Convince me to root for an EPL team!

Tell me a bit about yourself and illl try and match you to a team.

LIV

ERP

DOUBLE O L

LIVERPOOL FC

Go where your heart is man, that's the best part about being a sports fan you don't necessarily have to be a fan of where you live. Growing up I was more of an Orlando Magics fan and I live all the way across the country and never been to Orlando!

@carryboy: Basically I want to root for the poorest, shittiest team in the most run down park. But I don't want to root for a team that's going to get relegated.

@slaps2: Haha ok, thats pretty tough as any team that would fit that bill could very well get relegated. Let me ponder...

You know what, Arsenal are not a bad choice. There aren't any "poor" teams in the EPL really, the fact you are there means you at least have some money. But Arsenal are always the underdogs, always two to three places from a premier league win, always reaching quarter finals / semi finals in the cups. @dannyodwyer is an Arsenal supporter, so I am assuming being that disappointed all the time builds character.

Well... I could root for a team that just hasn't won an EPL title yet. One other reason I had trouble rooting for Liverpool is that Luis Suarez was just such a piece of shit. Now that he's gone, I don't know...

I'm not gonna try to convince you either way. I will tell you how I picked some favourite baseball teams though, and it's served me pretty well. Growing up in Canada we had Jays games on TV. I'd cheer for whoever they played against, except the Yankees. So my favourite teams ended up being Texas, Oakland, Seattle and Baltimore. I also like when Kansas City and Minnesota do well. Turns out that rooting for 6 teams in the same league pays dividends come playoff time. So pick the underdog rivals of the incumbents. Don't want to cheer for ManU? Cheer for Man City. Don't want to cheer for Chelsea? Cheer for Queens Park Rangers. It's not like you're that devoted to the team that you pick. If they lose, it was expected because it was an underdog. If they win, it's an upset worth celebrating.

@slaps2:

Stoke may be your best option. Poor city, amazing supporters, unlikely to get relegated.

You can enjoy the games without picking a team to support. My team is too shit to be in the premiership, so I just pick on a game to game basis - maybe they have a player I like or they are the underdog or they are playing scum like Man U :-P

@carryboy: Actually, I just discovered that mah boyz over at villa park are yet to be EPL champs. I think I've found my doods.

Arsenal, its endless suffering.

@slaps2: Okidoke, the biggest positive I can give you having been to villa park a few times is that its one of the cheaper premier league grounds to visit, unless thats changed in the last 3 years.

Liverpool, because they are boss. One of the most exciting teams in the league. Also, Brendan Rodgers' Tricky Reds are in the Champions League this season, and European nights at Anfield are ace.

I can understand. Choosing a team is an important decision. The EPL really is about the emotional connection you feel to the team you choose to support, which is probably why Fever Pitch got remade using the Red Sox. You say you liked Villa, but aren't convinced. That isn't a good sign. You need to treat picking an EPL team like a marriage, if you "aren;t convinced," it's probably not a good idea to go through with it.

So, here is my rundown of a few of the teams I follow with varying degrees of interest during the season.

If you a fan of the up-and-comer: Everton. This is my team. A team that is desperately trying to join the big boys while doing so with a much lower pay-roll. Last year they finished 5th, which is one spot out of Champions League qualification and are aiming higher this year. They play at a million miles an hour and put together some really attractive attacks while not playing any defense whatsoever. The three games they have played this year were 2-2, 2-2 and 3-6. Those 2-2 games they coughed up the two goal lead right towards the end. I don't think they're good enough crack the top 4, but they won't be boring to watch. Likely meets your criteria of underdogs without a lot of championships.

Also, Tim F'ing Howard.

If you are a fan of the lovable loser: Sunderland. They flirt with relegation seemingly every year, having needed miraculous escapes the last two years to stay up. They are the kind of team that can string together results that get their teams hopes up, only to fail right at the end (last year, they made an improbable run to the Capital One Cup Final, only to lose to Manchester City). Their last major title was in 1973. Sunderland fans would probably fit right in attending a Cubs game.

If you are a fan of being "one of those fans": Manchester City. No real reason for this other than I have an irrational hatred of this team and its supporters. They might also be the closest approximation to your Red Sox - a team with recent success after a long exile in the wilderness. They had been relegated all the way to the 3rd division as recently as 1998. Now they win everything. Their fans are insufferably proud of this fact. Berks.

