Posted by Broomhitches (173 posts) -

What ever happened to accepting the fact that not everyone likes what you like?

Many people who are emotionally invested in something refuse to believe that reasonable people genuinely dislike the things they love. It's just weird how these people are so quick to write-off differing opinions, rather than engaging in healthy discussion over something subjective. This type of behavior makes me want to ignore social platforms altogether, which sucks because I really want to connect with people and have discussions about games/movies/television series. What makes it worse is that many of the people doing this are grown ass ADULTS.

Before I continue, I'm not talking about anyone here. From what I've seen, this rarely happens here (thankfully).

There were two recent instances that pushed me to write this. The first instance happened a few days ago--at an undisclosed website--during a discussion regarding the new season of Avatar: Legend of Korra. I expressed my excitement for the show, but I also found out that I thought the titular character, Korra, was annoying. What ensued was a tidal wave of unwarranted snark that left me baffled. I wasn't the only person who experienced this, there were many well-thought out responses that were struck down.

The most recent instance was a discussion revolving around the Marvel Universe and the Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. I initially gave up on the show after four episodes, but decided to watch the rest of the season. While the series did improve by the season finale, I thought it was overwhelming. So, hoping to be part of the discussion, I voiced my concerns and a few things that could be changed to make the show better. And what do you know, people were pissed. It was like an enraged hive-mind of Agent Skye fanatics swooped in and decimated anyone and anything that had even the smallest of apprehensions for the show.

I don't mean to come off as whiny, but considering that I have no one else to talk to about the things I enjoy (and my penchant for social anxiety), I use technological social platforms to fill that social void. Unfortunately, said platforms are mostly inhabited by people who would rather write you off as a hater than actually socializing. It's just an odd, often times sickening experience scrolling through the comments of a thread and just seeing people bash others.

1) I really hate hearing people ask "if you don't like it, why comment?" Well, I'm commenting because I want to express myself and connect with others who feel the same way and even engage in conversation with people who disagree with me. Maybe someone can provide me with something that I overlooked, which could potentially alter how I feel about something.

2) If I have apprehensions about an upcoming film/television series/game, "you're going to watch/play it anyway" is probably the dumbest response. Of course, I just might consume the media to either put said apprehensions to rest, or reinforce my apprehensions. There's absolutely nothing wrong with a reasonable person saying, "I'm not too sure about x" and then explaining why in a concise manner.

3) Resorting to name calling simply because a reasonable person dislike something you love, even obsess over is pretty ridiculous. It also does nothing for your argument.

4) "You're just saying you don't like it, because you're trying to be cool." Nope, that's not the reason. If I wanted to be cool, I'd leave my house and do something worth bragging about. I'm actually commenting because I want some sort of social interaction and I want to gain a better understanding of the other side of the discussion.

I'm not ranting because I want some sort of politically correct safe haven, where even the most minute comment could be misconstrued as being a meany head. I just want damn good discussion filled with people who don't get in their feelings when something they covet is disliked by others. Is that so much to ask for?

-Broomhitches out.

#1 Posted by adam1808 (1448 posts) -

*Differing.

#2 Posted by TheHumanDove (2523 posts) -
#3 Edited by believer258 (11785 posts) -

@adam1808 said:

*Differing.

I was just about to post this.

Hey, at least I'm totally OK with you liking whatever you want to like. Your tastes don't affect me, nor do anyone else's, so it's a waste of time for me to get angry if you dislike something I like, or if I dislike something you like.

If I want to discuss something's qualities with you, I will, but I won't complain if you can tell me why you like or dislike something.

Where were you posting, by the way?

#4 Posted by Clonedzero (4200 posts) -

My issue isn't so much when people dont like things that i like. I get that no everyone likes the same thing. But when people like shit like adam sandler movies it makes my brainmind hurt and all confused. I can't process it.

#6 Edited by TruthTellah (8754 posts) -

@broomhitches: I'm torn, because I think some details are left out of this.

Obviously, your sentiment make sense. It's reasonable for people to be understanding of others liking and disliking different things from themselves. We are not all the same; so, people will feel differently about things.

Yet, I do believe how we express things matters, and it can make a big difference.

