I Need Some Advice

About a month ago, I started a new job working with a great group of people. All of my co-workers are nice, but there is one who has been a little too nice. This woman (I'll call her Grace) has been flirting with me since my first day on the job. At first, it was incredibly light, but then it progressed to the point where I pretend that I'm swamped with paperwork just to keep her from bothering me. The problem with Grace is that she's big; not large, but certainly not petite. I don't mind a little meat on a woman's bones, I just don't want to be with a woman who doesn't take care of herself. It's unhealthy and I feel no physical attraction to that. Not to mention that she asks me how I think she looks in her dress. I usually say that the dress looks nice, and she walks away with puppy eyes because I didn't say she looked pretty in it.

This isn't the first time that a big girl has hit on me; for some reason, they're attracted to me. I have had an old classmate try the whole "let's go to an art exhibit" line and I tried to say no in the nicest way possible. Of course with my lack of tact, me turning someone down comes off as rude.

So my question is, how does a person with no tact tell this woman to back off? I don't want to make it awkward in the workplace when I tell Grace that I'm not interested. And I also have a feeling that she's going to ask me why I don't want her. A part of me really wants to be an asshole and be done with it, but I want to avoid seeing that creepy puppy-eyed face she makes.

just say you aren't attracted to her and leave it at that, pretty easy

Fake your own death.

@Animasta said:

just say you aren't attracted to her and leave it at that, pretty easy

She's going to ask why, and I'm going to be so tempted to be completely honest.

Tell her you don't like office romances, and then bang the hot receptionist.

@ma_rc_01 said:

Tell her you don't like office romances, and then bang the hot receptionist.

The receptionist is a man, so no thanks.

@Jasta said:

@Example1013 said:

You've done this before.

@BraveToaster: It's good that you at least acknowledge that you don't have tact. There are certainly ways to improve and deal with that though.

First off, being an asshole to her would not be the best idea. If you haven't already just politely said that you're just not into her and she's ignoring that, you have no reason to be at all rude or terse about it. People don't always pick up on our signals; so, sometimes you just have to explain that you're not interested. Women do it all the time, and you can do the same.

As far as your reasoning behind this, I think it's misguided, but hey, you seem to be interested in advice on how to properly deal with unwanted advances more than advice on how to learn to see people as people and get to know them no matter how they look. I suppose we all have our personal flaws. She's probably better off not being with you, as she at least only seems to have a physical issue to deal with. So, don't feel bad about being straight with her; you're doing her a favor. Just say you're not interested, and if after that point she continues such behavior, get progressively more terse about it until she understands that her advances make you uncomfortable. If she's a good, reasonable person, she'll respect that; if she's not, then you don't have to worry about offending her later with a bit of tough talk.

Good luck with it, Toaster.

@BraveToaster said:

@Animasta said:

just say you aren't attracted to her and leave it at that, pretty easy

She's going to ask why, and I'm going to be so tempted to be completely honest.

Even if she does ask, it's not like you have to tell her, just keep silent

@VinceNotVance said:

I'm not even joking, I swear, fat chicks must find me irresistible or something. Shit.

Tell her that you're not attracted to her, but only if she does something super obvious. That's what I think anyway. Be honest. I'd rather you be a "dick" and tell her straight up how unattractive you find her than for you to sugar-coat things. Fat chicks know a lot about sugar-coating, considering half their diet consists of that shit.

Lolls!

@BraveToaster said:

@ma_rc_01 said:

Tell her you don't like office romances, and then bang the hot receptionist.

The receptionist is a man, so no thanks.

But you still think he's hot, then! Go for it! Screw social norms.

But seriously, you're gonna need to be an asshole to her. She'll just like you more if you're kinda mean, so you gotta be a total fuck. Find out her political stance, then argue against her about something current. Find out how many cats she owns, then tell her you used to kill cats with your friends in middle school behind the bleachers. Do this for a week and maybe you'll be fired?

@Sooty said:

Fake your own death.

This. Works for pretty much every situation, especially when trying to get around pesky in-laws.

PACK YOUR SHIT AND LEAVE

- The McElroys

@BraveToaster said:

@Animasta said:

just say you aren't attracted to her and leave it at that, pretty easy

She's going to ask why, and I'm going to be so tempted to be completely honest.

Why do you infantilize yourself in this way? You worry that you might be tempted to say something you do not want to say? It just look weird that you have to evaluate yourself psychologically as if you yourself had no say in the actual events. I guess free will is an illusion.

Sorry about the sudden diatribe but this kind of sentiment always puzzles me.

@TruthTellah said:

As far as your reasoning behind this, I think it's misguided, but hey, you seem to be interested in advice on how to properly deal with unwanted advances more than advice on how to learn to see people as people and get to know them no matter how they look. I suppose we all have our personal flaws. She's probably better off not being with you, as she at least only seems to have a physical issue to deal with. So, don't feel bad about being straight with her; you're doing her a favor. Just say you're not interested, and if after that point she continues such behavior, get progressively more terse about it until she understands that her advances make you uncomfortable. If she's a good, reasonable person, she'll respect that; if she's not, then you don't have to worry about offending her later with a bit of tough talk.

