#1 Edited by Tireyo (6712 posts) -

I very much hate myself, and the hate is deep. Minute by minute, I feel like life should be different for me. Just about every night, I think about dying, because I cannot really think of a great purpose to live. I'm so mentally ill, I cannot stand it... and yet I'm still here.

So people of GB, Do you love or hate yourself? Please tell everyone the reason why. For those people who love themselves, give people who hate themselves some encouragement... though it isn't necessary to really give me any encouragement. I'm very much over-cooked it's pathetic.

Also, on Wednesday, February 1st, I'll be posting a special blog... so you all don't want to miss it. =-)


Update on the Self-Hate Issue:

It turns out that when I mentioned and pushed the situation onto my parents, they were yet again not buying it. I’m not going to push the issue any further with them, because it’s not worth me seeing their health going down the toilet because of a problem that is going on with me. I love them very much, and I will do anything to let them know that I’m ok… whether I really am or not. It looks like the therapy will not initiate. I would appreciate it that the suggestions to do therapy to stop, because it’s not going to happen. There were a few here that put the pressure on me in a private PM, but I’m not going to say whom; just know that it is time now to STOP. It was a conversation and a half with my parents, so yeah… no more suggestions about me getting help. I do not wish to discuss what happened in that conversation either.

No more comments/suggestions toward me please in this public forum topic. Feel free to PM me about the self-hate issue if you really feel the need to say something to me. I will answer you, but sometimes not right away. Otherwise, this topic is pretty much a discussion that is directed more toward me more so than the actual topic. Even though this thread has discussion value, I might equest for this thread to be locked if my wishes are not honored. Please continue to discuss whether or not you love yourself and why.

Best of wishes to you all, and I hope that we will one day all come to love ourselves and even others. May there be at least one day where all the hate is totally gone from the world.


#2 Posted by Simplexity (1430 posts) -

You should really talk to somebody about it if you really feel that way man.

As for me, I wouldn't go as far as to say I love myself, I still have things I want to do and change about myself, a work in progress as it were.

#3 Posted by Tireyo (6712 posts) -

@Prodstep: I have talked with someone, but the conversation never does turn out well.

Nice reason to love yourself.

#4 Posted by Claude (16632 posts) -

It makes me sad to read something like this. There are avenues you could take to help control these feelings you're having. As the poster above me said, you should talk to someone a professional. 
I've feel very comfortable with who I am. I have plenty of things I would like to change about myself. Day to day.

#5 Posted by JasonR86 (10044 posts) -


You're going to be told this a lot but I'll say it again, go talk to someone. But I'm also a little curious. Why bring this up here? You had to have known that everyone will tell you to go see someone. So what's the intention behind the post?

#6 Posted by Tireyo (6712 posts) -

@Claude: The February 1st blog is a lot more cheerier. You'll get to see my good side again, and you are actually mentioned Claude! It's already typed up, just waiting for that special day to occur.

@JasonR86: I do expect to be told to see a specialist about various issues. I ain't going to go though, because it's not affordable to go. The intention behind the post was to see how many people love or hate themselves... kinda like a survey. People who may feel similar like I do need that encouragement, and I guess that I was the starting point. Since I do love people, I like to see people help others out as it gives me some joy. So... yeah. Is that a bad reason?

#7 Posted by doobie (612 posts) -

i think im fantastic. i love everyday and love life.

#8 Posted by TentPole (1856 posts) -

cold disgust

#9 Posted by killacam (1321 posts) -

@Tireyo643: well... your profile pic is a nice choice. that's something to love

#10 Posted by PolyesterKyle (148 posts) -

@Tireyo643: I'm sad to hear that man. I feel the same way though. Lately I've resigned myself to live a very dissatisfying life. I don't have any problem saying "I hate myself" and that's something I'm not proud of. I'm overwrought with guilt, fear, and downright sadness that is debilitating. Not a day goes by that I don't wish I could be more. While I'm sure hearing that other people are feeling similar feelings as you doesn't make you happy, just try to take solace in the fact that you're not the only one who feels the pain of just being alive in a world as insensitive as this. And I know you feel like you're too far out to be helped by this point, but if you ever feel like talking to someone, I, well as many folks on here have no problems listening to what you have to say. One thing I'm going to implore you to do, is to keep living your life, you have the capacity to make a difference in other people's worlds whether you know it or not. Hang in there man.

