#1 Edited by AndrewBeardsley (371 posts) -

Hey Duders.

I have been a member of this community for roughly 2 years. I rarely post and usually just browse the forums and read posts. However, I have reached my breaking point personally and would like some advice from the community. Currently, I am 21. I have been struggling with severe depression since I was 18. I tried to kill myself when I was 20, Obviously I didn't succeed. While I dont think I will try it again because honestly it scared the shit out of me. However I come to the community for advice from those who know someone who has severe depression (Or suffer themselves). How did you gain confidence in yourself. For some additional information. I guess my issue is mostly that I have "fallen into the abyss" of believing I have nothing to offer anyone and that I am generally worthless. The "trigger event" you could say for my current situation was a girl at my university asking me out on a date. It made me think of my own faults and in my head I had begun to think of all the ways it could go wrong. I know this may be considered lame or whiny by some but I would like some advice. Also before anyone says it. I am not a 21 year old fat virgin or anything. Im just a guy with serious mental health issues who needs help.

Basically. How do you motivate yourself to realize you have something to offer people and to get out of the negative mind set that no one could ever love you and you would die alone. Any advice would be deeply appreciated

#2 Edited by RPGee (762 posts) -

@andrewbeardsley This is going to sound harsh, but you shouldn't be coming here for medical/psychological advice. Many of us here are not properly equipped to give advice on this situation, and there are better, more immediate options. Talk to your family, talk to your GP, find professional mental help, seek out the proper avenues. I can understand you wanting to reach out to an anonymous forum for advice without judgement, but it is best for you to discuss this with people who know you, care about you and will properly help you. The amount of advice we can offer you here is extremely limited and could potentially be harmful.

#3 Edited by BulimicBalzac (93 posts) -

This is going to sound less harsh and more mellow. First off your pants. Yeah you feelin comfy. Second shoes. I know we should have done this first but, what the hell. Now we comfy. We feeling our leather seat on actual skin.

Just kidding, for realsies try MoodGYM its an online version of CBT which is what most therapist use. It's a handy little site that will help elaborate on your problems much better than any chuckle fuck on an internet forum (ANY FORUM). It's an easy first step, as its a website and you're already on the internet.

Always remember that the thoughts, opinions, and values of internet forums are a terrible place to ask for this kind of advice.

Don't be a brony...

#4 Edited by TruthTellah (9362 posts) -

@andrewbeardsley: While I would agree with RPGee that an online forum isn't exactly the best place for serious, quality psychological advice, this site has a decent amount of conversations about it. Perhaps you could do a Forum search for some of those discussions of depression and suicide?

Also, I'd say check out the response to a duder who recently tried to commit suicide. I can't find his exact blog at the moment though. Does anyone have a link to his blog? That suicide post is locked now, but the response and discussion around it is probably a great thing to see for someone facing depression and suicidal thoughts.

#5 Edited by Mirado (1015 posts) -

See a professional. Ignore any and all other advice from anyone on here that isn't "see a professional." I don't care if they have depression. I don't care if their situation runs in a near parallel to yours. I don't even care if they can irrefutably prove that they are mental health specialists in real life. This is not the place. Even if this was a forum solely populated by mental health professionals, it still wouldn't be the place. You need to sit down with someone qualified.

Do not act on any advice given, beyond that. They may tell you to talk to your family; if your family is smart, they'll tell you to see a professional. They may tell you to talk to your friends; if your friends are smart, they'll tell you to see a professional. Do not self-diagnose. Do not let someone unqualified diagnose you.

I know that sounds harsh. I am being harsh. I know people who have been guilty of attempting to diagnose either themselves or others close to them, with the best intentions in mind. It does not work. It can be very harmful. Seek a professional. If you have seen one previously, seek a second opinion. That's all there is to it.

#6 Posted by JasonR86 (9746 posts) -

Hey Duders.

I have been a member of this community for roughly 2 years. I rarely post and usually just browse the forums and read posts. However, I have reached my breaking point personally and would like some advice from the community. Currently, I am 21. I have been struggling with severe depression since I was 18. I tried to kill myself when I was 20, Obviously I didn't succeed. While I dont think I will try it again because honestly it scared the shit out of me. However I come to the community for advice from those who know someone who has severe depression (Or suffer themselves). How did you gain confidence in yourself. For some additional information. I guess my issue is mostly that I have "fallen into the abyss" of believing I have nothing to offer anyone and that I am generally worthless. The "trigger event" you could say for my current situation was a girl at my university asking me out on a date. It made me think of my own faults and in my head I had begun to think of all the ways it could go wrong. I know this may be considered lame or whiny by some but I would like some advice. Also before anyone says it. I am not a 21 year old fat virgin or anything. Im just a guy with serious mental health issues who needs help.