In my experience, the majority of people who write up complaints like this are not simply those who express unpopular opinions online. Usually, they are people who express their opinions in uncouth and often inconsiderate ways. People who feel entitled to be able to express themselves in an uncaring or ignorant manner without facing the potential negative responses of others. To be frank, this is often the complaint of inconsiderate jerks.

Now, that may not be the case here, but this is a very important detail. Maybe you're an awesome person. I would probably have to see some of the relevant comments to discern whether people were really being unfair to you. How you express your opinions matters, and it can make a big difference in the relative appropriateness of people responding negatively to what you have to say.

If you can elaborate a bit, maybe folks can get a better picture of the situation behind your concern. :)

#7 Edited by Broomhitches (173 posts) -

@truthtellah: If you think there's a possibility that I'm simply posting douchy comments, wouldn't it be equally possible that people are replying to reasonable comments in a douchy manner? Now I have to provide proof that I'm not one of the entitled jerks you speak of. This kind of goes back to what I was saying about people being written off when they voice their concerns about something.

#8 Posted by JasonR86 (9657 posts) -

@broomhitches: That was a beautiful response to truthtellah. I see why these conversations in forums go poorly for you.

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#9 Posted by TruthTellah (8754 posts) -

@truthtellah: If you think it's a possibility that I'm simply posting douchy comments, wouldn't it be equally possible that people are replying to reasonable comments in a douchy manner? Now I have to provide proof that I'm not one of the entitled jerks you speak of. This kind of goes back to what I was saying about people being written off when they voice their concerns about something.

I'm saying it's equally possible that you have been posting poor comments as posting quality comments. Judging by others who have made threads like this, I might be more inclined to just respond as though you wrote poor comments and deserved it, but since I don't know you, I think it's only fair to ask for some examples to perhaps better understand where you're coming from.

I know we all get frustrated by the rigidity and pack nature of folks at times; so, you could just be expressing a common frustration. But to be sure, if you could elaborate, that would be really helpful. You don't have to if you don't want to, but it would certainly help me and others understand and empathize a bit more.

#10 Posted by DarthOrange (3858 posts) -

My issue isn't so much when people dont like things that i like. I get that no everyone likes the same thing. But when people like shit like adam sandler movies it makes my brainmind hurt and all confused. I can't process it.

Adam Sandler has made some legitimately great movies.

#11 Posted by JasonR86 (9657 posts) -
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#12 Posted by DarthOrange (3858 posts) -
#13 Edited by TheHT (11130 posts) -
#14 Posted by NTM (7335 posts) -

@truthtellah: If you think there's a possibility that I'm simply posting douchy comments, wouldn't it be equally possible that people are replying to reasonable comments in a douchy manner? Now I have to provide proof that I'm not one of the entitled jerks you speak of. This kind of goes back to what I was saying about people being written off when they voice their concerns about something.

Totally agree. Everything you said, at least to me, seems to be preaching to the choir. Though, I think here, he's simply saying, if you can show us some proof as to what you're referring to, and not just examples of how people act, then he may believe you, which is honestly fine. I think the problem here is that his comment came off as seeming as if he's saying you may be the one that's actually in the wrong. He has a good point about asking for proof, but hopefully not under the assumption that you may be the problem, because it could be either way. I had a few examples that I was going to post in which fit what you were talking about above, but I don't feel like posting it, there are actually a lot. I don't mind disputes, but if someone's going to respond outlandishly, then that's not what I want to see.

#15 Edited by TruthTellah (8754 posts) -
#16 Edited by Broomhitches (173 posts) -

@truthtellah: @jasonr86: I'm frustrated. I know that's not a very good excuse and does nothing to strengthen my argument, I'm just tired. It seems as if when someone takes the time to post their concerns about something, it's met with the usual crap responses I'm sure we've all seen. This blog wasn't intended to turn into something like this, I just wanted to vent my frustrations and took it out on a fellow member of the community. I'm trying to find a way to delete this because I've done more harm than good by posting this.

#17 Edited by TruthTellah (8754 posts) -

@broomhitches: Don't worry about it, duder. No need to go deleting anything. Most of us can relate.

