Help me with life advice

Hello friends.

I've recently had some pretty rough times in my life, and they've lead me to some weird point that I feel like I should get other people's opinions just to act as a parallel to my own- I wouldn't want to think so singularly without considering all the angles. This is quite a long thread, and I understand if the length might put you off. But I would sincerely appreciate any and all advice that might come from this. Thank you so much.

Here's my sort of story:

I'm currently a student in the UK, who's doing a post graduate degree in primary education- For those of you who might not live in the UK, that means I'm doing my teacher training so I can teach children aged 7-11. When you do this degree, part of your course involves you taking several months in a school, practicing and refining your teaching skills under the wing of a teacher already there, who act as your mentor. The first time I was placed was in a school about 30 minutes away from where I lived at the time. I had a lot of problems there. The woman I was being mentored by actively disliked me- she just didn't like the idea of me getting into teaching. I would try my best every day I was there, but she didn't provide me with the support I needed to get better. She wouldn't spend the time sitting down with me, going over my plans, talking out where I could improve. I heard her talking to another member of staff about how much she disliked the idea of people my age (26) getting into teaching, because we had false ideas of what it was about, and how she'd never get into teaching in this day and age. Basically a real rotten apple.

Because of this lack of support, I barely passed the placement. However, this wasn't the thing that caused serious issues. When I went to my second, and final placement, I was naturally at a disadvantage. I didn't have the right support earlier, so I was behind my peers, and where I should have been up to. However, I was very fortunate at my new school. The lady who mentored me was absolutely amazing. She gave me an immense amount of support, would routinely spend time with me to help me improve, talk to me about nerves- Basically everything you'd want from a supportive mentor. When it came to the end of my placement however, there were some problems. She couldn't recommend me finally passing, because there were still a few things wrong with my teaching. They weren't major, but they were enough that she couldn't in good faith sign me off and send me into the teaching world. This lack of finish was majorly affected by my first placement, because I was so far behind, when I started my second placement, I was still catching up. I don't hold any resentment or disdain for my second mentor, because I felt she was right- I wasn't ready. However, because I was so close and I did very well in several areas, my university said that they'd be happy to give me another chance to finish my second placement.

The downside was the time I'd have to wait until this happened, though. I finished my second placement in June, and expected my redone placement to be in September, when you'd expect it to be because that's when schools start. Unfortunately, they were unable to place me and I was made to wait. They couldn't find me a place until January. Now, that's over 6 months of waiting. It was unbearable.

For most of my life, I've lived with tourettes syndrome, a neurological disorder that makes you unable to control certain sounds and movements (You've probably seen it before in people who can't stop screaming out obscenities, the most media rich, and hilarious form of our illness). In the 6 month gap inbetween my two placements, this started to get worse and worse. There was a nationwide drought of my medication, and things started to get worse and worse. I developed anxiety and depression, and would often find my lack of direction in life a prison, and unable to function well. This started to get worse and worse, until January, and the week before I was due to be placed back in a school to finish off my degree. At that time, I was having severe anxiety attacks at the idea of going into school, and my depression and anxiety got the better of me, which meant I couldn't control the effects of my tourettes syndrome. As you can probably guess, going into a school unable to control your body wasn't ideal, which lead to me having a major freak out.

It was too much for me, and I had to abandon my placement to move back home. The stress, anxiety, depression and my illness all got on top of me, and I couldn't go on alone anymore. I moved 200 miles back across the country to be with my family. When I got back here, things immediately got better. I saw my old doctor, he prescribed me with a much newer medicine to help control my tourettes, and I booked an appointment with my local neurological department at the hospital, who have agreed to see me next week, to make sure I'm back to my old self, and offer any kind of advice and alternate methods of treatment they can offer. I feel much better in myself, and don't regret having to drop out of my placement to look after my well-being.

Now that you understand what's happened up to this point, this is the part where I ask for the advice of everyone on this website.

I got back in touch with my university, and they understand what happened. They've chalked my episode up to extenuating circumstances (Which means it's something that was beyond my control). They understand that I didn't just drop out because I had a poor back, or a sore tummy, and that this was a serious medical condition that I had to take care of. Because of this, they've offered me one more chance to finish my teaching placement. The only worry I have is moving back down there to finish it off. I'd love to finish off my degree and be able to be a teacher. It opens up a lot of doors for me, allowing me to teach, mentor, support, and basically work with children, which is something I've wanted to do for most of my adult life.

My worry is moving back down there, and having something happen again. I'll be away from my family, who are my support network. I've spoken to my mother about this, and while she wants me to be able to get back down there and finish off my teaching, she's understandably nervous about me having another mental breakdown. In her words, she's "Worried if I'm strong enough to go back down there on my own and finish things off". In my heart of hearts, I really want to go down there and finish off, but I know I'm taking a risk. I'm confident with this new medication, and a good frame of mind that I can successfully finish this, and do my best. Whether I pass or not is irrevelant- I don't want to regret not taking the chance I had. It would be very easy for me to sack the whole thing off, but that's not what life is about. I know that life is about taking the chance to seize the opportunity to do something I'm passionate about, which is this. When I was in my second place, I'd fallen in love with teaching, and was certain it was something I wanted to do.

