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#51 Posted by Demoskinos (14562 posts) -

Telling her to shut up doesn't help your situation. YOU have to be the bigger person and not succumb to yelling and name calling. If you don't its only going to get worse.

#52 Edited by Unilad (555 posts) -

@Tonyyj said:

Sorry but you sound like a brat.

touchè! She's you mum dude...she gave birth to you and has taken care of you all your life! Cut her a fucking break and WASH THE FUCKING PLATES UP!

#53 Posted by AlexW00d (6182 posts) -

@mandude said:

It's hard to say since this is only one little event in your entire relationship, but I get on great with my mom. My ex's mother was the extremely malicious and abusive towards her daughter, though, so I'll give you the benefit of the doubt.

@AlexW00d said:

Hey if she even considered pay your £30,000 uni fees - plus the extra £30,000 or so for living fees I assume? - then you should fucking worship her.

The fuck? I thought college in the UK was free.

LOLNO. It hasn't been free since the 80s or so? Fucking labour. Also, I assume you mean uni, right? College is free here, but you go when you're 16, so it kinda has to be free.

#54 Posted by mtcantor (947 posts) -

Maybe you don't tell your mom to "shut up" and do what she asks you to do.

#55 Edited by CL60 (16906 posts) -

@ItBeStefYo said:

I just want to say to everyone that is basically having a go at me, I would NEVER threaten to take away my child's chance at an education and blackmailing them is just immoral. She's told me to go and live with my father and to fuck off I suppose you would do that to your kids too? Maybe my ideals are fucked up though, who knows.

We're "having a go" at you, because you sound like a lazy spoiled brat, who is whining simply because he has to do stuff around the house. If I repeatedly told my mom to shutup simply because she is telling me to do things around the house, I would get a slap across the face.

#56 Edited by Harkat (1100 posts) -

I have a few problems with my mother too, but I would never say I hate her. If what you are describing is as bad as it gets, I think you probably don't hate your mum either. Posting this thread was possibly a dumb idea.

I think kids owe being nice to their parents, even when said parents are being a bit unreasonable.

#57 Posted by markini6 (445 posts) -

I love that quite often threads on this forum contain bitchy subtexts or snapping at each other, but there's one of a few things that unifies the community, almost completely: Mum's are pretty darn great

#58 Posted by ZeForgotten (10397 posts) -
@MariachiMacabre said:

@RobbleWobble said:

Alot of you have terrible views.

Locking him outside was a bit extreme but she's paying his tuition (ultimately saving him from tens of thousands in debt) and, you know, raised him and feeds him. Asking him to do some chores is hardly unreasonable.

He's angry, I'm willing to bet a ton of money on most of what he said about his mom and what she has done as being made up bullshit. 
That's why my view may be terrible and she should just kick the fucker out and see how well he does without her
#59 Posted by mandude (2669 posts) -

@AlexW00d said:

@mandude said:

It's hard to say since this is only one little event in your entire relationship, but I get on great with my mom. My ex's mother was the extremely malicious and abusive towards her daughter, though, so I'll give you the benefit of the doubt.

@AlexW00d said:

Hey if she even considered pay your £30,000 uni fees - plus the extra £30,000 or so for living fees I assume? - then you should fucking worship her.

The fuck? I thought college in the UK was free.

LOLNO. It hasn't been free since the 80s or so? Fucking labour. Also, I assume you mean uni, right? College is free here, but you go when you're 16, so it kinda has to be free.

Ah, well that's a shame. Yeah, I meant uni, sorry. In Ireland, both names mean university.

#60 Posted by Floope (190 posts) -

@MariachiMacabre said:

@RobbleWobble said:

Alot of you have terrible views.

Locking him outside was a bit extreme but she's paying his tuition (ultimately saving him from tens of thousands in debt) and, you know, raised him and feeds him. Asking him to do some chores is hardly unreasonable.

The severe amount of hate for a kid being a kid is ridiculous in this thread. You cannot guilt trip a child for their existence, The responsibilities of raising a child IS feeding. You CANNOT use one's existence against them, otherwise don't have children. Not to mention having a aggressive parental figure leads to terrible psychological problems.

I'm not saying the kids a saint but support good parenting and good communication, not terrible treatment of people "just because".

These people are terrible.

#61 Posted by AlexW00d (6182 posts) -

@mandude: Oh really? I assumed Ireland would by and large be the same as here. Although, I guess there has to be some reason you guys are like the 6th best country for living standards. Ha.

#62 Posted by McGhee (6094 posts) -

Live under her roof, live by her rules. Instead of getting pissed, get a job and move out. Pay for your own college. Then you can at least tell your mom to fuck off without looking like an ungrateful douche.

