Funniest thing you've heard you friend say?

One of my friends had the bright idea to stick his penis in a coke bottle, I guess he thought it would be funny. So after about 10 minutes in the bathroom he comes out with he pants around his legs and says "I think it's too big" 5 seconds later he responds "My penis! Not the coke bottle.." I lol'd hard and still bring it up to this day.

Amusing....

I was sitting in my history class a few years ago when my friend staggers in and sits beside me.(He has a hangover) He nearly yells to me, "God this sucks!". The instructor stops his lecture and asks him if he wanted to leave since he didn't find the lecture to his liking. My friend, being the genius that he is, says, "No, this class only mildly blows, but this hangover hurts like a bitch".

I've never laughed so hard in my life....

Nice

At acting class me and my friend were using the movie DOOM and taking small scenes from it and putting them together to make a small scene. So we go to the auditorium, and we have to say out a line from our scene and the class has to repeat that. So when it was his turn he said a line from the movie " you know whats funny kid, a couple days ago I asked the sarge for a little pussy, and the next day you came on the team" Now we have to spend the rest of the drama school year in the library >:(

Women's rights.

I believe that this was my friend, but I could be mistaken, but at almost the exact moment two kids began physically fighting each other off to the side (at school), he yelled, at the top of his lungs, "Mortal Kombat!"

Everybody pretty much stopped what they were doing looked at him, and laughed. I was in hysterics for about five minutes, just because of the way he said it. It also helped that he crushed a full pop can with his forehead at the same time.

Crazy guy.

"Nice At acting class me and my friend were using the movie DOOM and taking small scenes from it and putting them together to make a small scene. So we go to the auditorium, and we have to say out a line from our scene and the class has to repeat that. So when it was his turn he said a line from the movie " you know whats funny kid, a couple days ago I asked the sarge for a little pussy, and the next day you came on the team" Now we have to spend the rest of the drama school year in the library >:("

One of the most memorable moments for me was going on an on ramp with a friend as the passenger and we see the car ahead of us has a bag hanging down from the back. When I started getting closer I said "Is that a bag of shit?". Worryingly I switched lanes and as we started passing it my friend looks at it and says "Oh my god, that is shit in a bag!".

At the time I found it to be ridiculous/hilarious. Who hangs a bag of dog shit from their rear window wiper?

I had one of my friends say "I haven't lost my keys... I just don't know where they are!"

My friend was driving, I was in the passenger seat next to him, and as we're going up a hill we see a rather round woman jogging up the hill.

As we pass her, my friend yells "YOU'RE FAT!" right at her and speeds off. Mean as it was, me and the three guys in the back of the car we're laughing soo hard.

He thought his dong would fit in a coke bottle? Well, I guess it's not the size that matters, but where you get to put it. Wait...

Anyway, a buddy of mine who works at my pizza joint was making up verses to that song I'm Too Sexy about whatever random things he was doing around the shop, and it was fucking hilarious.

At lunch, my friend was praying as he tends to do before a meal. So my other friend says to him "hey wake up that's rude."

in class my best mate looks at his diary and says to me .." hey dude its my birthday next year"

"At lunch, my friend was praying as he tends to do before a meal. So my other friend says to him "hey wake up that's rude.""

"One of the most memorable moments for me was going on an on ramp with a friend as the passenger and we see the car ahead of us has a bag hanging down from the back. When I started getting closer I said "Is that a bag of shit?". Worryingly I switched lanes and as we started passing it my friend looks at it and says "Oh my god, that is shit in a bag!".At the time I found it to be ridiculous/hilarious. Who hangs a bag of dog shit from their rear window wiper?"

"At lunch, my friend was praying as he tends to do before a meal. So my other friend says to him "hey wake up that's rude.""

We were on a class trip for some bs my freshman year in high school and we were all having a good time on the bus, shouting out the names that were on semis we were passing or businesses pretty loudly.  Well anyway my buddy is in the back with headphones on listening to metal so he can't hear shit.  We come to some railroad tracks and we have to be all super quiet while the driver is looking for fucking trains, he looks out the window and sees a sign for a pizza place and shouts "PIZZA PIT!"  while we were alll super quiet.  I've never laughed so hard in my life.

After my last prostate exam, "How did you know that your Doctor was using his finger?"

"After my last prostate exam, "How did you know that your Doctor was using his finger?""

"bartholomew999 said:

"After my last prostate exam, "How did you know that your Doctor was using his finger?""

LOL, wow."

While I like the idea of these things, quie often, the funniest things between friends are private jokes that nobody here is going to get.

He didn't really say it, but at one point I sent a friend my English Coursework and asked him how I could best conclude the story. He sent it back, and the ending had become- (bare in mind this was supposed to be an 18th century mystery with a twist ending)

My friend awhile ago (She was 15 at the time) Asked "Why do Chickens have bones?"

"He didn't really say it, but at one point I sent a friend my English Coursework and asked him how I could best conclude the story. He sent it back, and the ending had become- (bare in mind this was supposed to be an 18th century mystery with a twist ending)

The old man slowly rose...

"OH FUCK IT'S A LION, EVERYBODY GET IN THE CAR!

ARRAGGHHHGAGGGHHH!

ARRRRrragaghhh...."

"

We always pull the "thats what she said" so its always a bucket 'o laughs whenever we get together.

I went out with my best friend (and her sister) for her birthday a long while back. We went to Brann's Steak house and Grill for a few Happy Birthday drinks. Well my best friend got pretty tipsy and really had to go to the restroom. Her sister kept pushing her out of the booth and i said "Come on I'll take you to the Ladies room." My friend got up and this guy who had to be like 40ish bumped into my friend. He said i'm sorry and then my friends sister said "Don't worry about it. My sister just has a big ass and doesn't watch where she is going." The guy then said he take my best friend home for a you know what i'm talking about and i just started laughing. He then said he take my best friend and her sister home and do them both. His friend at the table looked at him mortified and said "Man these girls are way to young for you."

-This still makes me laugh when i think about it.

Combat Roll.

I was in english class and one of my friends, while during a discussion over a poem's racial insensitivity, yelled loudly:

"Bitch!  Shit the fuck up!  Racism IS America!"

I had that on my facebook for awhile before I realized "wait, i guess it doesn't look very good that I have that on my favorite quotes."

"dr_nefarious said:

"bartholomew999 said:

"After my last prostate exam, "How did you know that your Doctor was using his finger?""

LOL, wow."

if you see him checking with both hands in the air... you know there a problem"

A friend of mine once said, "Watching Bladerunner is like watching semen grow on a mushroom."

I lol'd because it made no sense on any level, but I still knew what he meant.

"He didn't really say it, but at one point I sent a friend my English Coursework and asked him how I could best conclude the story. He sent it back, and the ending had become- (bare in mind this was supposed to be an 18th century mystery with a twist ending)

The old man slowly rose...

"OH FUCK IT'S A LION, EVERYBODY GET IN THE CAR!

ARRAGGHHHGAGGGHHH!

ARRRRrragaghhh...."

"

in year 6 at school (ages 10-11 in the uk not sure what youd call it in the us)... during the summer (a ridiculously hot summer aswell btw, for shitty old england weather anyways) when all the bloody flys are flying around in tandem making babies a pair landed in my friends hand he looked, pointed and said "that is not the human way"... i guess it sounds stupid now but was fucking hillarious at the time

" Wait wait wait, I've gotta get some pants for Dan!"

Pant wars ftw. :)