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#1 Edited by Tireyo (6382 posts) -

No, I’m not gay… and I’m not straight either, nor bisexual. I’m one of those rare people who cannot find anyone attractive, and I avoid intimate relationships at all costs. The uncommon terminology that is referred to people of my type is one who follows celibacy. By no means am I avoiding intimate relationships because of religious purposes, but as I cannot be physically attracted to another being in an eagerly sexual manner. I also do not want to get married. I don’t know how to really explain all of this. I just do not have that drive, want, or need to “settle down” or really love someone in such a romantic manner. I cannot really understand, comprehend, or simply get the fact as to why to love and… mate. I’m amused that people get into these types of relationships, but I just want no part of it in any manner meaning that I do not want a romantic relationship. I’ve pretended to be something I’m not… because all the people I know have this ideology that there is someone out there for everyone, and everyone has the nature of wanting to have sex, as humans are sexual beings. I am the contraction to that ideology. So I am sorry for lying, because not many really understand my situation. I do find the human sexual relations quite revolting in any case, but I understand that it’s in very many people’s nature. I’m one of those very rare people who actually do not want to have sex, want to know what it’s like to have sex, want to really know what it is like to really love and commit, and whatnot. I have no interest at all! The only thing I like to know is peoples reasoning as to the real reason why they love and commit to another, course I get the same answer over and over... but still its amusing cause answers can be funny!

I don’t want to be considered heartless, as I have a very big heart. The fact that I’m like no one else, which is probably why I’m truly the insane one, shouldn’t alter any opinions about me. Do not pity me, do not think that I need to “get laid”… because you’ll have to strap and rape me to do that which I’ll hate very much, and do not feel sad for me… because I do not want an intimate relationship or have any type of sexual relations with anyone. I’m still the same, loveable, crazy, insane, moronic, and everything else you can think about me that you the people have come to like and in some cases dislike about me. Some of you may already know about my situation, and some may not. Ones do not know now knows! YAY!

So what do you all think about my situation? What do you think my parents and family would think if I told them all this? You think it would tear them apart? Really what do you all think, because I’m curious! No one has really told me to tell me, if that makes since. Also, ask me anything about this situation!

Love you all, and until next time.

Tyler

I love this song!

#2 Posted by MideonNViscera (2257 posts) -

Isn't that called asexual? I seriously doubt your parents would have a problem if you explained it to them. It's nothing to be ashamed of, and it doesn't feel like something society looks down upon. It's not like the urge to fuck makes anybody a good person. It's not like we need to populate the Earth either. I can't see anybody but the most crazed religious zealots having a problem with it, and only on the grounds that you're "wasting god's gift of life" or whatever the fuck they pull out of their ass, and those people simply don't count.

#3 Posted by BeachThunder (11264 posts) -

Sounds like thisis what you're talking about.

#4 Edited by X19 (2304 posts) -

I think being strapped down and raped by a beautiful women is a good idea. It might awaken your senses and you might be better for it.
 
Failing that I think finding a girl you really get on with would be a good start. Before you know it you would of fallen in love with her and not even know it. Yeah join up with some meet up group for hobbies you like doing.
 
Oh and it could be a body thing so eat well, exercise and stop jacking off XD Shit cut down on Video Games too because they can put you in an emotion coma imo.

#5 Posted by drag (1223 posts) -

it's called asexual and also, in your case, aromantic.

not as uncommon as you may think.

#6 Posted by FluxWaveZ (19156 posts) -

Love is dumb and sex is dumb.

That is all.

#7 Edited by selfconfessedcynic (2494 posts) -

*scratches my head* I'm not sure this is the right forum for something like this, to be honest. Perhaps the higher-than-average density of people with relatively high IQs - as I suspect these forums are - is a contributing factor, but in general, discussions like this are best done with close friends and family. But hell, maybe anonymity is the key point here.

In any case, if you for some reason value the opinion of a someone like me (a random on the internet), I'll give it.

