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#1 Posted by SadPatrol (502 posts) -

So here's my story

My girlfriend broke up with me about a month ago. The reason was because she didn't feel that way about me anymore and she wanted to stay friends. I said no, telling her that I couldn't be friends with her. So that was it. We work at the same place and neither of us said a word to the longest time. Let me add that she did text me 3 days after the break up asking how I was doing but I ignored her.

Then recently she told my best friend that her and I no longer talk. My friend said that she seemed upset about it. So, since I'm still not over her, I texted her the next day. And she reported back to my friend saying that I texted her and that she was "very happy about it." When I found this out my brain was pretty much fucked. All the sudden she was at the center of my mind again.

A few days later she texts me asking me how I was doing.

Whyy? If she really wanted us to be over then a month without contact would've been perfect for her. But the fact that after all this time I'm still on her mind baffles me.

Do you guys think I should try to get back together with her? Does it seem like she still has some amount of interest?

#2 Edited by believer258 (12209 posts) -

EDIT: Thread conclusion seems to be "ditch the bitch".

#3 Posted by SexyToad (2722 posts) -

Ah Dahm it believer beat me

#4 Edited by Aetheldod (3737 posts) -
@believer258: We can always count on you :D
 
 
And to OP ... I dont have a fuckin clue D: , sure I guess.....  what harm can it come from asking?  The worst thing that could happen is that she doesnt want to go at it again , at least you would be sure if it happens again.
#5 Posted by believer258 (12209 posts) -

@Aetheldod said:

@believer258: We can always count on you :D

I do my best.

#6 Posted by FluxWaveZ (19388 posts) -

Seems like she wants to be friends.

#7 Posted by Video_Game_King (36272 posts) -
Do like Hisao.
#8 Edited by mordukai (7185 posts) -

@SadPatrol said:

So here's my story

My girlfriend broke up with me about a month ago. The reason was because she didn't feel that way about me anymore and she wanted to stay friends. I said no, telling her that I couldn't be friends with her. So that was it. We work at the same place and neither of us said a word to the longest time. Let me add that she did text me 3 days after the break up asking how I was doing but I ignored her.

Then recently she told my best friend that her and I no longer talk. My friend said that she seemed upset about it. So, since I'm still not over her, I texted her the next day. And she reported back to my friend saying that I texted her and that she was "very happy about it." When I found this out my brain was pretty much fucked. All the sudden she was at the center of my mind again.

A few days later she texts me asking me how I was doing.

Whyy? If she really wanted us to be over then a month without contact would've been perfect for her. But the fact that after all this time I'm still on her mind baffles me.

Do you guys think I should try to get back together with her? Does it seem like she still has some amount of interest?

She still doesn't feel that way towards you. The fact you completely ignored her just made her want you. Women HATE to be ignored, especially after they brake up with you and say they still want to be friends with you.

All you really needed to do is go and tell her, NOT TEXT HER, or go through mediators, that it's not easy on you and you just need time to collect yourself and see where you stand and maybe after you get over it you can try to be friends.

It's really just post break up residue.

#9 Posted by kashif1 (1428 posts) -

@SadPatrol: It really simple, she wants to be friends with you and frankly from the story you gave us she seems very nice for doing so. She does care about you even if she does not want to be involved romantically.

#10 Posted by kashif1 (1428 posts) -

@believer258: what happens if you actually call that number?

#11 Posted by Ravenlight (8011 posts) -
Whenever advice is needed, I look to Excel Saga.
#12 Edited by BabyChooChoo (4831 posts) -

FUCKING ASK HER HOW SHE FEELS. The worst thing that can happen is you waste 5 minutes of your time and/or a text message.

edit: And I don't mean to sound so insensitive. I know it sucks now, but you'll bounce back. YOU'RE A MOTHAFUCKIN DUDER. DUDERS AND DUDETTERS DON'T STOP FOR NOTHIN'

#13 Posted by Tim_the_Corsair (3065 posts) -

Many girls, in my experience, always want to be friends with their former partners, even in cases where the breakup was not great.

I'm very much like you in that if my relationship with someone has ended, I never want to see that person again. Apparently, this drives them insane.

Maybe it's a conscience thing? Like they want to stay friends so they can see they didn't hurt you too badly?

Regardless, I wouldn't be interpreting this as her wanting to get back together. A month hasn't changed anything, and she left you.

I'd politely tell her that you're glad she's ok, that you want to be cordial at work, but that you don't want to speak to her outside of a professional relationship, and if she can't handle that, she'll have to work out what she's going to do about it.

The worst thing you could do right now is to crawling back.