#11 Edited by Tireyo (6712 posts) -

@killacam: I like Zuko... he hates himself too, until he became Fire Lord. =-P lol.

@PolyesterKyle: You hang in there too. = - )

#12 Edited by CaLe (4336 posts) -

Don't talk to someone. Health care professionals are as clueless as an old man sitting at a bus stop. They don't know what it's like to be you and will talk to you like they are reading from a book. CBT doesn't work and drugs will have side effects which only make shit worse in the long run. Nothing anyone here says will help you, and knowing why other people love themselves is useless information. Also, if anyone ever speaks online about having some sort of health issue of ANY description, the inevitable responses are 'go to a doctor' or 'talk to a professional' so this is just going to be an echo chamber. No one can help you because it's all in your own head.  
I don't love me but I do see value in existence. I'm lucky in that I found something I'm passionate about (not games!) and can spend my time doing that. If you can spend your time doing something you like, it might help, I dunno. It helped me.

#13 Posted by Marcsman (3381 posts) -

I looooooooooooooove me

#14 Posted by Tireyo (6712 posts) -

@CaLe: My parents went to a healthcare professional once so they could deal with their cancer, but the psychologist wasn't really useful or helpful to them. Since I cannot be helped, there is always a chance for another to be helped. You never know!

#15 Posted by oatz (1109 posts) -

I love me.

#16 Posted by Still_I_Cry (2522 posts) -

You sound like a teenager, it will pass..

That's what i told myself.

It didn't.

sad face.

#17 Posted by CaLe (4336 posts) -
@Tireyo643 said:

@CaLe: My parents went to a healthcare professional once so they could deal with their cancer, but the psychologist wasn't really useful or helpful to them. Since I cannot be helped, there is always a chance for another to be helped. You never know!

OK I'll accept that they help some people. Depends on what the problem is. 
#18 Posted by believer258 (13032 posts) -

You shouldn't beat yourself up. Why do you hate yourself? What have you done wrong? Why do you think that life "should have been different for you"? Make the best of what you have, not the best of what you think you should have. The very fact that you have a computer and an internet connection, or access to one, reveals that you are more blessed than many people that live on this world. If you want something, go for it. If you don't go for it, then stop moping about it.

As for me? I don't want to say that I "love" myself because that would sound a bit pretentious. I do like how I've turned out. Do I think I have problems? Yep. I'm not a great conversationalist and I'm quite the procrastinator. I should be studying for a literature exam I have tomorrow as we speak. But I hardly hate myself. I have my own good qualities. I'm fairly intelligent, for instance, though I'm not a genius by any means. I catch onto things quickly enough, especially English, and when I put my mind to it I can tell some really good stories. In addition to that, I can read quicker than most people and understand what I am reading. I have a great memory when I have a mind to remember something. In addition to all of that, I'm pretty confident in my interests (anime, video games) and I know that I can give a good job interview.

So, I would gladly say that I like how I've turned out.

#19 Posted by SuperSambo (3040 posts) -

The way you are speaking about 1st February is kinda worrying. What are you planning?

Are there no free options, such as support groups etc?

#20 Posted by Rattle618 (1504 posts) -

I love myself, very much.

Im always the smartest guy I have to deal with (with very few exceptions throughout my life) and that fills me with joy, which is not to say that Im the smartest person alive or anything like that; just pretty smart.

I enjoy every day because my days are filled with activities that I love, and loving what you do makes you good at it. I have a great job, few but good friends and I get along with most people. On top of all that Im pretty sure that this can only improve until the end.

#21 Posted by Tireyo (6712 posts) -

@CaLe said:

@Tireyo643 said:

@CaLe: My parents went to a healthcare professional once so they could deal with their cancer, but the psychologist wasn't really useful or helpful to them. Since I cannot be helped, there is always a chance for another to be helped. You never know!

OK I'll accept that they help some people. Depends on what the problem is.

Professionals can only do what they can to help others, no matter what situation is. They try to help people find their inner truth, though it may only work for a few. Few is better than none.

#22 Posted by LordXavierBritish (6651 posts) -

You're a beautiful person with boundless potential.

I pretty much hate everyone.

