This is something I've thought about a lot recently, particularly as I'm finding my social life a bit lacking for quite a while (I had a small rant about this a while ago in another thread in regards to my uni life).
Before uni, I never really made a ton of effort with people. My group of friends always invited me to stuff and they always made the effort with me. I never really thought about it, and it sounds like I'm a really lazy person and rubbish friend, but thats what came natural to me and to them.
Naturally when you start anywhere new, you try to make an effort with people, especially conversation-wise. Make small talk about relatively mundane things. Its not something that comes natural to me, and I'm sure to a lot of people it doesn't, but its a way of trying force the conversation onto something me and the other person want to talk about. I tend to start the conversations and ask the questions because I assume most people like to talk about themselves and typically 'act' like I'm interested in them (obviously, I'm not so self centred that I act all the time, but everybody does it when it comes to small talk sometimes)
I've been at university for about a year and a half now, and for the majority of my time I've been trying to make an effort with people, particularly conversation-wise. And to be quite honest, it hasn't really come off for me. I've made a few acquaintances here and there, but the main people I hang round with are my flatmates and one of my best mates from home who also goes to this uni. There are very few people outside of this small group that I hang out with, and have made barely any friends on my course.
Some of the time, I found myself asking all the questions. It was me always starting the new conversation branch. I've started to adopt a thing where if I've asked started the conversation 3 or 4 times, I just stop and let them do it. And funnily enough I get silence from them quite a bit of the time. Why keep forcing a conversation that isn't there? Why keep making an effort with someone that doesn't want to make an effort with you?
And I often find when going to lectures now that I just can't be bothered with making small talk, even to an extent where I'm like 'I'm not going to make the conversation if they aren't going to with me'. If its something thats not natural to me at the time, is it stubborn of me to sit there and be determined to not make the conversation? Its not like forcing the conversation has gotten me anywhere (most of the time) over the past year and half or so.
Do I do what I want with regards to people naturally or keep trying to make an effort?
On a side note, with regards to the social situation, yeah I have had a look at a lot of clubs and societies, and there are very few that interest me. I'm considering joining the computer games society, but they mainly play pc games (dat ain't ma shit) and only meet up every two weeks on a tuesday for console gaming. But still its an option. I'm even considering putting posters up around the uni to see if anyone is interested in joining a band with me, despite me being incredibly poor guitarist and having slightly eccletic tastes (well, apparently nobody at uni likes post punk and 90s alt rock stuff, everybody is either into all about that wank EDM/pop shit or are mad house/techno fans (not that I'm saying house/tech is bad, I like a lot of that stuff)).
TL;DR See thread title.