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#1 Posted by TheStarman (6 posts) -


#2 Posted by TheStarman (6 posts) -

Yes, this really is my first post. I've been lurking here for a while now and had an intention of joining at some point, but just haven't gotten around to it. Well I seem to have found myself in a bit of a predicament as of late, so after getting some conflicting advice from my friends, I decided to ask this question anonymously on a few of the forums that I have been lurking at, perhaps I can receive a more objective response from people who don't know me or the girl I am referring to. I must warn you though, this is a bit of a long read, so I do apologize in advance for the length. Normally I would never go to the internet for advice, let alone dating advice, but I figured 'what the hell, I'll give it a shot,' so here goes.

To start off I'm 20 years old (and so is the girl I like) and I've had very little real experience with relationships. I did date a girl for about six months my junior year of high school, but I don't even consider that a real relationship, since I was an entirely different person back then and I didn't even really feel anything towards her. I'm very selective when it comes to relationships, both in terms of physical appearances and in terms of various personality traits and her intelligence level (which must be high). Some say that I'm "too picky," and perhaps they are right, since I've only really found two women to be truly attractive in the past few years (if not in my entire life).

In early April 2012 I got a new job at a Walmart store that at the time wasn't open yet. I helped set the store up, doing tasks such as unloading freight and stocking shelves. Well I eventually became friends with one of my co-workers, who we shall now refer to as Chris (not his real name). Well one day in early May, just a few days before the store was set to open, Chris introduced me to his best friend, a beautiful young woman who we shall now refer to as Claire (not her real name). I was almost immediately taken in by her beauty, and was extremely nervous, to the point where I hardly said two words the entire time the three of us sat and had lunch for about an hour.

Unfortunately I hadn't seen Claire since that day until about a week and a half later, and she said "hi" to me (and I said "hi" back) as we ran into each other at work. This happened a handful of times over the next few weeks. Eventually I told Chris that I had a crush on her, Chris and I hung out all the time at work at that point and were quickly becoming friends; he told me that I should probably just move on, because apparently Claire "just doesn't do relationships." I asked him what he meant by this, and he told me that he's been her best friend since 6th grade and she's never been in a relationship and has shot down every guy who has ever tried asking her out or made "moves" on her. She is also like me in the sense that she wants to wait until she meets the right person and fall in love with him (or in my case, her) before having sex. However, unlike me, she is a fairly hardcore Christian, whereas I am an agnostic atheist. When I say "hardcore Christian," I do not mean that she is a Christian fundamentalist or homophobic or anything like that, but she does take her faith seriously.

I listened to what Chris had to say, but I was not dissuaded in the least. I ran into Claire a few times in the break room since then, and we talked, we got to know each other somewhat. We have a lot in common, we're both pretty big geeks and we love Japanese culture, anime, reading, guns, video games, etc. We both have similar political views, as we are both conservatives, and we spoke about politics a few times, and we shared our disgust with how Obama and the Democrats are taking us down the same road as the socialists in the European Union. She even recommended me a book, which I haven't gotten around to checking out yet because ano

Well one day one of my co-workers, who shall now refer to as Leon (not his real name), was talking about the girls that he likes; he then proceeded to ask me if I "have the hots for" anyone at the moment. To which I responded by telling him about Claire, and I mentioned that she was really quiet all of the time. Leon then started talking about how "oh I could carry a conversation with her easily," since apparently he is a "stud" (right...), so I bet him $10 that he couldn't. A few hours later Leon approached me and said "I talked to her, she likes books" then he asked for the $10. I'm a fair and honest man, so I gave him the $10. I later learned that his "conversation" with her consisted of him sitting next to her for about 15 minutes and trying to talk to her while she was reading a book on break, and barely responded to him at all.

Leon, being the only 16 year old who works at our Walmart, then proceeded to brag to everyone about how he "won $10" by making a bet with me about talking to Claire. I needed to get on damage control quickly, for this rumor was spreading quickly. Leon and I were on break and so we went to find Claire, I was hoping that I could talk to her before she found out via a third party. When we found her, I asked her if she heard anything about a bet that Leon and I had had or anything like that, and said she did hear about a bet; she however did not hear that I liked her, so we didn't mention that. I swear she had the most puzzled look on her face, she probably thought we were making fun of her because she hardly ever talks and because she probably thought we're just two stupid football jocks who are picking on her. I said I was so sorry, and I meant every word of it, I didn't explain why we made the bet though. She was visible confused and embarrassed, so Leon and I left; I swear I felt like such an idiot, and I did make a stupid mistake, I don't know what I was thinking when I made that bet.

