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#1 Posted by narley (331 posts) -

So. I'm an engineering student. Mechatronics engineering, its about robots mostly. I'm doing very well at school and I'm proud of what I'm studying. I'm in my 20s however, and the reason I'm still a student is because of a few things. First, I had a wild teenage life that made me go through a few high school due to conduct and such. During that time, I spent about a year more or less helping my father on a business venture and out of school. I remember that I offered my help cause it seemed that he needed it. After refusing once saying that I had to stay in school, he accepted the second time I asked because he knew he needed it. In teary eyes, he told me he would make it up to me. After that year passed, he sold the store and went back to engineering (he's an electronics engineer) and it took me 2 more years to graduate high school.

Some time later, when I finally applied and got accepted into the university that I wanted to go to, He was proud of me and said he would help in any way that he could, but was in between jobs at the moment. I remember I sold my Hacked PSP to pay for some stuff I would need. I worked on the weekends at a swap met so that It wouldn't interfere with school too much. When that fell through my attention was centered completely on school and by then my father had already found a job. Things were picking up.

Things where great until I had an accident and got booted from school for missing 2 semesters due to surgeries. A corrupt and exceedingly bureaucratic system got the better of me and I ended up loosing 4 semesters of progress. I was studying electronics engineering.

In a way that was a good thing (excluding the pain, near death experience, and the month of battling the urge of accepting help from a few shady characters to have the person responsible for the accident pay). Due to that incident, I landed in a new university, who didn't accept any credits earned in my previous school because of a different system. This new school is where I'm studying mechatronics engineering. I feel that I've learned much more than In the previous school and it has re kindled my interest in engineering. The thing is, I still have 2 years to go. My father keeps saying that its ok, and since he can, he can continue to pay for my school and expenses as long as I keep working hard. But every time I think about all the time I've spent in this student position, and not working, it makes me feel bad. I spend as little $ as possible and rarely ask for supplies or anything school related. Rarely go out, And I try to help them in just about anything they need or want help with. I feel that I should get a job, but I spend lots of time working hard at school, competing mostly with 1 or 2 guys for the top spot in every class. Getting a job means that doing that would very hard.

I already told my parents that the only reason I work so hard at school is so that I can take care of them when they're older. I want them to be happy and be more at ease about their expenses, wich at the moment include me. Getting a job makes me feel that if Doing good at school becomes too dificult because of it, then all the time I've spend as a student was for nothing.

I need the help of the giant bomb community and an outside opinion.

If I'm 20 something and still 2 years away from graduating, Should I get a job before then,or should look the other way for now and pay them back 10 times fold when I'm an engineer?

Thanks for taking the time to read this and replying.

#2 Posted by Vinny_Says (5911 posts) -

You're 20 something and still a student? Unbelievable....

#3 Posted by Vodun (2393 posts) -

@narley: The only people it needs to be OK with is your parents. No need to give two fucks what anyone else thinks. I worked summer and stray jobs for my first three years of university studies, but then last two I moved back with my parents. The new school was in my old home town and it was just impossible to find a cheap apartment so it seemed like the best idea.

Now I have a job in what I studied for, my own place and I pay my parents a little something each month as thanks for helping me. They never complained or ever asked for anything, this is simply for my own peace of mind.

#4 Posted by Inkerman (1492 posts) -

My parents are paying for my schooling, I lived at home for the first 2 years of Uni, I'm now overseas studying and my parents are paying for that. I'll need to get a job when I go back, but I figure my way of paying them back was to focus on school during my high school years (I did very well) rather than getting a high school job (which my parents actually suggested that).

@Vinny_Says said:

You're 20 something and still a student? Unbelievable....

I finish my undergrad and I'll be 23...

#5 Posted by Sooty (8195 posts) -

No there's nothing wrong with it. It's more common than you might think.

#6 Posted by TaliciaDragonsong (8734 posts) -

Can you fit in a job in your sparetime? Do you feel up to it? Will it affect your studies? 
Go for it if possible, I had part time jobs as well when I was studying, the extra money is always welcome and you can always put it in a savings account if you're thinking of the future.
Its not wrong though, I've known people to live of wellfare checks for like 10 years while still letting their parents pay for everything.
You seem genuine and dedicated so you should be able to find the solution that's best for your parents and yourself.
As @Vodun: said, talk to them and try to get somewhere together.

