Posted by falserelic (5333 posts) 1 year, 25 days ago

Poll: If you have constant arguments in your relationship, would you breakup with that person? (109 votes)

Might as well move on, instead of wasting time trying to fix things when its not getting better. 35%
Nah I wouldn't breakup without trying to improve the relationship first. 33%
If it wasn't for having kids I probably would have the thought crossed my mind. 6%
Well it all depends on my situation if I decide to stay. 28%

I just never understood why stay in a relationship with someone if its going downhill. My friend has been having problems with his girlfriend, and he seems like he's on the verge of snapping. I've told him plenty of times to break it off with her before it gets any worse, but he refuses to listen. At that point I told him don't ask me again about his relationship. It annoys me hearing him talk about the same issues with his girlfriend, even though me and other friends already told him to move on.

If he end's up having a kid with her then its his fault.

#1 Posted by EvilNiGHTS (1093 posts) -

Your best cause of action is to take the girlfriend's side in arguments, then in a moment of weakness you can easily seduce her.

#2 Posted by falserelic (5333 posts) -

Your best cause of action is to take the girlfriend's side in arguments, then in a moment of weakness you can easily seduce her.

Thinking about it that does sound like a good tactic LOL!

#3 Edited by Jojojimmeny (60 posts) -

Personally I think it would depend heavily on the circumstances (and moreover the content of the arguments).. In the case of your friend (and this poll), I would say yes they should probably both move on (assuming that these are arguments that simply leave both of them angry or upset), but I don't think it's necessarily a better relationship if someone just agrees with everything you say - no-one can be right all the time, and ideally your partner should know you better than anyone, and therefore is probably the person most likely to be able to tell when you need to see things from a different point of view.

Basically, some arguments can be helpful, but constantly arguing means you're probably not compatible.

Also, this is just how I see things, and I understand different people are looking for different things from relationships.

#4 Posted by Veektarius (4615 posts) -

Breaking up sucks, it's not hard to understand why people don't do it. That doesn't mean moving on is the wrong thing to do, though.

#5 Edited by EvilNiGHTS (1093 posts) -

@falserelic said:

@evilnights said:

Your best cause of action is to take the girlfriend's side in arguments, then in a moment of weakness you can easily seduce her.

Thinking about it that does sound like a good tactic LOL!

Seriously though, son, don't F with your BFF's GF.

Arguments are inevitably part of the relationship dynamic, some more than others. One needs to consider several factors:

  • Length of relationship / level of commitment
  • Obligations (kids, mortgages, domestic situation etc)
  • Overall happiness

Happiness been the most important one really. The one constant of relationships is that they fail sooner or later, so if he's genuinely unhappy he should get out. It's not a locked door if he has kids or whatever: divorced parents are increasingly common, in fact my parents are divorced and... well, at least my sister turned out all right.

Of course, I say this as someone who has had only two short relationships in the last ten years, so I'm a rather pathetic authority on the subject.

#6 Edited by Rick_Fingers (524 posts) -

Arguments mean nothing - it is the reason behind them that matters.

My wife and I (ten years together) fight all the time to varying degrees - she is fiery and passionate, I'm a sarcastic prick with a big mouth.

The thing with us is that we always respect each other and we always get past it. We never go to bed angry and we resolve our issues up front instead of letting them fester.

A friend of mine got divorced recently after being together about the same amount of time. He and his wife rarely fought and seemed happy, but when you got either alone and got them talking you could feel the seething resentment and contempt they had for each other specifically because they never talked or argued things out.

All of that is my way of saying that you should always try, but you need to be able to identify the real problems, and you need to be able to work with your partner.

#7 Posted by Marz (5643 posts) -

depends on the arguments, if she was super possessive and always wondering where you go and what your doing all the time that's causing the fighting then yeah i would feel it's cause for concern and would probably get tired of it.

#8 Edited by Humanity (8834 posts) -

Fighting all the time is pretty terrible but having no one there to fight or talk with can often times seem worse.

#9 Posted by Dagbiker (6939 posts) -

I do not beleve in God, and I do not want to make this a religious thread. But this is often why I would imagine he created humans, not as slaves but as partners. Someone to argue with, someone to question him.

But in the end, love, like all things, is a transaction, if he feels he is not getting a fair deal out of the relationship, then he should end the transaction. If he feels he is getting a good deal, he should continue it.

It should really not be your place to medal in the affairs of others, let others be, unless they ask for help, by now he probably knows your position on things. And no amount of telling him will make him act on it. The only other option is to get involved. And that will only direct his anger, and possibly hers, at you.

But that could bring them together, having a common enemy, you.

#10 Posted by TheDudeOfGaming (6078 posts) -

Here's how you deal with it. Each time you're arguing just as the shouting reaches its peak, have angry sex.

#11 Posted by Video_Game_King (36050 posts) -

Sunk cost fallacy? Or something in that neighborhood?

#12 Posted by Chop (1994 posts) -

I fight all the time with everyone, so no.

#13 Posted by Tackchevy (261 posts) -

Depends on the situation and goals. Back when I was serious and looking for something long term, I bailed on relationships that weren't going well and had no potential.

