GiantBomb Text Adventure

Hi, I'm SuperMooseman. You might remember me from such websites such as GiantBomb.com and LuchadeerExposed.com. I am here with some text adventures. Now, I was going to download a program and make these actual text adventures, but I'm lazy.
The following text adventures were originally sent to Ryan, Vinny, Jeff and coonce - only the latter two replied. -rep for Ryan and Vinny. Jeff >ate all the time, for the record. I did send an adventure to Brad, but it was quite sucky. Damn.
Without further ado, here they are as they were originally sent:

Ryan

YOU ENTER THE TROPICAL JUNGLE.
YOUR FRIEND PROFESSOR BOLLOCKS HAS TOLD YOU TO COLLECT SOME MOOSE MEAT FOR TEA.
YOU CUT THROUGH THE BRANCHES SWIFTLY, WANTING TO FIND THE MOOSE AND MAKE THE KILL.
SUDDENLY THE FLOOR STARTS SHAKING.
THE GROUND INFRONT OF YOU CRACKS OPEN, AND A WILD SUPER MOOSEMAN APPEARS. YOU DROP YOUR KNIFE IN FEAR, AND IT FALLS DOWN THE NEWLY CREATED HOLE TO THE CENTRE OF THE EARTH.
THE MOOSE BEARS SCARS AND TATTOOS FROM THE GREAT DAVIS WAR OF '43.
YOUR ONLY WEAPONS ARE A DOG'S TOOTH, A HOMER SIMPSON MASK AND A DOLLAR.

CALYPSO THE WIZARD HAS GIVEN YOU THE TASK OF PURCHASING THREE MAGIC POTIONS.
YOU HEAD DOWN TO THE LOCAL WIZARDING SHOP TO PURCHASE THE SUPPLIES.
YOU ENTER THE STORE, BUT ALL IS QUIET. THERE IS NO-ONE AROUND, NOT EVEN BEHIND THE COUNTER.
YOU PICK UP YOUR MAGIC POTIONS AND HEAD TO THE COUNTER.
YOU HEAR A SHUFFLE BEHIND YOU, AND SWING ROUND.
SUPERMOOSEMAN IS STANDING THERE BEARING YOUR BELOVED FRIEND, PIKACHU.
A TEAR FALLS FROM PIKACHU'S EYE.
YOUR ONLY WEAPONS ARE A POKEBALL, A BOOK AND A STRAND OF HAIR.
THE POKEBALL IS FAKE.

YOU SETTLE DOWN IN YOUR BED AFTER A TIRING DAY WORKING ON THE RANCH.
AS YOU TURN OVER, YOUR MIND IS FILLED WITH HAUNTED BEINGS.
GHOSTS FLY EVERYWHERE, BATS ENGROSS YOUR MIND.
IN THE DISTANCE, WEARING A TIGHT LEATHER BAT COSTUME YOU SPOT SOMETHING --
-- SUPERMOOSEMAN. HE IS TAKING NO MERCY.
YOUR ONLY WEAPONS ARE A SHOVEL, RULER AND JEFF GERSTMANN.

YOU EMERGE FROM THE DRAGON'S CAVE AND LOOK UP.
THE SUN IS SHINING AND THE LEAVES ARE SETTLED FROM THE AUTUMN BREEZE.
YOU HEAR A SLIGHT THUD, AND LOOK ROUND TO SEE A ROCK.
YOU GLANCE UPWARDS AGAIN AND SEE FALLING RUBBLE.
IN THE MIST OF THE GREY RUBBLE YOU SPOT A MOOSE.
THIS MOOSE IS SUPERMOOSEMAN, WHO HAS BEEN HIRED TO KILL YOU.
YOU MUST ACT FAST AND TAKE OUT THE MOOSE, WHILE AVOIDING THE BOULDERS.
YOUR ONLY WEAPONS ARE A VIDEO TAPE, POTATO AND STEERING WHEEL.

omfg yes. you = genius

And here I was thinking I was somehow special.

hahaha. wi

"And here I was thinking I was somehow special."

You need to do one of these for luchadeer. It should involve his/her transgender issues which are briefly discussed inthis thread.

That was a quite enjoyable read...where's the Snide love!?

"MattyFTM said:

"You need to do one of these for luchadeer. It should involve his/her transgender issues which are briefly discussed inthis thread."

I'm not sure if text adventures are ready for such hardhitting issues.
"

LOL!!

Since it's a game, can I submit these guys and you as characters?

SuperMooseman concepts:
Anthropomorphism, Moose, Talking animals, Half-breed(?), Hero, Superness, Presidential Candidate, Genius-Level Intellect, Non-humanoid protagonist, Purple character (if you're purple), Male protagonist, ... others?

Make sure you have it available so we can put it as "Xbox games that aren't shooters nor are they located in Quebec" and make sure the box has half your face so it can be under the "Half of face on box" concept

Also you can pick your friends and enemies. I recommend either going through the character list A-Z and randomly (or other methods like coolness or irony) make everyone your friend and/or enemy. Also put yourself in Jaguar games, who can prove you wrong?

Oh and save travel money - if you want to go from New York City to Los Angeles, remove NYC from your location and add L.A., and there you'll be. Also if you want stuff, just click on the item you want, and you'll get it.

I guess that explains this.

Private Message started by SuperMooseman

YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS ARE ON THE FIELD.
YOU ARE PLAYING CAPTURE THE FLAG.
YOU HAVE THE FLAG.
YOU SEE YOUR BASE, BUT YOU CANNOT MAKE IT THERE -
IT IS WILDLY GUARDED BY SUPERMOOSEMAN.
YOU JUMP INTO A BUSH AND HIDE.
YOU LOOK ROUND, AND SUPERMOOSEMAN IS RIGHT NEXT TO YOU.
SUPERMOOSEMAN HAS 200HP

This was the one I received. I'll reply one day, I swear. I just lack creativity.

SuperMooseman said:

YOU'VE HAD A LONG DAY AT WORK, AND SO YOU GO FOR A TIME OUT
YOU GO TO THE WATER COOLER TO HAVE A SIP OF ICE COLD REFRESHMENTS
YOU FILL YOUR CUP UP WITH WATER.
THE WATER COOLER BUBBLES. YOU SEE THE BUBBLES STOP
BUT YOU STILL HEAR BUBBLING.
YOU LOOK TO THE LEFT AND SUPERMOOSEMAN IS THERE HOLDING A WATER COOLER.
HE LOBS IT AT YOU.
YOU HAVE 10 HP.