If you are a fan of the fall-from-grace: Manchester United. A team that used to sit unopposed atop Europe, confident in its dominance. Then team got old all at once, sort of like the Steelers. Their world-famous coach Sir Alex Furgeson was smart enough to see this coming and retire before the shitstorm hit. Then they hired poor David Moyes to be a sacrificial lamb and stand out in the shitstorm without an umbrella. He got fired and the team hired Louis Van Gaal, a dutchman who is by all accounts the most unpleasant man alive. He wants them to play a 3-5-2 wingback the team is totally unsuited for. He has gone out and spent a ton on strikers despite his team being unable to play any defense.

Essentially, ManU now occupies a spot similar to the Cowboys - a team that will probably be depressingly mediocre for the foreseeable future while being entertaining purely for the circus surrounding the squad.

If you are a fan of "Carousel":Liverpool, because they sing this at every game.

I went with Everton because they were 5th last year but they've been pretty bad thus far. I don't think I can handle another team with a terrible defense and strong attack, because that's my MLS team (Portland just got it's third clean sheet of the season, yaaaaay)

so I just started watching Swansea matches because... go wales? Jonjo Shelvey also looks like Voldemort so there's that

Oh c'moooon man! we all know the Bundesliga is where its at! =P

But I would say, Everton? They seem cool. Nice jerseys.

@lawgamer You'll Never Walk Alone always sends chills down my spine. That and the Scottish national anthem at international rugby games. IT ends so powerfully, its baller. Just wait til the pipes stop.

I'm obviously going to be biased, seeing as I am from Liverpool, but I genuinely think if you're going to start supporting the league, we're a pretty good choice.

We play fast attacking football, we have a young team, and we're back in the Champions League after a few years in the wilderness. I'd recommend you watch some old games on YouTube to get a feel for the team. My recommendation would be the Champions League 2005 final, because frankly, if that game can't convince you, nothing will haha.

Well, I guess I have to put out a pitch for clearly the greatest football team in the land West Bromwich Albion. We are a founder member of the football league so all the other teams are just desperate hangers on. We helped break down racial barriers with a trio of footballers called the three degrees, and built them back up again when our former manger racially abused a player while commentating and a player made an anti-Semitic gesture, so we have you covered either way bigot or not. If you want poor, we are based in Sandwell which is pretty much the poorest part of Britain. If you really like Jesus our club anthem is Psalm 23, so that's a thing. Our famous fans are Eric Clapton and a sentient Toby jug full of hot piss. Just don't ask about the team, because EVERYTHING IS FINE.

Ahh, actually wim a bit shit.

If you want the full breadth of emotions, you have to with Newcastle United. Flirting with titles, cups, relegations and, best of all, complete internal collapse.

We have no defenders but we have Rolando Aarons. And 50,000 show up every week because its a life sentence.

Go for Arsenal. Obviously I'm biased because I'm an Arsenal fan but I'm sure most PL fans would say Arsenal is a well run football club and they have a great brand of attacking football (although if they do concede, they're likely to just let the flood gates open and concede another 3 or 4 goals). Despite the defeats to their closest rivals, they only ended up 7 points off of the champions, so while they do definitely need to do better in the bigger matches, they're right up there now after a bad disappointing years.

Also, they had the goal of the season last year. :)

Also don't be an Arsenal fan as literally a quarter of the internet is an arsenal fan

Crystal Palace:

Let me know when you've found better supporters. And we're certainly - never - dull.

@splodge: I find the Welsh national anthem gives me the heebie jeebies at rugby matches.

@slaps2 Pretty strange request. Why not make the decision yourself? Just pick a team(s) and go with it through the good and the bad. Aston Villa is my main team for no reason other than that was the team I used to pick for Fifa games back in the day. When I lived in the UK for a bit my local team was QPR so I support them also.

But I have a soft spot for Liverpool as I love "You'll never walk alone" (Gerry and the pacemakers version), I think Steven Gerrard is a champ for a scouser and I like how they are one of the most historically successful teams in 1st Division (the old EPL) but haven't won an EPL title.

Man, if only we could defend kick-offs. :(

Convince me why I should help you pick a team to root for.

I'll say Arsenal: they have a cool name, a cool nickname (the Gunners), play in London, and Danny O'Dwyer cheers for them.

Pffftt.... bottlers.

Villa fit your wants pretty perfectly, they are always going to be stuck in the lower parts of the table and have barely any investment. They've got an american owner who has been trying to sell Villa for a fucking age to no avail, and thus he is stuck with a club he has no interest in pumping money into.

