#1 Edited by Sanity (1951 posts) -

So im not looking for advice so much as a place to vent i suppose, life has really been... stupid is the word im looking for i suppose these past few years. Some of its out of my hands, most of its my own fault but its made me realize that i may never actually do anything meaningful with my life. I have a bad habit of keeping things inside and then bursting all at once and burning bridges weather it be friends, jobs or whatever. Im shy and when i do speak im a loud mouth, i say things i dont mean and never say what i feel.

I worked at a defense contractor for 2 years from 2008 to 2010, i hated it while i was there, and yet after i was laid off i looked back and saw that i really had it good. After that i had a hell of a time finding jobs, i worked about 2 months last winter at a place that worked on railroad wheels and axles. It diden't work out because i was freezing every day and the work its self was just too dangerous for my taste. Then in April i started working for the same asshole i worked for way back in 2007 again, the work was easy but he was a asshole and i ended up blowing a fuse on him and quitting. Now im still throwing in applications left and right to shitty jobs in this hellhole i live in. I tried to get a job through a company my dad works for but i think they ignored me for the fact they already know i have heart problems as the first question the idiot asked me at the interview was if i can do it with my "issues". Im convinced that Pennsylvania is full of nothing but shitty jobs and assholes. Im guessing someone will confirm its like this everywhere.

On top of that is the fact that im still living with my parents at 23, thank god there so nice to me and let me stay with them but i would love to move out someday. If theres one good thing in my life its them i suppose but i feel like a mooch at times. Added to all that i still have like 600 bucks in medical debt from my yearly tests for my heart and now they want me to go get a stress test some time this year in Pittsburgh for god knows reason why. My heart is basically fine now but i had open heart surgery when i was little and had the fontan procedure done which always weighs on my mind as it has a high rate of sudden death and its sorta unreliable past the age of 30 from what i'v read. I find it hard to care about money and shit when my general attitude is i could be here today, gone tomorrow. Dont get me wrong im grateful for being is such great health all things concerned but its scary not knowing what my hearts future holds.

Right now im working construction on the side with my uncle, ironically enough we are working on the business where i said i quit and told the boss off last summer so its sorta awkward at times. Its backbreaking work, and im still out in the fucking cold which sucks. I spent last weekend on a roof 35 feet off the ground, what a life i lead.

So in conclusion my life is shitty, im still trying to look on the bright side but man some days just make yea wanna snap. If you read this i thank yea. Feel free to tell me what im doing wrong.

#2 Posted by kermoosh (911 posts) -

as far as i can tell, you have a roof over your head and food on the table, there are some negatives but a lot of people in this world have it worse than you. if anything you should appreciative that you have what you have and are at least able to make some money

#3 Posted by Sanity (1951 posts) -

@kermoosh: I hear yea, and i agree. i just needed to vent i suppose.

#4 Edited by mikeeegeee (1575 posts) -

@dudy80:

You are 23. I am 23. It is a weird age, and I identify with you. You seem very concerned with jobs and money. You live at home, so you actually don't need to make a whole lot. If you want to get out, depending on where you live, you can probably pay your bills on a decent ($9-12), hourly wage if you find a roommate. Yeah, you say you've had some trouble with friends, but this would give you an opportunity to work on that. And you should! As far as jobs go, check with your local city government. Parks and Rec department is awesome and sounds like it'd be up your alley.

I live in Nebraska and I worked for an ice delivery company for five years. It was labor, but I liked it. Except winter. Standing in the snow carrying 35 pounds of ice, there are days when you have serious conversations in your head about what the fuck you're doing with your life. And hey, I'm not a doctor, but if you are aware that you have issues with your heart, maybe backbreaking construction work and the railyard aren't the best options. If I could make a recommendation, try working with kids. Volunteer at a community center, and if you dig it, get a job working with kids. There are tons of them (jobs)(and kids).

Anyway, hang in there man. If I sound confident it's because I've been drinking to forget how anxious I am about the future ;)

#5 Posted by TooWalrus (13257 posts) -

Pfft, I'm 22 and I've already moved out of my parents house... and into my grandparents house. (Hey, it's closer to work and school, I get a floor to myself, and I don't have to live with my weird stepbrothers). Life can definitely be crappy at this age, I've got one semester, then... I don't exactly have a career path, and most of my money is going to be used paying off college loans. I'm looking forward to... I don't know, my 30s?

