Dear God, My Worst Nightmare Just Came True

http://news.yahoo.com/allergic-meat-lone-star-tick-may-vegetarians-133418695--abc-news-health.html

A tick has been found that will make you allergic to meat when bitten. It's like Freddy Kruger except the nightmare is real and instead of sweet death you have to keep on living your terrible facsimile of a life. I can't imagine how I would live without the sweet taste of bacon cheeseburgers. It really is like my worst nightmare just it's not a movie it is real. Couldn't the end of the world have just been a giant meteor instead of this slow cruel torturous existence. I think I am never going to the east coast or bible belt again. I can live without ever going to our nation's lovely capital and I don't really need to see the statue of liberty. I will miss The World of Coca Cola though down in Atlanta. But such sacrifices must be made in order to preserve the beauty of life. I need to go make sure all my windows are bolted shut. I'll talk to you all later if I have the courage to remove my fingers from protective gloves.

I wonder what happens if someone allergic to gluten gets bitten by one of these things?

that is some weird ass shit man

I would take the easy way out if that ever happened to me. Give me bacon, or give me death!

I don't want to live on this continent anymore

How could this tick have only just been found? It's them ancient aliens I tell you, first they invented homosexuals to control the planets population, now they are trying to turn us into vegans.

Unless it's actually the preservatives in meat that the tick makes us allergic to. If there are more allergens than ever before in meat nowadays then maybe that's why the tick has only "just been found".

On my big list of "Headlines I Probably Won't Ever Read," this one was pretty much at the top. Perhaps we will have a giraffe president someday...

*sees headline*

"Oh, good, I'm nowhere near Texas..."

*reads article*

"East Coast!? WHO NAMED THESE THINGS?" *sobs in fear*

I'll have to cancel my trip to the meat dimension.

I feel like this is just building up to a radical vegan group spreading these around.

Channeling Amon from The Legend of Korra, they will "cleanse" people of their meat eating by getting them bit by the ticks.

Watch out, Republic City, an anti-meat revolution is brewing... and it threatens to take away your meat eating forever!

@BigChickenDinner: They get turned in to The Tick.

That's a really weird way to "get" an allergy.

I'd deal with whatever reaction I had to to continue to eat my meat.

I can just picture some crazy vegan brandishing a jar of these spiders, and poring them all over themselves.

If I ever get bit by one of those things all I can say is "Goodbye cruel world".

@Zacagawea said:

*fistbump*

"a tiny tick, whose bite might be spreading meat allergies"
"the tiny wound may trigger an allergic reaction" 
Well I don't have any allergies as of yet, so I'll take my chances.
 
"a sugar found in red meat, lamb and pork"
And you could still eat chicken, so it's not like you'd have to bee a total vegetarian.

First they made AIDS to try to stop us from having casual sex (and caused the 80s!) and now this!

As someone who already has an allergic reaction to both Chicken and Milk, if one of these things bit me I would probably just put together a life ending last meal... or perhaps discovering whether the allergies are triggered by human meat as well. Hell of a supervillain origin.

Holy shit 
 
If I was bitten by that I would kill myself by eating the biggest, tastiest motherfucking burger I could find.

As someone who already has an allergic reaction to both Chicken and Milk, if one of these things bit me I would probably just put together a life ending last meal... or perhaps discovering whether the allergies are triggered by human meat as well. Hell of a supervillain origin.

@sungahymn said:

@Zacagawea said:

*fistbump*

A life without meat isn't worth living! :p

A life without meat isn't worth living! :p

THE END IS NIGH!!!

As a vegetarian I just wanna quote the great Nelson Munds...

...Sorry ;)

SOUNDS LIKE ANOTHER PLOY BY THE LIBERAL MEDIA!

I entered this thread expecting to hear about how you got a lady pregnant and, to be honest, this is fairly minor in comparison.

@Pikawai said:

A life without meat isn't worth living! :p

Yeah, wth, I think that vegetables can't give me enough energy (unless I eat non-stop) to sustain my existance.

Give me meat or give me death.

@laserbolts said:

Give me meat or give me death.

Hell yes.

@RenMcKormack: I hear the bug was developed in a secret lab set up by Obama and funded by George Soros.

I hate bugs and this just adds a whole new dimension to that.

Fuck that noise. I'll keep eating meat and make it the mosy agonizing/delicious thing.

I'd be fine with it. The only meat I ever eat is hot dogs, and even then, I don't eat them that often.

@TruthTellah said:

I feel like this is just building up to a radical vegan group spreading these around.

Channeling Amon from The Legend of Korra, they will "cleanse" people of their meat eating by getting them bit by the ticks.

Watch out, Republic City, an anti-meat revolution is brewing... and it threatens to take away your meat eating forever!

I would've been more impressed had you used this:

Wait a second, it makes you permanently allergic to meats? It doesn't wear off after a while or something? I could never eat meat again? If that's true, I'd get my self a couple great movies, a couple homemade triple bacon cheese burgers, and die.

Thanks OBAMA...

If this is for real we, has a specie, have finally found an enemy that we must wipe out at all cost.

Think about it, pro animal rights nuts will breed the tick and unleash it against the unsuspecting populations... It is a vegan bioweapon.

The end has begun

The PETA scientists have finally realized their diabolical plan! Bastards!!

This isn't really news. There have been published stoies about this exact issue over two years ago, involving the same researcher. The sugar that causes this reaction is only found in mammalian meat, aside from humans and certain monkeys and apes. The fact that poultry and game birds do not have this sugar in their flesh means there is another huge source of non-mammalian meat out there to eat; this is hardly turning people vegetarian.

Great attempt at providing accurate headlines and informative articles for your readers Yahoo, or are you that desperate for hits? Must be a really slow news day. Gotta love the state of journalism these days sometimes.

@jking47 said:

I would take the easy way out if that ever happened to me. Give me bacon, or give me death!

This, Steak too.

Don't let PETA get that poison. They'll infect the water supplies!

@antikorper

@Pikawai said:

A life without meat isn't worth living! :p

Yeah, wth, I think that vegetables can't give me enough energy (unless I eat non-stop) to sustain my existance.

Should be the opposite really. Your body expends more energy digesting meat and dairy products than anything else.

All you really have to do is drive to a hospital with your burger of choice in hand. And start eating. A small price to pay to enjoy meat, I think. Once you start feeling symptoms, just open the door and let yourself collapse out. Someone should get to you shortly.

I was once bitten on the belly button by a tic. They are seriously hard to remove.

Wtf does "meat" mean anyway? Beef? Red meat? Fowl? Fish? This is extremely fuzzy science.

@antikorper said:

@Demoskinos said:

@antikorper

@Pikawai said:

A life without meat isn't worth living! :p

Yeah, wth, I think that vegetables can't give me enough energy (unless I eat non-stop) to sustain my existance.

Should be the opposite really. Your body expends more energy digesting meat and dairy products than anything else.

Yeah, I bet I lose energy by eating meat...

He didn't say you'd lose energy. He said it requires more energy to digest meat than vegetables, making it less efficient, therefore the opposite of what you had initially said.

It is very difficult for your body to extract the nutrients from meat compared to vegetables, especially once most of those nutrients are destroyed through the cooking process. A properly balanced raw vegan diet will give you more and higher quality nutrients than the shit most people are putting into their bodies.

For the record, I love meat, but humans eat way too much of it and it is becoming a health risk. Meat portion sizes are about three times what they should be on the average dinner plate. There should be more whole grains and vegetables, for sure.

There are plenty of downsides, but this is one of those times I am happy to live in an urban environment along the West Coast. Cause I looooves my meats.