The first thing I'll say is "you're not a freak, and noone is normal". Maybe it's just me, but I sense... well your post sounds two parts defensive, one part self loathing and a whole bunch of just plain confused (not to say that it isn't tempered with a level of realization and introspection which is commendable). As you correctly state, your sexual preferences shouldn't colour anyone's feelings towards you, except for those you engage with in that manner. For example, the only reason I would have any opinion of you because of this post is if you were making advances on a woman when you were already certain of your asexuality. That just isn't cool. Otherwise, your friends and family shouldn't bloody give a damn and continue to like you for who you are. Or fuck them.

The second thing I'll say is I somewhat envy you - rather than pity or look down upon you in any way. I can name more times in my life where feelings of a romantic or similar nature have gotten in the way of things or just brought me to crappy situations than the other way around. For most people my age (23), I'd say that it's highly unlikely that their love lives have been amazing, and many would have felt a whole lot of pain.

*shrug* In the end, good for you, I guess. If you're feeling down about it, see a therapist. Should you talk to your friends and family about it? Definitely, but only when you feel comfortable and have a lot of drink handy.

#8 Posted by Rolyatkcinmai (2661 posts) -

Touch no one's shoulder.

#9 Posted by dudeglove (7253 posts) -

Don't play hard-to-get, bay-beh.

#10 Posted by crusader8463 (14308 posts) -

It's your life. As long as you are happy keep doing what you are doing. If you feel that way because you hate yourself or feel like shit, then try forcing yourself to eat better, say yes to things when you normally say no, and getting a little exercise. If you still feel the same way then that's just you. If not, then it's probably depression that's making you feel that way.

I'm in a similar situation where I have never, and will never, purse a relationship with someone but I do still find the odd person attractive physically. I just think so little of myself that I know there's no point in trying to be with them because no one in their right mind would ever want to be with me. Even if I did find someone who was willing to put up with me, and I cared enough about them to want to try and be with them too, I would care too much about them to want them to be stuck with a guy like me; I would want them to do better. I know all the reasons why I feel this way, and for me it's a matter of depression, being butt ugly, and just the shambles my life is in being so bad that if I truly cared about someone I wouldn't want them to have to put up with any of that shit.

I guess I'm saying to just take some time and get a little introspective, and try to figure out why you feel the way you do. If you discover you feel that way because of feeling bad, then try to change it. If you discover it's just not a thing for you, then have at it.

#11 Posted by Jimi (1126 posts) -

You are the 1%

#12 Posted by TheDudeOfGaming (6077 posts) -
@FluxWaveZ said:

Love is dumb and sex is awesome.

That is all.

Dar we go.
#13 Posted by Video_Game_King (34605 posts) -

There's actually a word for what you're describing: asexuality. I'm emotionally asexual, I guess (I'm just interested in sex and don't really care for emotional ties for reasons I'm not gonna get into).

#14 Posted by BeachThunder (11264 posts) -

@Video_Game_King said:

There's actually a word for what you're describing: asexuality. I'm emotionally asexual, I guess (I'm just interested in sex and don't really care for emotional ties for reasons I'm not gonna get into).

IT'S BECAUSE YOU"RE FROM THE MOON

#15 Posted by MideonNViscera (2257 posts) -

@BeachThunder said:

@Video_Game_King said:

There's actually a word for what you're describing: asexuality. I'm emotionally asexual, I guess (I'm just interested in sex and don't really care for emotional ties for reasons I'm not gonna get into).

IT'S BECAUSE YOU"RE FROM THE MOON

Cecil loved Rosa!!!

#16 Posted by TehFlan (1944 posts) -
Seems like a weird thing to need to come out about. I mean it's out of the ordinary, but I can't think of a reason anyone would look down on you for it.
@Rolyatkcinmai said:

Touch no one's shoulder.

I chuckled.
#17 Posted by Video_Game_King (34605 posts) -

@MideonNViscera said:

@BeachThunder said:

@Video_Game_King said:

There's actually a word for what you're describing: asexuality. I'm emotionally asexual, I guess (I'm just interested in sex and don't really care for emotional ties for reasons I'm not gonna get into).

IT'S BECAUSE YOU"RE FROM THE MOON

Cecil loved Rosa!!!

Exactly, just like Kluya loved some Earth pussy.

