Sounds good!
I think I've got a good idea for a pilot, it starts with a murder in an arcade. Jeff walks in, sees the situation, puts on his dark shades in the dark arcade and mutters "I guess... he was... too salty" annnnnnd hard cut to wubstep intro.
Jeff notices Ryan hanging around waiting to talk to him, and Ryan tells Jeff they were smoking weed, then he runs off. Jeff heads back to the office and does paperwork.
Brad and Vinny. Same time. Are investigating a hit and run on the other end of town. Nearby under a bridge, they find the car that did the damage, and Brad puts on his hipster glasses and says "I guess... it was hit... and run... and ditch... and run" annnnnnnnd hard cut to wubstep commercial bumper.
Back to the show, Jeff is doing paperwork, and hears Ryan saying "follow the money, follow the money, follow the money!" Jeff turns around and sees Ryan loud whispering from afar "follow the money!" before scampering off.
Brad and Vinny are investigating the car, and informant Patrick "Tha-Scoopz" Klepek comes along with a soft drink cup full of coins. Snacking on the coins, Vinny asks if Tha-Scoopz saw what happened. Tha-Scoopz breaks it down for them. There were 3 armed to tee, and they were all in a hurry. They already had blood on their shirts and didn't see the holy homeless lady crossing the street with her cat Muffins. Brad asks if the cat survived, and Tha-Scoopz takes them to Muffins. Cut to japanese rock'n'roll commercial bumper.
Jeff is still back at the office, doing some paperwork. Drew comes along and brings him the blood spatter analysis. Jeff looks at it and immediately notices that the blood spatter looks just like Benjamin Franklin. Memories swirl around Jeff's head. The arcade, the weed, and Ryan's voice saying "follow the money, follow the money!" Jeff turns to Drew and says "come with me, I know who did it". Drew says he has a lot of work to do but Jeff hands him his keys and says "you drive".
Brad and Vinny and Tha-Scoopz. Same time. Enter Muffins' lair. Tha-Scoopz says he can go no further, and stands outside a drapery. Brad and Vinny look at each other and walk through. "ello monsiours, eve been ezpecting zuu." The cat turns around in his swivel chair to face Brad and Vinny. Brad says "I understand you saw who hit the holy homeless lady?" to which Muffins replies "YEZZ YEZZ, of koorsse. Ze olde wo-mun. I can tell zyou who keeled er, but in reteurn you must do zumzing for moi." Cut to final commercial bumper, featuring smooth jazz.
We return to find Jeff and Drew arriving at the gangbangers' hideout around midnight at the same time Brad, Vinny, and Muffins arrive. Jeff asks why they're there and Vinny tells them their hit and run case led them there too. They sneak in and see 11 armed thugs standing around a campfire roasting marshmallows, boasting about that punk they killed and old lady they hit. "It's unfortunate that we had to abandon our automobile, but I must admit, the way that youth responded to his defeat was quite shortsighted. Did he truthfully not realize we were dangerous, and thus not to be trifled with?" boasted one thug, to which another exclaimed "ITS MAHVEL BABY".
Jeff and Vinny and Brad look at each other and nod their heads. They leap from the barrels and crates they were hiding behind and Jeff shouts "THIS IS A BUST, NOBODY MOVE". The thugs all immediately aim their high caliber rifles at them. The crew's standard issue pea-shooters were no match. "Honestly now, you lot were hiding behind those barrels and crates? Could you not see the superiour firepower we were brandishing?" asks one of the thugs.
Jeff, Vinny, Brad, Drew, and Muffins are all taken hostage. Jeff shouts at one of his kidnappers "YOU'RE ALL DEAD. I AM THE LAW!" to which one of the thugs responds with a rifle butt smack to the face and makes Jeff cry. Drew and Muffins look at each other and knowingly nod. To the tune of Mozart's Requiem Dies Irae, Muffins leaps at the neck of one of the thugs while Drew no-hand cartwheels to another, unleashing a flurry of Wing Chun punches when he gets there. Taking his weapon, Muffins opens fire on the remaining thugs, and tosses a pistol to Drew. The duo are majestic, diving through the air and masterfully eliminating all threats.
The final remaining thug takes Vinny by the collar and points a shotgun at his head, yelling at the two to stop. Drew and Muffins stop and Jeff screams and covers his ears. Vinny slowly turns his head toward the thug, lets out a little smile, and whispers one word: cunt. The thugs face begins to bubble, his eyes widen, he steps back and lets out a scream before violently exploding.
Suddenly Ryan bursts in the main door with a small army of SWAT. The day is saved! Back at the office, the crew are recalling the days events together. "It's a good thing you came along when you did Ryan!" exclaims Brad. Drew asks what it was that Muffins wanted before telling Brad and Vinny who hit the old lady. Muffins puts on a police hat and exclaims, "a job mon ami, I vont to be un polize officieur too!"
They all burst out in hysterical laughter. Freeze frame and roll credits to the tune of "Girls Just Want to Have Fun".
Log in to comment