#1 Edited by murisan (1119 posts) -

This was a bad post, and I feel bad.

#2 Posted by ImHungry (376 posts) -
Can't find the newer one

Sorry, don't have much advice for you, but that sucks. Hope you don't give up on finding love.

#3 Posted by RedCream (704 posts) -

The tenth time's the charm.

In all seriousness if you feel you lost all the need for romance and companionship then by all means stop searching for commitment. It's better to be alone than in bad company.

#4 Posted by VisariLoyalist (2990 posts) -

well (and I shouldn't even be answering relationship advice on a vidja game forum but oh whatever), consider this, there are some people that actually don't care if they're alone or not. I know that sounds strange, but there are some people who actually are completely comfortable with little to no human contact. Based on your feeling that giving up on a romantic relationship is self indulgent or destructive I would say you feel some kind of need for this contact, and that you feel pain in your frustration that you believe it would be pointless anyway based on your prior experience. So at that point I suppose the only two healthy resolutions are for you to genuinely stop wanting a relationship at all (which would include negativity about not having one), which you could do for some period of time even just to take a break from the negativity (perhaps take a few months off from thinking about the situation?). The other possible resolution would be to move past your negative experiences and convince yourself that the pattern does not have to repeat, I don't know exactly how you would do this without knowing the specifics of what you think it is about you that makes this an inescapable reality. This is really what is causing the conflict in your mind is the dueling philosophies for life. You can choose one or not, being undecided about it is okay also if you don't feel it causes you too much pain.

#5 Posted by mlarrabee (2889 posts) -

@murisan: My story and beliefs:

I'm a reasonably good-looking guy; good enough girls flirt without my initiating it, anyway. I had nothing to do with my looks, so like you I'm not saying this to brag. Despite this, I've not had a girlfriend. Growing up, I saw a very healthy relationship between my parents, all of whom's children were conceived within that wedlock. I've also seen friends go through girl/boyfriend after girl/boyfriend and come out empty.

People are designed for companionship. The emotional attachment and intimacy brought by sex belongs, I believe, in the marriage relationship. People are like cake, sex is like frosting, and the popular thing is to lick the frosting off of every cake you can. And still, these people are shocked when their stomach is still empty, and beyond that it aches.

So what are you chasing? Companionship or orgasm? Do you want a friend or a piece of it?

Like I said, I've not had trouble getting women to like me, but even when the feelings are mutual I've not done anything. I've never asked a girl out, never asked for a phone number, never pursued it at all. Why? Because when I ask a girl out for the first time, it'll be a friend. Someone I've spent enough time with to know we could spend a year in a pup tent without getting bored with each other's personality. Someone whose existence prompts me to ridiculous levels of chivalry. Someone I would marry. If I couldn't marry a particular girl, dating her is just postponing the inevitable breakup. I think the reason you're finding temporary relationships pointless is, well, because they are pointless.

I'm not demanding you subscribe to my chosen method because it's not for everyone, but I will say that I've never experienced dumping someone or being dumped, and women are more open because they know I'm not trying to lay them.

I hope you find some meaning in this area, whatever you choose to do.

#6 Posted by NTM (7288 posts) -

Try harder.

#7 Posted by aznjon12 (188 posts) -

Try men?

#8 Posted by Kyreo (4600 posts) -

@aznjon12 said:

Try men?

It works. Dudes don't bitch as much.

#9 Posted by TruthTellah (8579 posts) -

@murisan: There's no reason to force yourself to have intimate relationships. If you find it more unpleasant than its worth, then, by all means, don't go out looking for relationships. Just live your life, and if you happen to develop a relationship somewhere along the way, great. If not, great. There's no reason to force yourself into pursuing relationships when you don't desire to be in relationships. If it's meant to be, it'll happen, but don't pressure yourself to "deal" with anything.

Now, that being said, there's value to women outside of intimate relationships. So... don't just ignore them. They're human beings just like you, and they can be worth getting to know. Plus, while it is fine to not go looking for intimate relationships, it isn't healthy to just throw away your attraction to real life. There is plenty to value in life even with its many difficulties. Women are worth knowing, and life is worth living. Don't ever mistakenly convince yourself otherwise.

Online
#10 Posted by FiestaUnicorn (1577 posts) -

I bet those ladies got your point! HA!