#14 Posted by Animasta (14728 posts) -

@FluxWaveZ said:

Seems like she wants to be friends.

this is the long and short of it.

#15 Posted by MegaLombax (428 posts) -

I'd say probably she feels like she's wronged you by breaking up with you, so by staying friends she feels less guilty. This is all conjecture mind you. You could always ask her directly, no point in guessing. Saves a lot of time.

#16 Posted by the_OFFICIAL_jAPanese_teaBAG (4284 posts) -

She just wants to be good friends with you.  Please, dont go crawling back to her.  Im doing this right now because Ive never had a girl friend zone me before and it made things worse.  

#17 Posted by believer258 (12209 posts) -

@kashif1 said:

@believer258: what happens if you actually call that number?

Try it and tell me.

#18 Posted by BraveToaster (12588 posts) -

I don't blame you for not wanting to be friends, I do the same thing. Continue to ignore her, so you can move on to better things. Or you could kill her and turn her blood into a bisque.

#19 Posted by Coafi (1494 posts) -

@Animasta said:

@FluxWaveZ said:

Seems like she wants to be friends.

this is the long and short of it.

What they said. It's pretty obvious what she wants, and she actually told you she wanted friendship. Just ask her if she really wants that, and if you are willing to be a friend to her, then go for it. But don't ask her if you don't feel ok with being friends with her. TALKING with her should solve everything, not TEXTING.

#20 Posted by Grilledcheez (3958 posts) -

It seems to me it's a classic case of she's not sure what she wants, and that sounds like the average human to me.

#21 Posted by Tim_the_Corsair (3065 posts) -
@Coafi

@Animasta said:

@FluxWaveZ said:

Seems like she wants to be friends.

this is the long and short of it.

What they said. It's pretty obvious what she wants, and she actually told you she wanted friendship. Just ask her if she really wants that, and if you are willing to be a friend to her, then go for it. But don't ask her if you don't feel ok with being friends with her. TALKING with her should solve everything, not TEXTING.

I'd prefer text in this situation: cold and impersonal, which should help her stay away if that's what he wants.
#22 Posted by Little_Socrates (5718 posts) -

She doesn't want to date. In the future, send your questions to mbmbam@maximumfun.org so I can hear these guys discuss your problems.

#23 Edited by drGiggless (222 posts) -

it's a trap, she will never be with you again. she just sounds like a sweet person that is obligated to try to be friends with you because of her kind nature.

it comes down to what you want. if you can handle being just friends, then by all means. otherwise cut ties completley.

#24 Posted by Raven10 (1925 posts) -

You know you could always ask her how she feels. That would pretty much solve your problem. But I agree that she probably just doesn't like being ignored.

#25 Edited by Jrinswand (1711 posts) -

Man, the memes come in fast in these threads.
 
Edit: Also, I didn't read your post at first, OP, but fuck her. I don't mean "try to get back together with her." Just forget about her. You'll thank me later.

#26 Posted by jozzy (2035 posts) -

Guess i am the only one who thinks she wants you back. Dont do it though, the reasons it didnt work out are still there. It will not last long.

#27 Posted by drGiggless (222 posts) -

she obviously doesnt want him back. she either wants to be friends, wants to be wanted, or both.

#28 Posted by BoS_Tobe (13 posts) -

Dude, I'll be honest. It sounds to me like she wants attention. I wouldn't text her or talk to her. If she wants to talk through your friend, then let her. But if he was really your friend, he should tell her in some nice way, "Bros before Hoes!"

This is the worse thing women do, they make a decision, then want to make you feel like shit for a decision they made. Your better off moving on. No calls, no texts, limited contact at work (meaning only work related).

If after a few week your still broken up about it, then you need to find another girl. Even if its a physical thing, it should be enough to get you through.

And who knows, this might be better in the long run. I have friends that dated, split, then dated again after a year and ended up married. They didn't realize how good it was until they were apart for a while. They have been happily married for 12 years. Seemed to work for them, not for all, but for some.

Good luck.

#29 Posted by BoG (5192 posts) -

@BabyChooChoo said:

FUCKING ASK HER HOW SHE FEELS. The worst thing that can happen is you waste 5 minutes of your time and/or a text message.

edit: And I don't mean to sound so insensitive. I know it sucks now, but you'll bounce back. YOU'RE A MOTHAFUCKIN DUDER. DUDERS AND DUDETTERS DON'T STOP FOR NOTHIN'

Yep. Just talk to her. Honestly, I doubt she wants to get back with you. She likely just wants to stay friends, and this is why she's upset.