Basically. How do you motivate yourself to realize you have something to offer people and to get out of the negative mind set that no one could ever love you and you would die alone. Any advice would be deeply appreciated

Hey dude. These are issues you should speak with a mental health professional about. I can tell you, as a mental health therapist myself, that what you are describing is pretty common for people who are depressed and therapy, meds, or both can help address those problems. If you would like, I could try to help you get the resources you need to start therapy with someone near where you live. Just send me a PM. But, just so you know, there is help out there that will address exactly what you're talking about.

Also, I'm going to keep advice and things of that nature to myself. Mostly because it wouldn't be that helpful for me to just throw out random pieces of advice. Also because the talk therapy (which I would suggest but I'm biased) would be catered to who you are, what you've been through, and where you want to go. Any advice I would offer wouldn't be and that wouldn't be particularly helpful.

Good luck dude.

#7 Edited by ShadowConqueror (3067 posts) -

I've had depression since about 8th Grade, and I'm a Junior in college now. For years I thought about suicide regularly, but very rarely did I think about it seriously and I never attempted it. However, believe me when I say that I know how you feel. What you really need is someone to talk to, regardless of how uncomfortable it may be for you. You should take solace in everything you're lucky enough to have, even though it may not seem like much sometimes. I know that if I didn't have the opportunities for education and a career I want I would be much worse off, and I'm grateful for what I have.

One thing that really subdued my depression was a recent health scare. I was really worried that I wouldn't have much longer to live, and I realized that if I died tomorrow, I would regret the way I lived my life. I was lucky enough to have caught a potentially life-threatening illness early and I am going to be fine, but the experience still stuck with me. Since then, I've been reexamining the way I live my life and have been trying to push myself out of my comfort zone and be less solitary and introverted. Just small things like saying hello and complimenting a stranger can help move you in the right direction. Do something, do anything different. Depression may be a part of your life, but it doesn't have to end it. But first, get help.

#8 Posted by Colourful_Hippie (4423 posts) -

I'll just echo what the others have said. Seek a professional.

#9 Posted by PeasantAbuse (5138 posts) -

@mirado said:

See a professional. Ignore any and all other advice from anyone on here that isn't "see a professional." I don't care if they've have depression. I don't care if their situation runs in a near parallel to yours. I don't even care if they can irrefutably prove that they are mental health specialists in real life. This is not the place. Even if this was a forum solely populated by mental health professionals, it still wouldn't be the place. You need to sit down with someone qualified.

Do not act on any advice given, beyond that. They may tell you to talk to your family; if your family is smart, they'll tell you to see a professional. They may tell you to talk to your friends; if your friends are smart, they'll tell you to see a professional. Do not self-diagnose. Do not let someone unqualified diagnose you.

I know that sounds harsh. I am being harsh. I know people who have been guilty of attempting to diagnose either themselves or others close to them, with the best intentions in mind. It does not work. It can be very harmful. Seek a professional. If you have seen one previously, seek a second opinion. That's all there is to it.

This is the best advice.

#10 Posted by Hunter5024 (5840 posts) -

Talk to a doctor and don't be afraid or ashamed to take medication.

#11 Edited by RPGee (762 posts) -

@truthtellah: You're right that there have been a few of these sort of threads around in the years, but still, he should see a professional instead of coming here. Less risk of bad advice, trolling, any of that shit.

#12 Posted by TruthTellah (9362 posts) -

@rpgee said:

@truthtellah: You're right that there have been a few of these sort of threads around in the years, but still, he should see a professional instead of coming here. Less risk of bad advice, trolling, any of that shit.

Definitely agree. A professional and close individuals are better for this. Though, if he insists on looking here, might as well give him some leads for finding what might even have a chance at being of some help.

#13 Edited by Tireyo (6447 posts) -

I think you might get some use out of what I wrote down in my recent post about how I'm doing and what I've gone through the past year without my dad being around. It may not be the same depression that you've gone through, but depression is depression.