#11 Posted by FlarePhoenix (420 posts) -

@murisan said:

Am I alone in this? Is there someone else who has experienced partnership and sexuality and come out losing heavily?

No, I'm pretty sure you're the first person ever to experience that...

#12 Posted by Sinusoidal (1305 posts) -

Too many people buy into the cliche that love is a many splendoured thing when in reality it's often far from splendid.

#13 Posted by Hizang (8533 posts) -

Some people just are not fit for the lifestyle that love brings, don't rush to find somebody when being single is often the better experience.

#14 Posted by htr10 (330 posts) -

@murisan said:

Statistically, I've "been with" nine women, seven of whom I've had sex with.

Wait, I thought that one of those things is a nice way of saying the other. What did you do with the other two that you've "been with" them, but didn't have sex with them. On second thought, maybe it's better if you don't give details.

#15 Posted by Brodehouse (9654 posts) -
@Kyreo

@aznjon12 said:

Try men?

It works. Dudes don't bitch as much.

Oh honey, if only that were true!
#16 Posted by The_Laughing_Man (13629 posts) -

It is pointless.

Give up women, acquire currency.

#17 Edited by MordeaniisChaos (5730 posts) -

I've never really been in a short-term relationship. Whenever I ended up with a lady, it wasn't because I shyly asked her on a date, but because our desire to be together developed naturally, mutually, and to the bursting point, at which we acted upon that desire. As a result, my relationships lasted quite a long time. I'm a bit young to be finding "the one" but their company was immensely pleasurable in a great number of ways and I owe a great deal to those I've been with.

@murisan: You need to find someone you enjoy laying around looking awful in big ugly clothes (or nothing at all, whatever's your jam) with as much as you enjoy plowing them. Someone that you can spend time with without being a couple and really enjoy that time, but that you can't spend time with without it being obvious you're a couple (I don't mean PDA, I just mean companionship isn't the reason for a romantic relationship, and romantic relationships based entirely on it rarely work the way you'd want). Someone that excites, frustrates, and satisfies you.

I've been with a few such individuals, and some of them were a real pain in the ass in the end, but ultimately I'm happy with where my love life has been in the past.

Now to wait for the Corps to make me eat my words and feel kinda like you do right now, heh.

#18 Posted by Video_Game_King (36124 posts) -

@Kyreo said:

@aznjon12 said:

Try men?

It works. Dudes don't bitch as much.

#19 Posted by murisan (1119 posts) -

@aznjon12 said:

Try men?

lol

#20 Posted by geirr (2483 posts) -

@murisan said:

This is not intended to be a brag. Statistically, I've "been with" nine women, seven of whom I've had sex with.

My final conclusion after all of this is that I just don't give a goddamn fuck. and I really think this isn't a healthy mindset. I ignore women because I've trained myself to throw away attraction to real life... in a way, I've convinced myself that it doesn't matter. Yeah, procreation continues the species, but so fucking what? All I've gained from my nine relationships is pain. I've learned how to "deal" with women, but what good does that do when it always ends in heartbreak? At this point, I've resigned myself to being single til I die, with nothing more than music and games to entertain me until said endpoint.

Am I alone in this? Is there someone else who has experienced partnership and sexuality and come out losing heavily? What did you do to stop this destructive, self-indulgent mindset?

Been there. I explored other venues to combat it let's say.

@Video_Game_King said:

@Kyreo said:

@aznjon12 said:

Try men?

It works. Dudes don't bitch as much.

Yep!

Either way, I ended up giving up the whole romance thing -- and wouldn't you know it -- out of nowhere, after what seemed like a decade of bitter loneliness, I met this wonderful girl. It was love at first sight, lead to 3 years of dating, and now one happy year of marriage.

Hang in there!

#21 Posted by FlarePhoenix (420 posts) -

@geirr said:

Yep!

Either way, I ended up giving up the whole romance thing -- and wouldn't you know it -- out of nowhere, after what seemed like a decade of bitter loneliness, I met this wonderful girl. It was love at first sight, lead to 3 years of dating, and now one happy year of marriage.

Hang in there!

How many unhappy years has it been? *bum dum tish*

Thank you! Thank you! I'll see myself out now.