#6 Edited by Sanity (1951 posts) -

@mikeeegeee: Thanks, and yea... the jobs i keep getting into is some of the issue i suppose. I live in a very rural area though, my town was bascially built and founded on coal mining and when the bottom feel out of the steel industy the town went with it so its bascially a ghost town with most people here traveling way outside the area for work. Obviously moving isn't a option for me, but thats not to say there aren't some decent jobs i should be looking into, thanks for the advice.

Indeed 23 is a odd age, too old to be carefree and to young to give a damn.

@TooWalrus: Thanks

Gotta go to sleep, gotta get up in the morning to put a 14 foot door up haha.

#7 Posted by Geralt (335 posts) -

I hate to break to to you, kid. But it'll get worse.

You'll be much sadder when you're looking back from 33, 43 and so forth. The trick I've been using is to change the way you measure/judge life and yourself. It's the only way.

#8 Posted by Zomgfruitbunnies (889 posts) -

I hope you feel better, OP.

Gosh, today must just be a shitty day for a lot of folks. I got told by my boss today that I was getting too friendly with one of my lady co-workers and should keep my distance. I don't even know what that really means, considering all we do is chat sometimes and take the subway home together, and it's been like that for months now.

Christ.

#9 Posted by Humanity (10115 posts) -

@kermoosh said:

as far as i can tell, you have a roof over your head and food on the table, there are some negatives but a lot of people in this world have it worse than you. if anything you should appreciative that you have what you have and are at least able to make some money

I actually hate this approach. There are just as many people who are better of as well. Saying "hey there are homeless people out there so appreciate the shitty life you have because it could be shittier" is really reductive in my eyes.

#10 Posted by Noct (305 posts) -

I'm witcha man; I can't remember the last time I felt so pessimistic about life in general. And I can totally relate to being laid off throwing you for a total loop...

I'm in my late 30s, have been married since I was about your age, and we specifically waited to have children until we knew we could do it right (financially). After working as a contracted developer for the same massive corporation for almost a decade, they created a full time position for me at a great salary with full benefits, and we finally agreed we could afford to have a kid. Six months into the pregnancy, they halted all new development and dissolved my position. Now suddenly I'm right back to where I was in my twenties again (broke and looking for work), except now I have another mouth to feed, my skills are much less in demand, I'm a lot older (less desirable) and my confidence is totally shattered.

Fast forward through six months of freelancing and searching for full-time work, and I got through three rounds of interviews (and I believe passed the programming test) for a sweet game developer position I was clamoring for, and then two days later... Hurricane Sandy wiped out that company's offices. They still exist, but understandably, aren't hiring anymore.

Sadly, ours are far from isolated stories too; the unemployment rate hasn't been this crappy since the great depression. I keep telling myself that things will get better, but it's not always true that it's always darkest before the dawn. Sometimes it's the darkest right before it goes pitch black.

Welcome to the suck.

#11 Posted by Nictel (2440 posts) -

You said you weren't specifically looking for advice but I'm going to give it to you anyway. Read a mans guide to moving back in with his parents while maintaining at least a little dignity. Doing stuff around the house (if you don't already) helps out your parents and gives you the feeling you are not a total leech. It also helps prepare for moving out.

Finding a job can be a difficult task, perhaps while doing job searches, you can do something on the side? Can be anything, help people with their computers, cars or whatever you're good at. Give yourself something to do, something that is not focusing on the negatives now. Times are hard. No doubt about it but I think making the best of the situation is all you can really do. Hang in there :-)

#12 Posted by kermoosh (911 posts) -

@Humanity said:

@kermoosh said:

as far as i can tell, you have a roof over your head and food on the table, there are some negatives but a lot of people in this world have it worse than you. if anything you should appreciative that you have what you have and are at least able to make some money

I actually hate this approach. There are just as many people who are better of as well. Saying "hey there are homeless people out there so appreciate the shitty life you have because it could be shittier" is really reductive in my eyes.

well we both have different mindsets then. I look at it from an optimistic pov, you look at it from a 'reductive' pov

#13 Posted by Seppli (10250 posts) -

Around 30, your bones will slowly start creaking, or something along the lines. That's when the road to ruin truely begins. The upside, you'll see the bright side of death, when it comes knocking.

