Every review needs a witty comment! You need to step up GB!

This is something that I noticed a while ago and with the recent Thief review scramble I have decided to throw together some pictures. It is quite funny.

The order is:

1. Joystiq
2. Polygon
3. EGM
4. GameTrailers
5. Destructiod
6. IGN
7. Gamespot
8. Eurogamer
9. Shack News
10. The Escapist

So Giant Bomb, where are the witty review catchphrases or slogans or whatever they are?

So you're saying that Giant Bomb needs to be more like GameTrailers?

Thief: The Kotaku Review

Aw man, GB and Kotaku need to step it up. Just listing your review as a review isn't good enough to get the tweens in! ;_;

Don't they? Don't they?

Uhhhh, yeah? Of course.

@truthtellah:

GB Countdown: Top 10 Foreign Sodas That Have Destroyed My Innards.

I'd love for them to put out as much crap as GameTrailers does on a daily basis but man GameTrailers is a beast of a corporation at this point.

Their video reviews are still the best in the biz though in my ever so humble opinion.

EDIT: Also I'm gonna have to read that Arthur Gies review because I want to see if he writes hot garbage all the time or was I just lucky.

20 Amazing Gifs of Vinny Caravella Crashing Vehicles In Your Favorite Games

One of the things I dislike about Polygon reviews is that "witty" comment. So please, don't do this, Giantbomb.

@truthtellah said:

A kotaku review is the funniest joke of all.

Yeah, ever since Giant Bomb stopped doing video reviews, GameTrailers has made some of the better ones.

"Square Enix stoled my money" ? Is that a good one?

At the end of the day, I think we could all do well to be a little more like GameTrailers.

Or Happy Puppy.

it's all part of writing, gotta catch them early on.

Yeah, but these are really, really terrible examples of that. They're all the easiest fucking puns based on a game about stealing shit. And the fact that all of these assholes went in the exact same direction actually make the one guy who didn't the interesting one.

Sorry, bad writing frustrates me.

a while ago I was having dinner with a writer and he was trying to explain puns to me. "Say the pun regardless if it's funny or not." I thought that was the dumbest thing I heard but he chuckled to himself like he's a little goofball.

I mean personally I'd be more like "this is the core idea of what I'm writing" and try to be witty or clever.

Wait a second. Where's the obvious pun?

Thief Review: This Game Isn't Worth Pirating.

I am so glad this thread exists because it gives me a chance to whip out my favorite quote: "He Who Would Pun Would Pick a Pocket." It's finally contextually appropriate, and on at least two levels!

This is my contribution to the Giant Bomb community today. I feel good about that.

I noticed that some time ago.

I don't mind them, but every now and then I'll read somewhere that the author of the review will admit that they spent more time coming up with some goddamn pun for the subtitle than what was going to be included in the actual review.

They should spend all that precious work-time streaming pictures of puppies. At least I can get something out of that.

Puppies > Puns. Do the math.

Isn't ”Thief Review” actually the funniest joke of them all?

Big fan of the "steel yourself" one.

You mean you want every video game review to have obnoxious, smarmy comments like all of the blurbs on Rottentomatoe's movie reviews?

No fucking thanks.

That's definitely fair.

Also, I think I get more frustrated with this specifically relating to this industry because I think writing about games has been on a harsh downward slope for the past several years. The big websites don't care about it anymore and the little guys who do, get very little attention for it. Tweets get more respect in this industry than sincere editorials. And so when I see a bunch of the big sites actually write something, and they all do the same damn thing, I begin to question why exactly these guys got their jobs. Was it just luck? But that's treading down a really cynical path, and I'd like to avoid that. This just comes from a genuine concern for something I love, both writing and video games.

I mean, Alex's review does sort of have one within the last paragraph of text. "Thief's greatest crime is one of boredom". It doesn't exactly roll off the tongue like the rest of the examples do, but I think it's just as appropriate.

Are you saying that by not having witty review title, the Giant Bomb review readers have been robbed?

Polygon's witty titles always irk me. Because there is no wit and they don't tell you a damn thing about the quality.

Kevin got it right!

Yes, I agree, Giant Bomb's writing is a dud. It just doesn't have the explosive wit of its competition! The crew need to light the fuse and make some fireworks happen if they're ever going to blow up in terms of popularity.

I added another from Shack News. I am still waiting for the Escapist review.

Also, make sure that every review has at least one witty pull quote that's under 140 characters. I need to be able to easily tweet about how blown away you were.

Speaking of Chiefs, Halo 4!

Accept no imitations. Only get your witty review comment from Eurogamer.

Top 10 Games We Dug Up From Desura in the Last Half Hour.

i also think the gb crew could wear more revealing clothes during videos to get more of the 18-35 male demographic in here. imho

On the other hand, GB is still on point with the video descriptions. And that's enough for me.

Quick Look: Warehouse and Logistics Simulator

After this, Vinny and Jeff are going to need one heck of a... pallet cleanser.

Drew Scanlon

@truthtellah said:

@humanity said:

@truthtellah said:

@video_game_king said:

So you're saying that Giant Bomb needs to be more like GameTrailers?

Don't they? Don't they?

I'd love for them to put out as much crap as GameTrailers does on a daily basis but man GameTrailers is a beast of a corporation at this point.

Their video reviews are still the best in the biz though in my ever so humble opinion.

Yeah, ever since Giant Bomb stopped doing video reviews, GameTrailers has made some of the better ones.

I've been trying to find the video this gif is from but to no avail. Any help?

@geirr said:

@truthtellah said:

@humanity said:

@truthtellah said:

@video_game_king said:

So you're saying that Giant Bomb needs to be more like GameTrailers?

Don't they? Don't they?

I'd love for them to put out as much crap as GameTrailers does on a daily basis but man GameTrailers is a beast of a corporation at this point.

Their video reviews are still the best in the biz though in my ever so humble opinion.

Yeah, ever since Giant Bomb stopped doing video reviews, GameTrailers has made some of the better ones.

I've been trying to find the video this gif is from but to no avail. Any help?

No problem. It's from his 2011 GOTY video.

@truthtellah said:

@geirr said:

@truthtellah said:

@humanity said:

@truthtellah said:

@video_game_king said:

So you're saying that Giant Bomb needs to be more like GameTrailers?

Don't they? Don't they?

I'd love for them to put out as much crap as GameTrailers does on a daily basis but man GameTrailers is a beast of a corporation at this point.

Their video reviews are still the best in the biz though in my ever so humble opinion.

Yeah, ever since Giant Bomb stopped doing video reviews, GameTrailers has made some of the better ones.

I've been trying to find the video this gif is from but to no avail. Any help?

No problem. It's from his 2011 GOTY video.

Loading Video...

Awesome, thanks!

Thief 4: More like Thief 2.... Outta 5

I'm not sure if they do that anymore since I haven't watched GT video reviews for a couple of years, but GameTrailers used to start all their video reviews with an aaaaaaawful pun that always followed this structure: "Will the game X, or will it Y", X and Y based on the game. I kinda respected them for sticking to that formula, but not really.

And I agree, this is a dumb trend. You also notice that there's some writers who always try to go for the pull quote when they write a review, with multiple such lines that do not fit in the review as a whole.

This. This is great.

The Escapist finally comes forth with their review and comment. So witty those guys.

Don't tempt Alex.

If you like silly (and sometimes actually good) puns, visit Eurogamer. They put puns in EVERYTHING

"Every review needs a witty comment! You need to step up GB!"

What is this, Thief The Snark Project?