About two hours later, I was getting ready to go home and so I went in the break room and... OH MY GOD! She was there, sitting down at a table by herself. I sat next to her and I told her the truth, the whole truth. Perhaps I was a little to honest, since I didn't leave out things that a more savvy individual probably would have kept to himself. I told her about how ever since I laid eyes on her that I thought she was beautiful and how I've had a crush on her for the past month. I swear, her whole face just lit up when I said that, and she had a look on her face that read of surprise. I also explained that I was stupid for making the bet with Leon, and that I was sorry. I told her that I shouldn't have ever made that stupid bet with him, to which she responded "in the future you probably shouldn't do that." Things were great, I left her alone for a while and finished getting ready to go home after a nine hour shift of pushing carts in the summer heat. I really thought things were going to work out, we had a great heart-to-heart and I felt like I really turned things around.

And that lasted for about five minutes until I walked out of the door and ran into Leon. I told him about how I think things are going to work out between Claire and me after all and that I was so happy. About thirty seconds later Claire walked out the same door I did and ran into Leon and me. What happened next can only be described as the most anti-climatic event that has ever happened in my entire life. Leon walked in front of her and stopped her from going any further, he then started talking about me, telling her how I'm "such a great guy" and he literally begged her to go out with me. At that point I pretty much just turned to jelly and just slid down the wall I was leaning against on to the floor in a heap, thinking to myself "OH FU-------------." As Leon was begging her to go out with me, I was begging Leon to "stop" and to "leave her alone," but he wouldn't listen to my pleas. He literally asked her to go on a date with me about 30 times, and she said "let's try being friends first and see where that goes." But that wasn't the end of it, Leon then asked her to give me her number, and when she refused, he then asked for her to add me on Facebook (and add him too). After he asked her about five times, she finally wrote down her full name and gave him the paper, saying "fine, you can look me up, now I need to get back to work, so please step aside." He finally stepped aside and let her leave, during this time I was still sitting on the floor, my back to the wall, thinking "what the hell just happened?" I then had a few words with Leon, telling him that he shouldn't have done that and that she'll probably never talk to me again (even though I had nothing to do with Leon doing this, and even tried to stop him). Leon, seeing nothing wrong in what he had just did, replied with "dude I got you her Facebook, you should be thanking me, I got you the girl!" I just walked away at that point, words could not describe how I felt and I was still trying to process and collate everything that had just happened.

From that point on Claire thought I was a creep, despite me having nothing to do with Leon's crazed outburst. A few days after the incident, I approached Claire and tried to apologize, I felt so bad about what had happened; I told her that I had nothing to do with the way Leon was behaving, but I don't think she believed me. I have no doubt that in Leon's mind, he honestly thought he was helping and he had his heart in the right place; it took a couple of weeks, but I eventually forgave Leon. A few weeks after the incident, Chris, knowing that I was innocent in this, talked to Claire and he told me that Claire told him that she wants to give me a second chance and be friends, but that I should give her a little time. So that's what I did, I didn't even talk to her for about a month, then one day I tried asking her how she's been and I felt like she was just ignoring me, though there is a possibility that she just didn't hear me, since I was a few meters away at the time and we were both in the middle of doing our own separate tasks.

About a month after the day that Leon had his outburst, Leon had suggested that each of us cartpushers should write an autobiography about our lives and jobs here at Walmart, and we could publish it in a book. Needless to say, I was skeptical, but I went along with it since everyone else was and I thought it might help me better understand myself. So I wrote about everything that happened, for the first month that I worked for Walmart, including the day that I met Claire. I didn't say anything too weird or creepy, just that I had a crush on her and that I was extremely nervous around her. After that point, I decided to turn it into a zombie apocalypse story, and it was quite good. There were no other references to Claire in it at all, aside from one small paragraph where her and Chris worked together to survive the initial zombie outbreak and fought alongside Leon and myself.

