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Posted by SpawnMan (748 posts) -

I do. Right now. Sick of fake friends. Sick of arguments. Sick of things never changing. Sick of rejection. Sick of LIFE.

No, not the magazine, but the shitty thing you're born into without your consent. You're forced to endure "life" with no manual and no purpose. There is no level of what is success, what is good, what is not. You don't grow horns if you are evil, and you don't have a halo if you are good. There are no rules and there is nothing you can rely on. You can live life just as much as anybody else, and yet still fail at it. There are no cheats in life. There is no quick glitch to boost you to a place where you want to be. Life is. And it doesn't care.

It doesn't care. People don't care. If I were to top myself right now, no one would give a damn in my life. People may be sad for a week, maybe two, but after that they'd carry on. Every year a caring soul might take the time to visit my lonely grave atop a weathered hill, and drop some flowers which will but wither in the unforgiving sun. But ultimately, alone.

So yeah. I'm sick of my life at the moment. The life I knew is gone. For good it seems. Every move I make seems to be futile and ineffectual. I see feather friends blow away before me. I've seen a pigeon's worth before, but still their jabs stab at my heart with each betrayal, with each let down. Jaded. Disillusioned. I feel like a drifter with no home and no safe haven.

I don't care what you reply. I gave up caring along time ago. I'm just sick of life and I'm sick of being sick with it. I can't run away from it. There's no escape. No escape from the perpetual let down that is this chamber of confinement. I can't stay. No, if I stay it will keep chipping away at my soul. Chip chip chip. I may be a potato the number of chips life has taken out of me. Even bad humour cannot lighten my spirits.

Maybe if I just shut myself away I will finally be ridded of these burdens. And there is always the other way...

#1 Posted by SpawnMan (748 posts) -

I do. Right now. Sick of fake friends. Sick of arguments. Sick of things never changing. Sick of rejection. Sick of LIFE.

No, not the magazine, but the shitty thing you're born into without your consent. You're forced to endure "life" with no manual and no purpose. There is no level of what is success, what is good, what is not. You don't grow horns if you are evil, and you don't have a halo if you are good. There are no rules and there is nothing you can rely on. You can live life just as much as anybody else, and yet still fail at it. There are no cheats in life. There is no quick glitch to boost you to a place where you want to be. Life is. And it doesn't care.

It doesn't care. People don't care. If I were to top myself right now, no one would give a damn in my life. People may be sad for a week, maybe two, but after that they'd carry on. Every year a caring soul might take the time to visit my lonely grave atop a weathered hill, and drop some flowers which will but wither in the unforgiving sun. But ultimately, alone.

So yeah. I'm sick of my life at the moment. The life I knew is gone. For good it seems. Every move I make seems to be futile and ineffectual. I see feather friends blow away before me. I've seen a pigeon's worth before, but still their jabs stab at my heart with each betrayal, with each let down. Jaded. Disillusioned. I feel like a drifter with no home and no safe haven.

I don't care what you reply. I gave up caring along time ago. I'm just sick of life and I'm sick of being sick with it. I can't run away from it. There's no escape. No escape from the perpetual let down that is this chamber of confinement. I can't stay. No, if I stay it will keep chipping away at my soul. Chip chip chip. I may be a potato the number of chips life has taken out of me. Even bad humour cannot lighten my spirits.

Maybe if I just shut myself away I will finally be ridded of these burdens. And there is always the other way...

#2 Posted by Leviticus128 (217 posts) -

All the time but you know what. Things change and they get better. Keep looking up man :)

#3 Posted by xaLieNxGrEyx (2580 posts) -

Every god damn day

#4 Posted by DarthOrange (3498 posts) -

@SpawnMan: Is this poetry you are sharing or serious? If it is the latter, don't off yourself dude. SpawnMan is a jack-of-all-trades and can be the out-going party-maker and the sensitive friend who listens in one easy to ship package. I don't know what you are going through but you need to just keep your chin up. That bio of your sounds like the bio of a great dude, and your life has way more meaning then your post makes you out have. Stay positive man.

Online
#5 Edited by Milkman (16228 posts) -

When you're alone and life is making you lonely, you can always go downtown. (to hell) (death is the only escape)

Don't actually kill yourself.

#6 Posted by CaptainCharisma (338 posts) -

Hey man, that's the last thing you need to do. When you find yourself unlucky, you just have to make your own luck. Just keep on going and find a way out of the whole you're currently in. It won't be easy, but you'll be a better person for it. And some people wish people would care if they died for even a second. So the fact that they might care for only a week is still better than what others have to go through. Don't be a coward, just keep pushing forward.