What do you guys recommend? I'm already leaning on the side of taking the chance and getting back down there, but there's the little voice in my head that puts me off slightly. What if I get another bad teacher who won't support me? What if I worry? Lots of little stupid niggles that make me worried even though I know they shouldn't. Has anything like this happened to you before? I'd sincerely appreciate any and everyone who replies to this thread, as I really would love to hear your advice. Thank you so much for reading this essay.

It sounds like you'll end up regretting it if you don't at least give it another shot. If you fail, well at least you gave it your best you know? Sometimes the scarier something seems the greater the reward and it seems like something you really want, so go for it. You can do it.

If you want to do it, then do it. The worst thing that can happen is that you fail and find yourself back in the position you're in now, having lost nothing.

I think you should go through with it. If something happens again, then Oh well. You gave it a shot, at least. You'll just go back home again if that happens and figure out what to do next. If you nail it, then you're all set!

I agree with the other people recommending you give it a shot. C:

Yeah, you should go for it. It's scary but if you've learned anything from your past experience then try to tackle it differently this time. Doing nothing is just the worst though.

Go go go! Don't let your disease dictate your future through fear. If you let it stop you from doing this one thing, it has won control over the rest of your life. Your support network will always be there and they're only 200 miles away!

This right here is it, this is the final boss. The big one. You lost the first time.. Are you just gonna quit and delete your save, or are you gonna grab this motherfucker by the horns and wrangle it into the dirt!?

Go for it duder ...... just take with you enough medication to offset any drought or in other case plan a weekend trip to your family every 2-3 weeks. Also since you already know your weeknesses then you having again a bad mentor woulde be minor because you already know in what to work upon. Good luck and godspeed duder

I'm with those who suggest you should give it another try.

I would add that you should be serious about planning out & sticking with a support system, both for your time spent during the placement and afterward.

• For instance, it sounds like your mother is an important part of your support - schedule regular times to communicate with her - e.g. call every Sunday at a specific time so you always know that she'll be available to talk with you and hash out any issues you may be having. If you have friends at home that you're close to, consider setting up something similar with them.
• If possible, consider asking for another experienced teacher to mentor & advise you in addition to whoever you're assigned to.
• Be honest with whoever you're assigned to - you & your school know that you're behind because of circumstances beyond your control, so make clear your commitment to catching up & doing what's necessary to become a great teacher.
• It sounds like you may need to supplement your medication with additional relaxation/stress reduction methods. Yoga is an obvious one, but any sort of regular exercise can help if you're not already doing so. Breathing Technique If you do a web search for 'breathing for anxiety' you'll find a few techniques - the one I linked to is one that has helped me for many years.
• Although I'm not a proponent, you may want to ask your physician about beta blockers for certain high-stress classroom situations. There may be contraindications with your existing meds, though, in addition to the other issues with beta blockers.

The last thing I'll say is, my mother was a very highly-regarded primary school classroom teacher & teacher trainer for many years. Although the system in the Canadian province where I grew up is different from that in the UK, there are a number of similarities. Accepting student-teachers was paid & voluntary - there was always a larger pool of established teachers who were willing to take on students doing their initial placements, which were 1-2 weeks instead of 3-6 months and required less work & engagement. While she was always careful to not break her ethics strictures, she did make clear that the teachers who accepted student-teachers for second placements & full internships were vetted better & more likely to be suited for mentoring others. In other words, don't blame yourself for having a bad initial experience, as it's not uncommon.

I happen to think that teaching is the single most important career that one can undertake. If you continue to believe that it's what you want to do, by all means pursue it wholeheartedly - the world desperately needs good teachers.

Can't say I have much to add myself for a myriad of reasons but to put it simply, I'd take the chance again. Otherwise, you'll probably regret missing the chance. At the worst possible outcome, you'll try and fail but at least that means you took the opportunity. If you didn't, you'd never know. Sorry I don't have anything new to add but you know where to find me if you want a second opinion and all. Ah well, at least there's always this.

GANBATTE!!!

ill say what everyone else said,do it.you only got one life and if this is what you want to do,then you have to give it a shot.if you dont you might REALLY regret it later down the line,and one of the worst things that can happen is doing things you will regret.so yeah,go give it your all and if its meant to be it will happen.

Can't add much to what the guys have already said but if you want to bend my ear about any PGCE stuff (I've got one) feel free to hit me up. :)

Better to try and fail than not try at all. To me you sound very passionate about this career path, I think you owe it to yourself to taje the chance.

Just be smart about it like the advice goreyfantod gave yoyu.

You'll sleep better in the future whatever the outcome, if you know you gave it your all when you had the chance.

Take it man! You put in the work and you already have more internship experience then most people when they're entering the second.