In fact, there were no references to any romance between any of the characters. I eventually showed Chris and Leon it and they thought it was great, so I shared it around to a couple other people, and those people told their friends about it, and their friends told their friends about it, and their friends told their friends about it; so on and so forth. Well by the time Claire finally heard about it, the real story was completely distorted and apparently she thought that it was a romance story involving me and her. It's like that game "telephone," where the original message is passed on so many times that it loses parts of the truth each time it is passed down.

Chris, having read the actual story, talked to Claire about it and told her that there was nothing even close to that. He told her that the only reason her name (as well as the names of several other Walmart employees) was mention in it, was because it was supposed to be a story of what would happen if a zombie outbreak occurred while we were all working at Walmart. I didn't actually hear what Chris and Claire talked about, since I was in the next room; but when Chris came out he said that I should just "move on and forget about Claire." Chris is the closest person I have to a best friend, so I took his advice and tried moving on. I haven't spoken to Claire in about a month, but we still run into each other all of the time at work and I still really like her.

Well two days ago I was talking to a co-worker, a young woman in her mid-twenties who I cashier with frequently. One topic led to another and I mentioned Claire. She knew that I had a crush on her forever, and she was wondering why Claire didn't like me. Apparently I'm "cute" and a "great guy," or so my co-worker told me, and so I explained everything that had happened, and she said that I shouldn't give up so easily, and that I should keep pursuing her. I remained skeptical, but I said I would think about what she told me, and what she was saying made a lot of sense, but I still needed time to think about it.

Yesterday Leon and I were trying to find one of the head-honcho managers for about 20 minutes, so we asked our supervisor if she could ask for him over the radio, and she said she didn't have a radio at the time and that we should try asking Claire, because she has a radio on her. Well we walked over to Claire and I talked to her for the first time in like five weeks, and things weren't so awkward or bad, she helped us out and was very friendly. I am beginning to think that perhaps my co-worker was right in saying that I shouldn't just give up, and Claire seems to have forgiven me? All I want is another chance, even if just to be friends; I've learned from my mistakes and I feel confident that I can can turn things around. What do you guys think I should do?

#3 Posted by mosespippy (4286 posts) -

tl;dr. Normally I don't mind reading long posts (if they are well written and interesting) but girl problems are uninteresting to me. Care to summarize the problem in one paragraph?

#4 Posted by mtcantor (948 posts) -

TLDR: Guy likes a girl at work, guys creepy friend at Walmart makes things awkward, guy is also awkward, girl doesn't really seem to like guy or his creepy friend. Guy is making this whole thing seem like an epic poem when nothing has actually happened.

#5 Edited by ZeForgotten (10397 posts) -

Wait, Chris and Claire have only been friends since 6th grade? 
I thought they were brother and sister!  
 
Also, A. never give up. 
It's not over untill the fat lady sings! 

#6 Posted by Ravenlight (8040 posts) -

Kill her and wear her skin so you can be together forever.

...

Or, you know, just talk to her and tell her what's on your mind.

#7 Posted by TheStarman (6 posts) -

@mosespippy: Sure thing. My friend introduced me to this girl and we started talking. As we got to know each other, I started to really like her and I think she likes me too. Unfortunately, another friend of mine tried to "help" me "get the girl" without me wanting him to, this led to the girl thinking that I asked my friend to "help," and resulted in her thinking I'm a creeper and pretty much killed any chance of us ever being friends, let alone going out. However lately she has been acting like she is going to give me a second chance.

#8 Posted by TheStarman (6 posts) -

@mtcantor said:

TLDR: Guy likes a girl at work, guys creepy friend at Walmart makes things awkward, guy is also awkward, girl doesn't really seem to like guy or his creepy friend. Guy is making this whole thing seem like an epic poem when nothing has actually happened.

Oh, you beat me to it.

#9 Posted by The_Nubster (2264 posts) -

@TheStarman said:

@mosespippy: Sure thing. My friend introduced me to this girl and we started talking. As we got to know each other, I started to really like her and I think she likes me too. Unfortunately, another friend of mine tried to "help" me "get the girl" without me wanting him to, this led to the girl thinking that I asked my friend to "help," and resulted in her thinking I'm a creeper and pretty much killed any chance of us ever being friends, let alone going out. However lately she has been acting like she is going to give me a second chance.