#63 Posted by Animasta (14648 posts) -

@RobbleWobble said:

@MariachiMacabre said:

@RobbleWobble said:

Alot of you have terrible views.

Locking him outside was a bit extreme but she's paying his tuition (ultimately saving him from tens of thousands in debt) and, you know, raised him and feeds him. Asking him to do some chores is hardly unreasonable.

The severe amount of hate for a kid being a kid is ridiculous in this thread. You cannot guilt trip a child for their existence, The responsibilities of raising a child IS feeding. You CANNOT use one's existence against them, otherwise don't have children. Not to mention having a aggressive parental figure leads to terrible psychological problems.

I'm not saying the kids a saint but support good parenting and good communication, not terrible treatment of people "just because".

These people are terrible.

he's going to university, he's not a child anymore you know, it's not like he couldn't pay off the fees himself

#64 Posted by MariachiMacabre (7049 posts) -

@RobbleWobble said:

@MariachiMacabre said:

@RobbleWobble said:

Alot of you have terrible views.

Locking him outside was a bit extreme but she's paying his tuition (ultimately saving him from tens of thousands in debt) and, you know, raised him and feeds him. Asking him to do some chores is hardly unreasonable.

The severe amount of hate for a kid being a kid is ridiculous in this thread. You cannot guilt trip a child for their existence, The responsibilities of raising a child IS feeding. You CANNOT use one's existence against them, otherwise don't have children. Not to mention having a aggressive parental figure leads to terrible psychological problems.

I'm not saying the kids a saint but support good parenting and good communication, not terrible treatment of people "just because".

These people are terrible.

Yeah, I'm sure the OP's story isn't skewed at all in his favor and his mother really is the iron-fisted tyrant he claims her to be. The fact that he openly admits to her paying his tuition (which, again, is tens of thousands of dollars) leads me to believe she is not the evil overlord she's being made out to be, but a frustrated parent who just wants her bratty son to do some goddamn chores.

#65 Edited by FoolishChaos (431 posts) -

Parents/Boses who can't help but tell you over and fucking over again to do something are the worst.

If you're just being lazy and they have to tell you again to get you going, thats different.

Its people who can't help but inform you while you are busy that you have this other thing you need to do. Yeah no shit.

#66 Posted by ItBeStefYo (1021 posts) -

@Napalm:

And if I was a parent I wouldn't fuck with that. As a PARENT you're supposed to help your child become a functioning member of society. This is all a conflict of ideals and if you feel that way then firstly: fuck you and secondly: going to university is the opposite of being a deadbeat, you fucking idiot.

#67 Posted by SarjuTheRapper (279 posts) -

dont worry itll be easier for her to treat you like a real person as you grow older, but the onus is on you to earn that respect

#68 Posted by Ramone (2959 posts) -

Nope, I have a really good relationship with my parents.

#69 Posted by Ben_H (3309 posts) -
@Tonyyj said:

Sorry but you sound like a brat.

This. Sorry but it's true. 
 
My dad pays for my university (I pay for all other costs associated with it including books and transport). In return I do many of the household chores including preparing supper on my days off work or most days during the school year. I also clean the floors, do dishes, do laundry and whatnot. I have no issue doing any of it, it's the least I could do compared to how much my parents help me with everything.
#70 Posted by mandude (2669 posts) -

@AlexW00d: Yeah, it mostly is. I guess when we pulled out of the commonwealth, we changed up a few things just for the sake of being different, though. Haha, yeah. That's mostly to do with the free money and free housing though. Sometimes it's more lucrative than having a job.

#71 Posted by Gabriel (4055 posts) -

@ItBeStefYo said:

@Napalm:

And if I was a parent I wouldn't fuck with that. As a PARENT you're supposed to help your child become a functioning member of society. This is all a conflict of ideals and if you feel that way then firstly: fuck you and secondly: going to university is the opposite of being a deadbeat, you fucking idiot.

How fucking old are you, if your over 18 how the fuck are you smart enough to be in college?

#72 Posted by AlexW00d (6182 posts) -

@Gabriel said:

@ItBeStefYo said:

@Napalm:

And if I was a parent I wouldn't fuck with that. As a PARENT you're supposed to help your child become a functioning member of society. This is all a conflict of ideals and if you feel that way then firstly: fuck you and secondly: going to university is the opposite of being a deadbeat, you fucking idiot.

How fucking old are you, if your over 18 how the fuck are you smart enough to be in college?

That's a really dumb question, you understand you need to be at least 18 to go to Uni right?

