This topic is locked from further discussion.

#1 Edited by amazinmace (37 posts) -

What if, in reality, the reason our system is so horribly run because it is in fact run by a Macaque monkey? Not just any monkey. It was experimented on in the 1960’s and after discovering what was thought to be blinding efficiency it was promptly put into power. It lives off Gatorade, cigarettes and pistachios. It’s a perfect cycle. Allow it to make decisions that affect lives, and affect millions of people and sit back with moral certitude. Even if it makes mistakes it’s easier to ignore them, after all it’s far easier than the alternative. All it has to do is be smart enough to pull the levers and press the buttons and strung out enough to crave another cigarette. It might be dumb as a brick but goddamn if Phillip Morris can’t make a slave out of anyone. At some point the monkey was given artificial blood and kept alive by a series of artificial organs – a cyborg monkey living in a glass pod. And so it has gone for decades.

What do you think?

Found this on Wikipedia and it seems to back up my theory:

“Macaques have a very intricate social structure and hierarchy. If a macaque that is lower level in the social chain has eaten berries and there are none left for a higher level macaque, then the one higher in status can, within this social organization, remove the berries from the other monkey's mouth”

#2 Posted by ShadowConqueror (3091 posts) -

God damn it.

#3 Edited by amazinmace (37 posts) -

@ShadowConqueror said:

God damn it.

I know what you're thinking. Why is weed still illegal, why is corporatism rampant, why is energy policy all about bending over for oil companies? Well now we know it's a goddamn macaque in a glass pod pushing buttons and pulling levers so assholes can sleep at night.

#4 Posted by cyraxible (694 posts) -

I'm too tired for this.

I like you.

#5 Posted by TaliciaDragonsong (8607 posts) -

Sounds legit.

#6 Posted by niko555 (124 posts) -

I see the world in a diffrent way now.

thank you o wise one

#7 Posted by MaFoLu (1859 posts) -

So you're saying macaque runs the system? 
That makes so much sense if you say it out loud!

#8 Posted by Contrarian (1143 posts) -

I am only interested if the macaque is a socialist.

#9 Posted by Harkat (1122 posts) -

Now I know how to spell macaque. Cheers, my macaque leader!

#10 Posted by Gamer_152 (14113 posts) -

Sorry but I don't think this joke constitutes significant discussion value for a thread. I'm locking this up.