#7 Posted by Claude (16632 posts) -

You're good. I would be your parent.

#8 Posted by castermhief117 (791 posts) -

You are fine and you sound like you have your priorities straight. Do whatever that makes your dad proud. Would he be happier if you worked on the side and support him or if you worked really hard at school and got the job of your dreams?  
It's up to you. Personally, I would do the latter.  
Stay in school and make sure no more incidents happen. Then live the good life with your parents.

#9 Posted by Shivoa (695 posts) -

If you can do some work without it impacting on your education then it can build character and also be reasonably fun (depending on what kind of fun you like) but really it's a matter of if your parents can manage the burden. Much better to be indebted to your parents than to a profit-seeking bank or state loan system for your education needs. People should try and achieve the most they can from education, even if it takes them all of their 20s with little monetary income (not sure what you local system is like, where I live then post-grad often is funded rather than using loans to allow people without parents of wealth to also explore academia so at a certain point you stop getting into debt and tread water).

Sounds like you're doing fine at it is right now and focussed on learning as much as you can and achieving results that will likely make getting a well paying or exciting job in the future easier. Or maybe you'll never earn that much but will go into education and help train up the next generation. We all give back in different ways.

#10 Posted by TruthTellah (9665 posts) -

It is still okay. You are in good company with many in the world. The big thing is simply that you're working toward something. Just don't get in a rut, focus on your goals, and you'll do fine. Life doesn't go exactly as planned all the time. Just be happy that your parents are so accommodating and work to repay them in the future with your own success as an individual.

Good luck with it.

#11 Posted by narley (331 posts) -

Thanks for your reply s guys. What I'm getting out of this is that I should concentrate on school but keep an open mind about working and getting a job if necessary or if possible. Are there more opinions out there?

#12 Posted by _Zombie_ (1473 posts) -

If your parents don't mind, and encourage you to pursue your education as a priority.. I wouldn't worry too much about it. I mean, realistically, I might not be out of the house until 20.. and I'm starting with community college. My parents have accepted this, and aren't pushing it. If your parents do the same, then it's not a big problem.

#13 Posted by Grillbar (1990 posts) -

yeah is fine since your a student and at least your thinking about the fact that your living there and not just taking advantage of your parents.

#14 Posted by Strife777 (1794 posts) -

If you're still studying it's absolutely no problem. Otherwise, late 20s starts to get a little much. In your 30s you have to be out of there though.

I'm 21 and studying at the moment.

#15 Posted by TheHumanDove (2521 posts) -

I thought everyone graduated university and were out of the house by 19.


#16 Posted by Lunar_Aura (2824 posts) -

If you think you can do more and "feel bad" about it, then chances are you can do more. So do more.

I think if you're confident enough in getting a high paying job later, all your focus should be on your education and not on a job that has nothing to do with your field to rob time and energy away from what you would rather be doing,

Cost is money, energy, and time. We can't tell you what you can handle, so hopefully you know your limits and balance each accordingly.

#17 Posted by Tim_the_Corsair (3053 posts) -

If your parents are struggling you should probably get something to contribute; so to if you are like constantly hitting them up for cash so you can go out.

Otherwise duder, you're doing a good thing with the right priorities in spite of major setbacks. I'm sure your parents are proud of you and their support of you is completely sincere. You sound like a good guy, good luck with it all mate.

#18 Edited by Toxin066 (3403 posts) -

School first. Your job is to be a student. A working elsewhere would just be a distraction.

#19 Posted by BrainSonata (108 posts) -
You're good. I would be your parent.
Mum or Dad cause I got the other.
#20 Posted by kindnivore (2954 posts) -

@Toxin066 said:

School first. Your job is to be a student. A working elsewhere would just be a distraction.