The best way I can describe how I got my depression is that I never could believe in myself, because I thought I could never amount to a hill of beans because of what people has told me... and what I've put into my mind and led myself to believe. I think that the main problem of depression is what you lead yourself to believe. The way to counter that is to change that mindset by trying to make a difference by doing a deed, doing something leisurely, getting involved in some sort of non-violent entertainment, or doing something to better yourself in some way. I can't tell you what you could or should do as that is something that you must figure out for yourself. However, I recommend you to take suggestions to what you could do to better yourself in some way. Some suggestions from me is that you could continue your education, go out for a round of golf, plant something, get a job to get some experience, or start helping people with problems in which you know you can help them with.

I cannot tell you how many times people have asked me to help them with their computers, and I'm not even a professional. I sometimes can't help them, but most of the time I can. A person at their own work was having trouble with their computer and was wanting to get a new computer, and I told them that I could possibly help fix their computer to where they won't have to get a new one. They actually let me touch the computer, and I fixed the problem within 2 hours and didn't even accept their money. Most of the problems were just routine maintenance issues. Even today, they still have their same computer and they described it as "running like new". So this is an example of what I did to help another.

From observance, there are a handful of people that are confident on a date and a handful of people who are not comfortable on a date. So the thing to do when you go on this date is to take a leap of faith and see what happens. I cannot tell you that the negative thoughts will go away, but what I can tell you is to be yourself. Share your interests, chat, and hakuna matata! If she isn't the one, there are more. If it's meant to be, than it's meant to be. If it doesn't turn out, try again if possible. If it does, good for you! You're always good enough.

Most people will tell you that since you've tried to kill yourself once, or have serious mental problems need to go see a doctor and take medication. I'm not the one that's going to tell you that. It'll work for some people, but it doesn't work for all people because some just don't have the privilege of affording help or medication. Sometimes all you need is to just gather support, or just talk to someone who will listen to you. So what if I'm not a professional or a doctor! I can at least be a supportive online friend if you'll want me as one. If seeing a professional and taking medication is what it takes to get you out of the depression, then so be it! Everyone is different.

Good luck to you. If you have any questions for me at all or want to chat, feel free to send me a PM or whatever. I'll be here for you! =-)

#14 Edited by HerbieBug (4212 posts) -

Go to general practitioner doctor. Doesn't have to be your own, walk-in clinic is fine. Describe your problems and history with depression. Doctor will conduct blood tests to see if there are not any undiagnosed physical problems that may be contributing to your mood. You may be given the option of trying anti-depressants. I think you should consider it. Second, you may be offered a referral to a psychiatrist for assessment. The purpose of that will be to diagnose precisely what type of depression you are experiencing. Standard Major Depressive Disorder, or if there is an anxiety component to it, or a manic component, etc.

Do not suffer this alone. Do not refuse help when offered. Things can improve. I say this because I know. I have Asperger's Syndrome, OCD, and Dysthymia. Things became very bad in my mid 20's. I got help. Things are better now. More stable.

Best of luck to you. Please be safe. PM me if you would like assistance in finding safe internet forum for specific discussion of mental health related topics.

#15 Posted by Tireyo (6447 posts) -

Go to general practitioner doctor. Doesn't have to be your own, walk-in clinic is fine. Describe your problems and history with depression. Doctor will conduct blood tests to see if there are not any undiagnosed physical problems that may be contributing to your mood. You may be given the option of trying anti-depressants. I think you should consider it. Second, you may be offered a referral to a psychiatrist for assessment. The purpose of that will be to diagnose precisely what type of depression you are experiencing. Standard Major Depressive Disorder, or if there is an anxiety component to it, or a manic component, etc.

Do not suffer this alone. Do not refuse help when offered. Things can improve. I say this because I know. I have Asperger's Syndrome, OCD, and Dysthymia. Things became very bad in my mid 20's. I got help. Things are better now. More stable.

Best of luck to you. Please be safe. PM me if you would like assistance in finding safe internet forum for specific discussion of mental health related topics.

This here is what you call a typical and very educated response to controlling depression if you were to live in a perfect world where through modernization, all your problems will be solved through a professional. One thing that I found very useful here is that a doctor can conduct blood tests to see if there is anything that is affecting your mood. Second, this route helped him. Third, he is willing to help you. Fourth, do not refuse help when offered to you. And last, they are the ones that can really diagnose you.