#23 Posted by Everyones_A_Critic (6499 posts) -

I have just the anecdote for your feelings, man. Be warned: it's about to get all emo up in this bitch. It should also be noted I'm doing better now. It's been quite a ride getting to where I am today, and I still have much work to do, but I'm pretty pumped to be out of the mindset I was in around this time:

My own self-loathing has been something I've battled since childhood. I know, I know, how can a kid hate himself? That's a long story for another time, just take my word for it. I've always had an astounding lack of confidence in myself, and I've always found myself hating the man in the mirror. As a teenager I contemplated suicide frequently (but then again, what teenager honestly hasn't? We're all dumb at that age) and went for it once before bitching out. About a year ago I hit my "rock bottom" as it were. My homelife was awful, I was going to a school I hated, all my friends had moved off to school, and I felt helpless and alone. No outlet for my aggression, no one to go to about my problems (which, contrary to what some of you may assume, were pretty serious, even for a 19 year old), and my hatred for myself was only growing by the day.

The depression became so bad that it literally became a chore to get through each day. I looked to drugs for comfort and, of course, they only made things worse. I never got addicted to anything, fortunately, and I eventually lost interest in even getting high. I tried retail therapy, whatever I could to ward off the feelings, but they never left. One thing that did stave off these feelings, though, was cutting. That's right, for a short period, I was a "cutter". I went out of my way to cut where my parents couldn't see, and it gave me a sense of supreme relief. Cutting is incredibly unhealthy, and it leaves scars, but damn if it wasn't satisfying. I suppose it was the sense that I was inflicting pain on the one I hated most, myself, and the adrenaline rush from making each incision offered a soothing "high" that could more or less be defined as "silence". After I was done cutting, and the blood was oozing out, there was just my own heartbeat. None of my problems seemed relevant. It's difficult to explain, as a year before I started cutting, I would've been repulsed by the idea.

Eventually my mom would find out about the cutting, and knew I was really depressed to begin with. She urged me to seek therapy, but I refused again and again, until I drafted up a suicide note one night and decided to throw myself in front of the subway train I took to school each day. I had the note printed, the only thing in my backpack that day, but I backed out at the last minute. As I waited for the train to pull in I had a bit of an epiphany. Or maybe I knew I was never going to go through with it at all. Whatever the case, I decided to get help that day. Society and my homelife had raised me to believe that talking to people was the "pussy" or cowardly thing to do. Real men keep their emotions bottled up forever, right? It turns out it takes a lot more balls to admit you need help and pull yourself out of the hole you're in rather than wallowing in it. I'm not saying that's what you've done, I don't know you after all, but I'm speaking solely for myself here. I was caught off-guard by how informal and free-form the therapy sessions were. It was just me and the therapist talking. He empathized with the problems I was facing at home, and was an addiction specialist, something that helped me understand the nature of the disease and how it effects the human mind. I wasn't an addict, I have an addictive personality, but most of my home problems were caused by a parent who battled opiate addiction. I prefer not to go into detail about it. Talking to someone is a lot easier when they're bound by legal contract to never speak a word of what you say to them, and when they're mature enough not to think differently of you because of what's going on around you.

Needless to say, seeking help had a huge impact on my state of mind thereafter. I'd be a fool to say that I'm 100% better now, I still have demons to fight, but I'm proud of the progress I've made thus far. The thing I can't stress enough is that you're not the only one feeling this way. Please don't take that as "Everyone has problems, grow up", because that's not what I'm saying at all. I'm saying that everyone is at least a little fucked in the head, and there is absolutely no shame in admitting it and seeking help for it. I realize from first-hand experience that therapy is expensive, but I highly recommend turning to a confidant you can trust and talking it through. If you feel there's no one out there you can reach out to, you can absolutely feel free to send me a PM if you feel comfortable enough doing so. If I could be of any help I'd be honored to do so. Not trying to make myself out to be Dr. Phil or anything, I just feel I have a sense of empathy when it comes to this thing that not everyone does.

Hope this helped man, stay strong.

#24 Posted by Demoskinos (16510 posts) -

I say why be depressed. Seriously, its always easier to see what you don't have instead of being thankful for what you do have. If your alive your doing better than a lot of people with just that. Think of all the innocent people that die unfairly who never get to do anything with their lives. Feeling sorry for yourself is dumb. If your keep telling yourself your a failure your going to be a failure. Life is what you make of it. If life gives you lemons.... then well....

