#1 Edited by flasaltine (1710 posts) -

This is something that I noticed a while ago and with the recent Thief review scramble I have decided to throw together some pictures. It is quite funny.

The order is:

  1. Joystiq
  2. Polygon
  3. EGM
  4. GameTrailers
  5. Destructiod
  6. IGN
  7. Gamespot
  8. Eurogamer
  9. Shack News
  10. The Escapist

So Giant Bomb, where are the witty review catchphrases or slogans or whatever they are?

#2 Posted by Video_Game_King (36272 posts) -

So you're saying that Giant Bomb needs to be more like GameTrailers?

#3 Posted by TruthTellah (9478 posts) -

Thief: The Kotaku Review

Aw man, GB and Kotaku need to step it up. Just listing your review as a review isn't good enough to get the tweens in! ;_;

#4 Posted by TruthTellah (9478 posts) -

So you're saying that Giant Bomb needs to be more like GameTrailers?

Don't they? Don't they?

#5 Edited by flasaltine (1710 posts) -

So you're saying that Giant Bomb needs to be more like GameTrailers?

Uhhhh, yeah? Of course.

#6 Posted by Video_Game_King (36272 posts) -

@truthtellah:

GB Countdown: Top 10 Foreign Sodas That Have Destroyed My Innards.

#7 Edited by Humanity (10119 posts) -

@truthtellah said:
@video_game_king said:

So you're saying that Giant Bomb needs to be more like GameTrailers?

Don't they? Don't they?

I'd love for them to put out as much crap as GameTrailers does on a daily basis but man GameTrailers is a beast of a corporation at this point.

Their video reviews are still the best in the biz though in my ever so humble opinion.

EDIT: Also I'm gonna have to read that Arthur Gies review because I want to see if he writes hot garbage all the time or was I just lucky.

#8 Edited by TruthTellah (9478 posts) -

@truthtellah:

GB Countdown: Top 10 Foreign Sodas That Have Destroyed My Innards.

20 Amazing Gifs of Vinny Caravella Crashing Vehicles In Your Favorite Games

#9 Posted by Sergio (2258 posts) -

One of the things I dislike about Polygon reviews is that "witty" comment. So please, don't do this, Giantbomb.

#10 Edited by ThePaleKing (613 posts) -

@truthtellah said:

Thief: The Kotaku Review

A kotaku review is the funniest joke of all.

#11 Posted by TruthTellah (9478 posts) -
@humanity said:

@truthtellah said:
@video_game_king said:

So you're saying that Giant Bomb needs to be more like GameTrailers?

Don't they? Don't they?

I'd love for them to put out as much crap as GameTrailers does on a daily basis but man GameTrailers is a beast of a corporation at this point.

Their video reviews are still the best in the biz though in my ever so humble opinion.

Yeah, ever since Giant Bomb stopped doing video reviews, GameTrailers has made some of the better ones.

Vinny's Dark Souls Review

#12 Posted by BigJeffrey (5110 posts) -

"Square Enix stoled my money" ? Is that a good one?

#13 Posted by ShaggE (6717 posts) -

So you're saying that Giant Bomb needs to be more like GameTrailers?

At the end of the day, I think we could all do well to be a little more like GameTrailers.

Or Happy Puppy.

#14 Posted by crithon (3456 posts) -

it's all part of writing, gotta catch them early on.

#15 Edited by HatKing (6115 posts) -

@crithon said:

it's all part of writing, gotta catch them early on.

Yeah, but these are really, really terrible examples of that. They're all the easiest fucking puns based on a game about stealing shit. And the fact that all of these assholes went in the exact same direction actually make the one guy who didn't the interesting one.

Sorry, bad writing frustrates me.

#16 Posted by crithon (3456 posts) -

@hatking said:

@crithon said:

it's all part of writing, gotta catch them early on.

Yeah, but these are really, really terrible examples of that. They're all the easiest fucking puns based on a game about stealing shit. And the fact that all of these assholes went in the exact same direction actually make the one guy who didn't the interesting one.

