works for me I find the experience of talking to a professional about it does really help. You can't internalize something like this without imploding down the line. At the very least find a family member or a close friend that you're comfortable talking to about this stuff. You obviously want to be helped and are showing a need to communicate about your experience; and while it's awesome that you feel comfortable talking about it via this community, you should really be doing it in person face to face with somebody as well.

At some point definitely find a professional though. No matter how much empathy and understanding people in your life may have they also aren't trained to handle treating an illness. And remember, it is an illness. I'm sure you went to a doctor to help treat your STI, there's no reason you shouldn't be going to a doctor to treat this as well.

#16 Posted by Sackmanjones (4650 posts) -
@Hizang can't say I'm in your situation which makes it hard to relate to you. But I do know taking your own life is never the way. I'm sure lots if people care about you, you just have trouble seeing it. I will replay to you every single day if that stops you from takin your own life.
#17 Posted by Raven10 (1699 posts) -

Please go see a doctor. None of us know you well enough to offer any sort of substantial help, and outside of a few people on here none are really trained to do so even if they did know you. I went through a really awful childhood. My life was filled with depression day in and day out. I was on anti-depressants and anti-psychotics by the time I was 12. I spent significant amounts of time in mental hospitals. I went through years of intense treatment and therapy. Today I still take medication, but I have my mind under control. It's not something that many can solve by themselves. Don't feel weak or ashamed for seeking out help. Mental illness is just that, an illness, and it requires the same type of treatment as any other illness. I'll just say that it can get better and it will if you put your mind to it. Go to a doctor, get some counseling, talk to professionals and come out stronger than you were before. Taking the step to reach out for help is really great. Now use that momentum to seek professional help. Remember to never be ashamed of who you are. Depression is often a chemical issue. It is not your fault, but for many people the normal things that make people happy just may not be enough. It's no different than the therapy you got for your STD, and like that it is something that you can get under control and move on with your life. Good luck.

#18 Posted by DarthOrange (3810 posts) -

Sounds to me like that first bullet point is your real problem. You said it yourself, you have an ass-ton of money, go get yourself the best help money can buy.

#19 Posted by Heltom92 (698 posts) -

While we would all like to help you, none of us can really. Take the others advice and go see a doctor.

#20 Posted by Carryboy (627 posts) -

Not really much of an expert of this type of thing but my only recommendation would be to exercise if you don't already.

#21 Posted by adam1808 (1355 posts) -

I can't really identify because I've always managed to be a more or less positive person but I can imagine how much it must suck. Get some professional help, take some exercise. All the advice I have on me.

Hopefully you'll feel better about things soon, if only for the support this thread will bring you.

#22 Posted by BestUsernameEver (4825 posts) -

Hang in there, I know it's tough to go through, but the fact that you're open to it means a lot. I know it's a cliche, but live day by day, kick your butt to get motivated and do something once and a while, if you don't, it only gets worse.

#23 Posted by Wrighteous86 (3719 posts) -

@Hizang: I've been there man. I've been depressed for years, and I'm slowly but surely working my way out of it without therapy or drugs. Getting some drugs probably would've gotten me out faster, but I'm glad my friends, family, and girlfriend have the patience to work through it with me and that I seem to be making progress, though I do slip up from time to time. I can get into more detail if you'd like, but just know that your life doesn't have to stay this way forever, and it can (and likely will) get better. However, considering that you've contemplated suicide before, a point I never reached, thankfully, you should definitely not follow in my footsteps and should immediately go talk to a professional. There's not much of a stigma associated with it anymore, and I honestly believe that every person on this planet could get SOMETHING out of therapy. We all have our problems, and it's one of the most effective ways to get through them. It's nothing to be ashamed of. You should mention to your parents that you think it would help, and I'm sure they'd help you find a good place to go. Please try it Hizang, your life and well-being is worth it, isn't it?

Online
#24 Posted by Brodehouse (9518 posts) -

You should see a doctor.

And if your money is truly not bringing you happiness, donate to a shelter or a food program. Anything that isn't 'awareness' and actually helps people.