#30 Edited by Knave (548 posts) -

Don't talk to her. She dumped you, and now she feels like shit because you don't want to be friends, but she does. All she wants to do is make herself feel better. She doesn't give a shit about you or your emotions. You felt like shit when she broke up with you, you make her feel like shit by not being friends with her.

#31 Posted by ReyGitano (2467 posts) -

@SadPatrol: You messed up by texting her. In her mind she now thinks that you're cool with everything that happened and ready to crawl back into the friend zone to give her all the attention she wants at no extra charge. Best course of action? Text her again thinking you thought you could move on, but this whole situation is fucking with your brain so you're obviously not ready to.

Then await further mission details once intelligence is gathered based on the outcome.

#32 Edited by SadPatrol (502 posts) -

@Knave said:

Don't talk to her. She dumped you, and now she feels like shit because you don't want to be friends, but she does. All she wants to do is make herself feel better. She doesn't give a shit about you or your emotions. You felt like shit when she broke up with you, you make her feel like shit by not being friends with her.

This was what I was doing for a while. She hurt me so I wanted to hurt her back which I feel I did so. But it's hard because I still have feelings for her.

However, I'll take your advice. I wont talk to her anymore.

#33 Posted by unordinarily (101 posts) -

As a female, I recommend not being a pansy and ask her outright.

#34 Posted by Slax (963 posts) -

It sounds like you have been delegated to the role of back-up boyfriend. You guys dated, she liked how it felt to have someone care about her, but no longer wants to be romantically involved with you. So instead she'll be all clingy until she moves on to another guy, in the meantime she can keep you around knowing full well how you feel about her.

Don't let her do this to you.

#35 Posted by Metric_Outlaw (1173 posts) -

I had the same exact problem at an old job. You will eventually stop hating her and things will even out. It'll take some time but you'll be over her and into someone else. You should play a little coy and nonchalant about the break up.

#36 Posted by ajamafalous (12164 posts) -
@VinceNotVance said:
SOME ADVICE IS NEEDED
Haven't seen anyone post in there in a while. Did it get locked/deleted or did I drop from it on accident and not remember it? It'd take me hours to go back through my inbox and look for it.
#37 Posted by spartanlolz92 (511 posts) -

cause she cares no one likes being a jack ass or hurting others especially women.

yes im stereo typing but stereo types do contain some truths.

if you can handle being friends with her thats good but don't take it as shes still interested. if she is she will make the move.

she care about you take it as a good sign that it was a good relationship move on and find another one

#38 Edited by RPGee (763 posts) -

@SadPatrol

Here's the thing: I can totally understand not being over her, I've been exactly like that, but the most important part about any break-up, to me anyway, is being mature. You need to consider what she's thinking, and don't be an arsehole, like you are honestly coming off as.

  • Understand that she wanted to be with you for a reason in the first place, so obviously you've got something going for you. Even if she lost the feelings, she probably still likes you quite a bit, so if you want to keep in contact (and that's the only way you'll have any chance to get back with her) then you'll need to be a nice guy and a good friend. Plus, since you were in a relationship with her anyway, it might a good way to ease your mind from her.
  • You can't get women. There are fundamental differences in psychology and physiology that make mind-predicting impossible. Ask most females (or males, really) and they'll tell you just that. So don't try and get it, but just try and respond in the best way you can. It's confusing as fuck, but you'll have to deal.
  • Remember you're human, and that life goes on. Get yourself out there and find other people. You might not do it straight away, but I would suggest getting to it in at least a month. Be realistic about your chances: you might get back together, but don't put all your chips on it. There are plenty of nice people out there, and a good deal of them are single.

This is just another message brought to you from the Giant Bomb Xtreme Girl Advice Line. Be friendly, be considerate, and be mature, and you'll be all good. Sincerely, RPGee.

EDIT: Also, I don't suggest being a dick like @Knave is trying to promote, because then you become a jaded twat with no chance in a long-term relationship at all. Hate for hate's sake tends to be bad for your mental health, I hear.

#39 Posted by SadPatrol (502 posts) -

@RPGeesus said:

@SadPatrol

Here's the thing: I can totally understand not being over her, I've been exactly like that, but the most important part about any break-up, to me anyway, is being mature. You need to consider what she's thinking, and don't be an arsehole, like you are honestly coming off as.