Sorry, bad writing frustrates me.

a while ago I was having dinner with a writer and he was trying to explain puns to me. "Say the pun regardless if it's funny or not." I thought that was the dumbest thing I heard but he chuckled to himself like he's a little goofball.

I mean personally I'd be more like "this is the core idea of what I'm writing" and try to be witty or clever.

#17 Posted by Video_Game_King (36272 posts) -

Wait a second. Where's the obvious pun?

Thief Review: This Game Isn't Worth Pirating.

#18 Edited by Doskias (318 posts) -

I am so glad this thread exists because it gives me a chance to whip out my favorite quote: "He Who Would Pun Would Pick a Pocket." It's finally contextually appropriate, and on at least two levels!

This is my contribution to the Giant Bomb community today. I feel good about that.

#19 Edited by wjb (1697 posts) -

I noticed that some time ago.

I don't mind them, but every now and then I'll read somewhere that the author of the review will admit that they spent more time coming up with some goddamn pun for the subtitle than what was going to be included in the actual review.

They should spend all that precious work-time streaming pictures of puppies. At least I can get something out of that.

Puppies > Puns. Do the math.

#20 Posted by Superkenon (1506 posts) -

Isn't ”Thief Review” actually the funniest joke of them all?

#21 Posted by JackSukeru (5967 posts) -

Big fan of the "steel yourself" one.

#22 Edited by believer258 (12207 posts) -

You mean you want every video game review to have obnoxious, smarmy comments like all of the blurbs on Rottentomatoe's movie reviews?

No fucking thanks.

#23 Edited by HatKing (6115 posts) -

@crithon said:

@hatking said:

@crithon said:

it's all part of writing, gotta catch them early on.

Yeah, but these are really, really terrible examples of that. They're all the easiest fucking puns based on a game about stealing shit. And the fact that all of these assholes went in the exact same direction actually make the one guy who didn't the interesting one.

Sorry, bad writing frustrates me.

a while ago I was having dinner with a writer and he was trying to explain puns to me. "Say the pun regardless if it's funny or not." I thought that was the dumbest thing I heard but he chuckled to himself like he's a little goofball.

I mean personally I'd be more like "this is the core idea of what I'm writing" and try to be witty or clever.

That's definitely fair.

Also, I think I get more frustrated with this specifically relating to this industry because I think writing about games has been on a harsh downward slope for the past several years. The big websites don't care about it anymore and the little guys who do, get very little attention for it. Tweets get more respect in this industry than sincere editorials. And so when I see a bunch of the big sites actually write something, and they all do the same damn thing, I begin to question why exactly these guys got their jobs. Was it just luck? But that's treading down a really cynical path, and I'd like to avoid that. This just comes from a genuine concern for something I love, both writing and video games.

#24 Posted by TheManWithNoPlan (6004 posts) -

I mean, Alex's review does sort of have one within the last paragraph of text. "Thief's greatest crime is one of boredom". It doesn't exactly roll off the tongue like the rest of the examples do, but I think it's just as appropriate.

#25 Edited by Slag (4891 posts) -

Are you saying that by not having witty review title, the Giant Bomb review readers have been robbed?

#26 Edited by csl316 (9485 posts) -

Polygon's witty titles always irk me. Because there is no wit and they don't tell you a damn thing about the quality.

Kevin got it right!

Online
#27 Edited by Icemael (6364 posts) -

Yes, I agree, Giant Bomb's writing is a dud. It just doesn't have the explosive wit of its competition! The crew need to light the fuse and make some fireworks happen if they're ever going to blow up in terms of popularity.

#28 Posted by flasaltine (1710 posts) -

I added another from Shack News. I am still waiting for the Escapist review.

#29 Edited by Chaser324 (6744 posts) -

Also, make sure that every review has at least one witty pull quote that's under 140 characters. I need to be able to easily tweet about how blown away you were.

Moderator
#30 Edited by Brodehouse (10132 posts) -

Speaking of Chiefs, Halo 4!

#31 Posted by Mister_V (1436 posts) -

Accept no imitations. Only get your witty review comment from Eurogamer.