#25 Posted by SpartyOn (500 posts) -

@Hizang said:

I was debating whether to post this, but after I gave it some thought I really need to share this with people. So I've been "Depressed" for pretty much most of this year, I put it in quotes because I haven't actually gone to the doctors and have it confirmed. But I'm pretty sure that is what I have, I can't really tell you why I have it, but I believe I do have it. When I told a few people, they were shocked and upset that I didn't tell them. They were mostly shocked because I didn't seem the type to be depressed, I do agree that I can hide it rather well. I'm always smiling, laughing and generally very helpful. But all of that is often just to hide it from myself, I did come to terms with it months ago, when I hit a very low point. This low point was me considering to take my own life with painkillers, I was just going to reach up and grab them and take all of the tablets. While I was considering it I had a panic attack, this all led to me having to tell my parents and then a few other family members.

I went on a small retreat to my grandparents house, I left everything behind and just spent a few days off from work spending time with my grandparents. After that whole ordeal things seemed to pick up, when people asked I told them everything was fine and I was 100% better. That was never the case, you see i thought if I told others I was fine, maybe I would actually believe it myself. I have my ups and downs but over the past few weeks those bad feelings are returning. In March I was diagnosed with a STD, I assumed that when that had all cleared up I would stop feeling depressed. That of course was not why I was depressed, it was a scapegoat. So what exactly do I feel?

  • Lonely - For most my childhood I was rather happy spending most days in my room by myself, but ever since this year I've craved social interaction. I always wanted to go out and be with somebody, but then as soon as I would get home after a night out I would start to cry, because I had such a good time I didn't want to go back to being by myself. I'm unable to cope with something as silly as that.
  • No motivation/lack of direction - I've not known really what I've wanted to do in my life, as soon as I finished college studying childcare I was offered a job in a nursery. That was three years ago and I'm still in the same position, if you were to ask me what I wanted to do, I would not be able to answer. I feel like I'm trapped here, I have a decent ish wage, all my friends are here. I have no ambition or motivation to try anything else, I'm scared that if I leave I would not keep in touch with any of my friends resulting with me having zero friends.
  • Money - This may sound like a "first world problem" but please do not judge me, I think I have to much money. Crazy right? But yes I don't have to think about the money side of things ever, I have about £800 $1200 spending money each month, I never look at the price tag for anything. I have loads of money in my savings too, so I could go out and buy things people usually save for like whenever. When my TV broke a few months back I went and bought one without a hesitation.
  • Sad - In the end, I just feel sad quite a lot of the time. I can't explain why I feel sad, but I just do. I have cried a whole lot without an explanation why, but when people ask whats wrong I just say nothing.

This is also one of the reasons why I post topics rather frequently on the site, if I want social Interaction and nobody is about. I would look around the room and come up with a topic, I didn't care what it was about, just that it got me some responses. Hoping that somebody would @ me just so I could have simple conversation with somebody. People often think I make blogs just because I want to be the limelight and I want to ruin the forums by flooding them with topics. I just wanted somebody to talk to, after I post a topic too, I will sit there for hours just refreshing the page, over and over again.

So the bad thoughts seem to be coming back, thats why I wrote this blog. Just this morning I considered doing something stupid, not so I would kill myself, but so I could get attention. Just to have people be around me, instead of being by myself. I'm not sure what I hope to achieve with this blog, I just needed to vent, thank you for reading.