I just wanted to clarify is all. It's the Internet, ya know? They let anybody on here. ;)

#18 Posted by ViciousBearMauling (1027 posts) -

If there is one thing I cannot stand, it's when people tell me to stop expressing my opinion, because that means I'm not respecting their opinion.

I know that really doesn't make much sense, so I'll just make an example:
Me: "I think *Insert game here* isn't good at all"
Other Dude: "I like *Insert game here*, so stop insulting it without valid criticism"
Me: "Here are my reasons for why i think *Insert game here* is a bad game"
Other Dude: "FUCK YOU, ACCEPT THE FACT THAT PEOPLE DON'T HAVE THE SAME OPINION AS YOU!!!"

^^^^This shit is so irritating^^^^

#19 Posted by DarthOrange (3858 posts) -
#20 Posted by Clonedzero (4200 posts) -

@darthorange: Oh you know what i mean. Watch anything recent. Grown ups 1 or 2. thats my boy, jack and jill, ect.

It's all garbage. I dont know how those movies make money, it baffles me. It's so bad that watching old decent sandler comedies leaves a bad taste in my mouth. It's that bad. How can anyone like that? I cant understand it. It's like the death of humanity.

#21 Edited by DarthOrange (3858 posts) -

@clonedzero said:

@darthorange: Oh you know what i mean. Watch anything recent. Grown ups 1 or 2. thats my boy, jack and jill, ect.

It's all garbage. I dont know how those movies make money, it baffles me. It's so bad that watching old decent sandler comedies leaves a bad taste in my mouth. It's that bad. How can anyone like that? I cant understand it. It's like the death of humanity.

Hotel Transylvania was post Jack and Jill/Grown-Ups and I thought it was pretty great. He definitely has been phoning it in a lot lately but if people continue to pay to see those movies then it is hard to blame him.

#22 Edited by DeadpanCakes (839 posts) -
@broomhitches said:

@truthtellah: If you think there's a possibility that I'm simply posting douchy comments, wouldn't it be equally possible that people are replying to reasonable comments in a douchy manner? Now I have to provide proof that I'm not one of the entitled jerks you speak of. This kind of goes back to what I was saying about people being written off when they voice their concerns about something.

I didn't get an accusatory tone in his comment at all. It seemed to me, personally, that it was less about "proof" and more about examples. You seem like you're rather invested with the topic at hand, which is fair enough, but emotional investment isn't a good sign of reliability. It's less about questioning your reliability as a person, and more of the reliability on your position with this topic. What you've given us to start this topic is something of a rant which isn't really a good way to encourage an open discussion. By offering us specific examples we can take a more in-depth look at what it is you're referring to. If you just wanted everyone here to go "yeah alright, I agree" then that would sorta be ironic.

It seems to me like you're frustrated, which I totally get, but in my opinion, responding to lack of understanding with frustration can end pretty unfortunately. What I try to do when faced with lack of understanding is respond with understanding. And if that doesn't work out, I just try to distance myself from that "discussion." Nobody here blames you for getting frustrated with this sort of thing, I'm sure it's something all of us have experienced in one form or another.

Edit: Whoops. Seems like I'm a little late with that response. Sorry. Slow typer.

#23 Edited by TruthTellah (8754 posts) -

@clonedzero said:

@darthorange: Oh you know what i mean. Watch anything recent. Grown ups 1 or 2. thats my boy, jack and jill, ect.

It's all garbage. I dont know how those movies make money, it baffles me. It's so bad that watching old decent sandler comedies leaves a bad taste in my mouth. It's that bad. How can anyone like that? I cant understand it. It's like the death of humanity.

I really enjoy the older Adam Sandler movies, but I can agree that some recent movies he has been in are crap. I loath Grown Ups. Though, even recent-ish stuff like Zohan or Funny People are good(oh gosh, are those really 5 years ago..). I heard he was decent in Blended even if the movie itself was rather offensive. He has still done good standup. Not sure why he has attached himself to some terrible movies though. Does seem like a shame.

