Life after the death of a parent

Well, it’s been a while since I’ve been here on Giant bomb to post anything, and I’m glad to be back for a little while. For those who don’t know me and to remind those who do, my father died on March 31 of this year of metastatic renal cell cancer that started in his kidney. The cancer worked its way up to his bladder, and then it hit his bones and lastly his lungs. He also dehydrated to death, and it was a really terrifying sight to see. Ever since then, I’ve had a mental breakdown and haven’t fully recovered; however, I’m making steps to try to have a better future, and I have found my reason for having a life worth living.

Ever since my dad passed away, my mom and I decided that our house was far too much for us to handle and that jobs were quickly dying in the area, so we moved to Tennessee. The move to was a good experience; however, there were mistakes that were made, with only some mistakes corrected. I’ve never had to deal with an unsafe neighborhood, so there has to be a gun in every room. I do not like that at all, and that would be an example of a mistake that cannot be fixed till we can move again... which will be either 10 years to never. I do still continue to be lonely, as there is no family or friends at my new residence. There was family at my old VA home, but they hardly visited. It’s very different here in my new home, but it’s peaceful. Hopefully one day we’ll get a friend that will like us for who we are, especially my mom as she had friends that were left behind. I come to the point were I want my mom to be happy, and I don’t care if I’ll never have any more friends. It’s hard for me anymore to believe that there is such a thing as friends.

I will not be graduating college in December, and my graduation is being moved to May of 2013. I needed 3 more credits that I didn’t know about, so I have to make up for it.

Anyways, I’m starting to slowly earn my freedom by learning how to drive! To motivate me, my mother gave me a car to pay on. It’s a used blue 2009 Nissan Versa, and I have to say that I very much like the vehicle and fortunate to have such a good mom. What fascinates me is that no keys are required to be inserted in the vehicle! The keys only just have to stay in your pocket, and it’s wild! I thanked her repeatedly for the wonderful gift. In return, I saved up enough money to get her a beautiful blue diamond necklace with a pair of earrings from Kay Jewelers. She had the biggest smile on her face, and yet she fussed at me too for spending money. I don’t care though as she was worth it. (She isn’t complaining too much.) I do wish my dad was around to see what mom did for me, and what I did for her too. Luckily, I found a picture of what I got her.

In the past, I admit that I have felt sorry for myself, and I believe that it dominantly showed in my blogs and whatnot in that past. I don’t do that anymore as I have changed, and that I do know now that everyone is fortunate in their own way. We also struggle in our own way, but we have to get through it, and sometimes it’s good to get that burden released by talking about it... instead of just holding it all in. I guess that I’m finally taking the steps of what it takes to be a responsible adult by realizing what I need to do to survive, keep positive, and actually attempt to think for once. At times, I wish that I could have kept the innocence and be childlike at heart, but I don’t have that privilege anymore.

Game wise, I’ve been playing New Super Mario Bros. 2 here and there. I’ve been wanting to play some Sonic Colors, but I never can find the right time to play. I won’t be getting a WiiU, as I believe that the Wii is my last video game system for enjoyment. Explanation: I’ll be getting a career next year, and there won't be time for anything. Video games will be what I’ll miss the most…

Anime wise, I’ve watched nothing new. I continue to listen to Clannad’s ost though.

That concludes this blog. I miss talking to my friends here, and hopefully I’ll have to time to do so. Thanks for reading, and until next time,

Tyler

Edit: Come and read my second blog if you're interested!

I found this pretty hard to read, and I'm not sure why. I'm glad you're recovering though, as I've also had the misfortune of having holding the hands of both my father and grandfather as they die. Anyway, the part that stuck out was "I've finally found a reason for living." I've always wondered what that's like- I couldn't really tell you mine, other than "I enjoy the feeling of knowing that I haven't failed at life". 

You return

@TooWalrus said:

Anyway, the part that stuck out was "I've finally found a reason for living." I've always wondered what that's like- I couldn't really tell you mine, other than "I enjoy the feeling of knowing that I haven't failed at life".

What or who is most important to you?

Sorry to hear about your dad, man. Good to see you are getting through it. I cannot imagine what it's like.

@TooWalrus said:

@Tireyo643: That's kind of an overwhelming /shrug at the moment, actually.

Figure out what or who is most important to you, and you should see your reason worth living... even if it takes you a while to figure that out. It may take seconds, days, or years. Nonetheless, my wish is for you to find your reason worth living, and for you to find happiness in something. =-) Best of luck friend.

My dad died five and a half years ago. It took me two years to mostly "get over it." If you will take any advice from me, just don't let this tragedy make you put your life on hold. Keep moving forward even if you don't feel like it.

Ive been there. About 8 years ago. And still my fam has not fully recovered. To boot it happen on xmas. So we have that day...yeah

only things we can do is go day to day, wake up, think of something to get out of bed for, and move on. Glad to see you back here, and with a reason, be safe in your new home though!

