Posted by Gold_Skulltulla (300 posts) -

This is probably the nerdiest thing I've ever put together, but I couldn't let this vast stock of Game of Thrones facts that've been piling up as I make my way through the books go to waste. This list is not conclusive; it's missing Robb and Catelyn specifically, but I couldn't think of a good console parallel for either. Also, it's supposed to be a joke, so there's that. What I enjoyed the most about putting it together was how just looking at the character next to their console made sense, like the way dogs supposedly look like their owners. So, without further adieu:

Joffrey – Wii – Rules the land, but many seek to defy him. Has broad reach, but not much respect.

Sansa – PS3 – Bold and naive. Thinks everyone will love her because of her noble bloodline.

Arya – Genesis – A dark horse with a rebellious spirit. Proved that she can hang with the boys.

Eddard – Dreamcast – Head of a strong household killed off too soon, many claim unjustly.

Jaime – PS1 – Brash and confident, with the strength to back it up. Dethroned previous ruler.

Tyrion – 3DS – Has a rough go at first, but gains power through cunning and persistence

Petyr – Xbox One – True motivations unclear. Purportedly powerful. Will spy on you.

Bran – Game Boy – Can’t do everything his big brothers can, but has other abilities that none of them have. Green dreams.

Cersei – Xbox 360 – Orchestrated the greatest seize of power for her family in recent history. Loved and feared in equal measure.

Jon – Xbox – Powerful for his years, but also awkward and a bit clunky. Wears black like it's going out of style.

Daenerys – PS4 – Descendant of once dominant dynasty bent of returning to power. Fan favorite.

Jorah – Vita – Desperate for affection. Best hope is to latch on to more respected up-and-comer.

White Walker – Wii U – Everyone has forgotten it exists except for a few, weirdly obsessed folks.

Stannis – N64 – Stubborn and traditionally-minded. Decided to go it alone, and has little outside support. Heard from infrequently.

Melisandre – N64 Expansion Pak – Dons a red hood and empowers her liege. Not really sure how she does what she does.

Tywin – PS2 – Powerful reputation with an enormous warchest. Decimates all whom he faces in combat.

Sam – Gamecube – Gets little credit for what he’s good at. Really into connectivity, but not a great communicator.

Theon – 3DO – Thinks he’s cool, but no one really likes or supports him.

Brienne – Saturn – An outlier, fierce and loyal. A bit awkward, but dependable for those that seek her out.

Robert – NES – Claimed the throne by force when the opportunity presented itself. Ended the old dynasty and began a new one.

Renly – PSP – Little sibling to powerful stalwart. Defenses are easily compromised.

Ygritte – Ouya – Free of the rules that most obey, an outsider of questionable credibility.

Varys – Kinect – Loyal to the realm, in service to his liege. Cordially bows to his master. Watches your every move.

Viserys – Virtual Boy – Comes from a strong pedigree, but squandered all goodwill with his off-putting manner.

Dragons – Steam Machines – Legends speak of their coming, but little is known outside of rumors and speculation claiming what they’re truly capable of. Could bring about a new era.

#1 Posted by Guesty_01 (383 posts) -

Haha absolutly loved it mate, you nailed them all! Gave me a good chuckle.

#2 Posted by Humanity (11565 posts) -

I was ready to bash this as it reeks of a cheap Kotaku hot 100 list, but these are actually pretty clever and well thought-out. There were several where I saw the picture and thought "nope" but when I read the caption I instantly realized "oh yah.. thats clever"

#3 Posted by Sackmanjones (5202 posts) -

..... well played sir *slowly claps*

#4 Edited by DeadeyeMcCoy (265 posts) -

The caption explaining your choice for Renly was hilarious. All in all, I came in expecting to roll my eyes at this and ended up just enjoying it. Nice work!

#5 Posted by CrazyRah (29 posts) -

Absolutely loved it! So well done and everyone totally "fit" with their hardware

#6 Posted by StarvingGamer (9077 posts) -

I don't know why I opened this thread. What is a game of thrones? Sounds like musical chairs.

#7 Posted by JTB123 (1167 posts) -

This has got to be one of the best posts ever, PSP one was great :)

#8 Posted by Stete (784 posts) -

Heh, 3DO was the best one!

#9 Posted by SamStrife (1328 posts) -

That was way better than it had any right to be. Very well done indeed.

#10 Edited by Carlos1408 (1576 posts) -

That was hilarious, well done good sir! I praise thee and the sun on this day.

#11 Posted by Venatio (4654 posts) -

Well that was an amazingly acccurate list

#12 Edited by Yummylee (23236 posts) -

Ha, superb. Well done!