I had a very similar experience. I developed panic attacks and depression while in college and dropped out for a while. I got the meds and counseling I needed though and was able to return. I went from failing out to graduating with honors. I think you'll do OK the next time around.

I agree with the general trend in this thread: go for it! But as @goreyfantod said, set up a system to have your support with you on distance. Have regular video calls with them, especially at the beginning, so that they can still be there for you. I guess that especially your mother would love to see you succeed, and if that means for instance daily calls for a few months, I'm sure she'll do that for you. Also, I would expect that once you have found your rhythm again, your need for support will decline.

In addition, if I understand it correctly you will effectively be opting out of your primary school teaching career by not doing it. As you say you really enjoy teaching, such a decision could very well impact your depression, and perhaps even your anxiety and Tourettes. I would say go for it, and if it still doesn't work then at least you tried your very best. Nothing is easy, you don't always win, and some battles you shouldn't even start, but you will have to keep trying in order to achieve something. Giving up isn't the answer in this case.

I hate to be the only negative ninny in this thread but I actually don't know if you should pursue this. You have a unique problem that is intensified by stress and are worried about having to be in control of yourself when away from the safety net of home. Obviously I don't know you and I hate to assume anything, but considering the nature of your medical condition do you think being a teacher is the best course of action here, both for you and your students? You are currently worried about how stress will affect you when simply placing. Having friends who are teachers I can tell from their stories that it's an extremely stressful career. I myself suffered from anxiety for several years which made functioning at work extremely difficult at times, and I didn't have to actually interact with other human beings, being able to step out and take a breather at any time.

I don't want to be the one to dissuade you here and you've come a long way to get to this point. That said, you should really take a long hard look at what you're getting into. Simply placing has caused intense psychological hardship on you to the point of a minor breakdown. Do you think you will be able to find some sort of calm in the job itself, or will you be fighting intense anxiety every day for years on end before you finally achieve some sort of calm? It just seems like this profession is seriously at odds with your medical well being.

What is it about your tourettes specifically that would impede your work? Is it a verbal tic, obscenities or sounds or movements? And what do you mean with a mental breakdown? Is it your tourettes acting up or stress/depression getting you down? From my very limited ability to discern your concerns, it seems to me you are much more preoccupied with the thought of your tourettes acting up during work/class, which may or may not happen. I don't know how bad your tourettes is so can't say much about that. But I will tell you that the fear of something that may or may not happen can be much worse than the actual thing happening. Don't let fear preoccupy you.

We had a math teacher who had some weird breathing tics. We didn't pay much attention to it because we probably did not understand that it was a tic of his. So basically boils down to what's the worst thing that can happen with your tourettes?

Don't let your disability get in the way of your goal. Plenty of disabled people are able to find success.

People told me I'd never amount to anything because I'm autistic,

Thanks to everyone who took the time to reply to this thread.

I guess the news is good news- I'm going back. I decided that I don't want to fail at something, and I don't want to let this opportunity slip by me just because I've had some problems with a mental problem that is largely under control. I saw a specialist at my hospital yesterday, and he said I seem absolutely fine to carry on, and wrote me a letter to show that I'm fit to teach again, as long as I stay on medication.

I spoke to my university course leader for 20 minutes on the phone too, which was really positive. She's been looking around at schools that are happy to take a returning student (After I obviously had to drop out and return due to an illness related extenuating circumstance).

They're currently looking for a school for me to teach at, and she has 2 ideas she'd like to place me in, depending on whether or not they're comfortable to take a returner (But I think she said they have done in the past).

The only big concern now is finding somewhere to live across the other side of the country! I can't view apartments/flats, so I'm just gonna have to dive in 2 feet first. I'll keep a blog updated with how things get on. Thanks again to everyone who took the time to offer some lovely advice!

@fallen189: Good luck duder! ;)

Not sure if somebody who relies on meds on a daily basis is ideal for teaching kids... otherwise what's the alternative for you? Doesn't sound credible to just stay at home. So do it but you gotta learn to control your anxiety, at this age I would have thought you'd have mastered it by now. Of course its different for different people but if its THAT severe then maybe you should not be teaching in the first place. Having worked with children they sometimes force you to face strange situations and if you can't handle them then its not for you.

I know that it can be absolutely terrifying. This is a time in your life when the fear of not being able to succeed and feeling that you are not good enough is at a high point I feel. That's normal and true for most everybody. In addition to that, you got to deal with the added stress of your conditions. I know because I've been there (or am there, depending on how I'm feeling any given week ). The unknown will always be scary and difficult. But the good news is that it won't stay unknown for long!

My advice is to learn and gain confidence with managing and living with your condition (which it sounds like you have already done) and go through with your opportunity. Take confidence that you are wiser and stronger now than the first time around. Embrace the unknown, and pretty soon, I'm sure you will find that it is not that scary anymore. I've found that confidence is something that sneaks up on you over time. That after days, weeks and months of challenging yourself, you wake up one day and realize you are comfortable and confident, you can't remember the last time you had a episode, and you feel like a million bucks.

Good luck duder! We know you can do it!