#7 Posted by TwoLines (2762 posts) -

No, never. Don't kill yourself. Never give up. Also, don't kill other people.

I have no idea if you're being serious. If you are, talk to someone.

#8 Edited by whyareyoucrouchingspock (976 posts) -

I find a good way for perspective it too look up images of Nanking. Then my problems seem pretty fucking minor in comparison.

You should try it, trust me, it works. "rape of nanking" google it. Be glad you aren't them.

#9 Posted by supamon (1327 posts) -

Don't give up dude! Life can be unrelenting but you are not alone. If you feel like you've hit rock bottom it only means your situation can only improve from here onward.

#10 Posted by Suicrat (3762 posts) -
@SpawnMan You won't admit it, and I won't make you, but you probably want either commiseration or for someone to kick you when you're down. I'm not gonna do either.

Burying your head in the sand, ignoring your problems won't solve them. Do not "buck up" and hope a mere change of mood will fix the problem, or that things will get better. Because, yo straight up, shit doesn't get better without YOU doing something about it.

You described how it wouldn't be a big deal to others if you offed yourself but then you expressed your frustration with life housed in the framework of other people. Why do you permit this double-edged supremacy of other people over yourself? You've got to put YOU first. But not in a short-term self-indulgent, long-term self-destructive way. You need to start thinking about the things you would enjoy doing that can also sustain your life.

In the end there is no way to conceptualize the end of your own life. It's not a blank TV screen or muted speakers or the vast emptiness of space, it is none of those things and nothing else. No matter how shitty things are going for you, it's not worse than death, because death is permanent and your problems don't have to be.
#11 Edited by Morrow (1828 posts) -

@SpawnMan:

Ever heard of the comic books/show The Maxx? There is an interesting scene...

.

[Sara's holding a gun to her head]

Sara: Ok, heres the point in the story where I have this cathartic revelation that suicide's wrong, that life's worth living and everything'll be OK. Yeah, right. And that's why this story doesn't work!

[Throws the gun down]

Sara: 'Cause I just don't buy it.

Julie: Nobody buys it, but that's not why you go on.

Sara: Why then?

The Maxx: Because things'll change. You'll change.

Sara: What about right now?

Julie: Right now, you wait.

.

Just wait a little longer.

#12 Posted by dagas (2711 posts) -

I was ready to give up a few years ago, now I've found a woman I really think I can have a long term relationship with and it seems like I've got a job I can live on next week.

I thought "I'm turning 30 in a few years and have not even been with a woman. And I need money from my mom to afford food" but now everything is looking better. thing is you never know what will happen. Even if it seems like you are going nowhere, you never know.

Sounds like you need to pick friends better if you have problems with fake friends. I've never had that problem, but then I am very selective when it comes to friends. Quality over quantity.

#13 Posted by Galiant (2163 posts) -

@SpawnMan: Like others have already said, don't give up. Things will change! Talk to someone. Endure. You are not the only one who ever felt this way. A very close friend of mine is fighting cancer, and soon I'm going to go visit him for what could very well be the last time I ever see him. In the middle of all this, I'm struggling with my thesis and trying to find a job. I'm not saying that's worse than your situation right now or anything stupid like that. I'm just saying that I'm feeling pretty low myself. But we can't give up! One day you'll look back on this be glad that you kept going.

I wish you all the best.

#14 Posted by CookieMonster (2408 posts) -

Life would be boring if we knew what was going to happen.

#15 Posted by Canteu (2814 posts) -

08457 90 90 90

Call this number please.

#16 Posted by Claude (16251 posts) -

Day to day. Tomorrow night we have a Super Moon.

#17 Posted by GloriousDinosaur (423 posts) -

My advice man (coming from a guy with clinical depression and OCD) is to go for a run. Nothing lifts my mood higher or faster than hitting th gym or having a road run. If that doesn't work man, get out and spend some time with children. Their innocence is such a beautiful thing. They are forgiving and accepting beyond comprehension. I spend my days with children (as a primary school teacher) and brother I can say that a combination of exercise and children is enough for me to forget all my depression

#18 Posted by mordukai (7092 posts) -

@SpawnMan: Seek professional help.

#19 Posted by Fallen189 (4921 posts) -

Every single day since my partner left me has been a constant struggle to even get through the days.