#73 Posted by CaLe (3910 posts) -

Your parents pay for your education? You're a lucky guy. Many people have to get government loans and pay it back for many years afterwards. Don't take that stuff for granted kid, you'll sound like an ass.

#74 Posted by Rudeboy217 (1766 posts) -

That sucks, I guess. My mom is pretty cool.

#75 Posted by Floope (190 posts) -

@Animasta said:

@RobbleWobble said:

@MariachiMacabre said:

@RobbleWobble said:

Alot of you have terrible views.

Locking him outside was a bit extreme but she's paying his tuition (ultimately saving him from tens of thousands in debt) and, you know, raised him and feeds him. Asking him to do some chores is hardly unreasonable.

The severe amount of hate for a kid being a kid is ridiculous in this thread. You cannot guilt trip a child for their existence, The responsibilities of raising a child IS feeding. You CANNOT use one's existence against them, otherwise don't have children. Not to mention having a aggressive parental figure leads to terrible psychological problems.

I'm not saying the kids a saint but support good parenting and good communication, not terrible treatment of people "just because".

These people are terrible.

he's going to university, he's not a child anymore you know, it's not like he couldn't pay off the fees himself

Actively threatening to take something away from someone every time your child is upset is the worst way to deal with things. It's using your kids to gain control when you don't have control anywhere else.

You're right she doesn't have to pay, but using it as a threat is terrible. Being actively told by your parents that you're lost without them is the worst, it doesn't help anyone.

#76 Posted by Silvergun (297 posts) -

@SarjuTheRapper said:

dont worry itll be easier for her to treat you like a real person as you grow older, but the onus is on you to earn that respect

It's true. I had a pretty rocky relationship with my parents until I moved out. Now we get along great! Somewhere around this time I realized I probably wasn't a joy to live with either, so it's all good.

#77 Posted by MariachiMacabre (7049 posts) -

@ItBeStefYo said:

@Napalm:

And if I was a parent I wouldn't fuck with that. As a PARENT you're supposed to help your child become a functioning member of society. This is all a conflict of ideals and if you feel that way then firstly: fuck you and secondly: going to university is the opposite of being a deadbeat, you fucking idiot.

No, going to college or university and being a deadbeat are perfectly compatible, actually. Think about all the people who go to college and then never attend class.

#78 Posted by Oldirtybearon (4593 posts) -

my mom is an alcoholic who, in my childhood, would spend all of her money on booze and would complain about not being able to afford Christmas or birthdays or do anything for her children at all, really. She was also super abusive. I remember one Christmas morning when my sister and I woke up and there were a couple of wrapped "gifts." We were enthusiastic because hey, we got something! And then they turned out to be a couple of I.O.U.'s on lined paper. Looking back, that's hilarious and belongs in a dark comedy, but at the time it was just horrible. That was a shitty mother.

I'm not saying OP should cherish his mom if she's acting like a cunt, but OP should realize that what she's doing, she's doing it out of love and what's best for you. It may not seem that way, but that's because you lack context. She may not be terribly good at articulating why she's doing something, but there is a reason for it.

P.S. my mom has been sober for ten years and has more than made up for her shitty-ness. Just in case someone tried to have a go at her. >=(

#79 Posted by IkariNoTekken (990 posts) -

Alcoholic...

#80 Posted by insane_shadowblade85 (1388 posts) -

I love my mom. Sure, she can be hard headed but so am I.

#81 Posted by TwoLines (2788 posts) -

Oh my God. You don't ask the internet questions. You just don't dude.

#82 Posted by MariachiMacabre (7049 posts) -

@Oldirtybearon said:

my mom is an alcoholic who, in my childhood, would spend all of her money on booze and would complain about not being able to afford Christmas or birthdays or do anything for her children at all, really. She was also super abusive. I remember one Christmas morning when my sister and I woke up and there were a couple of wrapped "gifts." We were enthusiastic because hey, we got something! And then they turned out to be a couple of I.O.U.'s on lined paper. Looking back, that's hilarious and belongs in a dark comedy, but at the time it was just horrible. That was a shitty mother.

I'm not saying OP should cherish his mom if she's acting like a cunt, but OP should realize that what she's doing, she's doing it out of love and what's best for you. It may not seem that way, but that's because you lack context. She may not be terribly good at articulating why she's doing something, but there is a reason for it.

P.S. my mom has been sober for ten years and has more than made up for her shitty-ness. Just in case someone tried to have a go at her. >=(

This guy has a reason to hate his mother, OP. His mother was much, much worse than yours, by the sounds of it. And look? A happy ending too. This post hase everything!