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#25 Posted by JasonR86 (10044 posts) -


Just curious. If money is an issue then you can get state funded insurance. I'm in Washington state and work in a behavioral health clinic. When people don't have insurance I usually try to get them to talk with DSHS to get medicaid (DSHS is Washington's agency that can determine who gets things like state funded insurance). I'd call a few clinics and see what they suggest. Further, I'd look up online to see how your state dishes out state funded insurance. Talking on here to see what other people say will normalize your problems but it will only do so much. A professional can help you take more steps toward positive change. And, really, what's the harm in calling? If you don't call, you're guaranteed that nothing will happen. If you do call, there's a chance nothing will happen but there's also a chance something will happen. So why not try?

#26 Posted by Tireyo (6712 posts) -

@believer258: Thank you for the thoughtful response.

@Rattle618: What an incredible outlook to have on life. =-)

@SuperSambo: Support groups in my area are non-existent. Also, Feb. 1 is going to be a good day as it is special, so there is nothing to worry about. Keep a look out for the blog. =-)

#27 Posted by TaliciaDragonsong (8734 posts) -

I love myself because after all the shit I experienced, all the horrible people that wronged me and all the bad decisions I made myself...I am still standing.
I am still smiling.
So fuck you world, I'm me.

#28 Posted by Alexandruxx (248 posts) -

I don't hate myself. I hate everyone else.

#29 Edited by Beforet (3007 posts) -

Of course I love myself. Even when considering my flaws and shortcomings, I still love myself. Even if I don't always achieve what I want, or if I'm not totally content with who I am, I still believe in myself. How can I expect to love or to respect other people when I can't do either to the only person I truly know, me? Hating your self must be an absolutely miserable experience, but I highly doubt anyone here actually hates themselves. There's a difference between a misguided sense of humility and self-loathing.

#30 Edited by RIDEBIRD (1252 posts) -

I am good at videogames, in bed, at writing, being generally intelligent and sometimes being funny. I am probably actually very few of these things put in the broad spectra of humanity. It's all about self confidence, and therefore I love myself. It was hard getting here.

Therapy was part of it I should say. Get help that HELPS.

#31 Posted by Tireyo (6712 posts) -

@Alexandruxx: You should do tee-shirts.

@TaliciaDragonsong: I try to think that.

@JasonR86: I don't want my parents to know that I have a problem... =-( It's complicated.

@Demoskinos: I do feel successful in some aspects... I'm doing well in college, I'm not into drugs or alcohol, and I have a loving family. Thing is... sometimes I feel like it's not enough.

@Everyones_A_Critic: What an incredible response. I am so glad that you was able to be helped. And thank you... it did help a little.

#32 Posted by Demoskinos (16510 posts) -

@TaliciaDragonsong: Also you have a dope avatar. So +1

#33 Posted by TaliciaDragonsong (8734 posts) -
@Demoskinos: Thank you!
@Tireyo643: There is no try, just do it.
The only one keeping you down is you.
#34 Posted by Demoskinos (16510 posts) -

@Tireyo643: You know what? I just got laid off from my job of 5 years earlier in the month. Instead of being depressed and sad you have to change your perspective. I look at it as a time to shake things up and experience something new. Which is a good thing. Its all in how you view things.

#35 Posted by Tireyo (6712 posts) -

@Demoskinos: Very unfortunate. Don't really know where to start to change the perspective.

@TaliciaDragonsong: You know that I know that you're right. =-P

#36 Posted by TooWalrus (13344 posts) -

I'm pretty cool with myself- there's dozens of things I could improve upon, but I definitely don't hate myself. I love @Claude, too.

#37 Posted by Demoskinos (16510 posts) -

@Tireyo643: Well look at what you have. You have a family that you seem to be on good terms with and your also going to college. Thats more than a lot of people have. Watch this video below. This kid was homeless and alone since he was 5yrs old and yet he has still become a success.

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#38 Posted by mfpantst (2651 posts) -

Is this where we come to measure our depressed penile units?  If so I'm in for a pound.  
No seriously, since it seems you all are being mature and stuff, I swing to the hate side.  But really, what is inner peace?  Is it measured in the degree of self-love or self-hate we feel?  Is not inner peace more rooted in knowing the essence of what we ourselves are and being ok with that?  I mean, sure I kinda hate myself and my fucked up moral compass and how hard it is to make good choices, but at the same time I'm kinda ok with the state my inner being is in.  I'm at peace with myself.  Nothing over the past 9 years of adulthood has changed what I think I know to be true about myself, that I'm not that great a person, but my acceptance of such has grown.  And my general level of enjoyment of life has grown.  Even if I still don't really like yourself.
What I'm trying to say is why is your contentedness with reality tied to your own love or hate of yourself?  Contentedness with reality is just that, a) understanding how things are and b) accepting them.  A desire to achieve either self love or hate is merely nonacceptance of reality, yes?

