So imagine you found a woman or a man that was as perfect as she/he can be personality wise. "The one" your "soul mate" whatever you want to call it. That person is more perfect for you than you could ever imagine. Now imagine she or he is fat. Not 800 pounds of bacon fat but still clearly overweight like maybe the picture above. Would you you be with that woman or man and how would you deal with maybe not liking that extra weight that much?
Being overweight has a lot to do with your lifestyle. I don't think that I could fall in love with someone who eats a lot of junk food and doesn't like to spend time outdoors.
I don't like tubby girls and as I am rather thin myself it would make me feel uncomfortable to be with that person, then of course there's the problem of me not finding them very attractive.
It's pretty important since sexual attraction is a significant component of any relationship (if the very sight of your spouse doesn't induce lust-filled fantasies--YOU"RE DOING IT WRONG!!!).
You might be right a good bit of the time but this isn't an absolute.
On topic... it depends. if she's just got a little spare tire, all right. If she's like a balloon, then no. Sorry, they have to be at least somewhat, you know, attractive for me to be attracted to them.
For me, yes. I don't find 'thick' people sexually attractive in the least bit. If anything, it's a turn off. As much as we might click personality-wise, I can't imagine ever wanting to actually wanting to have sex with them in any capacity. And I can't speak for everyone, but sex...kinda important in the relationship...
If you plan to stay with a woman for an extended period of time, physical looks only get you so far. It's kind of like video games. It's why websites with no substance (IGN/G4) use hot womenz that appear down with the kids. They have no substance, know most of the userbase cant read. So give them something nice to look it while they squander time.
@Bell_End: If I ever see that picture a second time, I will feel an obligation to hunt you down and make your user-name seem ironic. Threats aside; scarily well-placed.
As for the original question, it's an incredibly relative one. Certain people prefer chunkier girls/men, others do not. I think, however, that what the TP is getting at, whether looks trump personality, is being overshadowed by the gargantuan fat lady. He describes someone that is perfect for you, in every way, except for their appearance and asks; do you let that get in the way of what this person means to you? I'll be honest, I feel like a shallow arse here for I'm undecided. I'm in good shape and used to dating "beautiful" women.
But the thing is, love doesn't as much make you blind as open your eyes to things other don't see, details in their apperance and demeanour that you find attractive as you get used to them. So someone who is a bit overweight, or quite plain can grow easy on the eyes. And in my humble opinion, if you'd throw away someone you've actually come to love because of a superficial matter, you've got to be one stupid (bleep me!). If love doesn't enter the equation however.. Well, feeling genuinely uncomfortable with a partner is a doomsday prophecy right there.
The TP actually asked a second question, how to go about dealing with it. Well, duder; if his/her looks do bother you that much, you can always remain emotionally comitted and spend time together as friends. If you aren't physically attracted to someone, being in a physical relationship won't really improve on things. And hell, you can always, as friends, go about doing strenous things when make plans to spend time together, long walks, bike-rides, etcetera; find out whether the other person is committed to losing weight. Might even be for the better, hurrying into relationships has a way of ending with either threats or blackmail.
But hey, I'm not speaking out of experience, so I might just be speaking out my ass. Except for that part about the blackmail...
Also, just incase this is a masked attempt by the TP to get some advice, I've got one last thing for you.
Even if they have all those qualities you still have to be physically attracted to them, its not being shallow, that's just how it works. If they're overweight to the point where I wouldn't be attracted to them then we'd probably just be friends.
It's an interesting question, but the fact is that most people would never get to the point of knowing this person was "their soulmate" if they weren't attracted to them in the first place.
No. If I can't stand looking at a person, or being near a person, then I couldn't be in a relationship with that person. Am I a shallow person for thinking that? Maybe. Maybe not, I dunno.
@Do_The_Manta_Ray: Haha I did try to mask it to not feel just like another relationship thread, but I guess I deserve that Ryan Picture. And you are right that I would feel stupid as shit if I through what we had away because she is a little fat.