If she's been acting like she's going to give you another chance, then it seems like you should stick with it.

#10 Posted by mtcantor (948 posts) -

This whole thing feels like the sort of situation that comes up in middle school. Seriously, none of this is a big deal. Just talk to her like a human being.

#11 Posted by Canteu (2821 posts) -

I read "Intelligence level must be high", "Walmart" and "Hardcore Christian".

That's about as much as I could take.

#12 Posted by TheStarman (6 posts) -

Something I forgot to mention in the original post: There is at least one other guy at work who likes her, he has been hitting on her for the couple of months and even asked her out (to which she said no). He thinks he's a stud and brags about how he allegedly slept with 22 different girls and he thinks he is cool because he is cool because he is "going into the Marines." I didn't mention it, because I don't think I have much to worry about from him, all he wants is to "bang her" and move on, or at least that's what he says.

#13 Posted by TheStarman (6 posts) -

@Canteu said:

I read "Intelligence level must be high", "Walmart" and "Hardcore Christian".

That's about as much as I could take.

I know, it's kind of an oxymoron "intelligent Christian," but there are actually a few of them out there.

#14 Posted by BradBrains (1069 posts) -

ask her out. if she says no whatever move on. I dont have to read a post to know that. the worst she can say is no.

threads like these are kinda silly.

#15 Edited by believer258 (11999 posts) -
let alone dating advice,

Can't say that I really read past that.

#16 Posted by Zenogiasu (193 posts) -

Duder. I gotta tell ya, she doesn't seem interested. I'd back off, lest you creep her out more.

#17 Posted by Zenogiasu (193 posts) -

@believer258 said:

let alone dating advice,

Can't say that I really read past that.

<3

#18 Posted by mosespippy (4286 posts) -

@mtcantor said:

This whole thing feels like the sort of situation that comes up in middle school. Seriously, none of this is a big deal. Just talk to her like a human being.

This. Once you stop trying to "get the girl" and start acting like yourself she will either like you for who you are and you'll become closer or she'll move on as well. Either way, just stop acting like it's grade 8.

And I'm speaking from experience. I was just like you back in the day.

#19 Posted by Manloi (44 posts) -

Man, My advice for you, Treat her (Claire) as a human being instead of "girl".

In my past, I met these females in my life (not serious dating). I felt like, I read too much into it and think too much about her. It led me into a very bad situation. Now, we did not even contact each other. Life lesson told me one thing, girl is human too. I understand that you want to find the right person. But ask yourself, why you want to date her? It's get to know her. When you get to know her, she might not be the person who you think she is.

Life is not just about girl. When you are being who you are and listen to her "just be a friend first, then we'll see", you will feel better.

Love is a two way street, my friend. Sometime, honesty isn't everything a woman what. Treat her like a friend or co-worker, she might appreciate you more. In the same time, keep yourself open to other girl. You might not who comes along.

About your creepy friend, you should never mention about girl with him anymore. It only make matter worst.

#20 Posted by falserelic (5468 posts) -

Its not like you got anything to lose go for it.

#21 Edited by Manloi (44 posts) -

@believer258: God damn, man, you are awesome. Ryan Davis is your love guide. But Damn, $13.55 per sec.

@believer258 said:

let alone dating advice,
#22 Posted by believer258 (11999 posts) -

@Manloi said:

@believer258: God damn, man, you are awesome. Ryan Davis is your love guide.

I can't take credit for that picture. I don't know who created it or where it first popped up, but for a while there was a plethora of "I need girl advice" threads all over the place and that picture inevitably got posted in every one of them.

#23 Posted by dekkadekkadekka (736 posts) -

Touch her shoulder?

#24 Posted by falserelic (5468 posts) -
#25 Posted by supamon (1333 posts) -

@believer258 said:

let alone dating advice,

Can't say that I really read past that.

Aaaah, something I can rely on in the face of a wall of text!

#26 Edited by BraveToaster (12589 posts) -

Naw, I'm not reading all of that.

#27 Posted by championfetus (248 posts) -

Are you sure you didn't copy and paste some sort of high school themed anime plot?