#18 Posted by BraveToaster (12590 posts) -

@Tireyo643 said:

I cannot really understand, comprehend, or simply get the fact as to why to love.

Love you all, and until next time.

Quit playing with our emotions, broseph. Either you love us or you don't.

Anyway, I'm sure that you're not the only person who thinks that way. You want a cookie or something?

#19 Edited by Arbie (1449 posts) -

One of those rare people eh! As someone has already said, it sounds like you're asexual and that's no big deal, it's not entirely uncommon.

I hope that if you do talk to your family and friends about it they're understanding. Good luck!

Edit: Forgot I had a question! If in the future you found yourself having feelings for someone, would you dismiss them because you have come to the conclusion now that this is how you are or would you accept that you had maybe changed and enter into a relationship?

#20 Posted by SlasherMan (1725 posts) -

@Video_Game_King said:

There's actually a word for what you're describing: asexuality. I'm emotionally asexual, I guess (I'm just interested in sex and don't really care for emotional ties for reasons I'm not gonna get into).

Aromantic is the word you're looking for.

OP, out of curiosity, is your disinterest in sexuality limited to sexual intercourse with another person, or does it also extend to not needing any "personal gratification"?

I think if anything, many people would just envy you. It's one less thing to worry about in your life, honestly.

#21 Posted by r0k1ll (380 posts) -

You need to get laid.

#22 Posted by Tireyo (6382 posts) -

I just want to say that I'll reply to you all when I have the time on your wall. Thanks!

#23 Posted by Juicebox (485 posts) -

Yeah i think you're one of the asssexual people.

#24 Posted by Jadeskye (4359 posts) -

@Tireyo643: It's not uncommon, One of my best friends is Asexual and has explained it in a manner very similarly to yourself. Doesn't make her any less awesome. Just gotta find what works for you in life.

#25 Posted by BeachThunder (11264 posts) -

@Erzs said:

Edit: Forgot I had a question! If in the future you found yourself having feelings for someone, would you dismiss them because you have come to the conclusion now that this is how you are or would you accept that you had maybe changed and enter into a relationship?

I couldn't imagine that situation to be much different from a straight person suddenly finding they're attracted to someone of the same gender.

#26 Posted by Winternet (7936 posts) -

What about animals? What are your feelings towards them? It's ok, you're among friends. Just let it all out.

#27 Posted by CaLe (3678 posts) -

I'm the same. People are always surprised when they find out and say shit like "but you are so good looking" as if that has anything to do with it at all.

#28 Posted by Rawrnosaurous (768 posts) -

Pa does not love fa!

Pa does not love anyone :(

#29 Posted by S0ndor (2715 posts) -

What is the point of living a life devoid of romance? What do you, as an aromantic person, want out of life?

#30 Posted by Animasta (14460 posts) -

@S0ndor said:

What is the point of living a life devoid of romance? What do you, as an aromantic person, want out of life?

There's plenty of life goals for someone without romantic interests. I have no interest in dating either, for the moment at least, but I certainly have goals

#31 Posted by Ben99 (1133 posts) -

I might be the tenth person to say it's asexuality though I'm not sure about the emotional part as we are, by nature, social animals. Would you prefer loneliness over the company of someone you care about?

#32 Posted by doobie (605 posts) -

you didn't say how old you are.

maybe you have yet to reach sexual maturity.

#33 Posted by Aetheldod (3339 posts) -

A stupid question ... If you look at a "beautiful " person do you just dont think of them as a person and just think that it is an object? Or other people you see them as objects , as there is no need for attachment? Do you feel attachment to other living creatures etc.? I know this sounds rather foolish and if it is insulting I apologise , I´ve never met a person with this type of life. Be cool to yourself :)

#34 Posted by Tireyo (6382 posts) -

@doobie: I'm 23 sir.

@Ben99: To answer your question, I would say yes to both. I do want time to myself as I like being alone, and I do like to surround myself with loving and caring people. I just don't want any intimate relationships, but I do not mind close nonsexual relationships.

@Animasta said:

@S0ndor said:

What is the point of living a life devoid of romance? What do you, as an aromantic person, want out of life?