#21 Edited by Aetheldod (3914 posts) -

Im of the type that you must always be fully commited to 1 thing ... but if you can find some odd jobs here and there that doesnt take to much of your study time then go for it , also you never may know what you will learn from jobs that has nothing to do with your studies , all knowledge is good I say. Also I see no wrong in you living with your folks even if you were 30-40 or whatever , as long as they are cool with it I see no problem with that (also I thinks it is foolish idea that once you hit x age you have to go out of your folks place no matter the cost which by is rather stupid , but that does not mean you shouldn´t help out tho) Just remember , to our parents we will be always their child no matter the age , so if they are of the good kind they will be always happy to help out , also you have shown responsibility when needed so I think your folks would be quite proud. :D

#22 Posted by matti00 (677 posts) -

I had a part time job while I was at university and I was one of the top in my class, is US university that difficult?

Anyway, I wouldn't feel too bad about it. As long as your parents want you to do well at school, they'll be happy to keep you there. And if it gets difficult towards the end, you could take out a loan. If you're doing this well in your studies you should be able to find a decent job and pay it off. Chin up guy, sounds like you've had it pretty hard, but the results will make it all worthwhile.

#23 Posted by Korolev (1800 posts) -

Do not be afraid of moving slowly. Only be afraid of not moving at all.

#24 Posted by CatsAkimbo (703 posts) -

As long as you don't squander it and start showing up to classes drunk, skipping studying for exams to attend parties, etc. you're fine. I've seen too many people not give a fuck in classes and I always wonder what the hell they're doing, and assume they're leeching off their parents because no one would throw away money like that on purpose.

Getting a job is always a good thing too. If you can find an internship related to the job you want, you'll have experience that gives you a leg-up when you're going to graduate. Definitely visit your career services office and ask about internships/job listings for your degree.

#25 Posted by mutha3 (5025 posts) -

I don't think living off you parents is a problem at all if they don't mind it. Especially if you have such a clear goal in mind like you do now and a promising career path ahead of you.

#26 Posted by Fattony12000 (7976 posts) -

Oh no, being safe and secure and fed and watered and supported by your loving parents whilst the shit storm of a global recession rages around you. Getting a house is hard, getting and keeping a job is hard, money is hard. If your parents say it's okay for them to do this, accept it and show your thankfulness when you land a good job.

#27 Posted by Dunchad (542 posts) -

It's stuff like this that really drives home how fucking great it is that we have completely free education. I'm 26 and have been working for the past 7 years - but because I'm sick of my current career, I'm now planning on going to university and getting a degree in something else. And not only is it free, but because it is for a higher degree than what I currently have, goverment will provide me with financial support (~500€/month), so the time I have to spend in part-time jobs while studying is greatly diminished.

But anyway, I don't think you should worry - most parents want what is best for their kids. If they figure that kicking you out is what you need, then that's what they'll do - since that hasn't happened yet, I imagine they know you'll leave on your own once you finish school.

#28 Posted by cmblasko (1589 posts) -

Maybe I missed something in the OP, but can't you apply for student loans? You will be paying more in the long run, but at least you can alleviate some of the immediate pressure from both yourself and your parents. Getting a part-time job is a great option but ONLY as long as it doesn't affect your academics.

#29 Posted by CL60 (17120 posts) -

My aunt is 48 and still lives with her parents. Just dont be her.

#30 Posted by RIDEBIRD (1252 posts) -

Man, the situation for students in the US sucks. Here in communist Sweden anyone can get an education and not burden their parents (I have anyway at certain times because I'm spoiled).

I'd say your fine man, don't get a job, as it sounds as your studies are quite demanding. Mine are bullshit so I can and have had two extra jobs, but I've been out of em for a year now because it was getting stressful with multiple deadlines all the time. Money is way too tight however so I'm getting one again now, but I wouldn't if my studies weren't super easy and took more then <10 hours a week. It's good to focus on one thing.

#31 Posted by KingKavik (23 posts) -

20 something? The rules go as follows:

25 and under it's ok

Once you hit 26 then you are to immediately shame yourself and drop out of school and get a mediocre job so you can live in a crappy apartment. Even if you turn 26 one month before graduating. Even if you are a graduate student. You also have to post regrettable pictures of yourself on Facebook to show off that you spend half your paycheck on crappy beer and stupid tattoos.