Before that when everything was just fun, I stayed with a girl for a six months longer than was healthy just because she had fantastic breasts and a genuine talent for oral sex.

#14 Edited by falserelic (5333 posts) -

(For me)

I'm not looking for a serious relationship at the moment. There's things in my life I still got to fix, and sense I'm about to be 21 in a few months I just want to have fun. The last thing I want is to be committed at a early age. Unless somehow I end up meeting a chick I really like, but I hope that doesn't happen to soon.

#15 Posted by JasonR86 (9609 posts) -

Yeah, because that would be exhausting. But usually when people use absolutes like 'constant' what ever they are referring to is probably not as consistent as they say.

#16 Posted by MonkeyKing1969 (2571 posts) -

Depends on the people, the arguments they have, and what they mean by 'argument' (verbal, physical, both).

#17 Posted by falserelic (5333 posts) -

If there's physical violence going on in someone's relationship. That's a big red flag that the relationship just went south. There's no improving the relationship at that point. Its only going to get more violent or maybe worse...

#18 Edited by cloudymusic (1051 posts) -

It depends what you mean by "arguments" and "constantly."

All couples fight sometimes, and it's normal. If it's happening on a very frequent basis and/or they get extremely heated/violent, then yeah, something's probably very wrong that with relationship.

#19 Posted by TheSouthernDandy (3795 posts) -

Relationships are complicated but there's a pretty good rule I think you can apply to most situations. Is your life better with the person or is it worse. If you're fighting all the time and it causes you stress what the hell is the point of being in a relationship?

#20 Edited by Fobwashed (1903 posts) -

@video_game_king said:

Sunk cost fallacy? Or something in that neighborhood?

You keep your devil's economics out of this!

#21 Posted by YoThatLimp (1880 posts) -

Arguments mean nothing - it is the reason behind them that matters.

My wife and I (ten years together) fight all the time to varying degrees - she is fiery and passionate, I'm a sarcastic prick with a big mouth.

The thing with us is that we always respect each other and we always get past it. We never go to bed angry and we resolve our issues up front instead of letting them fester.

A friend of mine got divorced recently after being together about the same amount of time. He and his wife rarely fought and seemed happy, but when you got either alone and got them talking you could feel the seething resentment and contempt they had for each other specifically because they never talked or argued things out.

All of that is my way of saying that you should always try, but you need to be able to identify the real problems, and you need to be able to work with your partner.

This, some times me and my wife have shitty weeks, the important thing is neither of us go away from the little fights with contempt or a lack of respect. I think that is the one hurdle I had going from single to married - oh if we fight it isn't the end of the world.

#22 Edited by TorMasturba (1095 posts) -

I voted the top one.
But I would never tell someone what I think when they ask me my opinion of their situation, I've learned to ask them what they're thinking of the whole situation and how the arguments make them feel and then I would ask them what they want to do. He obviously still cares for her, but if he does what you tell him to do then he's weaker for it for not making the decision himself to finally leave her.
It's got to be him who makes the decision without outside influence, otherwise he'll always doubt the decision he made because he took a suggested decision and not his own.

And you're right, if all else fails, just tell him to stop asking you about it if he's going to ignore what is said when he does. He has to make a decision, one way or the other, not both.

#23 Posted by ALJ (10 posts) -

All couples argue to some degree. It's just part of a relationship. It means that they care enough to tell you what's wrong instead of bottling it up and making it worse in the long run. Now if it's constant disagreement about bigger, more important things and there's no end in sight, then there's a problem. When all you can seem to do is argue, that's when you have to both sit down, grab a cup of coffee and talk it out. No yelling, no screeming or cutting eachother off like little kids. Talking. A last attempt at trying to fix all the problems and try to find some common ground. But if after talking things out, you still can't seem to see eye to eye, it's time to end it. No point in continuing when you both know you can't agree on anything. My girlfriend and I argue every now and then but it's only on the smallest things like, "forgetting" to do chores or staying up all night writting on off-topic forums instead of being with her. On bigger matters we always take the time to talk it out and make sure we both agree on all decisions being made. It's all about communication. If both parties can't communicate one anothers problems, then it's a relationship doomed to fail. To finally answer the question, yes. If we can't stop arguing, even after trying to fix everythig, then I would have to end it.

#24 Edited by falserelic (5333 posts) -

I would hate to get into arguments all the time in a relationship, something about that would seem off to me. My friend describes his girlfriend as being very pessimistic, insecure, and needy. I met her a few times she can be cool sometimes, but she does gets on my nerves when she keep asking questions about my friend. It just feels awkward being around her.

I usually try to avoid what she's asking me and just play it off. The last thing I want is to feel like I had something to do with their relationship going bad.

#25 Posted by twangwang (4 posts) -

the most important part is you need to tolerate one another to some extent. If one of don't give up to argue in a situation, there will be no solution to an argument. No couple is perfect. Perfection lies in how much they try to understand one another. So it is better to try to understand the argument point of the spouse and then try to settle it later when calm, rather than argue at that time. I hope that helps

#26 Posted by DeckardsRevolver (28 posts) -

arguing is good

#27 Posted by Fredchuckdave (5339 posts) -

Is there some couple in the universe that doesn't argue frequently?