They've got a pretty young team though and are always willing to play their youngsters when they come through. They also held onto their two best players during the transfer window in Benteke and Vlaar.

Convince you to root for a premier league team? Maybe you shouldn't. You should pick the lowest of the low and revel in what little glory they can find.

Don't go for one of the top teams. Everyone goes for one of the top teams. It's so cliche, boring and unexciting. It's just more fun supporting a club lower down. Lets look at Villa and Liverpool. If Villa play Liverpool and Liverpool win, there's nothing exciting about that. Liverpool (who are title contenders) beat Aston Villa (who are mid-table at best, relegation candidates at worst). That's how it's supposed to go. Liverpool supporters don't jump up and down shouting "OH MY GOD I CAN'T BELIEVE WE BEAT ASTON FUCKING VILLA!!!!". It just happens, no one makes a big deal of it, no one gets overly excited. But if the reverse happens it is fantastic. Villa fans go nuts, they're having the time of their lives celebrating their win against one of the top teams in the country. Especially if it comes at a key stage of the season.

Just look at Sunderland (my team) last season. With just a few games to go we were bottom of the league and looked dead & buried. We were five points adrift and had some tough games coming up. Then we beat Manchester United. We beat Chelsea. We drew with Man City (and should have won, too). It was spectacular. What an incredibly exciting time to be supporting Sunderland. We ended up avoiding relegation in one of the most spectacular seasons any club has ever seen in the Premier League. More spectacular than any title winner, anyway (with perhaps the exception of the 2011/12 season which saw a spectacular last day in which Man City won the title in the last minute of the game, when Man United thought they had won it. But that was just one spectacular day, really. For such a string of spectacular games throughout the season, Sunderland's season last year would be hard to beat).

So my vote would ultimately be for Sunderland. But if you want to pick between Liverpool and Villa, Villa are the ones to go for. They're the underdogs. They're the ones who you cheer for, not one of the top sides. I would say that a downside with Villa is that they don't have a local rival in the premier league. A big part of football is the intense rivalries between local clubs and the spectacular matches they provide. Villa's local rival, Birmingham, haven't been in the premiership for quite some time.

Also, totally unrelated to anything, I've used the word spectacular eight times in this post. I need a thesaurus.

EDIT: And since everyone else is embedding videos, here is the spectacular (ninth time) ending to Sunderland's season last year in video form:

If you're not going to actually watch matches and naturally align yourself with a team, I'm not really sure how else you're going to pick one. That said, pick Leicester. We've just been promoted, play exciting football, put up some great performances against Everton (draw), Chelsea (lost but played better than them for 60 minutes) and Arsenal (draw), have a great manager and facilities and should do well this year.

You have weird (and kinda contradictory) criteria, but I'd say you want to go for Swansea, Stoke or Hull. There are worse teams but they are relegation candidates, whereas these three should be relatively safe, at least for this season. Villa are actually a pretty good fit for what you seem to want, though they are potentially relegation candidates. They've had a decent start to the season though so who knows.

Swansea: The smallest capacity stadium of the three, and based in Wales which is totally shit. It was only about 11 years ago they were the very bottom team in the football league system (bottom of the 4th division of English football - I can't tell you how poor the standard of football is at that level). A string of promotions and excellent managers later and they are in the Premier League and have won their first 3 games of this season. They ultimately won't come close to winning the league, but they do play a decent brand of football.

Stoke: In recent history, Stoke -under ex manager Tony Pulis- have played some of the most defensive, boring football you could ever hope to see. They are typically pretty relegation-proof because they are so incredibly dull and defensive. Their new manager is trying to improve things on that front, but if you ask me they are still terrible to watch. It blows my mind that people pay to watch them play. These might be the guys for you.

Hull: Relative newcomers to the Premier League, but they don't seem likely to be relegated this season. They're building a decent squad, and -while still fairly defensive- I don't think they are quite as bad to watch as Stoke.

If you want teams who at least have an outside chance of a top 4 finish, then consider Everton or Tottenham Hotspurs.

If you're "rooting" for an English Premier League team you're doing it wrong. The correct term is "support."

@adam1808: That's a deal breaker. Fuck this, I'm out. I will root for my own soccer team, the New England Revolution.

Better for all of us. If you go around rooting at an EPL match you'll probably become a victim of knife crime.