#39 Posted by JasonR86 (10044 posts) -


What would happen if your parents knew that you're going through a rough patch and would like some help?

#40 Posted by Make_Me_Mad (3218 posts) -

Self loathing is pretty much my specialty. I've almost turned it into an art at this point, but I figure there's no reason to broadcast it too much. I mean, what if your family or friends found out you were miserable constantly? They'd probably feel bad that they never noticed, so you gotta keep that stuff contained. Act happy on the outside, because what's on the inside doesn't mean a thing.

#41 Posted by Tireyo (6712 posts) -

@Demoskinos: I see that stuff on TV all the time. It's really wonderful what happens to those people, but for some reason it doesn't "phase me". I get more out of actually interviewing or being able to relate to someone I can talk to.

@mfpantst: I accept reality and understand how things are, what I'm having trouble with is just cope with it.

@JasonR86: Parents would just make it worse. They would want me to talk to them, and honest to GOD I don't want to. Not about the asexual thing, the wanting to die thing, and the self-loathing thing. I tried it once, and where did it get me? Nowhere!

#42 Edited by Tireyo (6712 posts) -

@Make_Me_Mad: I'm not shocked that you said that. No offence.

If they find out... so be it. I'll just run away and kill myself "figuratively speaking".

#43 Posted by JasonR86 (10044 posts) -


What would happen if you told them you want to talk to a therapist? I imagine they might protest but what if you really pressed it and said that is really what you want?

#44 Posted by JacDG (2138 posts) -

Depends really, at the moment more towards the side of not really liking myself, but in a couple of days I love being me, I think I'm somewhat bipolar because I have serious mood swings from time to time.

#45 Posted by Tireyo (6712 posts) -

@JasonR86: They don't think anything is wrong with me! Plus, I have a big mistrust in people to where I don't want to see a professional. I see what they do... and they end up telling everyone! Pushing the issue wouldn't work.

#46 Posted by Swoxx (3021 posts) -

I hate myself for clicking this thread. But love myself otherwise...soo yeah.

#47 Posted by stryker1121 (1837 posts) -

If I had any advice it would be to surround yourself w/ well-loved friends and family as much as you can, and find an activity that you enjoy (besides gaming) and can put some hours into, maybe even join a group that sponsors that activity. By all means meet new people. You can stay busy w/o becoming some over-scheduled robot. i'd suggest yoga for one. It'll kick your ass (in a good way) depending on the type you take and if you're a spiritual person maybe it'll center you, too, who knows? If you're hurting talk to someone you trust rather than a "professional." Insecurity and self-loathing only fester when you keep it to yourself. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy.

That's not to say you have to walk around w/ a big dumb grin if that's not how you feel. But don't - and i cannot stress this enough - live inside your head and nitpick your perceived failings all the time. That way lies sadness.

So, good luck to you. Please don't give up.

#48 Posted by mfpantst (2651 posts) -
@Tireyo643 said:

@mfpantst: I accept reality and understand how things are, what I'm having trouble with is just cope with it.

I'm going to say something that might make you think I didn't read what you wrote.  So I'm quoting you so you know I read what you wrote.  And then once you get past that you might still get mad.  But trust me on this.  (I'm figuring I've some years on you so I've a little more learned about living with and hating yourself, discount if I'm wrong).  You say you "accept reality and understand how things are" but you are having trouble "coping."  I'm going to tell you that 95% what is going on is that either your understanding of yourself and reality are not complete or you have not yet accepted this.  I'm also going to tell you with 95% certainty that there is no difference between acceptance/understanding and coping.  Once your understanding and acceptance are complete, you will have no coping problem.  
That being said, the minute you start coping with more ease, you'll probably realize this, and kick yourself.  I did.
#49 Posted by Tireyo (6712 posts) -

@Swoxx: I hate myself, because you hate yourself - because of you clicking this thread. But hate myself otherwise... soo yeah.

#50 Posted by Swoxx (3021 posts) -

@Tireyo643 said:

@Swoxx: I hate myself, because you hate yourself - because of you clicking this thread. But hate myself otherwise... soo yeah.

Mind = blown.