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#1 Edited by Jay444111 (2640 posts) -

Are horrific and hilarious.

http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/7.385862-Helpful-Old-Lady-Ruins-200-Year-Old-Portrait

I... I cannot believe how messed up this painting got. It is a painting of Jesus that the town owned and loved very much. (it isn't worth anything. Even beforehand.) Well. One old woman said she would do it. The people decided to do it and... yeah, look at the results people!

Just LOOK AT IT!!! THOSE EYES!!! THOSE EYES!!!

It isn't a painting of Jesus anymore... it is literally a howler monkey in a dress. I... was this woman high or was she 95% blind? No offense to the woman... but... she certainly can't restore anything.

Okay, by the powers of I wish for a photoshop of this horrifying picture!!! Arise and make it something to beheld by all! ARISE!!!

Oh... and on a side note. Doesn't it look like a Silent Hill sorta monster now? I swear it totally could pass for one!

#2 Posted by FluxWaveZ (19816 posts) -

The church did not ask for help.

#3 Posted by LiquidPrince (16475 posts) -

That made me chuckle.

#4 Posted by mandude (2670 posts) -

Photoshop what with it? It's already hilarious.

#5 Posted by Jay444111 (2640 posts) -

@FluxWaveZ said:

The church did not ask for help.

Your right... it sounds like she stole the painting to do... this on it...

Well, reading on... yep... that is totally what happened people. This lady stole a piece of art and basically defiled it! So... what kind of books should we throw at her? I always recommend throwing hard covers of war and peace myself. They hit hard and can do damage quite often!

But what about the image? We seriously should photoshop it... I mean... LOOK AT IT! It is kinda asking for it!

#6 Posted by iam3green (14368 posts) -

wow that is terrible. i guess she was being helpful, but know how to paint.

#7 Posted by Cloudenvy (5874 posts) -

@Jay444111: I'm sitting with Photoshop open right now but I have no idea what you want me to do with it!

#8 Posted by Jay444111 (2640 posts) -

@mandude said:

Photoshop what with it? It's already hilarious.

A larger image... maybe even a screen cap. It is needed here dammit! I mean! It is literally asking for it!

#9 Posted by Cloudenvy (5874 posts) -

@Jay444111 said:

@mandude said:

Photoshop what with it? It's already hilarious.

A larger image... maybe even a screen cap. It is needed here dammit! I mean! It is literally asking for it!

What? I don't...What?

#10 Edited by Jay444111 (2640 posts) -

@Cloudenvy said:

@Jay444111: I'm sitting with Photoshop open right now but I have no idea what you want me to do with it!

Enlarge... make it a before and after and come up with a funny witty thing underneath! It must be done! This is to damn awesome for me to think of the appropriate saying for underneath it!

"Jesus's second form! Super howling monkey mode! ACTIVATE!"

"The painter must have been a howler monkey and this is its rendition of their own Jesus!"

Something like those two lines! It must be done!

#11 Posted by Muerthoz (364 posts) -
@Jay444111 said:

 it sounds like she stole the painting to do... this on it...

Well, reading on... yep... that is totally what happened people. This lady stole a piece of art and basically defiled it!

The painting was a fresco.  Meaning it was painted on wet plaster directly on the wall.  She probably didn't steal the wall when she tried to fix the painting.
#12 Posted by Gladiator_Games (529 posts) -
@Cloudenvy May i recommend a top hat and monocle?
#13 Posted by Deusx (1938 posts) -
#14 Posted by DivineShadow777 (108 posts) -

Maybe she was possessed by the lord and through her divine inspiration created this god forsaken mess.

#15 Posted by TheHT (12303 posts) -

@Deusx:

#16 Edited by NTM (8289 posts) -

That's hilarious, but hey, if Jesus was real, maybe that's what he actually looked like, and maybe Jesus Christ is actually a nickname he got because every time someone looked at him they said "JESUS CHRIST!"

Online
#17 Posted by 71Ranchero (3139 posts) -

For all you know the newly painted image could be even more accurate than the original. Maybe her hand was guided by the will of a greater being?

#18 Edited by Jay444111 (2640 posts) -

@Cloudenvy: Hows the image going? I am so giddy with excitement! I can't wait!

#19 Posted by Cloudenvy (5874 posts) -

@Jay444111: Non-Photoshop class started so it's real hard to do it!

#20 Posted by eskimo (494 posts) -

Awww, poor little old lady was just trying to help. My gran liked to paint, she was never very good, but I always treasured what she made.

#21 Edited by Jay444111 (2640 posts) -

@Cloudenvy said:

@Jay444111: Non-Photoshop class started so it's real hard to do it!