Now here's the problem I have found with professionals. Professionals do not know everything, and can be given far too much credit sometimes. If you can find a good professional who knows what the hell he or she's doing, then they will help you and then some. If you don't find a good professional, then lets just say that you just wasted your time and money. The way to spot them if the professional is good or not is if they seem to be interested in helping you, and actually makes some sort of progress with you. If no progress has been made or if they haven't really helped you, then they didn't do their job. Just remember that even professionals are human too, and they can get depression like anyone else can... and they sometimes can and can't help you. Hopefully you can find a professional or someone that can help.

Now, for those who think that professionals are always the answer, then here are three things that professionals did wrong from personal experience. One, My mother was told by a doctor that it would be ok to take two pills of ambien so that it would help her control her thoughts and sleep. The next morning, she ended up in the neighbors yard with the neighbors dog and she almost killed herself. When she asked for the doctors report, they changed the information of what her doctor really gave her. Shady business huh? And she can't even sue them because they eliminated the proof. Two, The doctors told my dad that his cancer was treatable, but what they didn't say was that he was terminal. Now he's dead because they double dosed him with radiation because that bastard of the doctor just wanted to charge the fuck out of the insurance! Come to figure out, he's not the only one that was done that way. Three other friends that had this doctor are now either dead or on their way out because of his malpractice of dosing people with far too much radiation because he wants the damn money! Three, mom went in to see a psychiatric specialist, through my dad's job, who already knew why my mother was there because she was sent there to be tested if she was mentally stable or not and if she needed to be committed. After my dad died, she was in a state of shock, in a case of extreme denial, and was extremely upset. You know what the specialist wanted to do to her? The specialist wanted to commit her and put her in the nut house. And you know what happened next? My mom let her have it. She told her how on earth would she feel if she were to lose her husband? How would she feel if she had a terrible disease such as cancer? How on earth could she ever understand my mother's situation without even knowing the same grief herself? And you know what? The specialist didn't send her off to the nut house. That there is a sheer example of a bad professional, but at least she didn't commit her because it would have been a war.

Now if professionals can't help you, you aren't all out of options. You can try another professional, or go with what I told you... which is to find the support you need and find someone to talk with. It may take days, weeks, or years, and whatever you do, don't give up! Either way, just seek help. No forum is really a safe forum in my eyes, because there is always something that can be misleading, there is always that one asshole, or always that one comment that are so one sided, distant, and troll-ish... it's pathetic. I'm giving the benefit of the doubt that what you're telling all of us is true, that you really are in this state of mind. Yes I'm crazy, but I'm certainly proud to be because that makes me different and more genuine than anyone else that you'll ever meet online. Sure I don't know what I am getting myself into or what I just did, but there is something good that has to come from all this gibberish I just wrote!

I'm done for now, blood pressure is through the roof right now.

#17 Posted by Mirado (1015 posts) -

@tireyo643:

Professionals are human. There is always a chance they can screw up. That's why you always have the option of going to a different one. But your average person has almost zero chance of diagnosing anything, and a 0% chance when you remove blind luck.

My mother was diagnosed with schizophrenia and clinical depression right after I was born. I lived with her for 20 years. Due to those 20 years, I can tell you exactly when she is about to slip into an episode, either in person or over the phone, and despite having moved out for a number of years. I know it just from the inflection in her voice, or by her mannerisms at that time. To me, it is as plain as day and no amount of time apart will rob me of that ability, such were my formative years with her.

However:

I have never, and will never, attempt to operate outside of the advise and instruction of her doctors. The most I have ever done is suggest to my father that a second opinion might be warranted if her medication and therapy do not seem to be helping her manage this chemical imbalance. That's all. To do any more is folly; at best, I can accidentally replicate the positive influence that therapy has provided her. At worst, I can kill her. Plain and simple.

I don't mean to seem that I am cold or indifferent to her situation. I have spent countless hours sitting down with her, helping her work through each episode with as much care and love as I can muster. My father and I have lost many nights of sleep in our attempts to, for lack of a better phrase, help her make it through the night. It truly is hearbreaking to see old video tapes of (to put it bluntly) the mother that I never knew, with this effervescent and outgoing personality. The effect on my father is profound, and I now worry about him as well.