But, regardless, I can look past the current to enjoy his better days. :)

#24 Edited by DeadpanCakes (839 posts) -
#25 Posted by TruthTellah (8754 posts) -

@deadpancakes: heh. I felt bad that you already typed all that out! But thanks for explaining anyway, dp! :)

#26 Edited by TruthTellah (8754 posts) -
#27 Posted by DeadpanCakes (839 posts) -

@truthtellah: Think that's the first time somebody's called me "dp." Not sure how I feel about that, haha.

#28 Edited by TruthTellah (8754 posts) -

@deadpancakes said:

@truthtellah: Think that's the first time somebody's called me "dp." Not sure how I feel about that, haha.

ha. Well, there's a first time for everything.

It was gonna be either dp or Sato.

#29 Posted by Neonie (438 posts) -
@theht said:

@thehumandove said:

@adam1808 said:

*Differing.

Differing.*

Diff*er.ing

Adam Sandler Mega Thread*

I was thinking "Man Anger Mangement was pretty great" only to find it out that came out in 2003. JESUS.

#30 Edited by TruthTellah (8754 posts) -

@neonie said:
@deadpancakes said:
@theht said:

@thehumandove said:

@adam1808 said:

*Differing.

Differing.*

Diff*er.ing

Adam Sandler Mega Thread*

I was thinking "Man Anger Mangement was pretty great" only to find it out that came out in 2003. JESUS.

Right? Happy Gilmore came out 18 years ago. Some members of this forum weren't even born yet.

#31 Posted by medacris (648 posts) -

I think political correctness doesn't mean critique and disagreement are banned, just that people are judged by the content of their post, and not discouraged from talking because they're from a certain ethnic/religious/gender/sexuality group. And that nobody should threaten the life or limb of a person just because they don't like the same TV show.

For me, I only get annoyed if they give a very shallow reason for disliking something. For example, there's an actor I like. He's very talented, but some people think he's hot, and some people don't. His looks are irrelevant to me, I'm not attracted to him. I just like the films and television shows he's been in. But there are people who actively look down on others who watch his work, or make fun of him constantly because he isn't someone they find attractive, and they think his fans just go to swoon at his films. He hasn't actually done anything horrible or worthy of being disliked, to my knowledge. So I just ignore people who dislike him for that reason, until they can come up with a better one.

#32 Posted by Video_Game_King (36272 posts) -

I think that's the first time in recorded history that an Adam Sandler movie has made somebody laugh.

#33 Posted by Aetheldod (3551 posts) -

I know is hard duder ... unfortunately such things also happens on person to person IRL conversations. I am sometimes guilty of the same , just let some one complain about Lighting from FFXIII and all the duders on these forums kinda know Im get nuts about it :/

Also sometimes we should just learn that some works are plain impossible to defend in most cases. For example I love Black Metal , the style what it means etc. but do you know how often I had a real conversation that does not end in being accused of the sound sounding like a busted radio/cookie monster/ gibberish etc? 3-4 times at most. In that department I just learned to let go.

Now if you do try to really explain why you like/dislike something in more than one sentence people (not all of them but...) will at least try to formulate more comprehensive and disscusion worthy responses. But also lets have in mind that this is the internet and hyperbole becomes extreme (I have been guilty of this myself unfortunately) But even such extremes are made even by people who are cappable of being more elocuent ( Brad comes to mind when talking about FFXIII and Lighting specificly). I know this sucks duder but if we ourselves try to improve this with our own responses maybe down the line people who tend to be ultra dissmisive may take the time to respond elocuently.

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#34 Posted by Brodehouse (9847 posts) -

If you disagree with me then you are a sexist and/or racist.

#35 Posted by laserguy (443 posts) -

Adam Sandler is fantastic..nuff said.

#36 Edited by pyromagnestir (4291 posts) -

I think that's the first time in recorded history that an Adam Sandler movie has made somebody laugh.

I think you're confusing Adam Sandler with Rob Schneider.

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#37 Edited by Video_Game_King (36272 posts) -

If you disagree with me then you are a sexist and/or racist.

#38 Edited by Slag (4236 posts) -

Thread needs more Adam Sandler.

What ever happened to accepting the fact that not everyone likes what you like?