Thems the rules. Sorry I had to be the one to tell you. :(

#32 Posted by DeanoXD (662 posts) -

In my opinion since you seem to be working hard on your education its not like your just sitting around all day playing video games and freeloading. But when summer breaks roll around you should be getting a summer job and giving some back to your parents and also you can bank some money for your next school year allowing to have some extra cash. And once you are done school and working there is no better feeling then getting out on your own.

#33 Posted by BionicRadd (627 posts) -

If you get a job, make it something trivial that you can quit at the drop of a hat. Most of my friends with engineering degrees acted like their last year was kinda crazy due to projects and such needed for their various classes. Still, at the very least, you can probably squeeze in a weekend job somewhere so you're not completely living off your parents. School needs to be number one, though.

#34 Posted by Jazz (2336 posts) -

I have a full time job as a legal clerk and I still need to be supported. My monthly pay covers my rent and paying off my Uni loans. I couldn't exist otherwise.

That said my pay is horrendous for what I do...

#35 Posted by SathingtonWaltz (2167 posts) -

My rule is that if you still live with your parents after the age of 25, you may need to rethink your personal decisions in life. I personally moved out when I was 19, but everyone's situation is different so it depends. Still, I think 25 is a good marking point.

#36 Posted by lunalicrichard (194 posts) -

Normally , i would say : "get your lazy ass out of your parents house and get a job ! " , but not this time !

You seem like you really want to do it another way ,but you are not able too , due to your accident and helping others . And that's a good thing . So as long as you're not mooching of your parents wallet , just because you are to to lazy to take care of yourself , it is no problem and you should not care what other people think . Wich is a rule i apply in most of my life , by the way .

Since you are trying to get a degree, you should concentrate on that as much as posible , so you don't take up more time then neccesary .

So ,keep your head up and get that paper !

#37 Posted by Hunkulese (2968 posts) -
@narley You're not being a dick about it and you appreciate what they're doing for you. Leech off them as long as you can.
#38 Posted by mandude (2670 posts) -

I'd say you're more than grand. If you feel that you could take a job, then go for it, but if you feel you'd be better at the end of the course for having been committed to only one thing, then I'd do that.

#39 Posted by Vanek (409 posts) -

I know a lot of people that moved out early just because enough people told them it was bad to be living at home in your 20's. It didn't end well for most of them. They either ended up forced to move back home when things went bad or trapped in a horrible job with no options.

I'm 23 and I've just finished college and I don't mind the fact I live at home. I have a part time job and have no intention of moving out until I find a proper job and get a bit of money behind me. I want to move out but I'm only leaving when I can do it right. I think with the way things are these days the limit age wise is 27 years old before it becomes a problem. But then, some people have it harder than others, so as long as you're trying and making even a little progress it's fine.

#40 Posted by narley (331 posts) -

You guys are right, studying is my number 1 priority. The reason for this topic is a conversation I had with my older brother. He didn't go through the same things I did. He finished school when he had to, and did so while having a weekend job. His career choice was something about business or administration so it was not as demanding as engineering is.

Having said that, our conversation got a little out of hand and left me with a bad after taste. He said that I was older now, and that I should be contributing to the house. The only reason hes acting like this is because he is moving out soon. Hes 28 and just bought a house and believes that what little money he has provided to our family, is one of the pillars holding the economy in this house. I tried explaining how I felt, that I had this conversation with my dad before and that the outcome was always him telling me to work hard at school, but he got thick headed and kept trying to make me say that I needed a job. I don't feel good about any of this. Things were heating up and I said that I wasn't working because I was grateful to my parents and I didn't believe that him or our younger brother who didn't get into medical school and has to wait a year to try again, will take care of them in the future. And he said that the present was important, not the future. That made me angry and I said that if the present was so important then he should have postponed buying a house and he should have contributed more money to the house instead of squandering it on gifts to his girlfriend, expensive clothes and outings with his friends. Acting like that because hes about to leave made me angry.

Hes been working for years now and though he has contributed to the house, he didn't most of the time because he had bought something or he had gone out. He used to watch the movie Failure to launch with Mathew Mcconaughey so much that I was convinced he felt that he was living that life stile (its a move about a 30 something with a job and everything still living at home and being taken care of by his mom and dad). All those things came to mind and I got angry. I kept saying that I was grateful that he came to me in a respectful way and that I understood his point, but that he had to see it from my point of view and that he had to respect the conversations I had with my dad. His thick headedness made me say at one point, Enough, i don't care any more, and that ended the conversation abruptly. But that didn't matter, the seed was planted. And I already feel bad about it. I cant talk about this with my friends, its a family issue.I cant talk about this with my parents. And now I cant talk about this with my brothers. This feels so bad inside I feel like shit.