But no amount of personal experience, no amount of self-research, and no amount of care will ever allow me to make accurate medical calls, and that goes ten times as much for people that I have never met. I had a friend that, in his desire to do good, accidentally put his girlfriend into a coma. He, after days upon days of "research", had decided that her dosage was incorrect. He was put on trial for that negligence; he maintained (and I imagine still maintains) he had nothing but the best interests of the girl in mind. He planned to marry her; had the ring and everything. It didn't matter; what he did was wrong, and he's paying for that. Luckily, she recovered. If not, the punishment (and the tragedy) would have been far greater.

Professionals can fail. They have failed in the past. But your average person, regardless of how similar their situation may be, should offer no more advice to another beyond "seek professional guidance" as your average person is so much more likely to do harm then good. Even if we leave the medication side out of it, the most a person can do is poorly emulate a therapist.

Once proper medical advice has been sought, you can lend as much support and care to another as possible. But you cannot use that as a substitute, and medical help should be the first thing you suggest. There is no obligation to accept the advice of a professional, after all. No need to try anti-depressants or engage in some sort of therapy even if you are suggested to do so. But you will not know if this is required until you go, and that's why I hesitate to offer any suggestion to a stranger beyond "Seek professional help."

#18 Posted by Tireyo (6447 posts) -

@mirado: You're correct on everything you said, and I was waiting for someone to say something exactly like what you said. I believe that he now has all the advice he needs for now. All he needs to know about professionals and those who can offer and give their support is here in writing! This was the "something good" that I was talking about and hoping to achieve. There's no argument here, and mission accomplished. =-)

#19 Edited by HerbieBug (4212 posts) -

@tireyo643: Mileage may vary. In all things. Meds and therapy have not solved all of my problems. I never meant to suggest they did. Only that they have provided help.

#20 Edited by coakroach (2492 posts) -

What everyone else said, probably best to speak with a professional.

Guess it might sound like a cop out, but either way keep on keeping on duder!

#21 Edited by zFUBARz (637 posts) -

@andrewbeardsley: I work in the field as well and the best piece of advice I can give you that hasn't already been said is this. It is an ever evolving field, it's only about 100 years old compared to several hundreds and thousands of years of other sciences. Why do I tell you that? To preface this, mistakes are known to happen, but it's not often, the more common problem is that people aren't willing to say, you know what, this doctor is not right for me, because they think that since they're a professional they will have all the answers. Believe me they won't and never will, the only person with the answers is you, and the Mental Health professionals job, whatever their specialty may be, is to help you figure out what those answers are and how you can live your life in a safe healthy, and most importantly in this case happy way.

It does seem like anxiety is an issue for you from what little you've presented, i that's the case even seeking help or the thought of medication could scare the shit out of you, understandably of course. Here's an episode from PATV and Gabe's issues with his mental health.

http://www.penny-arcade.com/patv/episode/drugs

He wrote several articles about it as well if you'd like to read more of his point of view.

As others have said it's not good to give any kind of diagnosis online, it wouldn't work, but if you do feel that you want assistance finding help in your area PM me and I'll see what I can find for you. If not good luck to you all the same duder, it's a shitty situation to be in but it does get better, I hope for the best.

#22 Edited by RedCricketChase (444 posts) -

I started having severe clinical depression issues at age 22, including at least 2 suicide attempts, and wrassled with that dark blue shit for a couple years. Can't honestly say I found some shining cause to live for that got me through it, but my parents paid for good doctoring/ hospitalization/ halfway houses to keep me from offing myself, and I can weirdly confirm that I sorta slingshotted out of it to be a way brighter, sharper (and more atheist) person afterwards, and due to those personality shifts, have made a couple really, really close friends, where before I was super antisocial and didn't keep anyone in real life close enough to be a friend. Just try to stick with your treatment. It gets better. Or at least more atheist. I dunno. If you want to talk about stuff, text me at [Phone number removed by moderator]. My boyfriend just told me not to write that last sentence. Meh.

#23 Edited by Tireyo (6447 posts) -

@herbiebug: @redcricketchase: I think you should listen to your boyfriend, because you just might have opened the gate to hell and made a dumbass move. Put that phone number in a pm next time!

Herbie - You're correct on that matter. Pretty much adds to the scope of things.

#24 Edited by Mirado (1015 posts) -