@jouseldelka: Dude, you are twenty fucking three. Stop looking at your feet and just live your life. You shouldn't be married with kids right now, you should just be enjoying life, working towards a career or purpose you love.
I mean, hell, you should be happy you're "alone." As the child born to parents a little younger than you, I can assure you it isn't the way to go.
Shit, you've got a nice civilian life ahead of you. Enjoy it, do some learnin' at school, and ignore the sad old drunks.
And seriously dude, you're only 23, don't go thinking you'll always be alone because of your current social state. In fact, it's common to be in your position at your age. People are coming and going from your life, going to this college and that state and the other service branch. It's just life man, and you'll move on to a new phase of enjoying life soon enough.
And trust me, you need to be one fucked up asshole to end up like that old man. He sounds like my old man and he was a fucking prick even to his own children. He's divorced and estranged from most of his children because he was an asshole, not because he wasn't an amazing socialite.
Just let it all happen and you'll be a-ok. I've felt pretty shitty about similar situations but I always keep faith that it'll come to an end. And it's usually in those times that I meet the most important people in my life.
If you want to meet people, you just gotta get out in the world, talk to people, and let them talk to you. Go to a place where things you enjoy happen, and see who you meet. I met my best friend when I was in the shittiest fucking mood over being forced to move right after my first socially successful year at school (freshmen year at high school), because she made me sit with her in history. And as long as she's around, I know I'm not alone. It wasn't hard. It didn't take a ton of effort. I just had to open up no matter how much my shitty attitude made me want to close up.
Look on the bright side. You've got a long ass life ahead of you. At least you aren't stupid/crazy enough to wanna go to war and get your dumb ass killed.
Sure I'll be among brothers if it happens but you've pretty much got the next 40 years of your life to enjoy and there's not much that's going to get in the way of that other than you.
And hey, don't worry about finding love.Young love sucks. It's either fake or will end horribly or at the very least will stress you out. Just find companionship. A friend, a casual lady/dude friend, hell just an intellectual companion even. Way, way better for where you are in life, if you just let yourself enjoy it.
My best friend makes me as happy as any special lady/man could make me, and especially for someone going where I'm going, that's awesome. So I can speak from personal experience that you just need a friend or two.
I am getting very close to starting my stupid dream of being a real and proper trans girl and the closer I get, the bigger the fear of being killed for basically no reason gets. I am trying to be as realistic about this as possible, but that means coming to terms with very likely being murdered or committing suicide before I am thirty and I don't really know how I feel about that. I have wanted this for quite a while, and while I flip flop on what I want to do very very regularly, it still seems like the correct path to take with my life, but I know that it will be forcing myself into a life of sadness. My gut tells me that I am going to be followed home one day and a group of people that hates me will know where I live and my story will end with five pissed off jerks breaking down the door to my house after weeks of harassment and beating me to death with baseball bats just because I decided to follow my heart.
I would find dying alone by choice preferable to being alone and having my life taken from me.
You aren't going to die randomly. Your life is worth a hell of a lot and through the hell you may go through as a result of who you are, you have the opportunity to become an incredibly strong individual if you let it harden and strengthen you instead of convince you that your best option is to take your own life. Trust me, your life consists of nothing but opportunities.
I know you probably feel like the world, or at least some large part of it, is out to get you. But they aren't.
You can make one choice, and sacrifice EVERY OTHER CHOICE you would have had otherwise, or you can put your chin up, spit at the fuckers who say you can't be who you are, and move on.
And if you're really that worried about your safety, make friends with the biggest dude you can find :) But really, you shouldn't. There are pricks out there, but they are all a bunch of pussies. Most of them would crack under the pressure the people they treat like shit put up with on a daily basis.
You're probably pretty awesome, and taking that from the world because you're afraid of selfish little pricks would be a terrible, terrible shame. Trust me. One day your life will change, and you'll be glad you gave it a chance.
If you need a friend, PM me and I'll give you my information. That goes to anyone on this thread. I'll happily give my personal number, email, etc to people in need of help or assurance. I know I'm just a random stranger but hey, it might just be better than nothing.
Other than that, y'all need to cheer up! Don't be so down. Most of you are young, and the rest of you still have the rest of your lives ahead of you.
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