#28 Posted by GnomeonFire (769 posts) -

Make a pie chart. Statistics are hot, it'll turn her on.

#29 Posted by Dots (115 posts) -

A teenage drama series?

#30 Edited by BaneFireLord (2952 posts) -
@TheStarman: Sorry, answered tl;dr before actually noticing you had posted something.   I had a somewhat similar situation a few months back (right down to the "hardcore Christian" detail) and  I  would recommend saying "fuck it" and moving on with your life. You don't want to inadvertently make things more awkward, especially considering you have to work with her. On the other hand, in my circumstance, I knew I was moving out of the state a few months later, so I didn't have any incentive to keep pursuing my crush.
#31 Posted by Landon (4152 posts) -

I say move on. Leon seems to have caused too much damage, and Claire seems completely uninterested in you outside of being just a friend. Unrequited love can hurt, but you should look for someone else.

#32 Posted by pyromagnestir (4327 posts) -

I sent a copy of this post to James Joyce (we're pen pals, despite the fact that he's been dead for 70+ years) and he told me to tell you "Dude, get a fucking editor. Shit's got entirely too much words happening in it." That's how he really speaks. Well mostly, anyway, as I chose to edit out some of the real offensive words. He is Irish, after all.

Normally these things are kinda fun, but that's just way too much.

But from what I've gathered... Talk to girl like she was a human being, and not like she's a walking vagina that also can talk (honestly, that's a frightening thought, but also I think I've just come up with the concept for a new comedy central cartoon) and be satisfied with whatever comes of that sounds like decent advice.

#33 Posted by binhoker (82 posts) -

She is a Christian and therefore a scrofulous mess, destroy her for propagating inculcating filth. Also get used to having guys with balls bang chicks you like. Its just easier that way.

#34 Posted by Klei (1768 posts) -

@mtcantor said:

This whole thing feels like the sort of situation that comes up in middle school. Seriously, none of this is a big deal. Just talk to her like a human being.

This is exactly the right answer to this situation. This is borderline immature, especially the part with ''Leon''s bet. Also, she's a co-worker. If there's something I learned in life, its that you shouldn't date co-workers until you're out of this job.

#35 Posted by TheHumanDove (2523 posts) -

I just dont see how girl problems couldn't be dumbed down to a paragraph or two.

#36 Posted by Dexter_Morgan_ (314 posts) -

@Ravenlight said:

Kill her and wear her skin so you can be together forever.

...

Or, you know, just talk to her and tell her what's on your mind.

Would you do me?

I would do me...

I would do me so F***N hard.

#37 Posted by TehFlan (1944 posts) -

@Zenogiasu said:

Duder. I gotta tell ya, she doesn't seem interested. I'd back off, lest you creep her out more.

@TheStarman said:

I know, it's kind of an oxymoron "intelligent Christian,"

Especially with that attitude.

#38 Edited by mandude (2669 posts) -

Personally, I would recommend not talking to her at all. There are three people constantly at her over something that should be intimate and personal. She's probably smothered as fuck.

@pyromagnestir: Fuck, I thought treating women like they were talking vaginas was the solution to being the socially awkward nerd type. (And if James Joyce recommends editing, you know something is fucking dire).

#39 Edited by Samael2138 (233 posts) -

Aaaahhhhh.............the naivete of youth!

My advice would be to quit trying. Women seem drawn to apathy for some reason. Although, like most things, its a binary system. She either digs you, or she doesn't. Only 2 possible outcomes:

  • You keep pushing and she gets uncomfortable
  • You chill out and just be friends, which may lead to a relationship, but from what you've said, I doubt it

Don't forget, YOU'RE 20!!! You have your whole life ahead of you, and there are 7 Billion + people on this planet. Going out of your way for 1 woman that has a contradictory religious paradigm from you is not really worth it. Trust me, that will always be a point of disagreement. Chin up, mate! You've got plenty of time to find someone else.

(Edit: 100 post! Sweet!!)

#40 Posted by Sweep (8927 posts) -

My advice (Other than that you fake your own death) is to not copy and paste your relationship-crisis on multiple different websites. Besides the fact that it's spam, it indicates that you have no real interest in the community here and are just dredging the internet for attention.

Not today, sir!

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