In all seriousness, it's become a whole lot easier for me when I came to terms with the fact I was happier not being in a relationship. I nearly destroyed myself believing I wanted one, and had to get into one no matter what, and all because society makes us believe that is what everyone wants to have. It doesn't help that nobody believes me: nearly everyone automatically assumes I am just saying I don't want a relationship because I'm scared of commitment, or because I can't get a girlfriend. It gets annoying.

#22 Posted by Fattony12000 (7102 posts) -

I've had many many sex.

It sounds like you haven't really learnt how to "deal" with women. As you put it.

#23 Edited by geirr (2483 posts) -

@FlarePhoenix said:

@geirr said:

Yep!

Either way, I ended up giving up the whole romance thing -- and wouldn't you know it -- out of nowhere, after what seemed like a decade of bitter loneliness, I met this wonderful girl. It was love at first sight, lead to 3 years of dating, and now one happy year of marriage.

Hang in there!

How many unhappy years has it been? *bum dum tish*

Thank you! Thank you! I'll see myself out now.

*raging applause!*

edit: Come to think of it, what is raging applause?

#24 Posted by jorbear (2517 posts) -

Fake your own death.

#25 Posted by BaneFireLord (2913 posts) -

I don't know how much this will help, but I know that oth my parents (happily married for 27 years now) had well over a dozen shitty relationships each before meeting each other. So don't give up, I guess.

#26 Posted by pyromagnestir (4254 posts) -

@geirr said:

@FlarePhoenix said:

@geirr said:

Yep!

Either way, I ended up giving up the whole romance thing -- and wouldn't you know it -- out of nowhere, after what seemed like a decade of bitter loneliness, I met this wonderful girl. It was love at first sight, lead to 3 years of dating, and now one happy year of marriage.

Hang in there!

How many unhappy years has it been? *bum dum tish*

Thank you! Thank you! I'll see myself out now.

*raging applause!*

edit: Come to think of it, what is raging applause?

I always figured it was applauding while sporting a raging erection.

Online
#27 Posted by Labman (287 posts) -

You have to stop looking to your relationships to make you happy...you have to be happy with yourself first! Then, and only then, will your relationships begin to work. The women in your life will become the icing on the already awesome cake that is your life!

In the meantime, there's an entire Internet out there filled with porn! Enjoy.

#28 Posted by geirr (2483 posts) -

@pyromagnestir said:

@geirr said:

@FlarePhoenix said:

@geirr said:

Yep!

Either way, I ended up giving up the whole romance thing -- and wouldn't you know it -- out of nowhere, after what seemed like a decade of bitter loneliness, I met this wonderful girl. It was love at first sight, lead to 3 years of dating, and now one happy year of marriage.

Hang in there!

How many unhappy years has it been? *bum dum tish*

Thank you! Thank you! I'll see myself out now.

*raging applause!*

edit: Come to think of it, what is raging applause?

I always figured it was applauding while sporting a raging erection.

Sounds good!

#29 Posted by Morrow (1828 posts) -

Some people are just not made for relationships.

#30 Posted by McGhee (6094 posts) -

There are a whole lot of women that I find physically attractive, but their personalities? I have never met a single women that I thought I could like enough to live with, much less actually get married. This has mostly led to me having just quit caring. Kind of sad, really.

#31 Posted by TMBaker (230 posts) -

If you feel like you're spinning your wheels in the love department, then maybe it's time you go see a recommend therapist for a few sessions.

#32 Posted by LiquidS (971 posts) -

Bury yourself in a mountain of video games, they will never leave you.

#33 Posted by believer258 (11685 posts) -

@Kyreo said:

@aznjon12 said:

Try men?

It works. Dudes don't bitch as much.

The internet is primarily dudes. Keep that in mind.

Anyway, I guess you should stay single for a while. Or look for better women. Why do you keep breaking up? Is it you? Is it them? Something you don't like about the women you keep finding yourself dating? Something they don't like about you?

Online
#34 Posted by Trilogy (2645 posts) -

You sound like you just need a break from relationships altogether. Are you the kind of person that jumps from one relationship to another? If so, that could be the issue. I don't really have enough information to speculate on your situation.

#35 Posted by Mirado (992 posts) -

@murisan: Why does it have to have a point? I've been in a bunch of relationships, some have ended badly, some have ended gracefully, but they've all ended. I've made friends and enemies and have had a bunch of both good and bad experiences from it.