Good luck with it, Toaster.

I can't help the fact that I'm not attracted to overweight women. I see her as a person, but I don't see myself engaging in a relationship with her. There's nothing wrong with wanting a physically attractive person who is also good on the inside.

@Jasta said:

@Example1013 said:

You've done this before.

I'm hoping a number of people are kidding(I mean, it -is- Giant Bomb after all; so, it's possible), because the "be an asshole" suggestions may be the worst advice I've seen in a while. There's a difference between being very clear and frank and just being an asshole to someone interested in you. Be clear without equivocation and just leave it at that.

Oh man, I didn't even notice this was BraveToaster because of his fucking profile picture change to Lemongrab. To solve your problem though: Touch her shoulder and grab one of her fat rolls with the other hand. This shows that you understand her feelings but you respectfully decline her advances due to her physique.

Nothing like a fat girl giving you attitude to lower your self-esteem. 

@Regal said:

@BraveToaster said:

@Animasta said:

just say you aren't attracted to her and leave it at that, pretty easy

She's going to ask why, and I'm going to be so tempted to be completely honest.

Why do you infantilize yourself in this way? You worry that you might be tempted to say something you do not want to say? It just look weird that you have to evaluate yourself psychologically as if you yourself had no say in the actual events. I guess free will is an illusion.

Sorry about the sudden diatribe but this kind of sentiment always puzzles me.

Temptation was the wrong word for this. I have a habit of blurting out things without putting much thought into it. It's something that I'm working on, which is why I keep my conversations with her to a minimum.

@BraveToaster said:

@TruthTellah said:

As far as your reasoning behind this, I think it's misguided, but hey, you seem to be interested in advice on how to properly deal with unwanted advances more than advice on how to learn to see people as people and get to know them no matter how they look. I suppose we all have our personal flaws. She's probably better off not being with you, as she at least only seems to have a physical issue to deal with. So, don't feel bad about being straight with her; you're doing her a favor. Just say you're not interested, and if after that point she continues such behavior, get progressively more terse about it until she understands that her advances make you uncomfortable. If she's a good, reasonable person, she'll respect that; if she's not, then you don't have to worry about offending her later with a bit of tough talk.

Good luck with it, Toaster.

I can't help the fact that I'm not attracted to overweight women. I see her as a person, but I don't see myself engaging in a relationship with her. There's nothing wrong with wanting a physically attractive person who is also good on the inside.

When you made the judgment call on her as a person based on her weight, you did put your preconceptions about overweight individuals ahead of her as an individual. As you said, you're afraid that you'll be completely honest and come off as an asshole, and that's because your honest feelings are kind of asshole-ish (and it's not unique to be kind of an asshole, a lot of people are). If you just don't find her attractive as a person, that has to do with a lot more than just her size. So, if she asks why you're not interested(which is the worst question anyone could ask), just be frank and say that you don't have an interest in pursuing a relationship with her. Women often can't explain why they're not interested in someone, and the same can be said of men. If the feeling isn't there, there's no reason to force it. There's also no reason whatsoever for you to go into talking about your personal hangups with those you consider overweight and your feelings on how their size reflects on their character. Just say you're not into her and nothing more.

Considering you talk about non-petite women as though they're all one single block who think you're the hot shit (what a pain that women of different sizes misguidedly think you're interesting, right?), I can assure you that she is probably better off without being in a relationship with you. And that should make this easier for you, as you're honestly doing her a favor. Just think of it that way, be clear with her, and leave it at that.

I think you'll do fine.

Either this is a troll thread or we've found the biggest cock on these forums.

@GunslingerPanda said:

Either this is a troll thread or we've found the biggest cock on these forums.

Could you explain what makes me the biggest cock here?

Just say you not interested bro. Simple as that. Sure you can go to the break down of why you aren't interested, but if you just keep it short and simple she will understand. If her feelings get hurt by this, then she has problems within herself that she needs to fix.

@Sooty said:

Fake your own death.

This is the only rational course of action.

Just be a stone cold bastard. Usually works.

Pretend to be in a relationship with someone else, and bring it up in conversation with her to ward her off.

@BraveToaster said:

@ma_rc_01 said:

Tell her you don't like office romances, and then bang the hot receptionist.

The receptionist is a man, so no thanks.

But you don't deny he's hot

Trust me, you bang him, and the chick will backoff you

@BraveToaster: Tell her the problem is she isn't fat enough, you are interested in women so big they effect the earth's gravity.

Most women don't like getting bigger :D

True story, no trollin, would I lie to youuuuuu......

@BraveToaster said:

@Animasta said:

just say you aren't attracted to her and leave it at that, pretty easy

She's going to ask why, and I'm going to be so tempted to be completely honest.

Well don't, that's just evil. And the very fact that you know you might be tempted into intentionally hurting someone's feelings in a really horrible childish way kinda shows what a jackass you are. One of my best friends is a larger girl who has spent too many sleepless nights crying over men rejecting her and telling her it was because of her size. If you really want to perpetuate that and make someone who likes you suffer then you're a prick. If she does ask why, there are a million harmless alternatives, tell her you're seeing someone else, you just got out of a relationship, you don't feel like being with someone right now, you don't want an office romance, you'd rather just be friends.