I tell this to everybody that comes to me with concerns regarding depression, so I will say it to you now. There is no "type" that depression targets, and it isn't something that just goes away. Depression is an illness and it is treated like any other illness. You don't get over a disease by "venting" or by hurting yourself, nor do you recover simply by acting normally around others. People tend to think that depression is nothing more than its symptoms, and that if those symptoms are addressed, the condition recedes, and that is not the case. When somebody is sad, addressing that sorrow and reforming it to joy will solve the problem, but depression isn't sorrow...sadness is just a symptom of a much larger issue. The causes of depression can vary greatly, and a real-world "trigger" is not necessary for a diagnosis of depression. I'm a graduate student right now studying clinical psychology, so I am not a licensed professional, but if I can offer you a bit of advice, it would be to contact such a professional immediately. Depression has many many causes, and some of these stem from alterations of the brain's chemical balance. I'll tell you, public assumptions is the bane of a psychologists' existence, because they directly contradict what we know to be fact, and depression is the most frequent offender of this trend. You CANNOT resolve depression through pretending or venting, it just doesn't work that way....and there is nothing "wrong" with you as a person if you are suffering from depression. If everybody in the world contacted a psychologist, we would find that the vast majority of them COULD be diagnosed with one psychological condition or another....and by vast majority, I mean 9/10 people you meet every day (and honestly, the other person is probably lying or recovering from a diagnosed condition.) The mind is a wonderful, yet incredibly complex thing, and it requires monitoring just as any other part of our body would, if not more. I would be happy to talk more with you about this if you would like, but I'll repeat again: you must contact a professional. If the thing preventing you from doing so already is the stigma about being "crazy" by contacting a therapist, then I will ask you to consider whether or not a false judgement is worth preventing you from returning to the "you" this condition has stripped you of. Again, if you feel like talking to somebody before contacting a professional or would like more information about what that process would be like, I would be happy to speak with you and you can PM me any time. I wish you the best of luck my friend...just know, from personal experience, it can get much better.

#26 Posted by Hizang (8534 posts) -

I would like yo thank each and every one of you, your comment make me feel happier, i was not expecting such a large amount of support. Its nice to know that many of you have been through it and come out the other side rather happy, give me hope.

#27 Posted by RollingZeppelin (1908 posts) -

@Hizang: Stop refreshing this topic and make an appointment!!

#28 Posted by Hizang (8534 posts) -

@RollingZeppelin: I'm afraid I can't make one until Friday, keep rolling on till then.

#29 Posted by Tygerbite (36 posts) -
@Hizang I don't really have any advice that hasn't already been said. I just wanted to pop in and say that you have my support. Ive had friends go through this kind of thing and I've seen how bad it can be but it always gets better. Best of luck to you.
#30 Posted by Gordo789 (355 posts) -

@Carryboy said:

Not really much of an expert of this type of thing but my only recommendation would be to exercise if you don't already.

this! It really helps.

also see a doctor. that sounds like good advice.

#31 Edited by CornBREDX (4754 posts) -

I know how you feel, except the money part. I never have any of that and a crappy job. 
I cant really help you to much but I am definitely with others in saying to see a doctor. It's something I should do, but I don't as I feel more compelled to deal with my own problems on my own. No one has ever helped me, so I don't go looking for it. It's not really something I recommend, though. 
Good luck and stay positive as best you can.

#32 Posted by mercutio123 (466 posts) -

How's all of your gym stuff going? I found that having a pretty rigid workout routine worked for me a couple of years ago, when I was in a rowing club and everyone depended on each other for support, they're good places to build friends who will stick around when things get a bit hairy

#33 Posted by Demoskinos (14512 posts) -
@Hizang

@Gamer_152: I have been thinking about making a doctors appointment for weeks, but every time when I'm about to make one, I convince myself that I'll be fine. So clearly that is not the case and I probably should get one.

That's the same behavior that addicts have and just like addicts the first step is admitting you have a problem and letting other people give you an objective assessment of your situation. Go to a doctor duder. Get better. Also if you have a ton of money like you say consider doing charity work. Helping other people that dont have much is a great way to cheer yourself up.
#34 Posted by Jeric (146 posts) -

Can't say I've been in a rut as deep as yours, but I do know that the best method I had used to get out of such ruts was to just find something new to be interested in. I know it's over-used, but try new things, talk to new people. These fresher experiences will give you more motivation throughout your day because you'll have new things to think about, and be excited about.

A couple years back I was in this weird anti-social state where I just disliked people and took no interest in them. Then I just tried getting to know people. My outlook didn't change overnight but eventually I started seeing the value in some people and I had something to care about. And just recently I found myself extremely bored with everything that I used to love - especially video games. I ended up getting into Warhammer and, despite it being an expensive hobby, I've been much more uppity ever since.

#35 Posted by Ducksworth (659 posts) -

Can't say I know how you feel but I can relate to a lot of those emotions. I'm going to have to agree with the duder who recommended exercise though, I think during my down period it could have been exercise that kept me from falling deeper. I also really reccomend going out and talking to a doctor. In hindsight, I should have talked to someone and it could have helped me out a whole lot. Anyways, I know it's hard but try to keep your head up and hopefully you'll start feeling better soon.