#83 Posted by Breadfan (6589 posts) -

Joffrey, is that you? 
 
  

#84 Posted by Floope (190 posts) -

@MariachiMacabre said:

@RobbleWobble said:

@MariachiMacabre said:

@RobbleWobble said:

Alot of you have terrible views.

Locking him outside was a bit extreme but she's paying his tuition (ultimately saving him from tens of thousands in debt) and, you know, raised him and feeds him. Asking him to do some chores is hardly unreasonable.

The severe amount of hate for a kid being a kid is ridiculous in this thread. You cannot guilt trip a child for their existence, The responsibilities of raising a child IS feeding. You CANNOT use one's existence against them, otherwise don't have children. Not to mention having a aggressive parental figure leads to terrible psychological problems.

I'm not saying the kids a saint but support good parenting and good communication, not terrible treatment of people "just because".

These people are terrible.

Yeah, I'm sure the OP's story isn't skewed at all in his favor and his mother really is the iron-fisted tyrant he claims her to be. The fact that he openly admits to her paying his tuition (which, again, is tens of thousands of dollars) leads me to believe she is not the evil overlord she's being made out to be, but a frustrated parent who just wants her bratty son to do some goddamn chores.

Well duh, he fucking made a forum post. You can't tell the situation from the post out of frustration.

The whole "LISTEN TO YOUR MOTHER HUR HUR YOUR LOST WITHOUT HER HUR HUR" builds weak people.

#85 Posted by YOUNGLINK (538 posts) -

I LOVE MY MOMS YO! Your mom is paying for your COLLEGE, holy shit if my parents had paid for mine, I wouldn't complain about shit....ever.

#86 Posted by johncallahan (542 posts) -

Dude you sound like a whiny, bratty, arrogant, little child. Saying you hate your mother? That's just uncool, especially since it sounds like this whole outburst is because she's making you do chores. I won't go on to repeat all the fantastic points that have been made in this thread by people already, but your parents do what they do for a reason. I nearly lost my mom a few years back and it was the most terrifying thought I could imagine. The mere THOUGHT of her not being there brings me to tears. Cherish your parents, all in all your mom sounds just fine.

#87 Posted by SmilingPig (1337 posts) -

After my parents split up (mainly due to the fact that my father was a unfaithful drugged up violent manipulative psycho) my mom got an 18 years old boyfriend (when I was 17) and they kicked me out on my 18 birthday just before Christmas, I had no job, no diploma, no place to stay and I lived in Montreal so it was real cold in December. I somehow made it out alive, gat my high school equivalence diploma, worked for 10 years in factory’s, 2 and a half years ago I returned to school in architectural drafting and I am starting my last semester next month.

My point is... Some people have it worse than you do so be thankful for what you have.

#88 Posted by Toxeia (728 posts) -

The way you came off was pretty bratty. Not judging, I've done the same thing.

Take it in stride, you've been provided for (and I assume you're still being provided for). The least you can do is do the chores around the house. If you can just get into that groove to do chores without having to be asked it'll get tons better. How it was in my home. Once you've got yourself a steady job and you move out, I hope that tensions between you and your mother ease. If not, at least her making you do chores won't turn you into some lazy leech on society. Totally know someone who's babied by their mom even now at 23. Spends hundreds of dollars a week on fast-food and video games for him, he won't so much as clean up the drinks he spilled on his carpet. And my god, the smell. THE SMELL. He won't make it once he's on his own, if he ever actually gets to be on his own.

On a side note, my mother once locked me inside so I couldn't go out in the rain.

#89 Posted by falserelic (5324 posts) -

@Breadfan said:

Joffrey, is that you?

LOL! he put that dude in he's place...

#90 Posted by ItBeStefYo (1021 posts) -

@MariachiMacabre said:

@ItBeStefYo said:

@Napalm:

And if I was a parent I wouldn't fuck with that. As a PARENT you're supposed to help your child become a functioning member of society. This is all a conflict of ideals and if you feel that way then firstly: fuck you and secondly: going to university is the opposite of being a deadbeat, you fucking idiot.

No, going to college or university and being a deadbeat are perfectly compatible, actually. Think about all the people who go to college and then never attend class.

I'm actually on a small course right now and I have to work almost endlessly. Not attending class, to me is out of the question.

@RobbleWobble: Thanks for being a voice of reason here, you've basically summed up what I believe being a parent is all about.

#91 Posted by Phatmac (5721 posts) -

Take what you have for granted man. Other duders on here probably have it worse of than you. I'm sorry that you had to deal with a shitty situation, but this kind of action to post on a forum about your personal life was a mistake from the get go. I also apologize for the harsh treatment that other duders on here have given you, but they have a point. I'd recommend you apologize to your mom and make up. Also don't do this again, please.