#20 Posted by Draugen (574 posts) -

Duder, I'm not going to claim that I've ever been as low as you appear to be now, but I'm going to try to give you some advice anyway, with something that helped me tremendously a few years ago. Contact your local Red Cross. Not to get help, but to offer them your services. I don't know what kind of presence they have in your area, but you should look into it. When I returned to the real world after a year in the army, joining the RC search and rescue team turned out to be one of the most rewarding decision in my life. I can only speak from my own experience, but I found good companionship there, a stimulating, challenging environment and maybe even a bit of a purpose. I learned things about first aid and search and rescue that I didn't know from before, I got to be a part of the process of saving lives, and dude, I got to learn to drive a snowmobile!

If you think there might be value in helping yourself through the process of helping others, I would really look into the options you have around you. And if not, let me just say. I've never met a single person whose death wouldn't affect someone in their life profoundly, even if they didn't believe it themselves.

#21 Posted by CaLe (3678 posts) -

Uhh no? You only live once and once it's over, it's over. Even if it's shitty, at least it's special.

#22 Edited by FourWude (2261 posts) -

Everyday I go to sleep with a gun in my mouth..... You know what stops me from pulling the trigger, hope, hope that I may be able to clean this filthy world just a little bit more. But all it gets is shittier by the day

#23 Edited by WindFall259 (353 posts) -

Of course there's no manual. Life is what you make of it. Make your own win condition. Don't like the rules? Change it for yourself.

You are NOT obligated to stick with your fake friends. You are NOT obligated to argue stupid shit. Most importantly, you are NOT obligated to be ok with what you're doing and where you're going. Take a break. Go back home, or somewhere familiar. Figure out what you want to do; not because someone said so or you feel like you have to, but because you want to. Nobody will give more of a damn about you than you do.

#24 Edited by SlasherMan (1725 posts) -

Try to find some solace in the fact that almost everyone on this earth probably gets those feelings at least at one point in their lives, regardless of what their situation is. Try to be strong and don't give up. I'm not going to sit here and tell you that it gets better, the future is never certain, but the only way to deal with this is to keep going and try to find things in life that take your mind off your misery, and maybe even make you happy.

#25 Posted by Grillbar (1773 posts) -

i sometimes do and not to sound like an asshole but i man up and get back out there.

I buckle down and try to work out my anger, frustrations and the feeling of not doing anything or being anything of worth by trying to work harder and faster at my job, try to spend a lot of time with the friends i got, work out, run a lot and do things that makes me some kind of happy.

im not saying that i know how you feel or anything but i have and have had a similar feeling since im really asocial and trust me locking yourself in.

Trust me that only makes it worse

#26 Posted by Raven10 (1596 posts) -

Life can have purpose. Find something you love doing and do it. There is always a way out of a bad situation. Take it from someone who once attempted suicide and thought life would never get better. A decade later I've found a purpose in life. I'm happy, decently healthy, and have some really great friends. It can and will change. Sometimes things will get worse. Other times they'll get better, but life it worth living and in the end things will work out. Trust me I've been there. If you still don't believe me I'd suggest googling The Cab Ride. It's an incredible true short story about how you can find purpose in the most unlikely of places.

#27 Posted by liquidmatt (229 posts) -

@SpawnMan: Hey man, I'm not gonna pretend that I can speak exactly knowing what you're going through, as nobody truly knows what another person is thinking, let alone through a few sentences over the internet. However, I do suffer from depression and anxiety, paranoia and low-self esteem, and often find myself questioning what the point of it all is. This has lead to several break-downs due to worry over not doing anything worthwhile, and looking back on times where I wish I had not concentrated on some things over others. But the fact of the matter is, life is forever changing. Friends change, for better or worse, and you change too, for better or worse. In the end though, everything works out. Even in the shittiest of times people get through it, and if you give up you will never know what everyone has to, which is that, cliché as it sounds, things get better.

This is particularly true when dealing with extreme cases, such as suicidal thoughts and the like. Having been through counselling and suffered similar thoughts to those you describe above, I can promise you that everything can be solved. Success is nothing in comparison to be happy and healthy, and being happy and healthy is the easiest thing in the world to do, even when it seems like the hardest. There is always another option, life is so broad that you can literally change anything in it to make it the life you want to lead. For instance, take those people who change their entire gender, sell their whole life on ebay for a fresh start, or go and live in solitude because it's what makes them happy.

I hope this long post reaches you, and hopefully resonates. From all these posts you can see the things worth celebrating in life, I mean, if people who barely know you over the internet (where identity is completely meaningless) can demonstrate such concern and willingness to help you out of a dark spot (that everyone goes through at one time or another), then surely that's one of the most basic signs that there is no reason to lose faith in yourself, others, or humanity as a whole.