  • Understand that she wanted to be with you for a reason in the first place, so obviously you've got something going for you. Even if she lost the feelings, she probably still likes you quite a bit, so if you want to keep in contact (and that's the only way you'll have any chance to get back with her) then you'll need to be a nice guy and a good friend. Plus, since you were in a relationship with her anyway, it might a good way to ease your mind from her.
  • You can't get women. There are fundamental differences in psychology and physiology that make mind-predicting impossible. Ask most females (or males, really) and they'll tell you just that. So don't try and get it, but just try and respond in the best way you can. It's confusing as fuck, but you'll have to deal.
  • Remember you're human, and that life goes on. Get yourself out there and find other people. You might not do it straight away, but I would suggest getting to it in at least a month. Be realistic about your chances: you might get back together, but don't put all your chips on it. There are plenty of nice people out there, and a good deal of them are single.

This is just another message brought to you from the Giant Bomb Xtreme Girl Advice Line. Be friendly, be considerate, and be mature, and you'll be all good. Sincerely, RPGee.

EDIT: Also, I don't suggest being a dick like @Knave is trying to promote, because then you become a jaded twat with no chance in a long-term relationship at all. Hate for hate's sake tends to be bad for your mental health, I hear.

Blah. Fine. I'll just go with the flow. And I won't be a dick.

#40 Edited by Knave (548 posts) -

SadPatrol is the angel, and i'm the devil. Since this world is a cruel place, full of twisted assholes, and it's survival of the fittest, i suggest you take my advice. An eye for an eye.

EDIT: RPGeesus is the angel!

#41 Edited by pyromagnestir (4339 posts) -

@SadPatrol: Of all the advice you choose the most dickish? ...

I'll echo the more reasonable advice you're getting and say: Seeing as you work with this person you're going to need to talk about this (unless there is 0 chance that you will ever interact at work, and even then she could always come seek you out for answers and that could blow up real quick making things worse). Choose whatever medium you're most comfortable with (sounds like texting), say what you need to say. I'd recommend telling her what you wanted out of the relationship you had, and that since it can't be what you'd hoped, that you're not comfortable carrying on a "friendship" and that it's best you both keep your distance to keep things from getting tougher than you already seem to find them.

Edit: That's better. don't listen to that jackanape.

#42 Posted by drGiggless (222 posts) -

no don't text her. texting is evil, you will be tempted to say something you shouldn't have and/or you can't read emotions/intent. either talk to her in person or not at all.

#43 Posted by Knave (548 posts) -

@pyromagnestir: Sir, i would like to ask you to refrain from name calling. I know you were probably in a similar situation, and you wished you read my post earlier. Don't let this man suffer just because you did.

#44 Posted by RPGee (763 posts) -

@SadPatrol: You won't regret it. Staying friends is better than being bitter.

@Knave: Perhaps. I just like people being nice, even though I know it can be hard.

#45 Posted by OppressiveStink (357 posts) -

@SadPatrol:

You should ignore most of what these people say, because, right now, it doesn't matter what she wants, it matters what you want and how you can deal with things going forward. She's fine, she broke up with you. You need to focus on you and getting over her.

Take advice from a dude who's been down the road you tread many times: decide fast on if you can be her friend or not, don't drag that shit out.

As a litmus test on if you're over her, think about her fucking someone you know and then coming over to hang out with you.

Are you pissed off? Do you feel sick? If you answer "yes" to these questions, you're not ready to be friends, so I suggest not hurting yourself further while you're in this state.

A general rule of thumb to survive breakups is getting laid at least once before you hang out with the person who's broken up with you. At least knowing that you don't need that other person to score some tail will give you the confidence to overlook any of the relationships she's in and having. Even better if you can feel good enough about yourself to start seeing other people.

That's pretty-much it. Some white knights will come around and tell you that you should force yourself to be friends with her because she seems so fucking nice.

Fuck them. Her breakup with you was about her, now you should be about you. Know you have the power to overcome this.

Good luck, have Batman!

#46 Posted by OppressiveStink (357 posts) -

@RPGeesus:

He can never be friends on equal footing unless he can find peace within himself. To advise him to be friends at this juncture is fool-hearty and cruel.

#47 Posted by wjb (1697 posts) -

Dating People You Work With: What Could Possibly Go Wrong?

#48 Posted by pyromagnestir (4339 posts) -

@drGiggless: In this situation, talking has it's own perils. Which I'd say are more perilous than a well thought out text would be.

@Knave: I'll not have you pull this misguided soul to the depths with you, you whippersnapper! (I think it's the word knave that's bringing this all out of me as I don't know where this is coming from)

#49 Posted by Tolshakk (83 posts) -

Follow the path of least resistance and do nothing

#50 Posted by NekuSakuraba (7184 posts) -

@VinceNotVance said:

SOME ADVICE IS NEEDED

No it's not!