#92 Posted by AmatureIdiot (1076 posts) -

Just do the fucking dishes, you'll save yourself time in the long term and earn a little respect. Paying uni fees is a pretty big deal too, I didn't expect nor receive it.

#93 Posted by Tylea002 (2295 posts) -

There is one way to fix this:

FAKE YOUR OWN DEATH

#94 Posted by FoolishChaos (431 posts) -

I just want to point out that just because the OP's mom pays for his college doesn't mean that she can't be abusive to her son for stupid shit.

We can assume all we like on something we don't really know much about, but the number of people deciding to assume that the OP is a prick and spend their time taking a massive dump on him might want to re-evaluate what the fuck they are doing.

#95 Posted by GERALTITUDE (2916 posts) -

@ItBeStefYo: Sorry for your troubles. Probably shouldn't have posted this here though.. forum users always want the OP to be bad guy/girl.

Dealing with any parent, whether we love or hate them, can be a challenge. Human relationships are infinitely complex and it's unlikely anyone here has an answer that will apply to your situation. All the same, I see why you want to reach out. The best advice is always patience, understanding and honesty. Remember that you won't live at home forever, but your mom will be your mom forever. It's never too late to change the course of any relationship, so start working to turn it right, and never forget that operative word: work.

#96 Posted by Shindiggah (350 posts) -

Nah I love my madre, and if you don't do what she says she should have the right to not pay for your college fees, hell mine never even offered to pay for mine anyways, I'm shouldering the cost myself.

#97 Posted by HeManWomanHater (6 posts) -

I feel ya bro. My mom took $10,000 dollars from me and is refusing to pay it back when the reason I gave it to her in the first place is just to HOLD IN HER ACCOUNT so the bank could see she has backup money and approve her for the loan for the house. Even after promising to give it back and getting something signed by a notary, she snuck into my room where I kept the form, burned it up, and spent the $10,000. Additionally, now just getting out of college, she's making me pay $1,000 per month for rent when I only make roughly $12,000 per year after taxes and I get 1/4th of a closet for space for my clothes and sleep on the couch in the living room since we're in a 2 bedroom and I have a younger sister, an aunt, and a cousin living in the same place. Then, when I say I'm going to move into a single, she bitches me out and calls me ungrateful and threatens me with all kinds of crap.  
 
Yea, I highly dislike my mom - and TC's mom because she sounds like the same kind of person.

#98 Posted by mracoon (4954 posts) -

Man, I could never imagine telling my parents to shut up. And no, I love my mum.

Moderator
#99 Edited by HeManWomanHater (6 posts) -
@ItBeStefYo said:

I just really dislike her as a person. Stubborn, callous and impertinent.

Just today she locked me out of the house in the pouring rain because I didn't do the washing up. She doesnt listen at all to what I say and says what she thinks over and over, when I told her to shut up after her telling me what to do for the fourth time she went in a huff with me, refused to feed me and threatened to not pay for my university fees.

What the fuck kind of parenting is this? Blackmail and neglect for stupid fucking petty things. Taking power-trips all the fucking time.

sorry about this, but I'm angry... can't wait to get out. Anyone know how to deal with this sort of person, or any experiences to share?

PS:

I just want to say to everyone that is basically having a go at me, I would NEVER threaten to take away my child's chance at an education and blackmailing them is just immoral. She's told me to go and live with my father and to fuck off I suppose you would do that to your kids too? Maybe my ideals are fucked up though, who knows.

I feel ya bro. My mom took $10,000 dollars from me and is refusing to pay it back when the reason I gave it to her in the first place is just to HOLD IN HER ACCOUNT so the bank could see she has backup money and approve her for the loan for the house. Even after promising to give it back and getting something signed by a notary, she snuck into my room where I kept the form, burned it up, and spent the $10,000. Additionally, now just getting out of college, she's making me pay $1,000 per month for rent when I only make roughly $12,000 per year after taxes and I get 1/4th of a closet for space for my clothes and sleep on the couch in the living room since we're in a 2 bedroom and I have a younger sister, an aunt, and a cousin living in the same place. Then, when I say I'm going to move into a single, she bitches me out and calls me ungrateful and threatens me with all kinds of crap.  
 
Yea, I highly dislike my mom - and your mom  sounds like the same kind of person.
#100 Posted by TheSouthernDandy (3783 posts) -

@HeManWomanHater: You're paying $1000 a month for living at home?? Holy crap dude, there's gotta be something cheaper, even a bachelor apartment in someones basement or something.