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#1 Posted by BisonHero (6145 posts) -

Think about it.

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#2 Posted by Drebin_893 (2899 posts) -

That's good stuff.

#3 Posted by believer258 (11624 posts) -

This is the part where I sigh deeply and put my face in my palm.

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#4 Posted by Bell_End (1208 posts) -

jesus was batman

#5 Posted by PolygonSlayer (419 posts) -

Depends on if they are "allergic" to crucifixes themselves or the symbolism of crucifixes associated with Christianity. I mean crucifixes existed before Jesus apparently strolled about.

#7 Posted by OmegaChosen (644 posts) -

Sunlight and garlic, duh.

#8 Posted by RVonE (4603 posts) -

Man this cracked me up.

#9 Posted by Subjugation (4718 posts) -

Touche sir. You got me to laugh.

#10 Posted by CaLe (3910 posts) -

The vampire gene only appeared in humans at the start of the 16th century. I thought everybody knew this.

#11 Posted by Kidavenger (3504 posts) -

Jesus was the first vampire, if they had only staked him through the heart instead of his limbs they would have saved us all a lot of trouble with all these vampires we have running around now.

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#12 Posted by MarkWahlberg (4578 posts) -

If I remember correctly, there's a passage in Dracula where Van Helsing explains the efficacy of the Eucharist in warding off vampires, and the way he phrased it seemed to imply that what was required was an object of faith. Interpreting that to mean all faiths might be a bit of a stretch in PC-ing a 100 year old story, but the story is more about morality/sexuality than any explicit triumphalism in regards to Christianity.

#13 Posted by Rattle618 (1463 posts) -

@OmegaChosen said:

Sunlight and garlic, duh.

#14 Posted by Breadfan (6589 posts) -
@CaLe said:

The vampire gene only appeared in humans at the start of the 16th century. I thought everybody knew this.

It was the late 15th century. Jeez, get your facts right.
#15 Posted by zudthespud (3281 posts) -

I was reading the wikipedia page for the book I Am Legend yesterday, and that said that vampires are scared by the symbol of their religion, so a christian vampire would be afraid of the cross but a jewish one wouldn't. Don't know what would happen to an atheist vampire.

@Kidavenger said:

Jesus was the first vampire, if they had only staked him through the heart instead of his limbs they would have saved us all a lot of trouble with all these vampires we have running around now.

No, Jesus was the first zombie. He turned other people into vampires though by making them drink his blood.

#16 Posted by MattGrant (122 posts) -

I laughed.

#17 Posted by Rainbowkisses (472 posts) -

That is why Jesus is our one and only savior.

#18 Posted by TwoLines (2788 posts) -

Truly, a question for the ages.

#19 Posted by Ben_H (3305 posts) -

lol

#20 Edited by The_Ruiner (1001 posts) -

It's not the cross it's the faith... so anything you have complete faith in can repel a vampire.

If a Jewish person tried to repel a Vampire with a cross it would not work... as evidenced by Kitty Pryde's battle with Dracula...

#21 Posted by 71Ranchero (2675 posts) -

Jesus was the first Vampire.

#22 Edited by Superfriend (1526 posts) -

Judas was the first vampire. He hanged himself because he betrayed Jesus, but was cursed by god instead of straight up dying. So he became something between death and life.

So I guess vampires didn´t exist before that. That story is in a bunch of vampire fiction, as far as I remember.. including that stupid ass Wes Craven film.

#23 Edited by Rainbowkisses (472 posts) -

@The_Ruiner said:

It's not the cross it's the faith... so anything you have complete faith in can repel a vampire

What if you have faith in vampires or Satan?

#24 Posted by wrecks (2205 posts) -

The world is a vampire.

#25 Edited by I_Stay_Puft (2990 posts) -

One simple answer, dinosaurs. Think about it.

#26 Posted by Video_Game_King (35975 posts) -

With crucifixes. Just larger ones.

#27 Posted by LTSmash (602 posts) -

@Superfriend said:

Judas was the first vampire. He hanged himself because he betrayed Jesus, but was cursed by god instead of straight up dying. So he became something between death and life.

So I guess vampires didn´t exist before that. That story is in a bunch of vampire fiction, as far as I remember.. including that stupid ass Wes Craven film.

Dracula 2000

I kind of like the concept.

#28 Posted by EveretteScott (1449 posts) -

@believer258 said:

This is the part where I sigh deeply and put my face in my palm.

Sense of humor away weee goooo!

#29 Edited by Fredchuckdave (5313 posts) -

Rasputin style, shoot them stab them beat them poison them, toss them in a river.

#30 Posted by AndyAce83 (118 posts) -

According to most vampire lore, vampires came into existence after Jesus was born (about the time of Dracula). Others say that vampires react in the same way to all symbols who are called sacred/holy/good (sort of like a metaphor for atheists). Then of course there are those lores where Vampires dont react to the cross at all (i.e Anne Rice and true blood (to my recollection)).

#31 Posted by Phr4nk0 (349 posts) -

Sunlight, Garlic, Silver, Stakes, who knows what else.

