#1 Posted by Demoskinos (14562 posts) -

This is absolutely the most hilarous thing I've read today. And yes....it happened in Florida.

From the WTEV Channel 30 news website:

ST. AUGUSTINE, Fla. -- Sheriff deputies say a burglary suspect admitted to having a really good time while in a couple's home.

Authorities arrested Jason Vickery, 23, on burglary and larceny charges. Deputies say he broke into a home on Atlantic View in St. Augustine.

Vickery told police he got into the home through an unlocked door. He told investigators he went upstairs to masturbate in the bathroom when he found a remote control helicopter. Vickery said he found some batteries and started playing with the helicopter. He also ate a salad that he brought with him, according to detectives.

Vickery told deputies he then went back to the bathroom to masturbate when he heard voices outside. He ran outside where a deputy, with his gun drawn, was waiting for him.

Police confiscated a bag full of marijuana, other drug paraphernalia, a wig, a towel and a pouch of chewing tobacco -Source

I mean... RC helicopters are cool but also holy shit guy brought a salad with him. Like...what? At least he was a gentleman and brought a towel to clean up after the festivities though.

#2 Posted by McGhee (6094 posts) -

Dude just wanted to hang out and jerk it in the comfort of someone else's home. What's the big deal?

(Yes, Florida is joked on a lot, but St. Augustine is an awesome city)

#3 Edited by Ezakael (911 posts) -

I'm confused. So he broke into a house not to steal stuff, but to jerk off and eat salad? This guy is the weirdest burglar I've ever heard of in my life.

#4 Posted by Beyond_the_infinite (101 posts) -

Something tells me there's a lot of salad tossing in Jason's future.

#5 Edited by Brodehouse (9586 posts) -

Burglolololol

#6 Posted by Demoskinos (14562 posts) -

Something tells me there's a lot of salad tossing in Jason's future.

Too perfect.

#7 Posted by TheHT (10888 posts) -

I did not expect the RC helicopter to be the only non-weird part of this story.

#8 Edited by Jams (2959 posts) -

Hey, sometimes you just gotta beat your meat

But when there's people one the street

You have to move your feet

and find a house to be discreet

and find a place to eat

eat that salad neat

#9 Posted by Sackmanjones (4652 posts) -

I just flagged someone on accident. Stupid mobile site so I apologize.

Anyway this is freakin insane, nothing distracts me from matsturbating in someone's home. NOTHING!

#10 Posted by JouselDelka (967 posts) -

@jams said:

Hey, sometimes you just gotta beat your meat

But when there's people one the street

You have to move your feet

and find a house to be discreet

and find a place to eat

eat that salad neat

I'm entranced by you

#11 Posted by Kidavenger (3510 posts) -

Wonder how long he's been doing this, random dudes jacking off in your house while you are at work, it's insane.

#12 Edited by StarvingGamer (8000 posts) -

Germany or Flo-ri-da!?