Do you talk to your pets as if they were human?

Yes of course. That's the fun part.

" Yes.  Animals are more intelligent than what many people give them credit for. One of my cats, for example, fucking LOVES Dragon Age. "

" As retarded humans.  "Woooooooow!! Where did you get that leaf? That looks beautiful! So big, good job!" "

Considering that I have a lot of crazy mannerisms you'd think this would be one of them and yet it isn't.

No; I can understand why you might, but I've never really been much for it.

Dogs yes, cats... well thats what the microwave is for.

I did :( :'(

Yeah.  I have two pugs, each a year old, and I'm terrible about talking to them like they're people.  But I don't really care, as most people who know me do pretty much the same thing. 

" As retarded humans.  "Woooooooow!! Where did you get that leaf? That looks beautiful! So big, good job!" "

Sometimes to the dogs, they listen way better than cats.

On a regular basis!

Why wouldn't I? They talk back.

Sure do

"Woooooooow!! That looks beautiful! So big, good job!" "

Yes, definitely.

Of course I do. You see they are animagus you silly muggle.

I don't have any pets right now, but when I did I was much less polite when talking to them than I am to most human beings.  I never said "please" or "thank you".  

" As retarded humans.  "Woooooooow!! Where did you get that leaf? That looks beautiful! So big, good job!" "

When I had cats, they would get the gist if you spoke to them normally. Now clearly that doesn't mean they were picking up on my usually frequent incorrect usages of grammar, but they do pick up on things like "Yes, no, down, up, come, go, stay, etc". 
 
Plus it's cathartic to talk to your pets. They will never tell anyone your secrets and will always be there at the end of the day to listen. Of course, that might make you look crazy as hell.

I used to talk to my siamese fighting fish before I fed it. Sometimes it would wink when interested, or just ignore me when disinterested in what I had to say. While we didn't always get along, I do miss it.

My dogs talk at us as much as we talk to them.  We call them "mouthy fucks."  Like, they seriously talk back and talk shit.  We call them our kids, and we treat them like they're our kids.  So yeah.. we talk to them like humans.  More like children than adults, but yeah.

better than family even

No, because I currently don't have a pet. But if I did, I probably would at least occasionally.

Yup,
no matter what you say to them they love attention like that

I talk to humans as if they were my pets.  The kids at the counter at McD's hate it when you bust out the old, "can you get me a mac?  Yes, you can!  Yes, you can!  Go get it!  Go get it!  Oh, good boy!  Such a good, good boy, yes, you are!  Yes, you are!  Who's a good boy?  Who's a good boy?  It's you!"  I'm pretty sure it's at least partly responsible for the alarmingly high spit content in my orders.
 
My cats and I, on the other hand, enjoy frequent discussions on theoretical physics.

I talk to my dog as if he was a baby.

Of course i do.

I talk to my cats, as if they were dogs. 

I can't believe Aliens is beating Other. You guys are crazy. At least the majority talk to their pets as if they were human. That must make us the sane ones.

yep, I tell my dog "Woof Woof"!

Yes

"

yep, I tell my dog "Woof Woof"!

"

I try not to, but they keep talking to me. I don't want to be rude or anything.

Yes sir

Yes. Particularly if one of my cats decides to walk on my laptop keyboard.

Dog's, sometimes. Cats hell no. I talk to them like they're demons of the night; with my tears of fear.

Nope!
 
I teach dogs commands and names, but that's all I say.
I won't even name a cat.

Everyone does and it pisses me off. I mean, I know they can understand stuff like "NO!" or "Good boy" in the appropriate tones but saying full on sentences and then expecting them to comprehend? That's just dumb.

" @Halberdierv2 said:

"

yep, I tell my dog "Woof Woof"!

"

My dog says, "Ruff Ruff"!  Must be a cultural thing. "

" All the fucking time. "

I don't have any pets, but when around friends' pets, I sometimes talk to them but almost exclusively through commands or two/three-word sentences.  "Come and eat" "Let's run!" "move" etc.
 
Man I want a dog.

Helll yeah .... I even talk to trees and my car , oh yeah thats good old Jeremiah  :)

Dude, if you don't talk to your pets like humans, that's like freaking negligence.

Woof Woof Meow.

Occasionaly. Usually just say his name and he'll listen.