Giantbomb Storybook

So im unsure if there is a storybook so to speak. But if this catches on i will buy a hardcover book so sorts and write the giantbomb storybook and post pictures etc. Might even send it to the giantbomb offices if i think its worth their eyes.
 
But first the Rules:
Try to make it make SOME sense, no sex scenes, comedy is great, no flaming, only write ONE sentence per person! we wanna get everyone involved. 
And if you dont know how one of these things work you carry on the story from the poster above you. but try to read the other posts to get a feel of whats happening.
I will add to the rules if any other things come up. 
Also i will Put every single name of people who helped with this book in it to, so its not just me taking the credit. Yet i am getting left with the bill. 

 
 
!st sentence: Once a upon a time, there was a man called Jack.

 Jack was a troubled man, plagued by impotence.    

Jack spoke to himself, "Great, another story thread that never really ends well".

Due to this terrible condition, he felt that plunging a toilet was necessary .

That toilet was actually Bruce who got stabbed with a plunger by Jack.

However the plunger was not actually a plunger.

It was a rubber duck.

But this was no normal Rubber duck, this duck was actually a item that would one day, save jack and the rest of the world

After gazing at the duck for minutes, Jack fantasized about Steve Wilkos raping Donkey from Shrek.

Bruce, now bleeding to death on the floor being stabbed by a plunger/ rubber duck, began to tell Jack the ancient prophecy of the wood nymphs. 

But, we're getting ahead of ourselves, for this all started innocently, on one summer's night, 13 years ago...

...when a young duck and a plunger fell in love, drank too much vermouth, and 9 months later birthed the hideous rubber duck/plunger hybrid that now had yet another murder to deal with.

While Jack was doing the monkey (the Johnny Bravo dance), he heard something strange outside.

He was going to check what was outside...but then he found five dollars.

So he decided to go buy a Footlong sub.

 On the way to subway he noticed the picture of this 5 dollar note, was not the usual person.

 It was Cthulu, the Great Old One slumbering in his city of R'lyeh.

he thought "finally he gets some recognition" and purchased the sub

but the sub had onions, even though he clearly asked for no onions

 But the odd and mysterious employee reminded Jack that Bruce's flesh needed to be eaten with onions.

And so he pulled his trusty plunger-duck from his sheath, and messily stabbed the sandwich artist, and then stabbed him again for having to refer to the new corpse as a "sandwich artist".

While walking outta the subway, he notices one of those Jared cardboard cut-outs, and thats when they became best friends.

When Jared decided to leave Jack decided to OPEN THE DOOR, GET ON THE FLOOR, EVERYBODY WALK THE DINOSAUR!

At which point nobody walked the dinosaur, they just stared with mild intrigue and carried on with their lives

Then a meteor crashed into earth.

You see Meteors are spaceships for a species of intergalactic ants.

But then the ants counterattacked with their own sandwich.

 And for no apparent reason, Jack exclaimed "That's not the bookcase!"    

Jack was speaking ant speak, and the ants became enraged.

So they banded together to take the form of one giant ant that was the size of a

So says Mr. Stewart 
 
*beatbox*

That's right: Micheal came.And he wanted to fight the ants that turned into a giant ant. However the ants... 

This rap group was called "G-unit" and they fucked shit up.

But that's what their parents said, they couldn't rap for shit.

Then they went to Iraq to get back their SKUUUUULLS and...

Sorry folks, but these types of threads are now allowed here on Giant Bomb.