If you need anybody to talk to, message me, I'll talk, I promise.

#28 Posted by Seppli (9746 posts) -

Don't be in a hurry, is all I'll say. You don't need to give up on life. Life will give up on you soon enough. I promise.

#29 Posted by Knave (548 posts) -

Killing yourself is like sleeping forever. Try to sleep for about a week non stop, and when you wake up see if you liked it. If the answer is yes, you know what to do.

#30 Posted by whyareyoucrouchingspock (976 posts) -

@SpawnMan said:

I do. Right now. Sick of fake friends. Sick of arguments. Sick of things never changing. Sick of rejection. Sick of LIFE.

No, not the magazine, but the shitty thing you're born into without your consent. You're forced to endure "life" with no manual and no purpose. There is no level of what is success, what is good, what is not. You don't grow horns if you are evil, and you don't have a halo if you are good. There are no rules and there is nothing you can rely on. You can live life just as much as anybody else, and yet still fail at it. There are no cheats in life. There is no quick glitch to boost you to a place where you want to be. Life is. And it doesn't care.

It doesn't care. People don't care. If I were to top myself right now, no one would give a damn in my life. People may be sad for a week, maybe two, but after that they'd carry on. Every year a caring soul might take the time to visit my lonely grave atop a weathered hill, and drop some flowers which will but wither in the unforgiving sun. But ultimately, alone.

So yeah. I'm sick of my life at the moment. The life I knew is gone. For good it seems. Every move I make seems to be futile and ineffectual. I see feather friends blow away before me. I've seen a pigeon's worth before, but still their jabs stab at my heart with each betrayal, with each let down. Jaded. Disillusioned. I feel like a drifter with no home and no safe haven.

I don't care what you reply. I gave up caring along time ago. I'm just sick of life and I'm sick of being sick with it. I can't run away from it. There's no escape. No escape from the perpetual let down that is this chamber of confinement. I can't stay. No, if I stay it will keep chipping away at my soul. Chip chip chip. I may be a potato the number of chips life has taken out of me. Even bad humour cannot lighten my spirits.

Maybe if I just shut myself away I will finally be ridded of these burdens. And there is always the other way...

#31 Edited by SASnake (270 posts) -

with that kind of writing...sounds like an attention seeker, anybody seriously thinking that wont type like that on the fly, specially to a forums full of random people, good fail.

#32 Posted by TaliciaDragonsong (8698 posts) -

You should do something with your writing, I enjoyed the way you described things.
 
I've had the same moments however, life's terrible at times, but there's always another day.
Living another day gives you the oppertunity to find yourself, be that with others or alone in a cabin.
Death is so final.

#33 Posted by SuperSambo (2837 posts) -

You sound like a perky fellow.

Get off the forums and seek help.

#34 Posted by RVonE (4480 posts) -

@SpawnMan said:

I don't care what you reply.

Alright then.

#35 Posted by AlexanderSheen (4671 posts) -

At first I thought you were serious but then it turned out this is just a literary piece.

I don't care what you reply.

I don't think that's true. Then why this whole thread? To leave a mark? For who? Strangers on the internet who don't know who you are?

But to answer your question: I did once, for a second. But then I realized that that would be weak to just opt out and that I'm better than that.

#36 Posted by MoonlightMoth (447 posts) -

Read "Death's Echo" by W.H. Auden, I find that often helps at times like these.

#37 Edited by Harkat (1090 posts) -

Don't ever fucking kill yourself. You won't have the luxury of regretting it, or seeing your family and friends mourn you. There will be nothing. Experience will end. Even depression is preferably to no thoughts or feelings at all.

Also, and this might seem depressing in and of itself, but you overestimate how rational humans actually are. We are extremely influenced by hormones and chemical reactions in our body, no matter how intellectual we think we are. Get some exercise. Build something. Discover some music you love. Call up a friend and get some beers.

You don't see the logic in how those things will help your situation, but they just will.

#38 Posted by SeriouslyNow (8534 posts) -

@Morrow said:

@SpawnMan:

Ever heard of the comic books/show The Maxx? There is an interesting scene...

.

[Sara's holding a gun to her head]

Sara: Ok, heres the point in the story where I have this cathartic revelation that suicide's wrong, that life's worth living and everything'll be OK. Yeah, right. And that's why this story doesn't work!

[Throws the gun down]

Sara: 'Cause I just don't buy it.