There's plenty of life goals for someone without romantic interests. I have no interest in dating either, for the moment at least, but I certainly have goals

The first sentence of Animasta's reply would apply to me. I want to be successful, loved in a nonsexual manner and respected, and I want to be gracious, courteous, kind, and helpful to others. It's easy to love others without developing any sort of sexual emotion for them. It's like a bond that family members have.

@Rawrnosaurous: Pa does love people, so see the comments I've made to people so far!

@CaLe: I'm not good looking....

@Winternet: I love animals and people, but not in a sexual manner.

@Jadeskye: Exactly. I think it's uncommon for males though.

@Juicebox: I guess that's what it's been classified as so far.

@r0k1ll: No I don't.

#35 Posted by FluxWaveZ (19156 posts) -

@Aetheldod said:

A stupid question ... If you look at a "beautiful " person do you just dont think of them as a person and just think that it is an object? Or other people you see them as objects , as there is no need for attachment? Do you feel attachment to other living creatures etc.? I know this sounds rather foolish and if it is insulting I apologise , I´ve never met a person with this type of life. Be cool to yourself :)

Because one lacks sexual attraction they would think of "attractive" people as objects and not people? How does that make sense?

#36 Posted by S0ndor (2715 posts) -

@Animasta said:

@S0ndor said:

What is the point of living a life devoid of romance? What do you, as an aromantic person, want out of life?

There's plenty of life goals for someone without romantic interests. I have no interest in dating either, for the moment at least, but I certainly have goals

As do we all, I'm sure. I was referring to stuff that you could look back on in your final seconds on this earth and be proud of. For me, this would be to leave behind a wonderful family.

I mean, I go to college and everything, but I certainly have no illusions about changing the world through my future job as a HRM advisor. We can't all be Steve Jobs or Nelson Mandela, after all. Most of us will vanish without a trace. When I look to the people I know, the happiest are the 30-somethings with stable (average) jobs and healthy families. For example, I know a 44 year old guy who, until quite recently, was a millionaire until his entire company crumbled to dust before his eyes. To me, career obsessions equals putting your real life on hold.

I realise this is just my view, hence why I asked my original question. I am sincere in my curiosity.

#37 Posted by Aetheldod (3339 posts) -

@FluxWaveZ: I couldnt find a better way to explain it :/ , dont take it too literaly

#38 Posted by Creamypies (4012 posts) -

@Tireyo643: Maybe this question is getting too intimate... but do you masturbate at all? I mean, you must still have feeling down there, right?

And if the answer is yes, do you use anything as "material"?

I have nothing against the way you are, but I am purely fascinated by the concept that somebody can have literally NO attraction to either sex.

Speaking of which, you should try the sex part... it is pretty good.

#39 Posted by FunExplosions (5407 posts) -

@Tireyo643: We all know you masturbate all the time like the rest of us. What do you think about when you masturbate? Drywall?

#40 Posted by EuanDewar (4509 posts) -

@FunExplosions said:

@Tireyo643: We all know you masturbate all the time like the rest of us. What do you think about when you masturbate? Drywall?

Berlin.

#41 Edited by countinhallways (632 posts) -

@FunExplosions said:

@Tireyo643: We all know you masturbate all the time like the rest of us. What do you think about when you masturbate? Drywall?

The letter A? :/

But seriously dude, sounds like you are pretty comfortable in yourself and your sexuality, so I would say just keep on keeping on. Remain of an open mind and maybe you will meet someone in the future who changes the way you feel, or maybe not. But as long as you are comfortable in yourself then no matter.

Also, as others have alluded to, I think that asexuality is something that a large number of people can relate to on some level. I wouldn't worry too much about the response of your loved ones.

#42 Posted by FunExplosions (5407 posts) -

@EuanDewar: I don't get it.

@countinhallways: I don't get it.

#43 Posted by JasonR86 (9377 posts) -

@Tireyo643: I'm going to sound like a real jerk but I don't mean to. So, before you hear what I say, we cool?

Well, anyway, what I'm wondering is how old are you? I don't mean this is a coy, your too young to know anything sort of way. I'm wondering because this decision is a big one and might mean quite a bit and it might mean different things depending on your age.