The cross is just symbolic of god or whatever you want to call your higher faith, the opposite of evil, the devil, whatever the vampire is meant to represent so whatever represented that before the cross came along. Thought I suppose the cross made the whole vampire hunting/warding off a whole lot easier, I mean form a cross with your fingers or two pieces of wood or whatever must be a lot simpler than whatever other icon you had to mimic under pressure of undead bite that came beforehand.

#32 Edited by MikkaQ (10268 posts) -

Garlic! And promiscuous teenagers.

#33 Posted by Max_Cherry (1131 posts) -

There's no such thing as vampires.

#34 Posted by Yummylee (21242 posts) -

@Fredchuckdave said:

Hobbit style, shoot them stab them stick them in a stew

#35 Posted by ch3burashka (5004 posts) -

Steaks.

#36 Posted by Jams (2959 posts) -

@Yummylee said:

@Fredchuckdave said:

Hobbit style, shoot them stab them stick them in a stew

I WAS THINKING THE SAME THING! HAHHAHAHA

you know, PO-TA-TOES! BOIL'EM MASH'EM STICK'EM IN A STEW!

#37 Posted by Jams (2959 posts) -

also this

#38 Posted by DeF (4798 posts) -

@BisonHero said:

Think about it.

They ate way more garlic. Garlic is the thing that saved humans before vampires decided to be afraid of religious symbolism.

Also, wood. Vampires are homophobes so when male vampires saw dude with a boner they ran away in fear which is where that whole male dominance/sexism thing comes from.

And next week I'll explain why gravity has no smell. Tune in to find out!

#39 Posted by JadeGL (732 posts) -

First of all, HAHA.

Second and more seriously, I guess, it depends on what kind of vampire you're dealing with. There are vampires or vampire-like creatures from various cultures and not all of them are turned away by a cross. I used to be into all types of fables, old ghost stories, all that stuff when I was a kid, and I remember reading stories that gave all sorts of ways to turn back vampires. Crosses, rosaries, and holy water work, but so does garlic, wild roses and hawthorn branches. My favorite, when I was a kid, was mustard seeds. You would sprinkle them on your roof or before a door or entryway and a vampire was compelled to stop and count the seeds before moving on. Obviously, if you put down enough of them, the vampire would be kept counting until daybreak when they would be caught and destroyed. so yeah, in some cultures, Dracula was an obsessive compulsive and could be beaten by math.

Of course, that's just scratching the surface. Many vampire-like creatures in Asia, for example, aren't repelled by Jude-Christian imagery at all. Then again, I suppose you could say that they aren't the classical definition of "vampire" and don't apply. I tend to view them all as being part of the same folklore heritage, no matter if they are hopping Chinese corpses that drain Qi or your Twilight-style glittery blood drinker.

#40 Posted by Animasta (14648 posts) -

@zudthespud said:

I was reading the wikipedia page for the book I Am Legend yesterday, and that said that vampires are scared by the symbol of their religion, so a christian vampire would be afraid of the cross but a jewish one wouldn't. Don't know what would happen to an atheist vampire.

I am pretty sure this happened in buffy too

#41 Posted by Levio (1783 posts) -

Gee, I guess they had to utilize one of the dozens of other weaknesses vampires have.

#42 Posted by EarlessShrimp (1631 posts) -

Wooden Steaks? I mean, Stakes?

#43 Posted by Daneian (1207 posts) -

Why don't priests bless the oceans so that all water is holy water?

#44 Posted by familyphotoshoot (653 posts) -

I hate all of you.

#45 Edited by ll_Exile_ll (1428 posts) -

@Animasta said:

@zudthespud said:

I was reading the wikipedia page for the book I Am Legend yesterday, and that said that vampires are scared by the symbol of their religion, so a christian vampire would be afraid of the cross but a jewish one wouldn't. Don't know what would happen to an atheist vampire.

I am pretty sure this happened in buffy too

No, that isn't the case in Buffy. Even the Turok-Han (which were thousands of years old and basically pre homo sapien humans turned into vampires) were affected by both crosses and holy water, and they were from a time before any sort of religion.

EDIT: Actually, according the internet, they weren't affected by crosses (which I swore I remember them being affected by), but they were affected by Holy water (which I clearly remember), so my statement still stands.

#46 Posted by BisonHero (6145 posts) -
@DeF

@BisonHero said:

Think about it.

They ate way more garlic. Garlic is the thing that saved humans before vampires decided to be afraid of religious symbolism.

Also, wood. Vampires are homophobes so when male vampires saw dude with a boner they ran away in fear which is where that whole male dominance/sexism thing comes from.

And next week I'll explain why gravity has no smell. Tune in to find out!

+1
Would subscribe to insane rambling YouTube channel.
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#47 Posted by Animasta (14648 posts) -

@ll_Exile_ll: vampire willow wasn't affected by the cross though.

#48 Posted by Undeadpool (4908 posts) -

*beatnik snap applause*

#49 Posted by Dacnomaniac (438 posts) -

God did it.

#50 Posted by ll_Exile_ll (1428 posts) -

@Animasta said:

@ll_Exile_ll: vampire willow wasn't affected by the cross though.

Really??

Which episode, "The Wish" or "Dopplegangland"?