It's hard. Everyone in my life that I have cared for died with in a few years of each other. It left me pretty dead emotionally as something inside refuses to allow me to get any kind of attachment to others to prevent that hurt feeling again when they inevitably die as well or stop being a part of my life for whatever reason. Some day I may find someone/thing that can get me to start caring again, but I don't see it any time soon.

As for your question, it was just going on as usual after they died. The hardest part was realizing that nothing really changes after they are gone, just that you have one less thing to support you in life but you still gotta keep getting up every day to go to work/school only without having those people there. The only silver lining is that it usually makes your ties with whomever is left stronger in some way.

Best of luck.

@crusader8463 said:

It's hard. Everyone in my life that I have cared for died with in a few years of each other. It left me pretty dead emotionally as something inside refuses to allow me to get any kind of attachment to others to prevent that hurt feeling again when they inevitably die as well or stop being a part of my life for whatever reason. Some day I may find someone/thing that can get me to start caring again, but I don't see it any time soon.

As for your question, it was just going on as usual after they died. The hardest part was realizing that nothing really changes after they are gone, just that you have one less thing to support you in life but you still gotta keep getting up every day to go to work/school only without having those people there. The only silver lining is that it usually makes your ties with whomever is left stronger in some way.

Best of luck.

Best of luck to you too. =-)

@Gonmog said:

Ive been there. About 8 years ago. And still my fam has not fully recovered. To boot it happen on xmas. So we have that day...yeah

only things we can do is go day to day, wake up, think of something to get out of bed for, and move on. Glad to see you back here, and with a reason, be safe in your new home though!

Thanks stranger.

@McGhee said:

My dad died five and a half years ago. It took me two years to mostly "get over it." If you will take any advice from me, just don't let this tragedy make you put your life on hold. Keep moving forward even if you don't feel like it.

At times I've felt like everything has slowed down, and been put on hold. Thank you for the encouragement though, as we all need something to help us all move forward.

Hang in there. My mom, who was my best friend, died back in '09. It still hurts, but it does get better.

Wish I was in Tennessee to be a friend for you. It's a long way from New Jersey.

It's nice to see you posting here again, and I can't even imagine what you're going through right now. I hope things get better soon, and as for the games, who knows, maybe you'll find some time for yourself.

Good to see you back, i've never been close to my father, haven't spoke to him in 5 years so I have no idea what you've gone through. Sounds like you're coping as well as anyone could though.

Always look on the bright side, it could always be worse=]

I always find your blogs helpful, they give me a clearer outlook about life and about loving what you have. Thanks for sharing your stories and it's nice to have you back.

@psylah said:

Wish I was in Tennessee to be a friend for you. It's a long way from New Jersey.

I don't know what to say...

Did you get flooded out by Sandy? That was such a bad storm. Many of my relatives experienced the snowy side of Sandy. I only got some wind and rain.

@MetalGearSunny said:

It's nice to see you posting here again, and I can't even imagine what you're going through right now. I hope things get better soon, and as for the games, who knows, maybe you'll find some time for yourself.

It's just nice to see everyone again, especially you.

@RandomHero666 said:

Always look on the bright side, it could always be worse=]

Reading something like this can actually make me feel a little discouraged, but I know you mean well.

@Castermhief117 said:

I always find your blogs helpful, they give me a clearer outlook about life and about loving what you have. Thanks for sharing your stories and it's nice to have you back.

Thanks, and also thank you for the follow. Remember, what I said here aren't stories, they are the truth!

Hope things get better for you, buddy.

@Tireyo643: No problems with Sandy, not even a power outage.

@Tireyo643: glad to see some things getting better for ya tyler - can't imagine how hard it is to move on from a loss like that.

don't sweat the small stuff - don't worry about stuff out of your control.

Best of luck to you. Can't say I can relate to much of your situation beyond the loneliness, but I hope things continue to get better for you and your mom.

@Tireyo643: sorry, yeah I do mean well.

What I meant was, there a lot of people who are worse off. No matter how low you get there will be someone else in the world having a worse day/week/month whatever. Just keep your head up and you'll get through it.

I'll shut up now.

I really am an emotionless husk it seems

My dad put a rope around his neck and dangled himself until death. It was very sad for a while, especially seeing the body, but after a while I decided to not let myself think about it and actually his death gave me the opportunity to do what I want, which I am doing to this day. So in some ways it was a positive thing for me. I don't wanna get into the details of exactly why it turned out like that, but it did. I did miss him for a while, but I've gotten over that now as well. Anyway I'm sure my experience is nothing like yours, or most people's, but it's good to see your attitude has changed! I remember before it was very negative. You seem more positive now which is great to see.

Keep pluggin away @Tireyo643. Taking a lot of small steps can carry you a great distance to getting you to a better place.

I'm glad you value your mom man, Moms are pretty special.

I don't think you *have to* give up video games because you are starting a career. I have a career and I game, definitely less than I used to, but you can certainly do both as long as you keep it in reason.

