Hello friends.
I've recently had some pretty rough times in my life, and they've lead me to some weird point that I feel like I should get other people's opinions just to act as a parallel to my own- I wouldn't want to think so singularly without considering all the angles. This is quite a long thread, and I understand if the length might put you off. But I would sincerely appreciate any and all advice that might come from this. Thank you so much.
Here's my sort of story:
I'm currently a student in the UK, who's doing a post graduate degree in primary education- For those of you who might not live in the UK, that means I'm doing my teacher training so I can teach children aged 7-11. When you do this degree, part of your course involves you taking several months in a school, practicing and refining your teaching skills under the wing of a teacher already there, who act as your mentor. The first time I was placed was in a school about 30 minutes away from where I lived at the time. I had a lot of problems there. The woman I was being mentored by actively disliked me- she just didn't like the idea of me getting into teaching. I would try my best every day I was there, but she didn't provide me with the support I needed to get better. She wouldn't spend the time sitting down with me, going over my plans, talking out where I could improve. I heard her talking to another member of staff about how much she disliked the idea of people my age (26) getting into teaching, because we had false ideas of what it was about, and how she'd never get into teaching in this day and age. Basically a real rotten apple.
Because of this lack of support, I barely passed the placement. However, this wasn't the thing that caused serious issues. When I went to my second, and final placement, I was naturally at a disadvantage. I didn't have the right support earlier, so I was behind my peers, and where I should have been up to. However, I was very fortunate at my new school. The lady who mentored me was absolutely amazing. She gave me an immense amount of support, would routinely spend time with me to help me improve, talk to me about nerves- Basically everything you'd want from a supportive mentor. When it came to the end of my placement however, there were some problems. She couldn't recommend me finally passing, because there were still a few things wrong with my teaching. They weren't major, but they were enough that she couldn't in good faith sign me off and send me into the teaching world. This lack of finish was majorly affected by my first placement, because I was so far behind, when I started my second placement, I was still catching up. I don't hold any resentment or disdain for my second mentor, because I felt she was right- I wasn't ready. However, because I was so close and I did very well in several areas, my university said that they'd be happy to give me another chance to finish my second placement.
The downside was the time I'd have to wait until this happened, though. I finished my second placement in June, and expected my redone placement to be in September, when you'd expect it to be because that's when schools start. Unfortunately, they were unable to place me and I was made to wait. They couldn't find me a place until January. Now, that's over 6 months of waiting. It was unbearable.
For most of my life, I've lived with tourettes syndrome, a neurological disorder that makes you unable to control certain sounds and movements (You've probably seen it before in people who can't stop screaming out obscenities, the most media rich, and hilarious form of our illness). In the 6 month gap inbetween my two placements, this started to get worse and worse. There was a nationwide drought of my medication, and things started to get worse and worse. I developed anxiety and depression, and would often find my lack of direction in life a prison, and unable to function well. This started to get worse and worse, until January, and the week before I was due to be placed back in a school to finish off my degree. At that time, I was having severe anxiety attacks at the idea of going into school, and my depression and anxiety got the better of me, which meant I couldn't control the effects of my tourettes syndrome. As you can probably guess, going into a school unable to control your body wasn't ideal, which lead to me having a major freak out.
It was too much for me, and I had to abandon my placement to move back home. The stress, anxiety, depression and my illness all got on top of me, and I couldn't go on alone anymore. I moved 200 miles back across the country to be with my family. When I got back here, things immediately got better. I saw my old doctor, he prescribed me with a much newer medicine to help control my tourettes, and I booked an appointment with my local neurological department at the hospital, who have agreed to see me next week, to make sure I'm back to my old self, and offer any kind of advice and alternate methods of treatment they can offer. I feel much better in myself, and don't regret having to drop out of my placement to look after my well-being.
Now that you understand what's happened up to this point, this is the part where I ask for the advice of everyone on this website.
I got back in touch with my university, and they understand what happened. They've chalked my episode up to extenuating circumstances (Which means it's something that was beyond my control). They understand that I didn't just drop out because I had a poor back, or a sore tummy, and that this was a serious medical condition that I had to take care of. Because of this, they've offered me one more chance to finish my teaching placement. The only worry I have is moving back down there to finish it off. I'd love to finish off my degree and be able to be a teacher. It opens up a lot of doors for me, allowing me to teach, mentor, support, and basically work with children, which is something I've wanted to do for most of my adult life.
My worry is moving back down there, and having something happen again. I'll be away from my family, who are my support network. I've spoken to my mother about this, and while she wants me to be able to get back down there and finish off my teaching, she's understandably nervous about me having another mental breakdown. In her words, she's "Worried if I'm strong enough to go back down there on my own and finish things off". In my heart of hearts, I really want to go down there and finish off, but I know I'm taking a risk. I'm confident with this new medication, and a good frame of mind that I can successfully finish this, and do my best. Whether I pass or not is irrevelant- I don't want to regret not taking the chance I had. It would be very easy for me to sack the whole thing off, but that's not what life is about. I know that life is about taking the chance to seize the opportunity to do something I'm passionate about, which is this. When I was in my second place, I'd fallen in love with teaching, and was certain it was something I wanted to do.
What do you guys recommend? I'm already leaning on the side of taking the chance and getting back down there, but there's the little voice in my head that puts me off slightly. What if I get another bad teacher who won't support me? What if I worry? Lots of little stupid niggles that make me worried even though I know they shouldn't. Has anything like this happened to you before? I'd sincerely appreciate any and everyone who replies to this thread, as I really would love to hear your advice. Thank you so much for reading this essay.
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