Many people who are emotionally invested in something refuse to believe that reasonable people genuinely dislike the things they love. It's just weird how these people are so quick to write-off differing opinions, rather than engaging in healthy discussion over something subjective. This type of behavior makes me want to ignore social platforms altogether, which sucks because I really want to connect with people and have discussions about games/movies/television series. What makes it worse is that many of the people doing this are grown ass ADULTS.

....

I'm not ranting because I want some sort of politically correct safe haven, where even the most minute comment could be misconstrued as being a meany head. I just want damn good discussion filled with people who don't get in their feelings when something they covet is disliked by others. Is that so much to ask for?

-Broomhitches out.

I think everybody runs into this problem from time to time you have to keep in mind that someone's objectives in a conversation may not be the same as yours. A lot of people just enjoy relating an experience they love with other likeminded people, so when they go on a fan site they don't want to hear criticism (legitimate or not) because that isn't what they are there for. For whatever reason, confirmation bias, frustration about lack of validation of their views, frustration about not having other people to relate to in person etc. They may feel your comments are as out of place as theirs feel to you.

That doesn't justify name-calling and other bad behavior at all, but hopefully it give you an idea why someone might take it so personally.

The best solution I've personally been able to come up with is to go to forums and notice participants who can amicably disagree. (assuming of course that you can do the same) And then try to find avenues to have smaller conversations with them when appropriate. Here on giantbomb, I feel the majority of the best back and forths about games are on the blogs. And I've been fortunate enough to have some really nice PM chains as well.

I wish more people commented on the blogs here, imo the best written content on the site is produced by the community but the majority of forum posters seem to prefer getting into discussions over whatever the news/controversy of the day is in off topic and general discussion (for understandable reasons). I don't know if the Avatar sites you go to have similar social functionality, but you might look to use them if they do and see if that helps.

#39 Edited by RonGalaxy (3100 posts) -

Because people aren't reasonable?

Let me further explain. I respect other opinions and fully realize my viewpoint isn't universally held or that it's the "best". But not everyone operates this way, and they really don't have to. The world isn't perfect, that means people can think and act however they please and deal with the associated consequences. In this case, the consequences are very minimal. You think these people are ignorant, and they don't like your opinion and aren't willing to empathize. Both of your lives continue unchanged.

Would it be better if people were more reasonable with their opinions? I'm not totally sure it would be. All I know is how things work in this world. It's both reasonable and unreasonable. For me, when it comes to how people act on the internet, I'm pretty apathetic towards it. Unless someone is threatening harm, I don't care when people are ass holes on the internet. How can I? I don't know these people, they don't know me, and it's all bull shit in one way or another. When I walk across a big ol' pile of bullshit I don't sit and contemplate it, I keep on walking, maybe the foul stench/sight lingers in my psyche for a second. Eventually the thought dissipates and I move on.

#40 Edited by Sanious (793 posts) -

There's a multitude of reasons of why people act the way they do towards other peoples opinions. Especially when you don't usually agree with what seems the most popular opinion, even when you approach that sensible without trying to be antagonizing. People get real passionate about the things they like and it manifests into something they must defend till the end of days.

You just have to come to realize that on the internet or anywhere for that matter, you're going to be be met with this kind of thing and you just have to be aware of it. If you feel like people are only arguing for the sake of arguing or are just a fanboy about something when replying to you, then don't even indulge in the conversation and move on. There's nothing you can do about it, so there is no point in wasting energy and being frustrated about it.

#41 Posted by nasp (259 posts) -

i dont have problems with different opinions.my only problem is when the opinions are based on nonsense and make no sense,then i have to call them out.basically if you make a good point or make some sense we wont have problems,even if i disagree with you.

#42 Posted by Capum15 (4871 posts) -

@neonie said:
@deadpancakes said:

Adam Sandler Mega Thread*

I was thinking "Man Anger Mangement was pretty great" only to find it out that came out in 2003. JESUS.

Right? Happy Gilmore came out 18 years ago. Some members of this forum weren't even born yet.

I just want to say that I loved The Waterboy. Don't care what anyone thinks.

Oh god that came out in 1998.

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