@artgarcrunkle: Oh I want to get naaaaaasty with her alright. And she wants to get even more naaaaaaaaaaaaasty with me and it's quite the turn on to have a woman so liberal and so god damn horny that you can show a video of brutal german facefuck to and she says she wants to try it.
@whyareyoucrouchingspock: That's what I thought as well. I've dated hot women but I had less desire to have sex with them than the one I have found now if that makes any sense. I just never felt comfortable enough around them. This one I feel more comfortable with than any person ever including best friends. After less than a week we know about each other than any other person does.
@Still_I_Cry: True. Changing someones personality is most likely a lot harder than someones body.
She has said that she wants to loose weight. Maybe I can give her motivation for it? Before I think that she hasn't wanted to because she didn't think anyone would like her anyway. But I don't want to keep nagging her every day that she needs to loose weight, that would just make her more insecure than she already is.
@dagas: Maybe you could create a dual exercise program so she doesn't have to do it alone. Diet with her if it helps her. Relationships work both ways.
I tend to like curves on my women BUT there is a limit to that. Is it because I'm shallow? I really don't believe so. I'm a big sucker when it comes to faces so a really pretty face can make up for a lot but as I said, there still exist some kind of limit but yes, I have dated bigger girls, all with beutiful facial features. My current girlfriend ain't nowhere close to the picture shown but she's not thin either and i'm quite a thin guy to boot so you can see a difference there between us but nothing extreme. it's nothing to prevents me still loving her after two years together.
As many have said before. It's not about shallowness. we really can't controll what we are attracted to and there have to exist attraction for a relationship to work.
@dagas: Maybe you could create a dual exercise program so she doesn't have to do it alone. Diet with her if it helps her. Relationships work both ways.
Yes. I have thought of that. I could use some exercise as well. Not that I am fat or anything, but I am slightly overweight and it couldn't hurt to go back to the way I looked a few years ago if only because it feels better. I'll suggest it.
@MooseyMcMan said:
No. If I can't stand looking at a person, or being near a person, then I couldn't be in a relationship with that person. Am I a shallow person for thinking that? Maybe. Maybe not, I dunno.
If this was the case then hell yeah I would agree with you. I can most definatly look at her. She is my lock screen pic on my phone. But this is a pic of my first love and yes the hot one in front not her mom in the back (It's not me in the pic that is her current BF). And I have to admit that few girls have managed to live up to her when it comes to looks. but we had nothing in common except for teenage hormones. My current gf looks nothing like this hot little asian that was my first love.
It's very important, that's why fat people are almost always marrried to other fat people, and tanned gym rats are married to other tanned gym rats. However, the tough question is what happens when you marry someone who is attractive, you love them to death, and then they get fat or even get disfigured. What do you do then?
I've had three very long-term relationships in my life, two I don't care that I can't bang anymore because, in the end, I really just wasn't super attracted to them. But, I'll always miss the one with the big tits, always. Even though I hated her personality sometimes. After years of dating and not being single for very long, as long as she has a personality I could deal with, I go for looks and sex quality first. Look, call me what you want, but I have my own shit to do. I want to go to work, make some money, play some videogames, go to the gym, hang with friends, and fuck a hot woman. Nothing more.
Edit: My last relationship ended because I couldn't put up with the bad sex. It's a necessary part of a relationship.
Even if they have all those qualities you still have to be physically attracted to them, its not being shallow, that's just how it works. If they're overweight to the point where I wouldn't be attracted to them then we'd probably just be friends.
It's a ratio thing. Their personality has to be good enough to counter their lack of attractiveness, or vice versa, if they're hot, they have to be hot enough to cover how shitty their personality is.
I think there was something about that on How I Met Your Mother, but it's pretty true.
Then again, if you're lucky, you find the person you're with to be both attractive, and have a sparkling personality.
There's definitely a threshold that deems women unfuckable and thus, unromanceable, yeah. I'm not the strictest person in the world though, and how one carries oneself can make a big difference.
Even if they have all those qualities you still have to be physically attracted to them, its not being shallow, that's just how it works. If they're overweight to the point where I wouldn't be attracted to them then we'd probably just be friends.
This, exactly. Put her in friendzone...maybe she'll lose some weight down the line...
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