#32 Posted by AdequatelyPrepared (679 posts) -

@video_game_king said:

@truthtellah:

GB Countdown: Top 10 Foreign Sodas That Have Destroyed My Innards.

20 Amazing Gifs of Vinny Caravella Crashing Vehicles In Your Favorite Games

Top 10 Games We Dug Up From Desura in the Last Half Hour.

#33 Edited by dudeglove (8303 posts) -

You're what's wrong with the world.

#34 Edited by billymagnum (841 posts) -

i also think the gb crew could wear more revealing clothes during videos to get more of the 18-35 male demographic in here. imho

#35 Edited by audioBusting (1649 posts) -

On the other hand, GB is still on point with the video descriptions. And that's enough for me.

Quick Look: Warehouse and Logistics Simulator

After this, Vinny and Jeff are going to need one heck of a... pallet cleanser.

Drew Scanlon
#36 Posted by geirr (2713 posts) -

@humanity said:

@truthtellah said:
@video_game_king said:

So you're saying that Giant Bomb needs to be more like GameTrailers?

Don't they? Don't they?

I'd love for them to put out as much crap as GameTrailers does on a daily basis but man GameTrailers is a beast of a corporation at this point.

Their video reviews are still the best in the biz though in my ever so humble opinion.

Yeah, ever since Giant Bomb stopped doing video reviews, GameTrailers has made some of the better ones.

Vinny's Dark Souls Review

I've been trying to find the video this gif is from but to no avail. Any help?

#37 Posted by TruthTellah (9478 posts) -

@geirr said:

@truthtellah said:
@humanity said:

@truthtellah said:
@video_game_king said:

So you're saying that Giant Bomb needs to be more like GameTrailers?

Don't they? Don't they?

I'd love for them to put out as much crap as GameTrailers does on a daily basis but man GameTrailers is a beast of a corporation at this point.

Their video reviews are still the best in the biz though in my ever so humble opinion.

Yeah, ever since Giant Bomb stopped doing video reviews, GameTrailers has made some of the better ones.

Vinny's Dark Souls Review

I've been trying to find the video this gif is from but to no avail. Any help?

No problem. It's from his 2011 GOTY video.

#38 Posted by geirr (2713 posts) -

@geirr said:

@truthtellah said:
@humanity said:

@truthtellah said:
@video_game_king said:

So you're saying that Giant Bomb needs to be more like GameTrailers?

Don't they? Don't they?

I'd love for them to put out as much crap as GameTrailers does on a daily basis but man GameTrailers is a beast of a corporation at this point.

Their video reviews are still the best in the biz though in my ever so humble opinion.

Yeah, ever since Giant Bomb stopped doing video reviews, GameTrailers has made some of the better ones.

Vinny's Dark Souls Review

I've been trying to find the video this gif is from but to no avail. Any help?

No problem. It's from his 2011 GOTY video.

Awesome, thanks!

#39 Posted by MikeFerrari7 (212 posts) -

Thief 4: More like Thief 2.... Outta 5

#40 Posted by AMyggen (3653 posts) -

I'm not sure if they do that anymore since I haven't watched GT video reviews for a couple of years, but GameTrailers used to start all their video reviews with an aaaaaaawful pun that always followed this structure: "Will the game X, or will it Y", X and Y based on the game. I kinda respected them for sticking to that formula, but not really.

And I agree, this is a dumb trend. You also notice that there's some writers who always try to go for the pull quote when they write a review, with multiple such lines that do not fit in the review as a whole.

#41 Posted by GERALTITUDE (3508 posts) -

Thief 4: More like Thief 2.... Outta 5

This. This is great.

#42 Posted by flasaltine (1710 posts) -

The Escapist finally comes forth with their review and comment. So witty those guys.

#43 Edited by Abendlaender (2889 posts) -

Don't tempt Alex.

If you like silly (and sometimes actually good) puns, visit Eurogamer. They put puns in EVERYTHING

#44 Posted by SomeDeliCook (2341 posts) -

"Every review needs a witty comment! You need to step up GB!"

What is this, Thief The Snark Project?