Cheer up mate!

#14 Posted by Jace (1094 posts) -

@dudy80: I'm 20 years old with a business that's just over a year old and I just sold my first house as a real estate agent on Monday. I don't say that to be boastful, the things I've done really aren't that hard. I've got friends my age who still live with their parents and have been unemployed for 6 months to over one year. I went to university for two years and dropped out. I hated college and it was a complete waste of my time. I was taking 100 level business classes while my business was selling software internationally. It was insane. I started reading books about starting business and that lead me to real estate. I worked at a sandwich shop while I was going to school for my license for 3 months to avoid taking money out of the business to pay rent. Everyone there was incompetent and I hated it, but I didn't quit until I had my license.

So this whole time, I've had major goals and I've set my own path to complete them. To say my parents were mad that I dropped university would be a massive understatement. When I dropped, I broke my relationship with my mother completely. It was scary but it was worth it. I could have failed and it would've been entirely my fault. I still could. Overcoming that fear is one of the most important aspects of my life thus far.

So set a long term goal and get there. You'll feel a lot better about the seemingly meaningless inter-medial steps to get there. Don't be a victim to your situation. Go kick some ass.

#15 Posted by kmdrkul (3476 posts) -

I recommend getting laid. The sunny days feel a little warmer and the air tastes sweeter the day after. Remember people, you heard it here first.

#16 Posted by BraveToaster (12588 posts) -

I was depressed for quite some time, but then I realized that the world doesn't revolve around me and I have to weather whatever storms life throws at me if I want to excel. A lot of people in this country are jobless and many of these people live with their parents. Sure it sucks, but you're still in a better position than people who don't have that extra lifeline when times are hard. Find a job, and stick with it until you save a reasonable sum of money.

#17 Posted by killacam (1278 posts) -

children are DYING in africa!

#18 Edited by Warfare (1642 posts) -

*Hugs*

#19 Posted by Humanity (10115 posts) -
@kermoosh it's actually quite the opposite as you advocate being content with ones own less than ideal situation solely based on others having it worse as opposed to striving for a better life by looking up to those who are more fortunate and trying to emulate their success.
#20 Posted by kermoosh (911 posts) -

@Humanity: well the way i look at it, you should be content with the current situtation someone is in, in order to stay optimistic and use that optimism to reach a better life. For example all my friends have a nice house, they don't work, got cars from their parents, etc. While i don't have that easy life like them, i am still happy and content with my own life and will use that optimism and struggle to try and reach even further than said friends.

and in all honesty i feel that your approach works as well. You say 'people around me have a better life and i want it too', so you use that miserable or envy drive to attain what you don't have and what others do.

plus, while i am currently atheist, i was raised christian which probably explains the whole being content with what i have

#21 Posted by Jeust (10860 posts) -

I'm in a rut too. The best part of it is, at least for me, is to look for ways of getting out of it. ahah

#22 Posted by Sanity (1951 posts) -

Thanks for all the well wishes and advice, i was in a crappy mood last night which is why i posted this i suppose. I'll try and look on the bright side and strive for something better i guess.

#23 Posted by iam3green (14390 posts) -

well that sucks. i just got a job three weeks in. i don't hate it but wish the boss were nicer. they always have some kind of complained of my work. they were telling me i'm slow and ask someone how long it takes them to do it and it was the same thing.

it's pretty good there. i get three breaks, 2 20 minute breaks and an hour lunch.