Most of my friends have started to settle down, a few are married, but I don't bemoan the time I've spent as being wasted or pointless. It dosen't have to end in marriage. It might, and that's great, but just because a few have gone badly doesn't mean you'll NEVER find someone, or that you need to.

Now, if ALL of your relationships are ending badly, you need to examine the kind of woman you find yourself dating, and then yourself. Something's up with that.

And I'mma just put this here because it should be repeated:

#36 Posted by Tireyo (6409 posts) -

Wow, you've gotten around haven't you?

Whatever you do, it's your choice on this matter. It's nothing to go overly crazy about. If you want to be left alone, then fine! If you want a relationship, then fine! If you want to use people for sex, then accept that your a man whore! =-P

In all seriousness, you cannot be helped because you know what you want and need to do. If you don't know what you want or need, then get help from a professional or whoever isn't on the internet.

#37 Posted by iam3green (14390 posts) -

nobody said this yet but bitches and hoes. kind of can't rush relationships.

#38 Posted by Guided_By_Tigers (8061 posts) -

Fuck bitches, get money.

#39 Posted by murisan (1119 posts) -

I need to stop fucking writing shit on the internet when I'm blackout drunk. Reading my original post is embarassing. I apologize for making such a whiny, pointless post, duders.

#40 Posted by BoG (5186 posts) -

@Mirado said:

Now, if ALL of your relationships are ending badly, you need to examine the kind of woman you find yourself dating, and then yourself. Something's up with that.

I think that this is the key piece of advice.

@McGhee said:

There are a whole lot of women that I find physically attractive, but their personalities? I have never met a single women that I thought I could like enough to live with, much less actually get married. This has mostly led to me having just quit caring. Kind of sad, really.

Here's the problem. Try changing your priorities. I'm not saying that you date unattractive women, but choose women to date based on who they are more than what they look like. Not all women have insufferable personalities.

#41 Edited by Tru3_Blu3 (3197 posts) -

Good luck. Sexual lust is difficult to sustain. I have to bear with it everyday when I see some beautiful woman near me or at a distance, but I keep a promise to myself that I will be single all my life for all there is in relationships is argument, conflict and children. Why have children when the human population is over 7 fucking billion? We should do with what we have and make this world the best we possibly can. And fuck the concept of love; all these divorces, and the bickering beforehand, indicate that people don't know how to fucking "love" -- the real form of love is called EXTENTIALITY: To extend one's understanding of the world. That's real love, and we are not yet at that level of intelligence to be truly extential to others.

But hopefully in my life, I'll meet a woman who is extential to me; to increase my knowledge of the world and feed my curiosity as one who wants to be the best he possibly can. But once you see the female segment of our species text with horrible English on how sexy some fucking role-model is, you start to lose hope in that. So fuck it, I'm virgin and proud.

#42 Edited by TheDudeOfGaming (6078 posts) -

@The_Laughing_Man said:

It is pointless. Give up women, acquire currency.

Yeah, but that's like turning on the lights and not expecting moths to gather. I guess you could be a rich recluse though. Anyway, you just haven't met the right one. It's corny, but true. And you never will unless you try.

#43 Posted by murisan (1119 posts) -

goddamn it lol.. thank you all for the replies, but A: I don't remember making this thread and B: I should not have made this thread. any chance you could disappear this monstrosity?

#44 Posted by Solh0und (1761 posts) -

@murisan: I would say take a break from Dating. I'm personally doing that and it's working out for the best.

#45 Posted by csl316 (8198 posts) -

I've been single since the release day of Gears of War 2 (stupid metric, I know). But the single life is kind of great, and when people in crappy relationships think I'm lying I look them in the eye and go "it really is." Companionship is fine, but I feel the single life is a good option because you get to experience a lot more with the freedom you get. You can still date on occasion, as well.

No rush of getting in a committed relationship if you haven't met someone that makes you better.

#46 Posted by mikethekilla (328 posts) -

Go gay...

#47 Posted by BraveToaster (12590 posts) -

Shit like that happens to a lot of people, you just have to find the right one. And if you don't find that, then you can live a perfectly normal life being single. Besides, procreation isn't really necessary, since the Earth is overpopulated as it is.

#48 Posted by TheHumanDove (2523 posts) -

Change yourself. You're the problem after so many failures.