Even my team - Leyton Orient - from two divisions below managed to beat Villa recently (evidence below if you find this had to believe)

Villa recently have been the epitome of mediocrity, the only reason to support them would be if you really wanted to experience the average football fan's mindset of frustration, boredom and impotent rage. They have spent most of the last 25 years playing undistinguished football, never good enough to excite the fans through success, but never bad enough to at least stir the passions by a close escape from relegation. Unless you feel some real sporting romance, or have some other association with Villa I would avoid them. Sport is supposed to stir emotion and Villa will just bore you to tears.

Liverpool are a much better choice if you want exciting football, great fans, amazing history (Villa's is quite rich to be fair, they have just not made much recently) and they are currently challenging for silverware, but not in a way which would make you seem like a glory hunter.

However you mention that you want to support an underdog. May I suggest you step outside the spoilt, wealthy environs of the 'Premier League' (Division One to anyone who understands that football didn't start when Murdoch opened his wallet in 1992) The PL is great if you want to watch teams of millionare mercenaries play football in muted stadiums filled with tourists and prawn sandwich munching corporate day-trippers, but you have to step down a division or two if you want to find the real soul of English football. English football is about long balls, centre-backs and centre forwards who look like builders, muddy pitches, proper tackling and crowds full of small children shouting abuse at players taking corner kicks.

More seriously, If you want a proper team - and a real underdog, you have, have, to look outside the premier league. The PL take the vast majority of the revenue which goes into English football, finances which before its inception in '92 used to be shared out much more equally between all 92 clubs. This has hugely imballanced the English game making it more and more difficult for teams outside the big three or four to challenge. It is now completely impossible to challenge for the title without a benefactor prepared to spend a serious fortune. There is no way teams from provincial towns like Derby or Nottingham, even Birmingham (the second city, where Villa are based) can win the league. Teams used to be able to come from the second division and be challenging for the title within a season or two. Leeds, Forrest, and Liverpool all managed this. No longer - you have to be established in the Champions League (another gated community within football) or have huge revenues to compete.

In a way that slightly contradicts my argument, this has had a big effect on the mid-ranking PL teams like Villa. Previously Villa could contemplate the possibility of making the occasional bids for glory. They won the league and European Cup in the early 80's but now they are comdemmed to season after season of mid-table nothingness, their only hope for excitement a cup run or perversely a tense battle against relegation. The moneyed elite have closed and locked the doors to the good times. In a way this makes them underdogs of a sort, but still ones who voted for the PL in the hope of greater monies but have been punished by their own greed.

Wow, didn't mean to rant on so much, it just came flooding out. In conclusion: for excitement support Liverpool, for boredom and self-hatred support Villa. For a clear conscience, quirky cool status, and excitement (we challenged all the way for promotion last season, only losing the play-off final at Wembley - all without spending a penny on a player since 2010) support Leyton Orient.

One of the best shows you'll ever see. Everyone watch the Cracker, at least the first 6 episodes, they get a bit garbage after McGovern stopped writing them.

Love cracker. The Robert Carlyle episodes are god damned amazing. He is a fantastic actor.

@splodge: Yeah. that was the first thing I ever saw with Robert Carlyle in it and now every time I see him in something else I think of him as Albie Kinsella. The way that show got into the psychology behind a killer was amazing.

Oh, and Tottenham Hotspur. Because I like the name.

I was looking fro a video of the moment where he is all fucked up singing "LIV.... ERP.... OOL LIVERPOOL FC...." but I couldn't find it.

The Boston Red Sox

Like you, I don't currently have a team, but I do find the fanbase of Liverpool to be incredible inspiring and genuine.

Just started watching this Everton v.s. Chelsea game which was apparently nuts.

I'm a serious Barcelona fan myself (La Liga), so I would of course recommend becoming a Barca supporter first and foremost (watching Messi every week is incredible).

But if it has to be the British Premier League, I'd say go for Arsenal. Most of my friends are Arsenal supporters, so whenever I watch the Premier League I root for them. They play an attractive football that is kind of Barcelona-ish anyway (very technically oriented with passing triangles etc). But then again, most teams have adopted this style after what Barcelona achieved in the Pep Guardiola era. :p

I have no idea what EPL stands for, but I voted for Aston Villa because that's a much more rad name than Liverpool, so they have that going for em.

Arsenal, obviously.

Aye, Martinez never really instructs his side to defend. If you get a chance, see Newcastle v Crystal Palace from this weekend gone as well.