#24 Posted by Oldirtybearon (4893 posts) -

@kermoosh said:

@Humanity said:

@kermoosh said:

as far as i can tell, you have a roof over your head and food on the table, there are some negatives but a lot of people in this world have it worse than you. if anything you should appreciative that you have what you have and are at least able to make some money

I actually hate this approach. There are just as many people who are better of as well. Saying "hey there are homeless people out there so appreciate the shitty life you have because it could be shittier" is really reductive in my eyes.

well we both have different mindsets then. I look at it from an optimistic pov, you look at it from a 'reductive' pov

nah he's right. The fact that there are a lot of people who have it worse does nothing to alleviate the angst of how terrible you have it. Like right now I've aggravated an old knee injury from playing hockey today. Should I not be upset by this because someone out there doesn't have any legs to feel pain with?

All in all, the mindset you hold to only serves to trivialize someone else's problems. It's an old tactic used to get someone to shut up about their problems. Not giving you shit about it, just trying to explain the other point of view.

#25 Posted by RawknRo11a (568 posts) -

@dudy80: I kinda feel a little similar sometimes. Got a Bachelor's Degree I'm not even using, owe on student loan, ect. I've found the best way to deal with things is just take em' one day at a time. (I know that sounds super cliche but whatever).

It Doesn't sound like your doing anything "wrong", Life is just a pain in the ass sometimes.

#26 Posted by kermoosh (911 posts) -

@Oldirtybearon said:

@kermoosh said:

@Humanity said:

@kermoosh said:

as far as i can tell, you have a roof over your head and food on the table, there are some negatives but a lot of people in this world have it worse than you. if anything you should appreciative that you have what you have and are at least able to make some money

I actually hate this approach. There are just as many people who are better of as well. Saying "hey there are homeless people out there so appreciate the shitty life you have because it could be shittier" is really reductive in my eyes.

well we both have different mindsets then. I look at it from an optimistic pov, you look at it from a 'reductive' pov

nah he's right. The fact that there are a lot of people who have it worse does nothing to alleviate the angst of how terrible you have it. Like right now I've aggravated an old knee injury from playing hockey today. Should I not be upset by this because someone out there doesn't have any legs to feel pain with?

All in all, the mindset you hold to only serves to trivialize someone else's problems. It's an old tactic used to get someone to shut up about their problems. Not giving you shit about it, just trying to explain the other point of view.

well yeah i understand your point, but that's just the way my mind works.

For example i've been stuck in bed sick with a bad cold the past 2-3 days. As a joke (and also somewhat seriously) i say that instead of recovering from a 2 day bad cough, i'm recovering form a 2 day intensive abdominal workout (you know from the coughing). Now yeah at times i may be picking through all the facts to find the slightest glimmer of positivity, but its worked for me so far and i've been successful in my actions so far.

for me i don't ignore negativity but just don't put a focus on it (like the media does). no one likes a negative person

also of note, while i am currently an atheist i was raised christian, which probably explains me being content with what i have, and appreciative

#27 Edited by TrafalgarLaw (1393 posts) -

Seeing you had to go trough a Fontan procedure, cardiac ailments that are not lethal to other people could instantly kill you. Atrial ailments in particular, like atrial arrhythmias.

Atrial fibrillation in particular. It can happen and can be caused by common things, like excessive coffee consumption (more than 11 cups a day). That's probably why they want you to take a stress test.

I think, you should be grateful for every day of living, even if you think it sucks at the moment. As you said, you be gone any day so I'd advise you to try to make the most of it.

Coincidentily, I'm 23 also. I can understand but life's not all that bad. It could be better but it's not that bad...not bad at all. Cheer up.

#28 Posted by Daveydave (131 posts) -

In the same position somewhat. In June I may have to move back in with the parents. I'm trying to stay positive though. Always try your best to look ahead, because if you stay too long looking at the past, it will consume you.

Chin up :)

#29 Edited by Sanity (1951 posts) -

@TrafalgarLaw: Yea, i know thats why they want a stress test done... i just hate going to Pittsburgh to get it done. The main reason is usually that Johnstown cant do the fucking echocardiogram. As far as the Fontan goes mine was one of the most successful procedures they say they ever did at the time. Im sure things have changed lots from the 80's tho as they realized that its not so much a cure as it is a long term fix. Caffeine really doesn't bother me much, though i did put myself into tachycardia once on energy drinks... dumb i know. It went away before i had to go to a ER though.

I need to do a better job of enjoying life and not thinking so much about things i suppose.