#36 Edited by stryker1121 (1323 posts) -

Some good advice on here, and along w/ getting help, maybe put that disposable income you have to good use by giving it to a favored charity? even volunteer work will perhaps help you "live outward" instead of thinking about yourself all the time.

Edit: Do know that you're not alone and there's no "type" that suffers from depression. Just this weekend I had lunch with a friend who's been going thru major depression/anxiety/panic attack issues after switching jobs. This is a guy with a lovely wife and 2 great kids. What he's going thru has been debilitating and he's just now starting to get help. There's no stigma...letting people know that you need help is far better than keeping it plugged up inside.

Good luck to you,

#37 Posted by MikeGosot (3227 posts) -
@Hizang: *Duder Hug* Hope this makes you feel better, if not, then, you should totally see a doctor.
#38 Posted by Irishranger (243 posts) -

Look into a book called "A Return to Love" by author Marianne Williamson. I've been reading it with a friend of mine and it has helped us both immensely.

Reading your story sounded almost exactly like what mine has been for most of the last decade. Fortunately, I was saved by having a new friend come into my life exactly when I needed it. I hope the same sort of thing will happen to you, but definitely start with the book. It's been a real life changer for me.

The number one thought that has been helping me is this: If you're depressed, don't wait until you feel happy to go do things. Get out and do things, and then the happiness will come.

Go for walks, go on hikes, go to movies, go to plays, go to coffee shops, get out among people and feel their energy. Good energy is better, but at first, any energy will do. Just keep at it. You'll still have down times, but just push through those, too, and keep doing things.

Hang in there. "Everything will be okay in the end. If things aren't okay, it's not the end."

#39 Posted by stinky (1543 posts) -

you dont have depression but you could be depressed.
you wouldn't be posting on here if you did, nor would you post that the replies are making you feel happy.
 
sounds like you are simply lonely. you need to go make some friends in the real world. 
 
also guessing you are growing up (puberty) to where your brain is maturing. its a point in your life where you want to find like minded individuals.

#40 Posted by Liber (648 posts) -

Lonely ? Join the Army, you will be around people and you will get along with them whether you want it or not.

No motivation/lack of direction ? Join the Army, motivation will be forced upon you.

Have too much money ? Join the Army, you can't buy shit anyway in the army and need to live with what you get.

Sad ? MAN THE FUCK UP ! Posting threads like these on gaming forums will not solves your problems, do you really think the replies you get here will fix your shit in life ?

If you have problems go fucking fix them.

#41 Posted by Hizang (8534 posts) -

Thanks guys, for those saying excercise I go to the gym 4 times a week :)

#42 Posted by Levio (1782 posts) -

Sounds like you're in the "my life has no meaning" phase of life. Which really has no cure, unless you somehow happen upon a purpose.

For me, the best way to manage melancholy was to get interested in futuristic trends, which seem to point to life as we know it being entirely different by about 2030. Hope for a different world, even one that's 17 years away, can help a lot with pushing through daily boredom.

#43 Posted by Carryboy (627 posts) -

@Hizang said:

Thanks guys, for those saying excercise I go to the gym 4 times a week :)

My one idea goes tits up in an instant.

#44 Posted by InternetCrab (1504 posts) -

I feel fpr you bro, you're an awesome member of the community.

Unfortuneatly, I am not good at this sort of thing so my advice would be to go an doctor. Don't hesitate.

#45 Posted by mtcantor (947 posts) -

A lot of good advice here. I've suffered from a lot of the same issues.

Go to a doctor. Either it will help or it wont, but nothing is going to change unless you put yourself out there. If you do nothing, its guaranteed not to change.

Also, remember and believe that a huge part of depression is just chemical. A lot of what we consider to be willpower and positive thinking really just comes down to brain chemistry. Sometimes a temporary period of medication can help a lot. You can go a few weeks without feeling so shitty all the time, helps to give you some perspective.

There's nothing broken or wrong with you. This is just part of being human, just like high blood pressure. It happens. It's medical. Best to treat it.