If you are exactly how you say you are then cool. That's how you were born, or a decision you made, or whatever and whatever you are in life is great as long as you are happy. But what I'm wondering is if you've convinced yourself that you are incapable of finding another attractive because of the situation you're in (which could be anything) and/or because of your beliefs for what an attractive person needs to be in order to be attractive doesn't match anyone you've seen in person or otherwise (i.e. that 'attractiveness requirement' is unrealistic).

Now, I know that this forum may not be the best place to go down this whole path but I'd hope you'd at least think about some of that (you likely have but just in case) before committing to defining yourself one way or another.

#44 Posted by EuanDewar (4509 posts) -

@FunExplosions said:

@EuanDewar: I don't get it.

@countinhallways: I don't get it.

yeah great

#45 Posted by FunExplosions (5407 posts) -

@EuanDewar said:

@FunExplosions said:

@EuanDewar: I don't get it.

@countinhallways: I don't get it.

yeah great

I still don't get it

#46 Posted by TooWalrus (12973 posts) -

...you'll get over this.

#47 Edited by dagas (2711 posts) -

I'm back and forth every day. Some days I'm like "whatever, why have a girlfriend who tells me I can't play games when I want to or children that needs attention when I want to play games." Then on some days I'm all "fuck wasting my life playing video games, I just want to find true love and all that and live a real life". I can't imagine never wanting a romantic relationship or sex though, but I don't judge or anything.

#48 Posted by FluxWaveZ (19156 posts) -

@TooWalrus said:

...you'll get over this.

That's what my parents told me when I was 12. I'm 18 now.

#49 Posted by Sooty (8082 posts) -

@Tireyo643 said:

No, I’m not gay… and I’m not straight either, nor bisexual. I’m one of those rare people who cannot find anyone attractive, and I avoid intimate relationships at all costs. The uncommon terminology that is referred to people of my type is one who follows celibacy. By no means am I avoiding intimate relationships because of religious purposes, but as I cannot be physically attracted to another being in an eagerly sexual manner. I also do not want to get married. I don’t know how to really explain all of this. I just do not have that drive, want, or need to “settle down” or really love someone in such a romantic manner. I cannot really understand, comprehend, or simply get the fact as to why to love and… mate. I’m amused that people get into these types of relationships, but I just want no part of it in any manner meaning that I do not want a romantic relationship. I’ve pretended to be something I’m not… because all the people I know have this ideology that there is someone out there for everyone, and everyone has the nature of wanting to have sex, as humans are sexual beings. I am the contraction to that ideology. So I am sorry for lying, because not many really understand my situation. I do find the human sexual relations quite revolting in any case, but I understand that it’s in very many people’s nature. I’m one of those very rare people who actually do not want to have sex, want to know what it’s like to have sex, want to really know what it is like to really love and commit, and whatnot. I have no interest at all! The only thing I like to know is peoples reasoning as to the real reason why they love and commit to another, course I get the same answer over and over... but still its amusing cause answers can be funny!

I don’t want to be considered heartless, as I have a very big heart. The fact that I’m like no one else, which is probably why I’m truly the insane one, shouldn’t alter any opinions about me. Do not pity me, do not think that I need to “get laid”… because you’ll have to strap and rape me to do that which I’ll hate very much, and do not feel sad for me… because I do not want an intimate relationship or have any type of sexual relations with anyone. I’m still the same, loveable, crazy, insane, moronic, and everything else you can think about me that you the people have come to like and in some cases dislike about me. Some of you may already know about my situation, and some may not. Ones do not know now knows! YAY!

So what do you all think about my situation? What do you think my parents and family would think if I told them all this? You think it would tear them apart? Really what do you all think, because I’m curious! No one has really told me to tell me, if that makes since. Also, ask me anything about this situation!

Love you all, and until next time.

Tyler

I love this song!

That's pretty gay, dude.

#50 Posted by Tireyo (6382 posts) -

@Creamypies: @FunExplosions: I don't mind sharing my input. I will answer in the most adult manner possible. Like any other human male on the planet, yes I do get erections... I do not really do anything about it though. I don't really think about anything when my other head gets harder and larger. So no, I don't masturbate because I don't see the sense in it.