#13 Edited by Olqavtoras (257 posts) -

Laughed more than I thought I would, well done!

#14 Posted by Pop (2689 posts) -

I don't agree with some of them. But I would feel like an asshole if I pointed out some stuff that I don't agree with. So, I'm just gonna say. Sweet, duder.

#15 Posted by MX (272 posts) -

This is awesome duder. If you sent this list to Kotaku, you'll be editor in chief.

#16 Posted by Rick_Fingers (525 posts) -

Hahaha brilliant, not what I expected at all

#17 Edited by Jeust (11462 posts) -

Good one!

#18 Posted by Sanj (2687 posts) -

Haha, wow. Bravo.

#19 Posted by Rattle618 (1504 posts) -


#20 Posted by TheKramer89 (443 posts) -

N64 expansion pak was probably my favorite. Spot on.

#21 Posted by AlexW00d (6732 posts) -

I was expecting this to be awful, but it wasn't, so well done.

#22 Edited by SenorMartinez (36 posts) -

You're right that this is super nerdy, but green dreams really made me laugh.

#23 Posted by TheCreamFilling (1230 posts) -

I've never seen Game of of Thrones, but now I understand it perfectly.

#24 Posted by themangalist (1853 posts) -

You deserve kudos for this!

#25 Posted by Gold_Skulltulla (300 posts) -

@mx: HA! Thanks, man, and hey, if Kotaku wants to republish it, I'll gladly take their money.

#26 Edited by MarkWahlberg (4713 posts) -

Wii-nter is coming.

I'll let myself out.

#27 Posted by StriderNo9 (1267 posts) -


#28 Edited by charlie_victor_bravo (1203 posts) -

Front page stuff!

#29 Posted by Vexxan (4624 posts) -

Lost it at Xbox One, well done duder.

#30 Posted by mintyice (225 posts) -

Can't wait for this to be stolen by Kotaku/Polygon/Buzzfeed. Great job though!

#31 Posted by LiquidPrince (16488 posts) -

Well I laughed my ass off... So kudos to you.

#32 Posted by xyzygy (10595 posts) -

This is actually perfect. Well done. Favorite one is Bran and Melisandre.

#33 Posted by Fobwashed (2525 posts) -

This is pretty fantastic. Well done =D

#34 Edited by Aegon (6646 posts) -

Daenerys as the PS4 is probably the most apt comparison.

Here's a secret of the Ice and Fire series: It's a game between two players, Varys and Petyr.

#35 Posted by Clonedzero (4206 posts) -


#36 Posted by TobbRobb (5094 posts) -

Haha oh man. Those were all good. Chuckled more than once. <3

#37 Posted by Milkman (17892 posts) -

I have never seen an episode of Game of Thrones but I still enjoyed this a lot.

#38 Edited by Assumedkilla (18 posts) -

Interesting, but definitely leans towards Sony's side... the Cersei/360 connection seems thin. If the 360 was anyone it would be Robert, who fought to become the king then eventually got lazy and mishandled it once he was there. I've seen this done for politicians and countries too.

#39 Posted by SlashDance (1864 posts) -

Ygritte is no Ouya, you take that shit back! :(

#40 Edited by SirPsychoSexy (1357 posts) -


#41 Posted by Marino (5283 posts) -

@gold_skulltulla: This is pretty great. You're on the front page of the site now.

#42 Posted by Patman99 (1634 posts) -

Well, this is pretty much the greatest thing I have ever seen.

#43 Posted by Gold_Skulltulla (300 posts) -

@marino: woot!

Thanks for the compliments, everyone!

#44 Posted by Psycho_Rich (74 posts) -

Nice list duder. Nailed every single one of them. Jorah as the vita to Daenerys' PS4 is genius... and now I really miss Game of Thrones. Damn you ROOSE BOLTON!!!

#45 Posted by GalacticPunt (1174 posts) -

I expected this to be terrible, yet it turned out amazing. Poor, dickless 3DO! PS4 is the Mother of Dragons!

I don't know why I opened this thread. What is a game of thrones? Sounds like musical chairs.

You win or you die. Just like musical chairs.

#46 Edited by leinad44 (559 posts) -

Got to admit, I expected a really dumb post. Turned out to be the best thing I've read today. Well done mate! :)

#47 Posted by GERALTITUDE (4318 posts) -

This is much better than it should be.

#48 Posted by mus209 (20 posts) -

Wow I'm impressed! Amazing stuff man.

#49 Edited by Roboculus92 (546 posts) -

Wow you did a real great job with this! These comparisons worked out a lot better than I thought they would.

#50 Posted by SilentPredator (154 posts) -

Melissandre being the N64 Expansion pack was fucking genius.