I do. Right now. Sick of fake friends. Sick of arguments. Sick of things never changing. Sick of rejection. Sick of LIFE.
No, not the magazine, but the shitty thing you're born into without your consent. You're forced to endure "life" with no manual and no purpose. There is no level of what is success, what is good, what is not. You don't grow horns if you are evil, and you don't have a halo if you are good. There are no rules and there is nothing you can rely on. You can live life just as much as anybody else, and yet still fail at it. There are no cheats in life. There is no quick glitch to boost you to a place where you want to be. Life is. And it doesn't care.
It doesn't care. People don't care. If I were to top myself right now, no one would give a damn in my life. People may be sad for a week, maybe two, but after that they'd carry on. Every year a caring soul might take the time to visit my lonely grave atop a weathered hill, and drop some flowers which will but wither in the unforgiving sun. But ultimately, alone.
So yeah. I'm sick of my life at the moment. The life I knew is gone. For good it seems. Every move I make seems to be futile and ineffectual. I see feather friends blow away before me. I've seen a pigeon's worth before, but still their jabs stab at my heart with each betrayal, with each let down. Jaded. Disillusioned. I feel like a drifter with no home and no safe haven.
I don't care what you reply. I gave up caring along time ago. I'm just sick of life and I'm sick of being sick with it. I can't run away from it. There's no escape. No escape from the perpetual let down that is this chamber of confinement. I can't stay. No, if I stay it will keep chipping away at my soul. Chip chip chip. I may be a potato the number of chips life has taken out of me. Even bad humour cannot lighten my spirits.
Maybe if I just shut myself away I will finally be ridded of these burdens. And there is always the other way...