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#1 Edited by Xela_evol_I (1 posts) -

So I had to write an essay for school and I have to read it out loud for the class and well I have written this but I am not sure if it's good enough.

[Mod Edit: Someone loves Alex-senpai, that's all you need to know.]

What do you guys think? Any changes I should make or is it alright enough, I am not looking for an A or anything I just want to pass it with a mediocre grade.

Thanks in advance.

#2 Posted by Philedius (204 posts) -

Uhm, yeees...

#3 Posted by TooWalrus (13197 posts) -

Holy shit, this has been on the forums for two hours? Impressive.

Online
#4 Posted by Imsorrymsjackson (855 posts) -

I am flagging the living fuck out of this.

#5 Posted by MegaMetaTurtle (414 posts) -

Wow, that's... Interesting?

#6 Edited by kermoosh (911 posts) -

good luck getting someone to read it

yeah after skimming a bit, flag

#7 Posted by TaliciaDragonsong (8699 posts) -

Could you format it a little better? The constant spacing per 2 sentences and the bold font isn't making this easy. I'd read it if you would.

#8 Edited by Klei (1768 posts) -

I could swear I already read some homosexual fan-fiction like this with Jeff and Ryan a couple of years ago. It was fucked up. Please, don't dig the past.

edit: I can't believe I even diagonally-read this thing. The '' human toilet '' part was particularly disgusting.

#9 Posted by TooWalrus (13197 posts) -

@TaliciaDragonsong said:

Could you format it a little better? The constant spacing per 2 sentences and the bold font isn't making this easy. I'd read it if you would.

I really hoping you're serious about this. No, don't tell me, I want to believe that's the issue you took.

Online
#10 Posted by dungbootle (2457 posts) -

Someone took time out of their day to write this.

#11 Posted by TaliciaDragonsong (8699 posts) -
@TooWalrus said:

@TaliciaDragonsong said:

Could you format it a little better? The constant spacing per 2 sentences and the bold font isn't making this easy. I'd read it if you would.

I really hoping you're serious about this. No, don't tell me, I want to believe that's the issue you took.

Yep, I did. And yep I know I did much the same myself. Anything else?
#12 Posted by OmegaChosen (645 posts) -

@Klei said:

I could swear I already read some homosexual fan-fiction like this with Jeff and Ryan a couple of years ago. It was fucked up. Please, don't dig the past.

edit: I can't believe I even diagonally-read this thing. The '' human toilet '' part was particularly disgusting.

I remember one that had cannibalism. That one scarred me.

I was disappointed that this wasn't a repost of that one. Everyone should be scarred like I have.

#13 Posted by kgb0515 (411 posts) -

Is this.....flattering? I think the worst thing is that the grammar is what bothers me the most.

#14 Posted by TooWalrus (13197 posts) -

@TaliciaDragonsong said:

@TooWalrus said:

@TaliciaDragonsong said:

Could you format it a little better? The constant spacing per 2 sentences and the bold font isn't making this easy. I'd read it if you would.

I really hoping you're serious about this. No, don't tell me, I want to believe that's the issue you took.

Yep, I did. And yep I know I did much the same myself. Anything else?

Nope. That's OK, I had the misfortune of actually reading it, and I was ready to declare you a master of sarcasm.

Online
#15 Posted by JaredA (824 posts) -

What the fuck?

#16 Posted by TaliciaDragonsong (8699 posts) -
@TooWalrus said:

@TaliciaDragonsong said:

@TooWalrus said:

@TaliciaDragonsong said:

Could you format it a little better? The constant spacing per 2 sentences and the bold font isn't making this easy. I'd read it if you would.

I really hoping you're serious about this. No, don't tell me, I want to believe that's the issue you took.

Yep, I did. And yep I know I did much the same myself. Anything else?

Nope. That's OK, I had the misfortune of actually reading it, and I was ready to declare you a master of sarcasm.

Great, I try to be kind and think: "Gee, I'll read this thing and help out!" and it turns out to be...well, yeah whatever this story is. I didn't even skim it before I commented. That'll teach me to trust the internet right? Oh god.
#17 Posted by fox01313 (5072 posts) -

While it probably is going to get flagged to content, you should go with the first line of this thread & read it as is out loud to your class. This might just prove to you if you should keep writing or not. Next time try a writing website that openly critiques writing, I like 99% of the people here on giant bomb visit the site for games not fan fiction.

#18 Posted by Sparklykiss (1965 posts) -

Move along, folks, nothing to see here!

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