Julie: Nobody buys it, but that's not why you go on.

Sara: Why then?

The Maxx: Because things'll change. You'll change.

Sara: What about right now?

Julie: Right now, you wait.

.

Just wait a little longer.

Followed. I loved The Maxx. Aussie indie comics rock so hard.

#39 Posted by selfconfessedcynic (2494 posts) -
#40 Posted by ZeForgotten (10397 posts) -

If you really did feel like it then this thread wouldn't really be a thing. 
The louder the kids scream the less likely they are to do anything terriblke like take the "other way" out. 
It's the ones that shut the fuck up we should all worry about. 

#41 Posted by Brother_PipPop (246 posts) -

I'm sick of fake friends he says.

Get the hell outta here what is this a tweens Facebook wall. Life's tough get a helmet. But ren when it's tough it's still the most beautiful thing out there.

And please don't come to me and go but you probably don't know shit about fake friends and tough life. Came out of the closet and lost my was best friend.

#42 Edited by No0b0rAmA (1490 posts) -

Here are some famous Winston Churchill quotes to help you out:

"A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty" -Winston Churchill

"Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference." -Winston Churchill

"From Stettin in the Baltic to Trieste in the Adriatic, an iron curtain has descended across the Continent" -Winston Churchill

"For good or for ill, air mastery is today the supreme expression of military power and fleets and armies, however vital and important, must accept a subordinate rank." -Winston Churchill

"Battles are won by slaughter and maneuver. The greater the general, the more he contributes in maneuver, the less he demands in slaughter." -Winston Churchill

#43 Posted by MrWoks (37 posts) -

@No0b0rAmA: That is the spirit Noob

I have some other motivational quotes:

You are what you eat. - Albert Signorella

Don’t ever wrestle with a pig. You’ll both get dirty, but the pig will enjoy it. - Cale Yarborough

There are many who dare not kill themselves for fear of what the neighbors will say. - Cyril Connolly

A joke is a very serious thing. - Winston Churchill

#44 Edited by Animasta (14460 posts) -

everyone saying he's a crybaby, like holy shit do you have any sympathy at all?

don't kill yourself. I was in a similar state just 5 days ago, but I couldn't do it because I had loved ones that would be bummed if I did.

don't kill yourself

go see a professional about your depression if you can

#45 Edited by Contrarian (1143 posts) -

This seems fitting:

Try reading Albert Camus - The Stranger?

Life is choice. It is all choice. If what you are doing with your life provides more pain than pleasure, the excise the pain. Life is too short to endure what you don't like. Learn to enjoy your own company - read books, listen to music, play videogames, visit art galleries and museums, look at the local architecture, walk the local park - life is joyous, if you choose to make it so and it requires no-one more than you. Others are optional and only if they value-add to your existence.

#46 Posted by Liber (647 posts) -

"I am charging whats his face" - Rampage

#47 Posted by ZeForgotten (10397 posts) -
@Animasta said:

everyone saying he's a crybaby, like holy shit do you have any sympathy at all?

don't kill yourself. I was in a similar state just 5 days ago, but I couldn't do it because I had loved ones that would be bummed if I did.

don't kill yourself

go see a professional about your depression if you can

Now I extra don't have any sympathy just because you went through it too :P
#48 Posted by gbtw (1 posts) -

Well what i have noticed from being around for 25 years: You are on a rock in space with a species that is so dumb and viscous that your only salvation is to kill yourself, really, 99 percent of humans are shit dirt bags. What with EU and USA being dictatorships by corruption, we are going to be eating soilent green within the decade. Go kill yourself, if you think you can't wait for the time we are back on the top of the sine wave, like before at some point the one percent of good people will take a stand and storm the Bastille, however this will take a long time and it will be hard and unfair. So if you want, take the easy way out.

#49 Posted by hershelgeorgelives (78 posts) -

Nope. OP sounds like an angsty teenager.

#50 Posted by Liber (647 posts) -

@gbtw said:

Well what i have noticed from being around for 25 years: You are on a rock in space with a species that is so dumb and viscous that your only salvation is to kill yourself, really, 99 percent of humans are shit dirt bags. What with EU and USA being dictatorships by corruption, we are going to be eating soilent green within the decade. Go kill yourself, if you think you can't wait for the time we are back on the top of the sine wave, like before at some point the one percent of good people will take a stand and storm the Bastille, however this will take a long time and it will be hard and unfair. So if you want, take the easy way out.

BEST FIRST POST EVER.