@James_Giant_Peach: Would you have rather have someone be honest about why they were not interested in you, or lie? I'm not a fan of being an asshole (I also like avoiding conflict...), but I would hope there is a better alternative that maybe stikes a line between the two.

No idea why you'd want to be honest, even when you seem to realise that it would achieve nothing but to hurt her. If she asks why, you're not exactly compelled to tell her anything.

@BraveToaster said:

@Animasta said:

just say you aren't attracted to her and leave it at that, pretty easy

She's going to ask why, and I'm going to be so tempted to be completely honest.

Well don't, that's just evil. And the very fact that you know you might be tempted into intentionally hurting someone's feelings in a really horrible childish way kinda shows what a jackass you are. One of my best friends is a larger girl who has spent too many sleepless nights crying over men rejecting her and telling her it was because of her size. If you really want to perpetuate that and make someone who likes you suffer then you're a prick. If she does ask why, there are a million harmless alternatives, tell her you're seeing someone else, you just got out of a relationship, you don't feel like being with someone right now, you don't want an office romance, you'd rather just be friends.

@Jasta said:

@Example1013 said:

@Jasta said:

@Example1013 said:

You've done this before.

made me lol

Wait until you're in a group of coworkers talking about your weekend and mention the cute new girl you're going out with. That should give her the message in a non-confrontational way

Tell her that you created a forum post specifically about her that sparked 2 pages plus of anonymous people from all over the world discussing her and I don't think you'll have any more trouble after that.

Let your mustache grow. She is bound to back off eventually.

@Sooty said:

Fake your own death.

+1

Dress up as a broccoli

EDIT: If OP is Patrick, dye your hair green

@Lunar_Aura said:

Dress up as a broccoli

EDIT: If OP is Patrick, dye your hair green

But what if he finds out she's a vegetarian? Then she'll think it's some big romantic gesture!

Though, regardless of its efficacy and separate from this entire topic, I would support Patrick dying his hair green. :|

Goddammit, how did no one post the GiantBomb Girl Advice Hotline picture on the first page?

You need to be honest with yourself before you do with her. Admit she's too fat and you think you're better than that.

@TruthTellah said:

@BraveToaster: It's good that you at least acknowledge that you don't have tact. There are certainly ways to improve and deal with that though.

First off, being an asshole to her would not be the best idea. If you haven't already just politely said that you're just not into her and she's ignoring that, you have no reason to be at all rude or terse about it. People don't always pick up on our signals; so, sometimes you just have to explain that you're not interested. Women do it all the time, and you can do the same.

As far as your reasoning behind this, I think it's misguided, but hey, you seem to be interested in advice on how to properly deal with unwanted advances more than advice on how to learn to see people as people and get to know them no matter how they look. I suppose we all have our personal flaws. She's probably better off not being with you, as she at least only seems to have a physical issue to deal with. So, don't feel bad about being straight with her; you're doing her a favor. Just say you're not interested, and if after that point she continues such behavior, get progressively more terse about it until she understands that her advances make you uncomfortable. If she's a good, reasonable person, she'll respect that; if she's not, then you don't have to worry about offending her later with a bit of tough talk.

Good luck with it, Toaster.

Couldn't of said any of that better.

@InsidiousTuna said:

Goddammit, how did no one post the GiantBomb Girl Advice Hotline picture on the first page?

This may answer a few things.

Don't expect serious help on a video game forum, best advice I can give.

@TruthTellah said:

When you made the judgment call on her as a person based on her weight, you did put your preconceptions about overweight individuals ahead of her as an individual. As you said, you're afraid that you'll be completely honest and come off as an asshole, and that's because your honest feelings are kind of asshole-ish (and it's not unique to be kind of an asshole, a lot of people are). If you just don't find her attractive as a person, that has to do with a lot more than just her size. So, if she asks why you're not interested(which is the worst question anyone could ask), just be frank and say that you don't have an interest in pursuing a relationship with her. Women often can't explain why they're not interested in someone, and the same can be said of men. If the feeling isn't there, there's no reason to force it. There's also no reason whatsoever for you to go into talking about your personal hangups with those you consider overweight and your feelings on how their size reflects on their character. Just say you're not into her and nothing more.

Considering you talk about non-petite women as though they're all one single block who think you're the hot shit (what a pain that women of different sizes misguidedly think you're interesting, right?), I can assure you that she is probably better off without being in a relationship with you. And that should make this easier for you, as you're honestly doing her a favor. Just think of it that way, be clear with her, and leave it at that.

I think you'll do fine.

True but allow me to be succinct. This is an overly polite way of saying grow the hell up.

Shes a co worker, who you could be potentially be working with for years to come. My best advice is to not be a dick (which is hard to not come as one, I know).

"I'm not intterested in you" 
"Why?" 
"Shallow response but, you're too big for me. Sure I might say stuff like "It's not about the looks" but that's untrue. Nobody want's to be with someone who's larger than the moon or someone who looks like she got hit by a truck"  
 
Problem solved. 
The response I got for that was "A little mean but honest, thanks"