So it's my friends birthday this weekend, and I have to get him something. However due to an evil car, I currently find myself without a job. So I decided I'd write him a short story. The problem is I'm kind of out of practice, I haven't written anything since NaNoWriMo, and I don't think the story came out very well. I can't show it to my friends, because they can't keep a secret, and showing it to my family didn't help at all because they won't say anything bad about it. I was hoping some of you cool duders could help me out, it's about 5 pages, and any advice would be appreciated.
Here's the google doc: Link