Believe in the Jay that believes in you Cloudenvy!
#22 Posted by dungbootle (2501 posts) -

Reminds me of The Scream.

#23 Posted by JackOhara (233 posts) -

@TheHT said:

@Deusx:

#24 Posted by the_OFFICIAL_jAPanese_teaBAG (4311 posts) -

For some strange reason I can see some guy paying a lot of money for it for some strange reason

#25 Posted by Jay444111 (2640 posts) -

Holy shit! I just noticed something about the painting! In the first part, Jesus is supposed to have his hands at the bottom. Well... for some reason in the second one. The hands turned into A SCROLL!

Look at that! That's it! It is a magic howling monkey in a dress!

#26 Posted by Jolt92 (1644 posts) -

Oh gooooood... Why lady, WHY?

#27 Posted by Thompson820 (417 posts) -
I think she did a great job!
#28 Edited by mandude (2670 posts) -

@Jay444111 said:

Holy shit! I just noticed something about the painting! In the first part, Jesus is supposed to have his hands at the bottom. Well... for some reason in the second one. The hands turned into A SCROLL!

Look at that! That's it! It is a magic howling monkey in a dress!

Actually, it makes sense (not really) if you look at the whole painting. It's meant to be a scroll, but she put the curl on the wrong side. Still, you're right: it's fucking hilarious.

#29 Edited by Gravier251 (218 posts) -

Wow, that is kind of funny but also a shame for the loss of the original piece. She even added a scroll curl to the bottom but it is the wrong way around. The original was:

#30 Posted by Aetheldod (3914 posts) -

@Thompson820: Dude you winz de internetz ... LOL

#31 Edited by Cloudenvy (5874 posts) -
This is so terrible

This is what you get when you work on a picture for 10 seconds in the middle of an InDesign class! BUT I DID IT FOR YOU GUYS.

#32 Posted by Jay444111 (2640 posts) -

@Cloudenvy said:

This is so terrible

This is what you get when you work on a picture for 10 seconds in the middle on an InDesign class! BUT DID IT FOR YOU GUYS.

This is still more than what I can do! I love it! Now it is a Classy Magic Howling Monkey Jesus! People... we must spread this! As far as possible!

#33 Posted by Village_Guy (2760 posts) -

@Thompson820 said:

I think she did a great job!

All praise our true Lord and Savior... Gerstmann Christ?

#34 Posted by NlGHTCRAWLER (1219 posts) -

Looks like something I would do.

#35 Edited by ZeForgotten (10368 posts) -

People still visit the escapist? 
Did it go back to being "slightly ok" again or something? I remember it being just a place with weird and pointless news and little kids screaming and crying on their forums.  
 
 
Anyway,s hooray for derp jesus. 

#36 Posted by falserelic (5721 posts) -

She made a fat Jesus....

#37 Posted by 49th (3027 posts) -

hahahahahaha

#38 Posted by ShockD (2486 posts) -

Somewhere in between funny and disturbing.

#39 Posted by Video_Game_King (36566 posts) -
What? Why was I summoned here? What's going on?
#40 Posted by BraveToaster (12636 posts) -

Jesus has hair like Guts. Lol

#41 Edited by Meowshi (2917 posts) -

Why would you retouch the painting to begin with? The damage is part of its history, which is literally the only thing that makes it interesting.

#42 Posted by Jay444111 (2640 posts) -

@Meowshi said:

Why would you retouch the painting to begin with? The damage is part of its history, which is literally the only thing that makes it interesting.

Well... now it can be known as that one fucked up painting!

Seriously, LOOK AT IT! I kinda want to go to this church now and check it out. Because, even though she may be a crap restorer. She at least managed to make a heavily entertaining painting!

#43 Posted by NathHaw (2848 posts) -

This is where the saying "It's the thought that counts" is wrong.

#44 Edited by Napalm (9230 posts) -

@Deusx said:

What the hell is that?

Is that a banana?

#45 Posted by Napalm (9230 posts) -

@BraveToaster said:

Jesus has hair like Guts. Lol

Who is that?

#46 Edited by BraveToaster (12636 posts) -

@Napalm: The protagonist in the manga/anime Berserk.

#47 Posted by NegativeCero (3084 posts) -

That can't be real, right? She totally did it on purpose if it is.

#48 Posted by Intro (1247 posts) -

Not bad!

#49 Posted by OneKillWonder_ (1989 posts) -
@Meowshi said:

Why would you retouch the painting to begin with? The damage is part of its history, which is literally the only thing that makes it interesting.

I dunno, I would argue that it's far more interesting now.
#50 Posted by Godlyawesomeguy (6420 posts) -

That is fucking hilarious.