And this and friction with past friends at school due to some projects and different opinions happened on the day I got the only 100 on a class that is so hard that I though I had to celebrate. I feel horrible not being able to talk to someone about this face to face. Things have been hard lately and as I write this and my eyes start to water up and a tear rolls down my cheek, I just feel like the light at the end of the tunnel is really far away. And thinking that what I want to do in the future for my parents may not be enough motivation to keep at it, makes me feel even worse. I have to keep trying, I keep telling my self that I'm doing it for them. I sincerely hope that's enough.

I guess the only thing I have left to do is investigate about those student loans, or something that gets this feeling of helplessness out of me. If I'm not contributing yet At least I should not cost them anything.

Thanks for listening or reading guys(:

#41 Posted by narley (331 posts) -

I'd be happy to listen to any other opinions you guys have

#42 Posted by tread311 (376 posts) -

I'm 25 and have work full time/school part time and still live with my parents. They built a new house recently and essentially built an apartment in the basement for me and my long time girlfriend to live in, so I will probably be here a few more years. I pay them decent rent but not as much as I would for an actual apartment. Couldn't afford any more and still stay in school. I don't feel bad about this at all, just gotta do what you gotta do sometimes.

#43 Posted by supamon (1339 posts) -

@narley: I think the fact that you considering this, the reasons you have and that you discussed this with your dad make you pretty alright.

Just make sure the house won't collapse because your family has to pay for your school fees and you're good because the best case scenario is to concentrate full time on studying. I just unofficially graduated this week and I'm 23. The feeling of elation after years of toiling away I have now will be yours in time. Just hang in there and keep at it!

#44 Posted by Brendan (8821 posts) -

I'll be 22 when I finish my undergrad (4 years) and I don't feel like I'm falling behind or anything. I wouldn't worry that you're taking too long with life.

#45 Posted by morrelloman (635 posts) -

Under 30 no girlfriend who cares? Some people live at home because their living situation is good. Nice room. Maybe live in the basement, actually like your parents. This is a NON-ISSUE.

#46 Posted by NTM (8518 posts) -

@Vinny_Says said:

You're 20 something and still a student? Unbelievable....

I finish my undergrad and I'll be 23...

I think that was sarcasm.

#47 Posted by betterboulder (200 posts) -

There's alot of "Out of the house after college!" type mentalities that penetrate media, but honestly alot of hard working students still have their parent's support for shelter or financially. As long as you are actually working hard to establish yourself education & financial wise and not just lazily drifting from job to job, I'm sure your parent's would be more than happy to accommodate (especially if you contribute around the house outside of monetarily). Hell, they've been doing it for almost 20 years, what's a few more for their kid?

#48 Posted by Ravenlight (8057 posts) -
#49 Posted by Brodehouse (10723 posts) -

This isn't the 1950s where you move out at 18, get married at 19, have children at 20, buy a house at 21 and die 40 years old. People are living longer than ever, this means that a housing market designed for people to die at 60 is crunched when they continue to live in those houses for an extra 20 or 30 years.

Here's the thing about university; it was never made to be the default destination after high school. Your parents probably went to college, your grandparents less likely, and your great-grandparents far, far less likely. The entire Western world is overqualified for their jobs, it wasn't meant to be a license program for jobs and positions that just don't exist. What this means is that entire generations are getting into a mountain of debt in order to enter a job market that pays far below their potential. A have one friend with a bachelor of Canadian history who is renting cars, another with a CGA (accountants certification) who is doing construction, and one with a masters in Engineering who is basically doing QA.

Maybe that's not appropriate here, but man is our education and employment fucked up.

#50 Posted by twillfast (593 posts) -

@narley: Unless your parents have explicitly said they want you to move out, don't worry about it. I'm sure they're just happy to see you do well in school.

If you feel indebted somehow, the best way to pay them off is usually with gratitude. ;)