But I suppose I don't know what else you have to deal with and what work/life balance works best for you. Just figured I'd mention it since you seem like you enjoy games and I'd hate for you to possibly needlessly lose something you enjoy doing.

Wow, reading this broke my heart, man. You may not know it but you seem like a extremely strong guy, much stronger than I could ever be. I can't imagine what you're going through but the only advice I could offer is don't lose sight of what you love, even if it's something as trivial as video games.

@Voxel said:

Hope things get better for you, buddy.

Thanks.

@psylah said:

@Tireyo643: No problems with Sandy, not even a power outage.

Awkward... But really good for you.

@JCTango said:

@Tireyo643: glad to see some things getting better for ya tyler - can't imagine how hard it is to move on from a loss like that.

don't sweat the small stuff - don't worry about stuff out of your control.

I honestly don't know if things are getting better... to tell you the truth. I would like to think so, but I don't know.

@RandomHero666 said:

@Tireyo643: sorry, yeah I do mean well.

What I meant was, there a lot of people who are worse off. No matter how low you get there will be someone else in the world having a worse day/week/month whatever. Just keep your head up and you'll get through it.

I'll shut up now.

I really am an emotionless husk it seems

I've known you for a little while, so I know better. You don't have to shut up if you don't want to. Thanks for the encouragement.

@Ragnarok512 said:

Best of luck to you. Can't say I can relate to much of your situation beyond the loneliness, but I hope things continue to get better for you and your mom.

I hope so too.

@CaLe said:

My dad put a rope around his neck and dangled himself until death. It was very sad for a while, especially seeing the body, but after a while I decided to not let myself think about it and actually his death gave me the opportunity to do what I want, which I am doing to this day. So in some ways it was a positive thing for me. I don't wanna get into the details of exactly why it turned out like that, but it did. I did miss him for a while, but I've gotten over that now as well. Anyway I'm sure my experience is nothing like yours, or most people's, but it's good to see your attitude has changed! I remember before it was very negative. You seem more positive now which is great to see.

My mom has been through a loss similar to yours, but I cannot share the story in a forum as it's a bit more horrifying than what you told me. It's also her dad, which would be my grandpa that I never met. Anyways, thank you for the encouragement.

@Slag said:

Keep pluggin away @Tireyo643. Taking a lot of small steps can carry you a great distance to getting you to a better place.

I'm glad you value your mom man, Moms are pretty special.

I don't think you *have to* give up video games because you are starting a career. I have a career and I game, definitely less than I used to, but you can certainly do both as long as you keep it in reason.

But I suppose I don't know what else you have to deal with and what work/life balance works best for you. Just figured I'd mention it since you seem like you enjoy games and I'd hate for you to possibly needlessly lose something you enjoy doing.

I'm still learning and growing up, so I still don't know what I need or need not to do. I still have my moments.

@Milkman said:

Wow, reading this broke my heart, man. You may not know it but you seem like a extremely strong guy, much stronger than I could ever be. I can't imagine what you're going through but the only advice I could offer is don't lose sight of what you love, even if it's something as trivial as video games.

I actually still remember seeing you around in the forums, and this is a lot coming from you. I always thought that I'm the weakest there is and everyone else is stronger than I am... that includes you and everyone here too.

Glad to hear you're swinging back and as lucky as you are to have your mom, it sounds like she is equally lucky to have you as a son.

@StarvingGamer said:

Glad to hear you're swinging back and as lucky as you are to have your mom, it sounds like she is equally lucky to have you as a son.

There are times where I feel like I'm a big disappointment to her, because I'm not exactly what she wants in a son... but that's another story. Nonetheless, we do appreciate and love each other.

@Tireyo643 said:

@TooWalrus said:

Anyway, the part that stuck out was "I've finally found a reason for living." I've always wondered what that's like- I couldn't really tell you mine, other than "I enjoy the feeling of knowing that I haven't failed at life".

What or who is most important to you?

PS3.

Well, we've already talked so I can't add much here but yeah, here's to you mate.

Glad to see you back and hear that stuff's getting better. A friend of mine lost his dad recently so I saw how bad it can be. Sounds like you and your mother have a good relationship though, that's good.

Oh no, not Clannad! Now I have to go cry.

@GunslingerPanda said:

Glad to see you back and hear that stuff's getting better. A friend of mine lost his dad recently so I saw how bad it can be. Sounds like you and your mother have a good relationship though, that's good.

Oh no, not Clannad! Now I have to go cry.

I may have to explain a little better about how mom and I get along...

I love Clannad. It's left a long lasting impression, and I cannot get enough of it's music as it matches my tastes.

I hope things will stay happy for you in Tennessee. Hopefully make new friends there, etc. etc. But you're always welcome to talk to your online peeps here at GB :)

@asian_pride said:

I hope things will stay happy for you in Tennessee. Hopefully make new friends there, etc. etc. But you're always welcome to talk to your online peeps here at GB :)

I've always have enjoyed it here, so I believe that I'll always come back... or let's just say that I will always hope so.

Fuck cancer. And i am deeply sorry for your loss